₦airaland Forum

isthatso:
your responses are juvenile

What is a juvenile response? You teenagers, shall never throw us back......

isthatso:
If you value your marraige, you just have to learn to be a politician and play them at their game, dont respond to provocations,,,which is what they want and use subtle methods to let your husband see what his sisters are doing. Never tell him directly, let him come to his own conclusions himself.

Thats if your husband is the type that will push you in front and avoid asserting himself with his siblings even when they hurt his feelings.

It is best to avoid giving advice on issues such as this.

For one thing, these misunderstandings are between the wife (a woman) and sisters-in-law (women).

I often wonder why women find it difficult to get along with one another the way men do so easily.

Moreover, from the OP, she complained that the sisters influence her husband. What if this is entirely not the case?

A woman wants her husband to take her side all the time she gets into a fight. And when she is wrong and the husband says so, she accuses him of taking sides against her. Then she starts to draw further conclusions that would further complicate the matter.

Then, some sisters-in-law can be unbearable too. They want to bully their brother's wife. I can't seem to understand the rationale behind trying to bully wives into worshipping you simply because you are her husband's sister. But then, it appears like women can't just get along with one another. Always fighting like cats and dogs, and then they expect a man to take a side in their never-ending wahala.

some lady thinks they can just come and marry a guy and separate him from his family .


u better be more diplomatic
unless you will continue to have problems.
good luck

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

What type of peace are you talking about,cos I'm trying to understand this your post,she said she has apologize,buy gifts etc and yet no changes.

I don't really want to judge because I haven't read from her sister in-laws but I'd like to understand the kind of peace you're talking about.

You mean like becoming a puppet to them,say yes to whatever they say? Whether the husband has lived with them for 100 years it doesn't change the fact that people do change, that's why as a man it's not advisable you tell your woman/mother about every decision you want to make,the woman in them (jealousy) will always come out.

But that's BTW, I'd like to understand the kind of peace you're talking about.

ImaIma1:
You remind me of a friend that I told "it's such a shame that I didn't see you yesterday ". And my guy said "shame on who". Chai!! . My African men I hail o

Stanfeelings:
How has this helped? She said she is fed up. it wasnt getting easy, rather getting worse. and u see no issue with it? wow

So what else should I advice her to do when she could have nipped the bud of the trend when it first started?

Abegi next!

It seems like everybody is unhappy in their marriage on NL

Fountainofyouth:
Did you not see where she said she tried making peace with them by giving gifts etc? She tried everything she could to be the better person but they gave her cold shoulder, just because he's the only son and the most successful, did you not see that? Don't you think they envy the fact that she the wife is benefiting from the riches? If she is alienating the husband from them, will the husband join in the cold shoulder and with holding sex like a child? Doesn't that show immaturity in his part?

You see one thing with some so called men here, in their quest to sound unbiased and intelligent, they just couldn't help the fact that supporting the man is their sole aim, regardless of what is glaring, then if they can't avoid blaming the man, the come up with their famous words "we don't know the fact or the whole story" SMH!!!

That's one thing some men don't understand,if i marry,I won't be telling my wife everything I want to do for my family,same thing for my mother.

Cos some people will always believe they are entitled to you and you alone, especially if you're the junior they will still want you to meet them before taking any decision and if they don't like it then they won't be happy.

sassysure:
You called it funny abi?
I mentioned that cos I know what that issue has been causing all over the country.

As per the topic, don't blame the lady. Every woman want acceptance from her husband's family. Even when it's not working, u still see them trying harder hoping it will work.
But at the initial stage, if it is not working, be yourself and ignore all of them

I'm not blaming her entirely, never did.
In my experience, I have come to learn that anytime two women are fighting, be rest assured that NONE of them is innocent.

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Na dem. The woman is always at fault. Sissy-niggas never see men's fault. Come online and scream angry bitter feminist, people that have more sense than your whole generation combined

ashatoda:
my advice is simply that you beg for now and when the temporary peace reigns you need to work seriously on knowing the PIN code for your husband. I'm a man and know that all men have PIN code so it's your duty to try and identify them. please there are more than one but it will take you time to identify them. why I am advising you to look for more than one is that when you overindulge the one you know then the guy simply become aware of your trick and then you are back to square one. so prayerfully and studiously look for ways to command the interest of your husband. you need not fight his sisters but you need to pray seriously and study how to gain your husband attention and interest then they will say you have ro efo fun je just don't mind them na me you for ro efo fun je before? so work on yourself and pray sister that's the way to go

Trash

freecocoahubby:
To be honest I blame these jobless housewives who litter nairaland with useless threads.. it's like they derive pleasure from watching bitter feminists ridicule their home, spouse and marriage - anyway, what's my own sef

I have observed that the feminists here are out to add fire to crisis in homes

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Send her and your wife out

TonyeBarcanista:
Madam, everyone have duty in peace process, including WIVES! She should just play her own part


What do you mean interfere or have a say? This is one reason many wives will keep having problem!

A wife belongs to the family she is married into. You people always want to separate husbands from their families. Shame!

I've been following your comments in this issue, you're biased. Stop misleading the public with your unguarded opinions. Be rational.
This 21 century and besides the Bible says God created a man and his wife.

TonyeBarcanista:
That is an evidence that they are the problem.

The mumus will take advice of feminists and end up scattering their marriage. Then, they will start opening thread asking why single men discriminate divorces and single mothers.

Anyway, as long as a man is not hitting a wife, maltreating her nor cheating on her, SHE HAS NO REASON TO WAIL. All these conflicts with in-laws that could be resolved amicably aren't worth bringing to the public.

Na dem sabi sha

Just kept reading your comments and came to the conclusion that something is terribly wrong with you. And the actual problem is that you don't know.

Lord knows my personal peace matters than anything else in this entire world, I guess you think she should serve those in laws her head on a golden plate. Then when she's dead you'll feel happy she has served well, yeah?

A man that can't protect his wife from all manner of assault and still find a way to maintain relations with his so called blood, is not a man.

He can lose his wife and kids then, if that will make him happier.

Every woman who now has an opinion is termed feminist.

though I think the hubby needs to protect his wife from his siblings if truly they are giving her trouble, likewise, I'm aware of the fact that most wives want to separate their husbands from their family.
You can't just come and try to divide siblings that have been there for each other and understands themselves, they can't suddenly change towards you if you didn't trigger it, which i think you did by saying "they influence your husbands decision" and you couldn't take it anymore and changed.
I'm pretty sure they influenced your hubby by helping him when you were not yet in the picture, you think he is well to do just because he his the best, no they all supported him and helped him financially, spiritually and physical. he his like a father, son and a brother to them, you will have to live with it. don't try to create discord btw your hubby and his siblings.

U still have role to play in this battle, cos if they have persisted to give u problem as u alleged for the past 10yrs, something different could have happen and its either u left d marriage or ur study could have stop so that u take care of d kids. so my opinion is that u should try and make peace with them, u may be thinking that they are not ur husband but believe me they are more important to show love and care, cos i can undst wen u try to separate husband from family especially Only son whom u don't no how he was brought up. so pls make peace.

He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Matthew 19.

In God's reckoning even if your wife is a witch or an integrate, once you are pronounced husband and wife it is your duty as a man to protect her until help comes your way. Inability to detach from parental bond is the bane of many marriages. Even if you and your siblings eat from one plate till adulthood or they spend their last kobo to train you, you must not substitute your family for such gesture. You must speak well of your wife to your family until they see reason to accept her as she is, but on your part don't stop helping them out as much as you can if you have the means, thereafter find a way to let your wife see reason to be at peace with your family members without exposing her to danger. If Adam had got sisters and brothers they probably would have beaten Eve silly for bringing ill luck to their brother and destroying his fortunes in the garden of Eden, in fact many a men would have divorced Eve immediately for such high priced negligence that led to a permanent change of status from pleasure to pain. Family life is not for persons who don't read the bible, pray together or are ready to be a man. This is no license for misbehavior on the part of the woman, for a virtuous woman is not encumbered by the present and mundane things of the world but her heart is set on the Lord.

Fountainofyouth:
My love, stop crying, you know we are in love right, you can't just do without me I know, don't feel so bad about it, it's a good thing really

Oya reply me with your usual cancellations and meme, it's what you do best

Oh my goodness
What exactly do you want eh?

TonyeBarcanista:
Women are their own problem.

Mothers against daughters
Mother in-laws against Daughter in-laws
Wife against Sister in-laws

They are always in competition for man's attention and in conflict with each other. They must learn to live in harmony!

With all due respect, shut up. Men rape women, abuse women, force little girls into child marriage, harass women, but one marital problem and, "women are their own problem"? Suddenly, we are competing for male attention? Is that even a gender thing? Nigga, y'all are not the price

EJanni:
I've been following your comments in this issue, you're biased. Stop misleading the public with your unguarded opinions. Be rational.
This 21 century and besides the Bible says God created a man and his wife.

I have noticed that that guy is very irrational. He will always jump to extremes just for the sake of it which is exactly what he accuses the so-called "feminists" of doing

freecocoahubby:
Spoken by a true period-licking feminist lesbiaan

Imagine thinking "feminist" or "lesbian" is an insult.

Fountainofyouth:
If you want the full story, get out of these thread and go look for the family and where they live, tell them you are a man supporting commenter here and you want to support the husband fully, you hear? Because according to you, women are manipulators, and men are always the truthful and right one, they do no wrong abi?

Are you fvcking married too? What has that got to do with anything? Rubbish.

Epp us ask am, can't even think in a dynamic way, simply sticking to one baseless opinion.

simplesearch:
He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Matthew 19.

In God's reckoning even if your wife is a witch or an integrate, once you are pronounced husband and wife it is your duty as a man to protect her until help comes your way. Inability to detach from parental bond is the bane of many marriages. Even if you and your siblings eat from one plate till adulthood or they spend their last kobo to train you, you must not substitute your family for such gesture. You must speak well of your wife to your family until they see reason to accept her as she is, but on your part don't stop helping them out as much as you can if you have the means, thereafter find a way to let your wife see reason to be at peace with your family members without exposing her to danger. If Adam had got sisters and brothers they probably would have beaten Eve silly for bringing ill luck to their brother and destroying his fortunes in the garden of Eden, in fact many a men would have divorced Eve immediately for such high priced negligence that led to a permanent change of status from pleasure to pain. Family life is not for persons who don't read the bible, pray together or are ready to be a man. This is no license for misbehavior on the part of the woman, for a virtuous woman is not encumbered by the present and mundane things of the world but her heart is set on the Lord.

Thank you

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

You sound like a broken record.

So you will starve your wife of sex over quarrel, abi?

Uncle, uncle

midnighter:
I have noticed that that guy is very irrational. He will always jump to extremes just for the sake of it which is exactly what he accuses the so-called "feminists" of doing

Don't mind him. He's yet to recover from pain of heart break.

Madam, if u like adhere to this guy advice; I have a eldest brother's wife who is so arrogant, rude heartless; since she came to our family in 2006 there has been series of problems till date, but when she goes outside, she will complained of the mother, sister and brother's in laws that's causing problems in her marriage and the worst is that my brother is always on her side, which means she has right to insult anybody anyhow and even the husband is not spared. This has caused lots of division in our family since 2006. This woman insult my mother and sometime the husband joined her. She doesn't have regards for anybody, she doesn't contribute a dime to the growth of the family, but she is the chief controller of everything. Through this , I now vowed never to marry a girl out of stupid love but through characters that she will exibit. In your own case , your husband is a wise man , while in my own case , my brother is a big fool. So my sister, I don't know if you are this type of a woman we have in our family , since I don't know you. But my advice to you is make peace with your husband family. Full stop.

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Fountainofyouth:
Jakande you are joining a crackhead to insult me? Me? If you know who I am, you won't do that at all, and if you know the genesis of me and that guy, you wouldn't say all you're saying.

Which genesis?
https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/omg.gif

EJanni:
Don't mind him. He's yet to recover from pain of heart break.

Na so smh

Nat404:
Always listen to other side before you conclude. Family matters are convoluted.

The moment a man marries, his children and wife becomes his primary assignment to protect while his siblings becomes secondary, until a man come in terms with this, he can't run a good home