₦airaland Forum

creolehunt:
Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

Goan sidan Mr Man, it's ur type that will marry a woman bc of her wealth. LAZY YOUTHS, mtcheeeewwwww

Ladycewhy:
Many women are not against equal financial contributions atleast on my part but also be ready to share equal chores and parenting ,we will share baby carrying days and cooking days . You can't go to work and I go to work and you will come home and raise you feet up to watch football while there is food to cook and kids to take care of .

Be ready cos there are days when you too will close from you work and go straight from there to the market to get food stuff for the house . This is how equal opportunity should be fair and truly equal .

with this attitude you cant last long in Africa matrimonial home save western world

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.
!

I salute your wisdom, plenty oil dey your head. Please educate your fellow men oo especially the ones here, a lot of them believe being a mancho, ordering, commanding or roaring like a Lion is the best way to get a woman to do anything they want.

OiOi:
I don't think this kind of discussion should lead to any sort of argument....
And moreover, is the traditional wedding not enough to make her your woman already?

This is what happens when a man is with a woman because of what he can get from her earnings.

Sadly, they always get disappointed.

Brazenbabe:
That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

No point in all what you wrote but nagging.
Anty live all this ur mentality and assist ur husband wen u are married or bttr still if u are married.

I think you should have had some dialogue on this before now...how would this topic only Come up 3 weeks to the date, haba...!

Like others have said she was probably shocked by how direct you were. Maybe she was expecting you to foot the bill or she's offended at the thought of you eyeing her money

She shouldn't be behaving this way but it depends on the manner in which you said it.

It's even her family who is supposed to be paying for "white wedding" because that's how the "white" people overseas have been doing it (don't mention that to her though, make my comment no scatter you people )

seanwilliam:
with this attitude you cant last long in Africa matrimonial home save western world

well ,i was responding to what you wrote, except you have had a change of mind . If you want women to pay equal bills in an African marriage be ready to take equal responsibilities of both the home and parenting ,it's that simple else you guys should stop spiting trash about Nigerian women when you are no where near white men in reasoning or attitude either

I go beg her make she understand
Tell her you love her just as she is and that the reason you want to settle with her is because she is just herself
I go beg. Na man dey find wife....

victorian:
Lol what will u then do?

Remember uv paid her dowry and handled the traditional marriage all by yourself.

So what will u do, Mr handsome ?

Michellekabod2:
See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites

But is a woman not supposed to follow her husband home after traditional wedding??

So, after performing all traditional marriage rites you still call her your fiance?

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Inasmuch as u are trying 2 be prudent. dont 4get dis is africa where a man is expected 2 carry all d load in marriage. Unfortunately, Ur woman subscribe 2 dat school of thought. If u really want 2 marry dis woman. Do d needful n 4get whether she contribute or not.

this ops understand what women want.... he is giving her equality

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

I'll commend you for being a wise man. How I wish I fit like your comment more than once, you must be happily married, you don sabi women finish!

OP go back to your wife to be and beg her to let go any words you use that might have offended her, take your time and explain your reasons why you decided to let her partake in funding her day. Just like someone had said up there don't use the word sharing again rather go with your senses as a guy wer you be. Reassure her of your commitments to your family future as her husband.
Lastly, no matter how woman rich she doesn't welcome any man who so disturb her finances. My personal observation though. I wish you well and happy married life in advance.

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

To me, you took her unaware that's why she reacted this way

Both of you should have sat down earlier before now to make out plans on how you are going to get money or spend the money for wedding

That she earns over 200k is not the issue, the issue is the way you would have presented it, it would have been done in a way that you need her help with cooperation

Well visit her and find out why she is not picking calls, if she is reacting about the budget on her side

Just politely tell her that she should bear with you and the date can be shifted to enable you save some money

With that, it's either she cooperates or she finance her path

And if she agrees to your ideas, enjoy yourself and keep her busy with pregnancy

If she doesn't buy your idea, ask her what she wants and the way forward

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Well said it has to b tactical. But also study d woman u r marrying if she is d kind that is selfish, then she won’t b able to bail u out incase u hv any financial challenge.

I heard your story on 91.3 Lagos talks FM radio (itsokwithokey). She's is really pissed.

LordShiva97:
What's the problem here; you can't read or you have difficulty understanding simple English sentences?

What exactly is the OP feeling entitled to here, telling his fianceé to contribute 50% of the wedding budget when he alone has already financed the traditional wedding without any financial aid from her means he's feeling entitled to her job or money?
Haaaa!
*spits*

She's not yet ready for marriage.

Heeeeeeeeee... OP did not say she made no contributions to the trad oo.

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Why would you advice him to go on when the signs of chaos have risen over mere money? I personally have come to know the average Nigerian woman as very stingy. When you bring all they know is to demand and ask for the best. But when it's a bit tight for you and you ask them to shield you from the expenses,they would find a clear way to avoid the spending by even saying it's not necessary because it's their money. Fear Naija women.

creolehunt:
Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

Did she beg you to marry her?
Do as your power reach, you dey like person wey go dey count beans and rice for house.
Commot eye for her salary.

Davash222:
For the first time you’re making sense here. I’m impressed.

am honored...

So when will you ever make sense on this forum ?

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Well misunderstanding is one of the things that are almost unavoidable during the last few days to marriage, especially when it comes to financial issue. However, as a man, irrespective of what your woman is earning, everyone think you are solely responsible for all the expenses and in most cases, that is exactly how it is. That being said, I would state here that you shouldn't have done what you did by splitting the expenses into two, between both of you. It would have been better you told her look at what I have, instead of 100k wedding gown, let's buy the one of 20k, she will them step in and say, bring the 20k and let me add 80k. By the time you end the discussion, you will discover that she has contributed 50% without you telling her to do that.

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Stop calling her unless you don't know your value. Let her go because if you let her now be sure to always back down. And if you finish spending your money or get problem for front...she go leave you.. Naija women are only good for sex and bearing kids which you can get without marriage sef.

obinoral1179:
leave and go back to collect your traditional Money if she is not ready to support...

Best advice.

Is she not supposed to be in your house already?


Speaking from experience, if she doesn't assist you now, she will never assist you in future.


Although you don't deserve such advice or pity because we know your type

Michellekabod2:
am honored...

So when will you ever make sense on this forum ?

That was really below the belt.

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

If she decides to contribute.. .its fine.. But you are in no position to allocate anything for her to do.. .unless you are no longer a man.. .how can you be sharing wedding expenses with your lady?. ....if as a lady she decides to contribute.. .all well and good.. ..otherwise... As a man, it's in your place to do it.. .because she isn't marrying herself.. .please grow up

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

A wise man

I'm shocked at all the diplomatic and intelligent answers I'm seeing here.

When it comes to money, men suddenly grow some sensicles

You did the right thing.

No bitch should be allowed to be spending a brother's dough while keeping hers.

It is not proper before God and Man.

snowblaq:
[s]If she decides to contribute.. .its fine.. But you are in no position to allocate anything for her to do.. .unless you are no longer a man.. .how can you be sharing wedding expenses with your lady?. ....if as a lady she decides to contribute.. .all well and good.. ..otherwise... As a man, it's in your place to do it.. .because she isn't marrying herself.. .please grow up[/s]

Nonsense.

kinglee007:
"SWEETHEART, PLS WILL YOU MARRY ME? BEEN TO PLUTO AND BACK TO SEARCH FOR YOUR TYPE. GAVE UP ON THE SEARCH COS I THOUGHT YOU NEVER EXISTED. NEVER KNEW YOU WERE JUST A CLICK AWAY, HERE ON NAIRALAND".

I said I will use the 4.5m for my OWN business o....