yoged:
When people married . Family member should leave them alone and allow them to enjoy their life . Same thing nearly happen to me. Withing 7 months of getting married , my wife family came 3 times withing that period , the mom, her elder sister and her siblings . Cant someone even enjoy his privacy? I have to call my wife to order if she wants the marriage to last . My mom that stays close-by only visited once and we have to beg her to even visit . She'll say enjoy your hone with each other .

Sometimes people mean well when they visit newly weds but from experience, it is not very advisable because peoole tend to be blind to their excesses and how their presence is an inconvenience to one spouse or both.

We can't break away from extended family as there are times when we need them too but a line has to be drawn. Third parties are the culprits here. Our people sef, If na toh say who go donate one kidney na, na that time we go hia say some human beings no get kidney at all.

ImaIma1:


Forget culture. People bring up culture to have their way. Doesn't their culture say they should mind their own families.

If they choose not to be normal, why should someone have to deal with their abnormalities. See ehn! I didn't beg to be married. The man wooed me, asked for my hand in marriage to build a life with him. So no one can treat me like a second class citizen in my husband's house.

I don't take all those excesses. I don't insult people or get into confrontations but my silence is very golden. And I will just put you in your place without fighting you. All this complaining the OP is doing is not effective. She has to take charge of her home.

Don't let anyone put your wife under pressure. She is yours to protect.

You are being unrealistic. All this stuff you're saying about yourself and your family relates to you only.

The woman we are talking about can see that her husband's family is jumpy and probably insecure because she is wealthier than them. Showing a bit of humility will improve your chances instead of claiming right all the time.

So what I am advising her to do is bend a little and bear a little discomfort in order to avoid a bigger one later. It wouldn't have taken 2 minutes to tell the husband to tell them the whereabouts of that baby just to show a simple respect to your elders even if you don't think it's necessary.

I asked you if you would advise somebody to go ahead and drop the only paternal heir of their husbands family without informing them if their mother-in-law was alive and kicking?

ImaIma1:


We have a brother. And I was speaking on how we relate. She doesn't have to tell us she's taking the kids to her mum's place. Wetin concern us? If she and her husband have discussed it, who are we?

People should stop making up cultural attachments to carry out their selfish actions. Our eldest sister that stands as our mum doesn't even do those rubbish. Our brother is man enough to handle his home. We love and respect him too much to make his wife uncomfortable.

Okay. But what I'm saying is that not everybody is as nice as you people so she should use her tongue to count her teeth.

If somebody is selfish or jobless it doesn't disqualify them from being your in-law so you should be realistic about what is expected or required of you to remain blameless.

Entering a good family where people mind their business and entering a crazy family where everybody is trying to drag relevance are not the same thing so they can't be handled the same way.

All I can say is that you should settle first with your husband on how to deal with the matter. As soon as you have his backing, deal with those people accordingly.

I blame your husband though. He is a weak man. He needs one month internship with me.

When he returns, you will do Thanksgiving. What bullshit!!!

midnighter:


You are being unrealistic. All this stuff you're saying about yourself and your family relates to you only.

The woman we are talking about can see that her husband's family is jumpy and probably insecure because she is wealthier than them. Showing a bit of humility will improve your chances instead of claiming right all the time.

So what I am advising her to do is bend a little and bear a little discomfort in order to avoid a bigger one later. It wouldn't have taken 2 minutes to tell the husband to tell them the whereabouts of that baby just to show a simple respect to your elders even if you don't think it's necessary.

I asked you if you would advise somebody to go ahead and drop the only paternal heir of their husbands family without informing them if their mother-in-law was alive and kicking?

I still maintain that they should only be told if they ask. He is the man of the house. If his decision needs to be run by his sisters, then he is not really the man in his home.

There is nothing wrong with dropping the "only paternal heir" with a mother-inlaw. They are also her grandchildren. The child belongs to the parents first before anyone else. They are responsible for him and not the entire family. So please let's stop using tradition to manipulate people.

My SIL drops my brother's "paternal heir" with her mum even when my mum was alive. There's no competition whatsoever. If her husband's mother or sisters asks her to bring him to stay with them, she will also take him there.

Why are you making this "paternal heir" such a big deal? As long as the parents of the children are in agreement, it's nobody's problem. Why would someone else carry it on their head like gala?

midnighter:


Okay. But what I'm saying is that not everybody is as nice as you people so she should use her tongue to count her teeth.

If somebody is selfish or jobless it doesn't disqualify them from being your in-law so you should be realistic about what is expected or required of you to remain blameless.

Entering a good family where people mind their business and entering a crazy family where everybody is trying to drag relevance are not the same thing so they can't be handled the same way.

It is not about being nice. It's about minding your business and only contributing when consulted. The art of minding one's business is something that Nigerians need to master. Instead they try to pin it on culture and traditions.

If they had their own money and don't need to depend in their brother for money, they would minimize their interference. But they probably think the wife has come to cut short their supplies which is inevitable. Meanwhile, they have husbands.

debbydee:


Story for the gods you that just joined nl. Anyways I gat no time for rotten mangoes like you. Na your mama I be okay. Make you go sleep time don go.

Rotten mango like some of your "Charger" who usually come to "Charge" you for a fee. I can assure you that I'm better than them all...
Probably you are tired of chewing rotten " mangoes", you now have a choice of fresh mango. Fresh mango is available for your patronage. You may wish to....

TonyeBarcanista:

The home is not just HER HOME! It is the home of thw Husband, she and their children. Also that the man's siblings are not just roadside visitors, they are also of the man and she must learn to accommodate them.


I am sure you also read where the husband sent away the troublesome sister?

However, there is NOTHING wrong for sibling to come stay with their brother, whether married or unmarried. I am sure that was only temporary and not permanent as long as they aren't trouble to the household.

Why should a pregnant relative come to her husband's house when he is not responsible for the pregnancy? Did she even seek her husband's permission before doing that? Why should my pregnant distant relative carry her pregnancy to my sister's husband's house? That is sacrilegious to both common sense and tradition. (BTW if she wasn't interested in traditions she shouldn't have married traditionally)
Taking her child to her mother is ONLY appropriate IF her husband gave her the permission. She is the one that dragged her mother into the mess.


This is arrant nonsense. Wife and siblings are not in any contest, everyone have their place in the man's life.


This is you people's problem! Always seeing everything as competition and contest.

That was how my ex was asking me who I love more between she and my sisters...

I told her... Yimu

Suit yourself.

I've been successful married for 15years and live with my inlaw. You are single with a relationship ended based on the female not knowing her place in your life, the fact that she had asked says everything...

The op should decide who's advice to take!

ImaIma1:


I still maintain that they should only be told if they ask. He is the man of the house. If his decision needs to be run by his sisters, then he is not really the man in his home.

There is nothing wrong with dropping the "only paternal heir" with a mother-inlaw. They are also her grandchildren. The child belongs to the parents first before anyone else. They are responsible for him and not the entire family. So please let's stop using tradition to manipulate people.

My SIL drops my brother's "paternal heir" with her mum even when my mum was alive. There's no competition whatsoever. If her husband's mother or sisters asks her to bring him to stay with them, she will also take him there.

Why are you making this "paternal heir" such a big deal? As long as the parents of the children are in agreement, it's nobody's problem. Why would someone else carry it on their head like gala?

Like I told you before, if you can't understand why the dynamic of a family with an only son may be different from that of one where male children abound then you can't understand the point I am making.

Again, as I said before, I never told them to run any decision by anybody so I don't know why you went back to that.

I didn't say that there's anything wrong with dropping the child off anywhere. I asked you whether you would advise OP to leave her child with her mum for an extended period of time without telling her mother-in-law.

I can't get why you keep talking about yourself and your SIL when the OP has already provided information about her family for us to read. What has the shining example of your sister-in-law got to do with the matter at hand

The women involved are clearly operating in a different way from your family so what you people do is not relevant.

ImaIma1:


It is not about being nice. It's about minding your business and only contributing when consulted. The art of minding one's business is something that Nigerians need to master. Instead they try to pin it on culture and traditions.

If they had their own money and don't need to depend in their brother for money, they would minimize their interference. But they probably think the wife has come to cut short their supplies which is inevitable. Meanwhile, they have husbands.

I don't understand why you're giving conditions outside of the reality that OP has already narrated to us.

Do they mind their business? No

Do they have their own money? No

Is the woman's husband doing anything about it? No

So all these permutations and circumstances you keep giving don't have any bearing on the reality at hand.

You can't marry into a family that has one male sibling, with a wealth disparity between that sibling and all the rest, be the youngest member of said family, from a different tribe, do your own thing with the guys child and then not expect wahala. Except if your husband is going to shield you, which most of the time they don't .

This is why I said you should give realistic advice instead of basing on your own expectations of how things are "supposed" to be, according to you .

If they think the woman has come to mess up their pocket money then she can prove them wrong by giving them some regard instead of trying to aggravate them further by shutting them out.

YelloweWest:

Suit yourself.

I've been successful married for 15years and live with my inlaw. You are single with a relationship ended based on the female not knowing her place in your life, the fact that she had asked says everything...

The op should decide who's advice to take!

And this is what you could comprehend? I sympathise with your husband. I can only imagine what he has been going through for 15 years and counting!

PeacenLove2:


Sometimes people mean well when they visit newly weds but from experience, it is not very advisable because peoole tend to be blind to their excesses and how their presence is an inconvenience to one spouse or both.

We can't break away from extended family as there are times when we need them too but a line has to be drawn. Third parties are the culprits here. Our people sef, If na toh say who go donate one kidney na, na that time we go hia say some human beings no get kidney at all.

You are right thou.

midnighter:


I don't understand why you're giving conditions outside of the reality that OP has already narrated to us.

Do they mind their business? No

Do they have their own money? No

Is the woman's husband doing anything about it? No

So all these permutations and circumstances you keep giving don't have any bearing on the reality at hand.

You can't marry into a family that has one male sibling, with a wealth disparity between that sibling and all the rest, be the youngest member of said family, from a different tribe, do your own thing with the guys child and then not expect wahala. Except if your husband is going to shield you, which most of the time they don't .

This is why I said you should give realistic advice instead of basing on your own expectations of how things are "supposed" to be, according to you .

If they think the woman has come to mess up their pocket money then she can prove them wrong by giving them some regard instead of trying to aggravate them further by shutting them out.

Well...she started what she couldn't finish.

TonyeBarcanista:

I hinged my position on her story...

True man...
But abeg sharpen the bluntness a little bit.

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Well you need to keep trying to reconcile with your sister in laws o and at the same time prayer is the key
Avoid anything that can be causing problem between you and you sister in laws, give them full respect and beg your husband. Your home is important make sure you build it well

ImaIma1:


Well...she started what she couldn't finish.

Yes, and now that she's seen the type of family she has landed in she should order her steps accordingly.

Anifaza:

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well and parents are no more

This part of your post stood out for me. Your husband is obviously a man with deep sense of responsibility. He feels like it now rest on him to play the role of a father and mother to his Siblings. He feels like he is the man of the house. And in return his siblings are trying to play the role of his mother.

He is never going to change. It is who he is . In this kind of situation you only have 2 options

1. Don't bend and lose him
2. Bend and keep him.

If you think he is worth it, I will advise you to bend. Play the fool. Go and ask for forgiveness from your sister in law. Tell them to forgive you.

jagojunior:


If by reading about how she took the baby to her mother which they kicked against quoting cultural variation as the beginning of the problem was missed by you, then your advice won't help her here.

During my Traditional Marriage, my wife was explicitly told by her people that she belongs to my family and our culture is now her culture (of course it's an inter-tribal marriage). That advice has been helping her a great deal since we got married especially when it's an issue that has to do with culture.

From the OP narrative, the decision to take the baby to stay with her mother (i.e. her family) was strictly hers. This means she pulled the trigger, drew the 1st blood that started all the shit. By doing that alone showed that she was coming to battle the family and assert herself over the husband and his family.

Secondly, the OP is over 10yrs in marriage and according to her, the problem started after the birth of her 1st baby. By my calculation, probably the 1st year of her marriage. Ask yourself this, how did she resolve that little incident with the husband and his family? For the husband to always direct the OP to settle things with the sisters shows that he isn't ready to take side; which by my judgement is a good thing because they're all ONE BIG FAMILY

The OP didn't complain that the sisters hated her before she got married (another vital point to note). Something got broken along the line and it's a good thing that she already knows the origin of her crisis.

I want to believe that the husband is trying his best to bring unity to the family. The evidence is all written in his decision to wait for the sisters' family before taking his family and them out; going out together is a way of promoting unity, and secondly, his insistence on the wife working things out with his sisters. Do you think that there are no excesses from the wife's own family that the husband is overlooking for peace to reign? The pointer to that question is that the OP didn't complain for once if there's any friction between the husband and her own family. The wife should draw her strength from there and use him as a model for herself.

The OP knows the whole truth about her situation. Let her work on herself first, then she can join forces with the husband to fix the family.

The sequence to solving the problem should be:
1. OP dealing with her excesses
2. OP joining forces with the husband
3. Both fixing the sisters excesses

we analyse differently

1 from her writting there is no mentioned about mother -in-law, i (we) assume she is not in the picture right ? if she was/she is why she is not part or took part in the looking after the child ?

2 remember she got pregnant and married while at skol right meaning she was running three things at same time, skol child and marriage which is not an easy things when you are young, hubby family expects you to play your daughter-in-law role, skol needs attending and the child needs her mother, only her mother came in to help where was/is mother -in-law

3 1st years of most marriages are run by beliefs and tradition than the newly weds themselves, what i mean both of your would be imposing your beliefs and tradition on each other based on how your were brought up and how your elders tell you how you should run a marriage. It takes years to established your foundation as a couple hence this woman after 10 years her marriage is not still established as sister have more influence in her marriage

4 Forget about her not complaining about the sisters before marriage, basically which right did she had to complain about the sisters before marriage ? we all know that usually people are nice before marriage you only see the true colours after being officially in

5 never assume than every family are like yours

TonyeBarcanista:

And this is what you could comprehend? I sympathise with your husband. I can only imagine what he has been going through for 15 years and counting!

My husband is not tied to me at the hip, he could and would leave if not happy but in his words he rather fight with me tham be with anyone else.

Happily married for 15years...

And to think you are from Kalabari Rivers State bearing "Tonye" and having such having such negative outlook on the sanctity of marriage is so disappointing... I'm Kalabari too likewise my husband and we are know for being hospitable in marriage. We welcomed outsiders who married our sons/brothers and treat them with respect.
Your mentality is common amongst Igbos not our people. Our wife's historically were never subjected to such inhumane treatment in the name of marriage and inlaw relations.
If you were the op and your wife siblings are being disrespectful to your mother in your own home, your wife deny to conjugal right because you have misunderstanding with her sister, your wife kicked your pregnant relative who is obviously in distress out of your house, your wife takes every single family matter out to her siblings and is influenced by them, your wife attends to her siblings more than you and the children, how would you feel?

The best marriage is between husband and wife, every other person (sibling or not) is an intruder!

jagojunior:


If by reading about how she took the baby to her mother which they kicked against quoting cultural variation as the beginning of the problem was missed by you, then your advice won't help her here.

During my Traditional Marriage, my wife was explicitly told by her people that she belongs to my family and our culture is now her culture (of course it's an inter-tribal marriage). That advice has been helping her a great deal since we got married especially when it's an issue that has to do with culture.

From the OP narrative, the decision to take the baby to stay with her mother (i.e. her family) was strictly hers. This means she pulled the trigger, drew the 1st blood that started all the shit. By doing that alone showed that she was coming to battle the family and assert herself over the husband and his family.

Secondly, the OP is over 10yrs in marriage and according to her, the problem started after the birth of her 1st baby. By my calculation, probably the 1st year of her marriage. Ask yourself this, how did she resolve that little incident with the husband and his family? For the husband to always direct the OP to settle things with the sisters shows that he isn't ready to take side; which by my judgement is a good thing because they're all ONE BIG FAMILY

The OP didn't complain that the sisters hated her before she got married (another vital point to note). Something got broken along the line and it's a good thing that she already knows the origin of her crisis.

I want to believe that the husband is trying his best to bring unity to the family. The evidence is all written in his decision to wait for the sisters' family before taking his family and them out; going out together is a way of promoting unity, and secondly, his insistence on the wife working things out with his sisters. Do you think that there are no excesses from the wife's own family that the husband is overlooking for peace to reign? The pointer to that question is that the OP didn't complain for once if there's any friction between the husband and her own family. The wife should draw her strength from there and use him as a model for herself.

The OP knows the whole truth about her situation. Let her work on herself first, then she can join forces with the husband to fix the family.

The sequence to solving the problem should be:
1. OP dealing with her excesses
2. OP joining forces with the husband
3. Both fixing the sisters excesses

So the op being a young student should have left her new born baby in the care of people she does not trust, people who clearly dislike her all because of culture??

The op has the right to invite her mother to take care of her child if that's who she can in trust the care of her baby to!

A man irrespective of whatever has a duty to protect his family. He should continue to love and assist his sisters but there should be limits. Women might have their issues but that is why the man has to create some balance. Will your sisters want some other person to come terrorize them in their homes? Your sisters will come give you headache and go have peace,while you are not having peace in your home because of what they left behind.
Women generally love attention and are territorial , men also have their own characteristics so for the sake of peace and prosperity. Like people are just so poor and back ward in mentality , kai. People should learn to get busy and be productive with their lives,how can you have so much time for another person. So much idleness and pettiness and envy and hate in the polity. Women should never ever depend on any man. So if you have a girl child,is this the orientation you want to give her? The way you respect your wife is the way others will follow suit. We take life too serious and very soon everyone will die and i mean die and be forgotten. Most times the men even die before the women so let the man imagine what his kids will be going through in his absence...the kids are always the victims. Let the wife have an over dose of patience and respect , then the man having observed that his wife is making such great effort , tries his best to stand up and set limits because you sure can not please everybody. We have not heard the man's version of the story but if all the above is true, then it is very unfortunate because he needs to be a MAN and very soon too.

ZIMDRILL:


we analyse differently

1 from her writting there is no mentioned about mother -in-law, i (we) assume she is not in the picture right ? if she was/she is why she is not part or took part in the looking after the child ?

2 remember she got pregnant and married while at skol right meaning she was running three things at same time, skol child and marriage which is not an easy things when you are young, hubby family expects you to play your daughter-in-law role, skol needs attending and the child needs her mother, only her mother came in to help where was/is mother -in-law

3 1st years of most marriages are run by beliefs and tradition than the newly weds themselves, what i mean both of your would be imposing your beliefs and tradition on each other based on how your were brought up and how your elders tell you how you should run a marriage. It takes years to established your foundation as a couple hence this woman after 10 years her marriage is not still established as sister have more influence in her marriage

4 Forget about her not complaining about the sisters before marriage, basically which right did she had to complain about the sisters before marriage ? we all know that usually people are nice before marriage you only see the true colours after being officially in

5 never assume than every family are like yours

Thank you.

skyisthelimit:
Let the wife have an over dose of patience and respect , then the man having observed that his wife is making such great effort , tries his best to stand up and set limits because you sure can not please everybody.

And thank you as well

midnighter:


I don't understand why you're giving conditions outside of the reality that OP has already narrated to us.

Do they mind their business? No

Do they have their own money? No

Is the woman's husband doing anything about it? No

So all these permutations and circumstances you keep giving don't have any bearing on the reality at hand.

You can't marry into a family that has one male sibling, with a wealth disparity between that sibling and all the rest, be the youngest member of said family, from a different tribe, do your own thing with the guys child and then not expect wahala. Except if your husband is going to shield you, which most of the time they don't .

This is why I said you should give realistic advice instead of basing on your own expectations of how things are "supposed" to be, according to you .

If they think the woman has come to mess up their pocket money then she can prove them wrong by giving them some regard instead of trying to aggravate them further by shutting them out.

I was just imagining, does the OP really know how her husband got his wealth?
It could be the sisters assisted their brother, they might have sacrificed their savings, what was meant for their children and given to their brother.
They might have told their brother if you succeed, make sure you don't forget how you succeeded and all.
The man has succeeded and married now the wife want the man to forget his sisters?
I once rented a certain apartment. The landlady was troublesome and gives all the tenants headache. But I got along with her very well.. Now all the tenants knows that this woman is not the owner of the house it belongs to her brother.
And despite the bad attitude that drives tenant away, her brother still takes good care of her.
She told me her brother took her to court to eject her from the house yet it is still the brother that brought foreign doctors to operate on the woman of fibroid of many years. Till today, the woman still receives help from her brother.
I believe the OP is economical with the true story.

lessonsoflife:


I was just imagining, does the OP really know how her husband got his wealth?
It could be the sisters assisted their brother, they might have sacrificed their savings, what was meant for their children and given to their brother.
They might have told their brother if you succeed, make sure you don't forget how you succeeded and all.
The man has succeeded and married now the wife want the man to forget his sisters?
I once rented a certain apartment. The landlady was troublesome and gives all the tenants headache. But I got along with her very well.. Now all the tenants knows that this woman is not the owner of the house it belongs to her brother.
And despite the bad attitude that drives tenant away, her brother still takes good care of her.
She told me her brother took her to court to eject her from the house yet it is still the brother that brought foreign doctors to operate on the woman of fibroid of many years. Till today, the woman still receives help from her brother.
I believe the OP is economical with the true story.

The post you quoted up there was about the way OP tried to be sneaky with the children knowing it would probably cause trouble.

They do not have the right to bully her on the basis of sacrifice, but her actions in that instance may have provoked them into feeling that she is a child being carried on the back who doesnt know where her bread is being buttered.

The mans children belong to his family and not yours. If you know you want to drop them with your mum you can sweeten the in-laws up by carrying them along. Letting them know where the baby is or taking them to visit once in a while would have pacified them so that they wouldnt complain that youre trying to colonise their son. Does her mother own those children

Mod: That was just the point I was trying to make to the lady who quoted me. If you know you want to get away with something that doesnt make sense why not try to code it with a small respect instead of making it so obvious that you dont care what they think?

Even if you dont care, why show it to them? They will start reading all sorts of meaning into it, maybe that she thinks she has arrived because she has enough money and is the only one bearing children for the family lineage so she can carry their ward about as she pleases and they cannot do her anything.

So why wont they disrespect your mother when you showed them your yansh first

It's not called being an "only son" for nothing, so if you marry such a person you should understand that certain aspects of your relationship with his family may be sensitive and require careful considerations to avoid trouble later.

Even if she is not being honest about the source of the mans wealth its obvious that they must have taken care of him in one way or another, financial or not so it would be wiser to give credit where credit is due instead of doing "how is it their business". Ha, it must be their business ooo

midnighter:


The post you quoted up there was about the way OP tried to be sneaky with the children knowing it would probably cause trouble.

They do not have the right to bully her on the basis of sacrifice, but her actions in that instance may have provoked them into feeling that she is a child being carried on the back who doesnt know where her bread is being buttered.

The mans children belong to his family and not yours. If you know you want to drop them with your mum you can sweeten the in-laws up by carrying them along. Letting them know where the baby is or taking them to visit once in a while would have pacified them so that they wouldnt complain that youre trying to colonise their son. Does her mother own those children

That was just the point I was trying to make to that lady who quoted me. If you know you want to get away with something that doesnt make sense why not try to code it with a small respect instead of making it so obvious that you dont care what they think?

Even if you dont care, why show it to them? They will start reading all sorts of meaning into it, maybe that she thinks she has arrived because she has enough money and is the only one bearing children for the family lineage so she can carry their ward about as she pleases and they cannot do her anything.

So why wont they disrespect your mother when you showed them your yansh first

It's not called being an "only son" for nothing, so if you marry such a person you should understand that certain aspects of your relationship with his family may be sensitive and require careful considerations to avoid trouble later.

Even if she is not being honest about the source of the mans wealth its obvious that they must have taken care of him in one way or another, financial or not so it would be wiser to give credit where credit is due instead of doing "how is it their business". Ha, it must be their business ooo

In reality all these back and forth about taking the child to mum when she was schooling is not really necessary, once her husband supports the idea, its really not their business as long as the couple are in agreement to where their child is, if it was a safety issue it's a different thing entirely but this one is just about being troublesome.

I dont know what tribe the OP and hubby comes from but I believe you are also talking from a cultural inclination.

A woman taking her child to her mum while in school in agreement with her husband is not something inlaws (whether sane or not) should have issues with. If they ask its as simple as baby is with my mum for sometime since I am in school. She doesnt need their permission, she can tell them about it but its not something they are supposed to wail about.


First son, only heir, the child belongs to the man's family, etc doesn't even come into play here at all. What of grandparents that dont have sons, cant they take care of grandchildren from their daughters?

NoToPile:



In reality all these back and forth about taking the child to mum when she was schooling is not really necessary, once her husband supports the idea, its really not their business as long as the couple are in agreement to where their child is, if it was a safety issue it's a different thing entirely but this one is just about being troublesome.

I dont know what tribe the OP and hubby comes from but I believe you are also talking from a cultural inclination.

A woman taking her child to her mum while in school in agreement with her husband is not something inlaws (whether sane or not) should have issues with. If they ask its as simple as baby is with my mum for sometime since I am in school. She doesnt need their permission, she can tell them about it but its not something they are supposed to wail about.

First son, only heir, the child belongs to the man's family, etc doesn't even come into play here at all. What of grandparents that dont have sons, cant they take care of grandchildren from their daughters?

Yes, they SHOULDN'T, but they did. Why?

midnighter:


Yes, they SHOULDN'T, but they did. Why?

Its because they are troublesome

NoToPile:


Its because they are troublesome

And now that you know they are troublesome, insecure, hanging onto their brother, crazy, greedy etc.

Dont you think it would be better for you to nip their accusation in the bud instead of talking "shouldnt", "couldnt", "it doesnt matter" bla bla?

You can even see somebody quoted me talking about sacrifices, cant you see the woman is already on a slippery slope from the beginning?

midnighter:


And now that you know they are troublesome, insecure, hanging onto their brother, crazy, greedy etc.

Dont you think it would be better for you to nip their accusation in the bud instead of talking "shouldnt", "couldnt", "it doesnt matter" bla bla?

Even that person who quoted me talking about sacrifices, cant you see the woman is already on a slippery slope from the beginning?

You people keep talking about yourselves instead of the person writing. Do those people sound reasonable to you?

Point is they will never be reasonable, it doesn't really matter what the wife does or not. She can NEVER please them, she can as well do her thing and ignore them after all they will still complain and wail as usual.

NoToPile:




Point is they will never be reasonable, it doesn't really matter what the wife does or not. She can NEVER please them, she can as well do her thing and ignore them after all they will still complain and wail as usual.

If you tell her to ignore them and do what she likes REGARDLESS of her individual situation, then thats your own. Only son, doesnt matter. Bunch of elder sisters doesnt matter. Husband is wealthy doesnt matter. OP is wealthy doesnt matter. Mother-in-law nowhere to be seen in the story doesnt matter. Just do as you like because theyre unreasonable. Okay!

I only object to actually quoting me and telling me it doesnt matter...you cant be nonchalant about things that obviously play a part in a problem and then come back to complain when you didnt take good measures in the first place.

Its either you acknowledge that the facts that SHE GAVE US IN THE OP are important BUT she should not act on them, or you tell her what to do in HER situation .

You dont read a whole post full of information and then claim that none of it matters because of what YOU personally do in your house. That doesnt make any sense.