Ordinarily your hubby should be the one protecting you. That is his duty over you.

Now that he is fixed with these sisters, you have to be very careful, at least for the sake of you children.

You are not the target. The targets are your husband and your children. So you are the one seeing this responsibility, please take it prayerfully.

1. Do not let your husband see it that you are trying to be jealous with his sisters

2. Make him to understand, genuinely, that his family comes first

3. Do not intervere excessively in your husband family matters. He and the sisters will see as being rude. This is Africa, don't be deceived.

4. Pray for your husband. Pray for the light of God on him and your children. Rebuke the influence of darkness. Pray against collective captivity.

I pray, your home will not scatter in Jesus name, Amen. Make sure you are very careful from whom you seek advice. There plenty home breakers around you. It is well

use your main feminist. moniker to post

debbydee:
Op. Hope you are working. Concentrate on your job and children. Marriage no be by force. Your husband is the problem not you. He ought to have drawn the line. As e no draw line you maintain your lane.

Peace.

You sound like a deluded and wounded single woman. .may God quickly heal your wound.

Honestly I do not know u and could assume u could have a nasty side too. U said your husband is the only one doing well. Its possible you are trying to have him all for yourself and trust me if that's the case your sister-in-law's will always protest and hate you because you are trying to take their beloved brother who they see as a pillar of support from their lives. So to get on their good side play your side and allow them play their own side as they have always done. Crossing over to their side or trying to stop them will always resolve in revolts.

Divorce him..QED!

luminouz:


The answer is already in her writeup naaaa!!!

I am looking for the root cause.

I know what the SILs are doing, I know what the husband is doing /not doing.

My question is how and why?

Honestly, this continued in-law/ extended family wahala is strange to me IF we do not stay together.

I am in my home and somebody is making decisions, how? Is it decision of what to eat, where to Stay, school for the kids, etc. That someone not staying with me would have control over?

And if I visit people, I have learnt to follow thier rules once it doesn't hurt me.

We eat eba every day, yes ma. We sleep by 7pm, yes sir. We sleep by 2am, noted ma.

If I am now in my home and someone tries to overreach, then we have a case.

My home is my sanctuary and I will not tolerate anyone to disturb my peace.

[quote author=TonyeBarcanista post=85044192]
Guy, don't be quick to take position because you are yet to get the fact.

lol......failed politician
he shouldn't be quick to take side but u wrote an epistle supporting the in-laws....so, where did u get ur own facts from..?

There is a mixup in your narrative.
First you said your husband’s relatives come to your house every week or two but you later also said that another one of them who was sick also came to stay for 6 months without any of your in-laws visiting.

You may need a veritable medium such as the pastor of your church to mediate.

bukatyne:


I am looking for the root cause.

I know what the SILs are doing, I know what the husband is doing /not doing.

My question is how and why?

The why is obvious and stated. They see her as an outsider to their unity. Secondly,the husband get dough and of course foot some bills before she got married to him. Lemme guess after the marriage,the husband stopped doing those duties and the sisters naturally think na OP's fault.

Lexusgs430:



You Married a mother's boy.... After the demise of his mother, his sisters filled that void and he owes them an allegiance.......

Solution : Give him an ultimatum...... It's either his with you or them....

If he picks them, go for a trial separation........ Watch and observe, his brain might reset.......

I dont think that is good advice. A mummy's boy is programmed to be a Mummy's boy, you will lose if you ask him to take sides. if he picks you he will resent you for seperating him fromhis lovely sisters if he picks them you lose. Talking from experience I dont know if a Mummy's boy can ever reset his brain.

The question for the OP is how much pain she is prepared to endure for the sake of her marriage, if the husband is worth the cross she has to bear because i can almost guarantee you 100% he will never change!!!

If you value your marraige, you just have to learn to be a politician and play them at their game, dont respond to provocations,,,which is what they want and use subtle methods to let your husband see what his sisters are doing. Never tell him directly, let him come to his own conclusions himself.

Fountainofyouth:


You are a very irritating human, so because he isn't hitting and cheating, she shouldn't wail abi? All other abuses and psychological, emotional trauma is allowed like the one Op complained about right? Pdp left government with your sense abi? Nonsense.

Typical blockhead's response to questions she has no answers to

jakandeola:
see it as one of dose tings.internet life were anybody talk to u anyhow. but in real life wont try it.

Jakande you are joining a crackhead to insult me? Me? If you know who I am, you won't do that at all, and if you know the genesis of me and that guy, you wouldn't say all you're saying.

If thr is elders in your husby’s family I will suggest you go to them and asked em to beg SILs on your behalf, infact tell the elders you’ve wronged them and you want them to make peace within you guys... remember the adage that says oko(husband) buruku shey fe sugbon ana buruku ko shey ni

MEGA4BILLION:
Your husband is still immature to be the man of the family. The problem isn't you but your husband, he is not incharge of his family. For a better advice, can you highlight some of these problems between you and your sisters-in-laws.

You got married to a BIG BABY and that's the actual problem. The people you're complaining about is not the problem but the man who can't protect you.

I suggest you just forget all about them. Just close your ears and eyes to them, show them all their characters are non of your business. If possible give them all the food your husband bought for the kids, when he ask tell him you have them to his sisters. Just help the sister crucify your husband, by doing this he will realize his mistakes and then find ways to amend .never you complain or show bitterness to any of their action ok..

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

If what you wrote is true, then the fault is not yours but your hubby's upbringing, there is nothing to advise you on cos already you are doing fine in tolerating the obnoxious behavior of those fellas. I am not yet married but my dad is the only male child in the midst of 3 females so I know how it feels, somehow, my aunties wanted to try that shit but I am a very big problem for anyone I decide to be a case for, so somehow I defended my mum from them and they all stayed clear of my family cos I can be very terrible defending my mother even if you are related by blood. Find a way to train your kids to love you flawlessly cos as it stands, the only thing you have in that family are your kids.
To avoid all these stories in marriages I've always told my male folks to always make a stand when marrying that your wife is your second in command and your all in all ie of course if you know the kind of woman you'll be marrying and trust her very well, when friends and extended family members see loopholes in your marriage they'll come in to fill it up.
Good luck to you.

isthatso:


I dont think that is good advice. A mummy's boy is programmed to be a Mummy's boy, you will lose if you ask him to take sides. if he picks you he will resent you for seperating him fromhis lovely sisters if he picks them you lose. Talking from experience I dont know if a Mummy's boy can ever reset his brain.

The question for the OP is how much pain she is prepared to endure for the sake of her marriage, if the husband is worth the cross she has to bear because i can almost guarantee you 100% he will never change!!!

So because of his unrepentant, yoke unbroken, childish, umbilical cord source connection, individualistic tendencies and excesses ....... His wife should keep suffering sexually, emotionally, and been psychologically abused?

Did you come out of school with first class in analysis
U sided with them without thinking that they actually need to go and marry and face their in-laws too?
Abeg if someone is seriously married they no go remember saybone brother dey somewhere o

They are just lazy people looking for who to pass their frustration to

TonyeBarcanista:

Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

[s]

HacheNoire:
Use her for money rituals!

Or

Pay men to silence her for life.

[/s]
shatap
Ogun dey useless

Lexusgs430:



So because of his unrepentant, yoke unbroken, childish, umbilical cord source connection, individualistic tendencies and excesses ....... His wife should keep suffering sexually, emotionally, and been psychologically abused?

see my modified post.

Antagonism never solves any problem. you dont respond to an Antagonist with antagonism. if she responds with your tone, shes already on a path to a break down in her marraige. This thing requires sense.

crackhaus:

Oh well...

As for that other one, she will run mad on top my matter too.
She started with being friendly with me some months back but I completely ignored her mentions because I sensed her intentions & honestly want nothing to do with the fvcker, yet the urchin refused to let me be then turned around to start raining insults on her people everytime on my mentions.

Someone that love could give high-blood pressure, what will rejection give her if not complete madness...

My love, stop crying, you know we are in love right, you can't just do without me I know, don't feel so bad about it, it's a good thing really

Oya reply me with your usual cancellations and meme, it's what you do best

luminouz:


The why is obvious and stated. They see her as an outsider to their unity. Secondly,the husband get dough and of course foot some bills before she got married to him. Lemme guess after the marriage,the husband stopped doing those duties and the sisters naturally think na OP's fault.

I have actually edited the post.

The problem is the husband. He presented her as an outsider so his family will treat her like that.

And except they are up in her face, she should move on and teach her kids to make better choices.

Please stop begging them and give it to them fire for fire Your husband is too weak to be a husband.

TonyeBarcanista:

Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Just know that you have to advice someone from two angles...
The left and the right.
Don't outrightly make it seem she is the reason for the family chaos.
There are always two sides of a coin, we just don't know the side that's playing out in her family in the real life.

Lexusgs430:



So because of his unrepentant, yoke unbroken, childish, umbilical cord source connection, individualistic tendencies and excesses ....... His wife should keep suffering sexually, emotionally, and been psychologically abused?

this is why i say dont marry Mummys boys and warn against the dangers of men raised by single mothers.

I hate family interference and i dnt interfer in my siblings affairs.
Once married, cut pipo some slack pls

Fountainofyouth:
What a manboy your husband is, how can his sisters have so much influence on him? Not even his mother? SMH!!! Ignore all of them, you don't need anyone's validation to exist in life, not even your husband, if he continues to side his sisters, pretend he doesn't exist and focus on your children.

See her everywhere.. Mtn

donbachi:
They are lucky u are not some wicked woman...na to just prepare gud meal and serve dem.

Don't let the devil to use you

Be nice to everyone regardless of the treatment they give you.

Your kind of person is not required here