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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) (7518 Views)
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Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:17am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Guys, I can bet my two balls that if you try this, you will never bother yourself with women. I shared this secret with my friend and he thought I was joking until he tried it. This shit is just marginally different from real sex and totally worth it. You will not realise how useless women are until you try it. Once you do, you will realise that you have been wasting 5k or more on oloshos and girlfriends. The danger with this method is that if not properly controlled, it might easily degenerate to addiction...which if you ask me, is better than sex addiction because the latter will drain you financially. It is not a new method per se, it is just an augmentation of the already existing intimacy gadgets available. Most people see me as a very disciplined person, one who does not womanise. Little do they know that I've got my closet secret. It pains alot of girls in my area that I don't even acknowledge their presence whenever I move out. Truth is I might not be the most handsome dude in my street but I am good looking and well to do so it hurts them that I give zero fvcks about them. Alot of confusing rumours and gossips about me have even been created in an attempt to explain what appears to be mysterious about me. Without further ado, here's the secret to enjoying pleasure that is approximately 99.9% the intensity of real sex. The only thing missing is the mental turn on that comes from the weight of the woman on you or the inelastic collisiion of the bodies. Steps to simulated sex as prescribed by nuissance police is as follows: you must know that the key to enjoying fleshlight is the lubrication. 1. Buy fleshlight, nivea lotion, pears baby oil and 1gb or 2gb data. 2. With the fleshlight in vertical postion, pour like 5 to 10 bean-size drops of pears baby oil around the circumference of the fleshlight's anterior. Allow gravity to pull it down or you could open the hole and put the drops. For best results, open the hole and smear like 3 or 4 drops directly to the bottom of the hole then smear another 3 or four drops around the edges of the hole. 3. Smear like 2 or 3 drops of nivea lotion. Similar to 2 above, open the hole and smear 1 or 2 drops direcly at the bottom and another 1 or 2 around the hole. 4. Finish with another 2 or 3 drops of pears baby oil around the fleshlight's aperture. 5. Allow to settle in a vertical position, during which you look for a good network area and log in to any porn site. Xvideos, xnxx etc. 5. Download as much porn as your data can afford and lock the porn vids in a safelock app so that hypocrites will not mock you if they find porn on your fone by accident. 6. My best porn in decreasing order are italian>ghanian>other african countries>ebony ladies. Be creative and use keywords like ass, huge etc. 7. Stroke your deek with your already prepared fleshlight while watching your favorite porn and feel the pleasure of s*x. I can swear that you won't last more than 4 mins before you cum. Make sure there is no one around else you might moan very loudly in ecstasy when you cum...especially if you are a jjc. I know they will soon come and bash me. They will call me names and try to guilt trip me by saying all sort of religious things. The "one girl must have showed him pepper crew" will also come. Attached is fleshlight photo 26 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Zaheertyler(m): 6:21am On Jan 04, 2020 |
I'll try my best not to be a hypocrite But bro with world war 3 in view You should be thinking of how to protect your self 5 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:24am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Zaheertyler: Lol. There will be no world war 3. Trump is just trying to buy time because he was impeached. 5 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Zaheertyler(m): 6:31am On Jan 04, 2020 |
NuissancePolice:I'll take it that you're just trying to be a nuisance or you dont understand sarcasm 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:33am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Zaheertyler: Lol. My bad. I get the sarcasm now 7 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by iamdrfresh: 6:34am On Jan 04, 2020 |
for me, crap I say. might be OK for someone who hasn't done d real thing before. that could be the closest to d real thing besides soapy wanking but can it moan? can u change styles? can u play with b**bs or s*ck while at it? 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:35am On Jan 04, 2020 |
iamdrfresh: Space booker. You are sighted 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Zaheertyler(m): 6:35am On Jan 04, 2020 |
NuissancePolice:Good morning |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:36am On Jan 04, 2020 |
One of the best advice for the week..... -FREE from any form of STD's -No T&C before and after ejaculating -No COZA Krest served -No wahala. 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:39am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Zaheertyler: Yea goodmorning |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:41am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Erediauwa: The day i discovered this optimal procedure was the day i realised that girlfriends and/or oloshos (nigerians especially) are more useless than the over 100 senators in nigeria. 14 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:47am On Jan 04, 2020 |
ur days are numbered and may all ur unborn kids be patronizers and hoarders of fleshlight and erotic puppets. IJN 3 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 6:50am On Jan 04, 2020 |
BadRadio: 15 Likes 1 Share
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by horpeyemmi66(m): 7:27am On Jan 04, 2020 |
What the f.ucki.ng hell is a Fleshlight? 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Cutehector(m): 7:40am On Jan 04, 2020 |
horpeyemmi66:ask paroh, she will school you 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Stillthebest: 7:50am On Jan 04, 2020 |
NuissancePolice: Buying time by killing a countryhigh leader! You can't be serious |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by TheSourcerer: 8:33am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Zaheertyler:no you should enjoy yourself to the very end |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by TheSourcerer: 8:35am On Jan 04, 2020 |
iamdrfresh:boobs are mammalian glands for feeding and not sexual organs , no animals consider breast as sexual organs except man 7 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 8:35am On Jan 04, 2020 |
How much do you sell them fleshlight . Tired of using my hands |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by TheSourcerer: 8:37am On Jan 04, 2020 |
NuissancePolice:what's flashlight though 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 9:05am On Jan 04, 2020 |
NuissancePolice:shut the fvck up. 1 Like
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by LieDetector(m): 9:56am On Jan 04, 2020 |
For those thinking about what Fleshlight means, here's a picture of Fleshlight 5 Likes
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by lereinter(m): 10:23am On Jan 04, 2020 |
Use hand is better than any foolish eccentric tool 2 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by iaamxavier(m): 11:51am On Jan 04, 2020 |
LieDetector: LMAO wetin person no go see for this nairaland 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Papadoh(m): 12:36pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
The ladies will roast you for creating this thread, buh we dey your back. 9 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:02pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
iamdrfresh: Guy, playing with boobs ia not needed to cum if you can get correct ghanian porn. If u still insist you need to feel live boobs, then get a sex doll. Just that they are more costly...but lubricate them the same way as prescribed. 2 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:05pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
horpeyemmi66: It costs around 6 to 10k or so depending on quality. Some wear out easily so you might want to invest in high quality ones. paroh's is cheaper. It goes for around 5 to 6k or so. 1 Like
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:06pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
Cutehector: paroh is a guy oh. I bought fleshlight from him about 2 months ago for one of my shy friends I think he uses the f-moniker to attract patronage. 2 Likes |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:09pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
biGDhAp: I don't sell. You can buy from paroh or order from konga. The cheapest go for 5 to 6k or so and could go for as high as 15k depending on quality. Some come with a battery powered vibrating bullet to help boost the feel during stroking. 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:10pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
lereinter: Those tools could be far better if you lubricate them as I have recommended. 1 Like |
Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:14pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
Papadoh: Lol.They are welcomed. Local kid is pleased 2 Likes
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Re: Trust Me When I Say You Don't Need Women (For Vaseline Crew Members Only) by Nobody: 1:17pm On Jan 04, 2020 |
TheSourcerer: Lol. Its shocking that people don't know what fleshlight is. No wonder they have been subjects of these manipulative women. In all honesty, I think fleshlight deserves more publicity. I wish the mods could move this to front page. I am 100% sure that this will reduce rape, s*x abuse and sexual manipulation. 4 Likes
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