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Help! My Marriage Is Giving Me Pain. / An American Woman With Two Husbands And Three Children Is Causing A Stir Online / Sex Is Causing Problems In My Marriage, Help Me Save My Marriage (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 2:30pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Why didn’t you quit your job? fairfora: 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 2:33pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
It is actually her right to work if she wants to. He agreed in the beginning and does not need to be begged now. If it’s a deal breaker for her. Then he’s the person who needs to adjust his thinking in this situation. Unless she’s not serious about working. midnighter: 5 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by limsycutey(f): 2:37pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
I don't understand this kind of love that makes a partner miserable and unloved. I just don't get why men feel they must break their wives because God made them the head. Both parties must be heard for a marriage to be successful. SBL28 told you the bitter truth that needs to be said. You don't want your wife to work, what if you lose your job or die (God forbid), where will she start from? How many husbands drop money for EVERYTHING in the house? That is where the wife comes in. My father does not remember birthdays most of the time, thank God for mother that used to mark them for us. My father was not keen on making the home beautiful because of his upbringing, thank God for my mum in that house using her money to beautify the place. All through school, my mum was always supplementing my allowance. My father once advised my mother to leave her lecturing job and face her provision store because some of her colleagues were making life difficult for her. Thank God my mother did not listen, now she's retired, driving a nice SUV that she bought herself and earning over N300k monthly as pension. Even my father admitted some months ago that he's glad she didn't listen to him then. OP, I don't know how you want to do it o but if you know what is good for you, do not be a jobless housewife. 7 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 2:38pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
projectorz: 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 2:40pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
He doesn’t have to permit her . He’s not her daddy. Get it straight Desric: 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by midnighter(f): 2:53pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy: I'm not sure of your reasoning. We know that it's her right and we know that he was wrong to break the agreement. I'm sure even he knows that. BUT since he is refusing on the basis of submissiveness then the next thing is to prove him wrong, by being submissive. She has been fighting and struggling and it's making it worse plus her family is not even supporting her. From her replies here we can see that she's not ready to compromise or consider anything else. That doesn't sound like submissiveness to me. This is not about quoting rights but about achieving her aim, which is why I suggested that she changes her approach. He seems to be unhappy with her actual behaviour eg the way she treats their child. Is it not better to try to alter some of the attitudes that he doesn't like so that he will be more willing to listen to her request? The guy is willing to go even further than this until he totally messes her up, with her parents consent. The parents consent is even the crazy part that is taking the wind out of her sails. He's the one who caused the issue but she's the one who is suffering it so I suggest that she uses her smarts to get what she wants instead of trying to drag with him when he is clearly not interested. Or, to use an adage that I learned on here, "stoop to conquer". To me, if she were actually serious about working she would leave the human rights talk and appeal to his sympathy by working on his psyche. He clearly doesn't care about her "rights" right now! So she should take another avenue and get him to feel like he's the one helping her and not that she deserves it |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 3:01pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy:Cos I was earning 3 times what she earned and also felt, apart from the 15k I was giving her every month, I was still committed to the normal monthly upkeep which was quite sufficient. In 2010, I quit my job to set up my own business which has also grown of which she is also a director, though she's not involved in any activity. At the end of each year, till date, when we do profit sharing she still gets her own share. Right now, she's going to get the biggest share ever...I won't tell you what she'd get just a couple of years ago, in recognition of my company's input in saving lives in Nigeria, I was invited by an organisation in the US, during which US president addressed all participants from across the globe inside the daughters of American revolution hall in DC. I still took her along as one of the directors. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 3:06pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
The basis of my reasoning is that rarely do people who act high handedly towards others get worn over by begging and all that stuff. Most likely it will fuel his ego and reinforce the idea to him that he is the one who gets to decide what she does with her life. She doesn’t necessarily have to point a gun at him and state “I have to start working today or something bad happens “ But when she gets serious, he will know. And it won’t be the begging him that will convince him. midnighter: 6 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 3:07pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
It was a rhetorical question fairfora: |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Fountainofyouth(f): 3:12pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Simba0806: Believe me when I tell you there are large chunks of fufu scattered in your brain, husband means master? Your wife is teachable but you are not teachable right? You are mister know it all, your decisions are always right, you do no wrong abi? Her husband doesn't want her to work and you're calling it opinion, do you know the difference between opinion and command? Ode so she cannot argue with her husband? As in argument is a sin right? She should be saying yes sir to everything he commands abi? So the wife should be humble but the husband is allowed to be proud, authoritative and filled with ego right? Irritating nonentity, Look here, that your wife that cowers at every little thing you say, is bidding her time, the day she explodes, that is when you will believe the phrase "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Nonsense. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by win2da: 3:14pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
You can work from home dear..... You can sell beautiful clothes from home without him knowing ....Call me on 08065842181... Let's chat... Women helping women.... |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 3:15pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy:deserving a rhetorical answer, right ? The decision paid off ultimately and I'm going be forever grateful for her sense of submission. 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by cococandy(f): 3:16pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Lol. He’s still answering fairfora: 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Fountainofyouth(f): 3:17pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Simba0806: Respect is earned, not forced, you have to work on your approach to your wife dude, you are a freaking subjugate and you lack conscience. 4 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Brightgem(f): 3:17pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28:People don't seem to understand that people who really want to work have a yearning to add value somewhere, to be meaningful, and it's not always about pay or money. But a sense of worth and value than sitting at home all day and going crazy in bits. People really marry the wrong partners o. A partner shd understand their half has needs and their duty is to support. It's sad o. Too many men not equipped to handle women with a mind of their own, women who want to work or earn, women who are intelligent etc. Especially the black man. Ratio of serious, aspiring women to unserious men keeps increasing. 4 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 3:19pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy:lmao. Ok bye |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by midnighter(f): 3:24pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy: At the bolded, do you care whether it fuels his ego or not? My point is that as long as it got me to where I wanted to be, I wouldn't care if he feels like he gets to decide on my life or not. Is he not deciding that already? Have you acknowledged the reason why he is acting "high-handedly"? From previous indications, he has a problem with her attitude You have emphasised the importance of "showing that she is serious about working" without addressing the fact that he clearly has concerns about her ability to keep their home, which he fears will be made worse by her getting a job. The guy keeps sending her on pointless errands just to prove his point; do you want her to ignore all the signs and make it worse? My question is, how can she show she is serious about working without showing she's serious about tackling the issue that is stopping him from allowing her to work? This is why I said that this lady Elina123: Has a point. The guy is already going to Mars with her behaviour, do you want him to reach Jupiter Won't she correct herself before quoting her rights? 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:36pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Elina123: 1 Like
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:39pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:40pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Flier:
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:44pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
frozen70: Good point |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by FManager(m): 3:45pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Simba0806: Do you prefer to have a stay at home wife? Even tho, times have changed and women need to make something out for themselves, you both should work to secure your lives and that of your kids. You can't put all the task on one person's head, it's very daunting. 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:46pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Nwaonyishi69: Beautiful 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 3:50pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28:
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Desric(m): 3:53pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
cococandy:Agreed he's not her daddy, so why the complain, she should just go out there and start the job. You talk like slay queen, you know slayers does not have anything like a relationship in their agenda only use what you have to get what you want anyhow and anywhere. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by frozen70(f): 4:10pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Forward77: Thanks 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by somehow: 4:18pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker:If your parents that raised you believe you are stubborn and won't listen to you, then you are truly stubborn! No one else know you more than they do on this forum! Maybe this is why they married you off on time, fearing you will turn something else at home if they don't act on time! 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 5:19pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker:Lady, I don't know your husband but from my experience with marriages, I'd opine you married a husband with an underlying insecure ego. Seems he's afraid to have an independent wife. If he keeps you dependent, he can manipulate you to soothe his underdeveloped self-worth. I'm a man myself, but I have to confess many men act like kids. I feel for women in marriages like yours but if you and hubby are religiously tied, I suggest you see your cleric personally first to determine his views according to your religious faith. If that favours your desire to work, then maybe you should tell your cleric to talk to your husband. This may or may not work, however. You may also involve his own family(parents before siblings)into the matter after you've spoken to them privately first to ensure their views would support you. If this doesn't work, take a big risk, only if you're a strong woman. Get a job first, after which you make it a point of duty to prove to him your submission to his authority(by always agreeing to his demands and proactively meeting his husbandly(homely)rights. If possible, slave it out for him). This should be done long enough(maybe a year or two) to soothe that underdeveloped ego of his and so he will perceive you to be under his control(even with the job). At some point, when you've observed, it has worked and it will now be difficult for him to overturn your decision to work, you can begin to revert to original order of things in your home, as you deem fit. Never of course make the mistake of telling him your salary or any official privileges you have(so he won't feel threatened by that), look as financially dependent as possible. I only hope, God helps you sha. As for you spinsters, if you like, keep running into marriages with all these small boys who though, financially capable, have very little exposure in life, all because of peer pressure. Its only you that will carry your cross 4 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by imam07: 5:21pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Fountainofyouth:If my wife see wht u wrote here. She will know u will never have good marital future with this. Awon omo irole aye. Awon omo egbe kini oko yoshe. For ur information, i hv bn married for over 10 yrs now. My wife is one of those that believe marriage is glorious because she has me as her caring husband. With this your shameful life, i dont think u can manage an ordinary boy and girl relationship for 24hrs.If a man make u his first girlfriend, the man will not prefer to marry in life. Because u are typical bad impression to other ladies outside there. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by blank(f): 5:28pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker: By submissive, he means he wants to be able to control you. If i were you, i will insist on working. This Buhari economy does not support only one income for the family. How can your family educate you to this point and they are okay with you staying at home not working? 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Fountainofyouth(f): 6:03pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
imam07: Assumptions, speculations and conclusions, it is a faceless forum so you are free to type whatever you wish, you are a man who love the kitchen and sex only wife so keep shut with your wife bla bla bla, stop deceiving yourself, 10years whatever doesn't make you mature in marriage, we have manboys at 50 and I'm pretty sure you fall in that category, a man married for ten years telling me he'd behead me, childishness, pls buzz off. 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by sholay2011(m): 6:07pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Forward77:He is wrong! Jesus, what is wrong with people on this forum? 6 Likes |
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