Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

Imbe without cile

Obason22:
Is only baby mama or club girl can offer such advice.

You are correct

xxxkubexxx:
Securing a Job now won’t bring happiness to your home.

I think his fears are based on your present attitudes (work on them).

You are still getting to know your self at 23, which is expected, plus u married too early. I feel u are under peer pressure, because you didn’t complain about ur husband’s capabilities in taking care of the home.

You are yet to convince him that you can balance a home and work for now (at 23 you may not, because you will take some irrelevant things at priorities). Having to work is not a justification for your education. Trust me, some work places are worse that ur home. Your education makes u an informed person that can organize his or her life daily.

A lot of ladies wish they are in your shoes, that you have a man taking care of all you needs should be a dream come through. In the next 7 years u will just be 30.

My advise:
1. Have more kids
2. Develop ur self more academically
3. Avoid gossips
4. Stay healthy and beautiful
5. Enjoy ur marriage
6. Make sure u are secured Incase anything happens to your husband (talk to him about this).

Taking care of ur home, ur daughter and husband is not small work. And being a full house wife does not make u lazy (you v certificate n it’s not ur call) You are a Treasure.

With time your husband will come around on your terms once ur self confidence improves.

I love this

God help you

allcomage:

Do you guys stay in Lagos? Is he earning big enough for the family? If yes to the two, i support your husband. You cannot have a good home for two of you working in Lagos 5.30am to 10pm due to traffic challenges.

My husband earns enough to keep us going. Financially , I don't doubt his capacity to take care of us. But I need to do something for myself, sometimes I get scared. What if something happens to him? I also want to earn my own money. He's only 29 years old .

joyandfaith:


If he can foot your bills, must you work? he married you as jobless woman and you want to start working after marriage. before getting married, it is good to have at least a source of income. please, stop arguing with him as long as he is footing your bills.
wait! why must he pamper you? do you still wear Pampers? too much watching of movies is worrying some girls. life is not fun. it is war.

I wasn't jobless when he met me, I had a well paying Job. I'm sorry you think everything should be a battle but I don't intend to make my home a battlefield.

UyaiIncomparabl:
I swear, I'm tired of this marriage bullocks! I fear for this thing called marriage seriously. Everywhere, rules and regulations just to keep these sets of overgrown urchins called 'men'. In the end, we're not favored.

Ehn, be submissive, watch war room, don't let his food go stale, always be punctual to make a hot bath for him, I've been in marriage for 47 years and I served my husband all through. Wo! I don't like what I hate o!

This attitude of insecurity, immaturity, insensitivity and a seeming need to be controlling from the male folks is seriously nauseating. Imagine that one who said men are big babies, and should be pampered. Chai, I no fit laugh. Thunder from above!

Why can't you quit your marriage if you are tired. I think is best thing for you to do

Desric:
The best advice to give to anyone who can not adjust to partner's demands or work out differences in marriage is to quit. Two can not work together except they agree, don't stay in a relationship where you'll claim someone wasted your opportunities for you, rather choose between alternatives which one is more important to you, for some family is everything, while for some career is everything, while for others family and career is all they crave for. In all, find your dream and live but make sure not to spoil some other person's blues with your reggae because what means the world to you might be very disgusting to your neighbor, always find a balance and don't force people to accept your choices because you believe they're the best.

I love this. It pains me seeing people trying to force their opinion on others

Damilolacoker:




I wasn't jobless when he met me, I had a well paying Job. I'm sorry you think everything should be a battle but I don't intend to make my home a battlefield.

oh. I am sorry madam. just be careful and prayerful. watch him for a while and negotiate later. husband snatches are everywhere. just prepare that you will have to work sooner or later. it is actually good for the family if both parents contribute financially.

Damilolacoker:




My husband earns enough to keep us going. Financially , I don't doubt his capacity to take care of us. But I need to do something for myself, sometimes I get scared. What if something happens to him? I also want to earn my own money. He's only 29 years old .

I like your reasoning

Chi59:

I grew up watching my mom go to work. Her income has shouldered much more weight than that of my father. Single handedly sent four kids to the university. 3 are graduates.
It is wicked for a man to renege on his agreement to let her work just because "working class women are not submissive". Bollocks!

I see. Don't compare your family issue with others. What obtainable in your home did not in another home

Pat081:
God will bless u for this comment sir ,some guys are dia comments like fool they are

Amen

healthserve:



I said I've been around at least 300 marriages. A woman doesn't transform into a beast from being treated well. I'm yet to see a single one.


I see people who rely on suppressing other people to appear powerful as stupid and mentally sick. Tell males to develop themselves and not rely on suppressing their women. The young women of this coming generation won't stay in toxic environment for too long. If they get deceived into lmit like in this case, once their awakening is triggered, they'll leave. Its simple as abc

You are a psychologist not a marriage counselor and pity whose ever take your advice

phemy36:


You are a psychologist not a marriage counselor and pity whose ever take your advice

Your problem. Deal with it

Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ?

ignore the idiot that said that....back to the topic,you can't get whatever you want from a man by being rude or stubborn about it,even if you involve people he respect alot and they somehow convince him he is wrong and you're right,he won't still be happy about it deep down and most definitely shift the blames and complaints to other things...like someone said up their ,men are big babies (lol ),find his key,make him feel he is in control, you'd be surprised on how much power u can weild as a woman without him realizing.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

God bless you. You didn't even need to modify your earlier comment because of the comments from some insecure men here. The husband is insecure, immature and selfish

chloride6:
Lol you dont have problem...

Just tell him you want to buy iPhone 12 for Xmas

And tell him to transfer the funds to you..

I actually know someone that asked his wife a bank manager to be a stay at home..

She did on the condition of joint account...

Can he agree to joint account?

Just let him know that you will be drawing an equivalent of your monthly salary from your joint account..

Infact tommrow look for his ATM, withdraw 200k and send to your mom for Xmas..

If he talks tell him that he is the one who said you should not work..

That he should not frustrate you..

Lol,My Brother, I like the way you think ...you funny o!

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

which kind of advice is that? Her husband is deceitful and shallow minded.....she should learn to take care of herself. If the husband is no more, do you know how hard it will be without a job?

I would advise she prepare for divorce

cuteboy2:


What kind of advice is this ? Everything you wrote was cool until the bolded. I almost threw up . Is incest that common where you come from?

I don't pray for my enemy to marry that girl

BravoDe:
Damilolacoker
U married too early 22yo and you're married, hmm

21 yrs not 22

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Men are overprotective of their first child,let that sink..Correct yr daughter with love.U can't win him through arguement cos that 'll bruise his ego,u only need to manipulate him to have your way(with love).Make yr request when yr man is at his weakest when u guys wanna make love(sex),beg and assure him that U'll be submissive that he should allow u to work in order to assist him..shikena

Damilolacoker:

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

These days, women work to support the family, so what you are asking for is not unreasonable. I suggest you find a job that will not be too stressful then show him the employment letter. If he refuses, then he should place you on an equivalent salary to the job. You need a source of income as you do not know tomorrow. What happens if he dies (God forbid) suddenly?

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

Parents want good and lasting homes for their children, so don't expect them to stand up or support you on this one.

Now listen, You are very married now, no longer the opinionated, high-flying, obst

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

You are a home destroyer

bayelsaowei:
i am actually the opposite of the OPs husband..i want my wife to work and we argue seriously about it...this life na wa

Make una exchange wives. Marry the OP and dash the OPs hubby your own wife. Issue settled.

BravoDe:
Damilolacoker
U married too early 22yo and you're married, hmm

what is ur own

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Like somebody said here, you married young, it has it's challenges. If you're particularly not well rooted in the dynamics of marriage before going in.

Having said that I felt you need to be calm in handling your job issue.

Definitely, his view about the correlation between working wives and submission is superstitious, it's not entirely true, though majority of the uninformed ladies fall into that trap of being independent of their husbands because they work.

Even when you earn more than your husband, you're not independent of him, money can't replace him. No matter your grievance with him, money won't solve the problem, rather, communication will.

Don't convince him about the sense in you being allowed to work by fighting, do so by the submission he's talking about. With only one baby, you have years ahead of you to still be able to work. While for now, try to help solve his insecurity attitude, keep reading about your career, try your hands on working from home online. Let me tell you something, that's where the future is. Explore that platform, you'll be shocked the explosive opportunities online.

By the time he'll realize it, you're earning so much right from your sitting room. You'll prove that by buying things for him and the house. He'll try to confirm where you're getting money from.

With your calmness and obedience, you'll break his insecurity palava.

He'll come down from his high horse soon if you understand this idea.

Women unconsciously transfer aggression to whoever is around them, even to babies irrespective of the baby's age. You may have began to do that to your daughter without knowing, that's the last thing he'll take from you.

Your baby is innocent, so leave her out of your pain. Women, many among them shout at their children in correcting them, even when there's no issue. Babies are full adults in small bodies, so respect them by communicating with them rather than shouting at them.

There's a place of spanking, but it won't be all the time. Be relaxed. Be there for your baby now that you're not working. Enjoy her presence. It won't be forever.

Finally, discuss with your husband, don't talk to him, they're two different things.

Assure him that he's safe with your liberty of working or doing anything outside of the house. He's scared of your beauty with other men around you, but it's all about insecurity. I'm suspecting you must be beautiful, men are always scared of other men around their beautiful wives.

You can do that with all the understanding I mentioned here. Take care of the breakfast for both of them, daughter and hubby while they set out for the day.

When they are gone, pray about your concern and hand it over to God, pray for your husband's insecurity issue and pray for your daughter.

You'll be able to do all that I suggested above easily if you're born again. No physical strength or aggression can do it. The Holy Spirit is a helper, He's ready to help you, just ask God to take over your life and He'll do so.

It's a new day for you my sister.

Op tell him to open a supermarket for u where u should also have a sale girls. Yours is to go and supervise return home

phemy36:


I see. Don't compare your family issue with others. What obtainable in your home did not in another home

Bull shit. It is the same everywhere. Any woman who works and makes money is better equipped to care for her family financially especially when the husband is late, absentee or plain broke.

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

This is, perhaps, the best advice you can get

georgeiyke009:


Make una exchange wives. Marry the OP and dash the OPs hubby your own wife. Issue settled.

Desric:
So your major reason as a good woman/wife/mother to have money is to have a voice and a range of choices, and basically not to assist or support your husband and family? If I may ask what voice and choices are you even talking about as a married woman? Are you in any way looking for the money to start a power tussle with your husband knowing he's the head of the family? If yes, then, there lies the man's fears and insecurities, besides, with your thinking, women like Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Oby Ezekwesili, Ibikun Awosika, Omotola Jalade, even Mercy Johnson Okorie, etc wouldn't have stayed married because obviously they were ahead of their spouses social influence wise and little wonder young ladies are all dropping out from their infant marriages calling the man names and yet ending up regretting their actions in their minds. Marriage is not a bad thing at all and will never stop a lady from achieving her dreams, it all depends on your way of handing your man to the point where he can comfortably take a bullet for your sake and that way isn't by competing with his authority, it can never work.

You haven't yet made a point. Who told you that having a voice, choices and an income is mutually exclusive to assisting financially in the home front? Weak men like you always prefer someone they can control in every sense of the word. Someone who's total dependency fans their miniscule strength. Using long speeches to hide face, which of these women you mentioned didn't have supportive husbands who encouraged them to work? Work doesn't just bring money but a sense of value. That financial independence the working woman has is what scares you and your sort shirtless.