No gender has the exclusive right to be violent -Life Coach, Solomon Buchi

According to life coach ,Solomon Buchi if a woman slaps her husband and he slaps her back the man has done no evil.

Cc lalasticlala mynd44 dominique

ok

AustineAlex:
This aunty don come again.

If you had a personal experience with one "aunty" in the physical world, deal with it in the physical now.

Why bring it here? Or which "aunty" are you talking about?

True talk but how many women can dare slap their husbands

Katier00:
True talk but how many women can dare slap their husbands

Lol, some are quick to do it because they think he won’t retaliate.

He should be speaking to his fellow men. It's men who have this mentality that they have the (exclusive) right to hit a woman and are the perpetrators of domestic violence most of the time, not women.

He is very right.

God help me never to find my self in that kinda situation, cos I'm scared of what I will do.

If my partner slaps me first, I think I will kill her.

I will so beat her to the point that she'll lose consciousness.

But I pray never to be in that kind of awkward position

Plead:
No gender has the exclusive right to be violent -Life Coach, Solomon Buchi

According to life coach ,Solomon Buchi if a woman slaps her husband and he slaps her back the man has done no evil.

I agree. It's self defence.

What happened to turning the other cheek

addictiv:
What happened to turning the other cheek

Lol

Lalasticlala where art thou?

theButterfly:
He should be speaking to his fellow men. It's men who have this mentality that they have the (exclusive) right to hit a woman and are the perpetrators of domestic violence most of the time, not women.

Violence does not start at the first blow.

It starts at the first word said with the intent to break the other person.

Some people here try too hard. The meaning of violence is clear

bukatyne:


Violence does not start at the first blow.

It starts at the first word said with the intent to break the other person.

Verbal abuse is bad. There’s no debating that.

Physical abuse however is not on the same wavelength as it.

They are two separate things

cococandy:

Verbal abuse is bad. There’s no debating that.

Physical abuse however is not on the same wavelength as it.

They are two separate things

Many people have felt worthless and committed suicide because of verbal abuse.

Many people have withered and died because of the words of their loved ones (spouses, parents, friends etc.)

One of my teachers told me I would not pass a subject in WAEC because I never passed it in school. On the day of that WAEC paper, she told me I was getting a different result and would fail just as she predicted. I still remember almost 20yrs later. Miraculously, I passed that subject. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't. I am sure that same teacher has been me several times, funny because I can't remember. But those her words, I can never forget. Even the setting it was said.

Because I have the 'ability' or 'adaptation' to zone out when people are saying what I do not want to hear (which can be a negative because I almost can't recount verbal convos after 20mins), I used to think verbal abuse wasn't all that.

The human soul is like a flower; negative words and beatings makes a person wither. It is just because the effect of physiacal abuse is quickly seen and affects women more so it seems worse.

I have seen many broken people from words. I have seen people soak in my little words of affirmation and appreciation that I know they are starved of it.

Words especially are the entrance to the human soul: You read books to develop your mind, you listen to songs and teachings, for religious people, they go to their place of worship and listen to their leaders or meditate on their religious books. For hypnosis, words are used.

That's why our lovers want to hear we love them, care for them bla bla.

What we say out of our mouth is extremely powerful and either builds or destroy.

I was actually going to go down that lane and make the argument for you because I was anticipating this response. I typed and then went ahead to delete in order to keep my response short. I do not disagree with this.

I do disagree that physical abuse is or can be excuse because of verbal abuse. In any case, one can always return verbal for verbal and physical for physical.

bukatyne:


Many people have felt worthless and committed suicide because of verbal abuse.

Many people have withered and died because of the words of their loved ones (spouses, parents, friends etc.)

One of my teachers told me I would not pass a subject in WAEC because I never passed it in school. On the day of that WAEC paper, she told me I was getting a different result and would fail just as she predicted. I still remember almost 20yrs later. Miraculously, I passed that subject. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't. I am sure that same teacher has been me several times, funny because I can't remember. But those her words, I can never forget. Even the setting it was said.

Because I have the 'ability' or 'adaptation' to zone out when people are saying what I do not want to hear (which can be a negative because I almost can't recount verbal convos after 20mins), I used to think verbal abuse wasn't all that.

The human soul is like a flower; negative words and beatings makes a person wither. It is just because the effect of physiacal abuse is quickly seen and affects women more so it seems worse.

I have seen many broken people from words. I have seen people soak in my little words of affirmation and appreciation that I know they are starved of it.

Words especially are the entrance to the human soul: You read books to develop your mind, you listen to songs and teachings, for religious people, they go to their place of worship and listen to their leaders or meditate on their religious books. For hypnosis, words are used.

That's why our lovers want to hear we love them, care for them bla bla.

What we say out of our mouth is extremely powerful and either builds or destroy.

cococandy:
I was actually going to go down that lane and make the argument for you because I was anticipating this response. I typed and then went ahead to delete in order to keep my response short. I do not disagree with this.

I do disagree that physical abuse is or can be excuse because of verbal abuse. In any case, one can always return verbal for verbal and physical for physical.

Is it physical abuse if I slap someone who is insulting me repeatedly because I stepped on them?

I think not.

Telling people to return verbal for verbal is very unrealistic. Not everyone have the same prowness with words. Some people cannot talk when angry and abused and react. Some people are unfortunately not in a position to react and lock up all the emotions till they become twisted.

I will say a lot of twisted people is because they could not retaliate to their abuser (verbal/physical) the way they deemed fit. I remember a stammer in secondary school. She was big and obviously used her fits when people started insulting her to a point she cannot bear; that was her leverage. Anytime she couldn't retaliate (maybe a senior or she was held done), you need to see the way she was shaking and sometimes break down in bitter tears. She obviously couldn't engage in words and was denied the only outlet she could express herself.

The best is for people to watch their mouth and keep their hands to themselves.

If in anger you say one or two things and do not have the sense to quickly apologize, be ready to face the consequences of your actions.

Trying to regulate people's responses to verbal abuse is not realistic. That is why there are 'crimes of passion.'

bukatyne:


Is it physical abuse if I slap someone who is insulting me repeatedly because I stepped on them?

I think not.

stepped on them on what way? Like literally with your shoes or stepped on them in the figurative way? If you did step on them with your shoes, then that’s twice the physical abuse. If they are insulting you because you stepped on them figuratively and you proceeded to slap them, that’s also physical abuse. So the answer is yes.

Telling people to return verbal for verbal is very unrealistic. Not everyone have the same prowness with words . Some people cannot talk when angry and abused and react. Some people are unfortunately not in a position to react and lock up all the emotions till they become twisted.

I was always expecting this bit.
Actually it’s more realistic and less likely to get one in trouble than telling them to react as they see fit. For one not all physical abuse are equal same as not all verbal abuse are equal. Some word hurt more than the others. And some physical abuse are more egregious than the others.

How much slap and hitting do we ration per abusive word? If someone called me a fool and I shoot them with my concealed carry, would you say they got what was coming to them? There’s really no way to rationalize between returning physical abuse for verbal abuse. It will always be like killing a fly with a sledge hammer.

I will say a lot of twisted people is because they could not retaliate to their abuser (verbal/physical) the way they deemed fit

umm

. I remember a stammer in secondary school. She was big and obviously used her fits when people started insulting her to a point she cannot bear; that was her leverage. Anytime she couldn't retaliate (maybe a senior or she was held done), you need to see the way she was shaking and sometimes break down in bitter tears. She obviously couldn't engage in words and was denied the only outlet she could express herself.

Crying is a good and healthy outlet.

The best is for people to watch their mouth and keep their hands to themselves.

If in anger you say one or two things and do not have the sense to quickly apologize, be ready to face the consequences of your actions.

Trying to regulate people's responses to verbal abuse is not realistic. That is why there are 'crimes of passion.'

It would be good for people to indeed watch their mouths and keep their hands to themselves but not necessarily because one justifies the other.

Watch your mouth nonetheless and keep your hands to yourself no matter what.

You and I know that a judge will not accept insults as a reasonable justification for physical harm.

bukatyne:


Is it physical abuse if I slap someone who is insulting me repeatedly because I stepped on them?

I think not.

Telling people to return verbal for verbal is very unrealistic. Not everyone have the same prowness with words. Some people cannot talk when angry and abused and react. Some people are unfortunately not in a position to react and lock up all the emotions till they become twisted.

I will say a lot of twisted people is because they could not retaliate to their abuser (verbal/physical) the way they deemed fit. I remember a stammer in secondary school. She was big and obviously used her fits when people started insulting her to a point she cannot bear; that was her leverage. Anytime she couldn't retaliate (maybe a senior or she was held done), you need to see the way she was shaking and sometimes break down in bitter tears. She obviously couldn't engage in words and was denied the only outlet she could express herself.

The best is for people to watch their mouth and keep their hands to themselves.

If in anger you say one or two things and do not have the sense to quickly apologize, be ready to face the consequences of your actions.

Trying to regulate people's responses to verbal abuse is not realistic. That is why there are 'crimes of passion.'

I liked your earlier comment but disagree with this one.

Words are guns. Words can kill. Words can maim and destroy and warp. Agree.

But to give free pass to violence in the altar of evening the scores for verbal abuse is to play the animal. We are not animals. We have a higher thinking brain that can educate our primitive animal brain. This is what sets us apart from animals. We can pause and think before we respond.

Between stimuli and response is a gap. Humans can fill that gap with a sense of purpose, with control, with love, with a sense of the consequences. We can interpret differently.

It's why even people who commit crimes of passion go to jail.

I say no to responding to verbal abuse with physical abuse. Run, flee, hit the wall or reframe the situation - interpret it differently.

If we interpret verbal abuses differently we will respond differently. There is always a choice. It's the nature of freewill .

It seems to be a recurring theme among SJWs to erroneously assume they can actually regulate and legislate other peoples' internal feelings.

If it's not in trying to stop people from expressing how they feel about things which they don't like, it's trying to determine how an angry person should respond to provocation.

Is this not a psychological malformation like this, or what else are we supposed to call it?

Prettiedame:

Some people here try too hard. The meaning of violence is clear

I know you're a smart girl, so let me borrow some of your insight from the answer you provide to this question?

Since physical abuse (violence) is physical abuse (violence) and we have grouped slapping under physical abuse, is it okay therefore that after a woman slaps her husband, then he is definitely within his boundaries to respond not just with a slap but also with blows/punches, the use of a belt/stick, or in extreme cases, even a knife that will lead to very serious injury?

DeeMain:


I liked your earlier comment but disagree with this one.

Words are guns. Words can kill. Words can maim and destroy and warp. Agree.

But to give free pass to violence in the altar of evening the scores for verbal abuse is to play the animal. We are not animals. We have a higher thinking brain that can educate our primitive animal brain. This is what sets us apart from animals. We can pause and think before we respond.

Between stimuli and response is a gap. Humans can fill that gap with a sense of purpose, with control, with love. We can interpret differently.

It's why even people who commit crimes of passion go to jail.

I say no to responding to verbal abuse with physical abuse. Run, flee, hit the wall or reframe the situation - interpret it differently.

If we interpret such verbal abuses differently we will respond differently. There is always a choice. It's the nature of freewill .

Provocation or Loss of control (English Law) is an acceptable defense in law courts, it will get the perpetrator a lesser sentence - look it up if you didn't know that.
Even crimes of passion are judged very differently on the basis of pre-conceived versus crimes on a whim (due to provocation).


As for your animal reference, perhaps you should explain how a sane person with no animalistic tendencies ought to be verbally (emotionally) abusing another human being in the first place.
Animals in fact come in many different shades and forms - if you provoke a snake long enough, it will surely make you its personal problem, whereas you don't need to provoke a Lion before it does damage...and if the animal kingdom had a law court, who do you think will be guilty of a bigger crime, all things being equal?

Just keeping it within your animal metaphors anyway.

DeeMain:


I liked your earlier comment but disagree with this one.

Words are guns. Words can kill. Words can maim and destroy and warp. Agree.

But to give free pass to violence in the altar of evening the scores for verbal abuse is to play the animal. We are not animals. We have a higher thinking brain that can educate our primitive animal brain. This is what sets us apart from animals. We can pause and think before we respond.

Between stimuli and response is a gap. Humans can fill that gap with a sense of purpose, with control, with love, with a sense of the consequences. We can interpret differently.

It's why even people who commit crimes of passion go to jail.

I say no to responding to verbal abuse with physical abuse. Run, flee, hit the wall or reframe the situation - interpret it differently.

If we interpret verbal abuses differently we will respond differently. There is always a choice. It's the nature of freewill .

If you see verbal abuse as violence, then you would things in different perspective. You would also understand that running your mouth off to someone else is animalistic.

It is also easy to say 'run, flee, hit the wall, reframe the situation' bla bla. How about we teach people not to be verbally violent in the first place?

Anyways, I teach people not to run their mouth because the intent is also violence.

When I was much younger, my mouth was my weapon because I was tiny so couldn't fight and I say it is also violence.

I had to change after school when I realized that physical and verbal abuse were types of violence even if different.

You say there is a gap between stimulus and reaction?

So someone insults your mum or tells you something that hurt to your face. You would wait, think about the best action before reacting?

That's cool.

And honestly, I believe there is a difference between two or more people fighting with whatever weapon they have (all is fair in love and war abi?) and physical abuse.

If for instance, if a wife burnt dinner and the husband comes home, smells the burn and starts beating his wife, it is physical abuse.

If same wife has verbally dragged the husband for whatever reason and he gives her two slaps to shut her up, it is two fighting. One person would sha land the blows first.

We have instigators and perpetrators.

And I agree that there is a choice.

If you run your mouth, what you see is what you get.

Come to think of it, an average Nigerian would not run his/her mouth to a soldier.

Why?

cococandy:
Verbal abuse is bad. There’s no debating that.
Physical abuse however is not on the same wavelength as it.
They are two separate things

Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, it cuts through the spirit and soul

Do I look like someone interested in meaningless Nairaland arguments? I doubt

babyfaceafrica:



Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, it cuts through the spirit and soul

Mmm your opinion

bukatyne:


If you see verbal abuse as violence, then you would things in different perspective. You would also understand that running your mouth off to someone else is animalistic.

It is also easy to say 'run, flee, hit the wall, reframe the situation' bla bla. How about we teach people not to be verbally violent in the first place?

Anyways, I teach people not to run their mouth because the intent is also violence.

When I was much younger, my mouth was my weapon because I was tiny so couldn't fight and I say it is also violence.

I had to change after school when I realized that physical and verbal abuse were types of violence even if different.

You say there is a gap between stimulus and reaction?

So someone insults your mum or tells you something that hurt to your face. You would wait, think about the best action before reacting?

That's cool.

And honestly, I believe there is a difference between two or more people fighting with whatever weapon they have (all is fair in love and war abi?) and physical abuse.

If for instance, if a wife burnt dinner and the husband comes home, smells the burn and starts beating his wife, it is physical abuse.

If same wife has verbally dragged the husband for whatever reason and he gives her two slaps to shut her up, it is two fighting. One person would sha land the blows first.

We have instigators and perpetrators.

And I agree that there is a choice.

If you run your mouth, what you see is what you get.

Come to think of it, an average Nigerian would not run his/her mouth to a soldier.

Why?

"In other living creatures ignorance of self is nature; in man it's a vice." - Boethius

A mad man came to the stream and found a woman bathing, he quietly took her clothes and took off. The woman on hearing the rustle around her realized what had happened and ran after him butt naked in hot pursuit, all the way to the village square. The question is how many mad people are there here?

You can't always choose what life will throw at you or the verbal violence someone can unleash on you but you can choose how you respond.

You cannot change anyone but you can change yourself.

Exchanging physical violence for verbal abuse? I see two mad people. How many mad people do you see?

Prettiedame:
Do I look like someone interested in meaningless Nairaland arguments? I doubt.

If you assumed the question was more about getting you into an argument and less about giving you the chance to make a complete joke of yourself with the response I know you will provide, then you're really more stupid than I thought.

Anyone with working deductive faculties knows that you or your main moniker have no way of answering without shooting yourself in the foot.

crackhaus:

Provocation or Loss of control (English Law) is an acceptable defense in law courts, it will get the perpetrator a lesser sentence - look it up if you didn't know that.
Even crimes of passion are judged very differently on the basis of pre-conceived versus crimes on a whim (due to provocation).


As for your animal reference, perhaps you should explain how a sane person with no animalistic tendencies ought to be verbally (emotionally) abusing another human being in the first place.
Animals in fact come in many different shades and forms - if you provoke a snake long enough, it will surely make you its personal problem, whereas you don't need to provoke a Lion before it does damage...and if the animal kingdom had a law court, who do you think will be guilty of a bigger crime, all things being equal?

Just keeping it within your animal metaphors anyway.

See the problem, when you respond to provocation with violence, there is no human thinking involved. It's purely letting the animal instinct within us shine. No marks there. A murder charge, life sentence or a lighter sentence. Or a broken home where trust is shattered.

Humans can think of purpose, of consequences, can begin with the end in mind and allow it guide their responses. We can pause and educate our animal side before we respond.

If I beat up my wife for verbally abusing me, I've given up leadership on how to behave right in my home. I haven't thought about the effect on the home, the fear and tension it can unleash in the home or the examples I want to set for my kids. There is no vision. This home is visionless.

Where there is no vision, the family perish, children suffer, love becomes comatose. That is the recipe for a dysfunctional home, sir.

If your wife knew better she would behave better. So you can teach her through example. Example is better than precept.

Emotions can be educated. Emotions can become intelligent.

Save the energy for people ready to indulge you. Some people live on Nairaland arguments and insults. Know them and ignore them

That is how to handle a verbally abusive spouse, which someone here seems to be