₦airaland Forum

My advice to you is to be courageous enough to settle this first in the place of prayers.
Secondly, find time to discuss all these issues with her one -on-one and if possible avoid third party interference.
I want you to know that for you have tolerated/endured her attitude this long depicts you are mentally strong and wise.
You are blessed.

Rapecase:
Hmm. What does your friend's surname start with?

You actually got d trump card since she's dependent on you. E.g if you want this money, make Lil John happy, cook my meal, infact b a proper wife and the money is yours.

Id6019:
My advice to you is to be courageous enough to settle this first in the place of prayers.
Secondly, find time to discuss all these issues with her one -on-one and if possible avoid third party interference.
I want you to know that for you have tolerated/endured her attitude this long depicts you are mentally strong and wise.
You are blessed.

Guy forget prayers! U pray pass oyibo wey bring am come?

Rapecase:
I doubt. The mental health path is me questioning myself.

Am I demanding too much? Are my demands realistic or I am not normal? She is totally fine.

You aren't demanding for much. As for her mental state/health, you can't say for sure that she is fine(You can't be the judge of that).

It's either your wife doesn't love you ,or she has gone through or is going through something that has messed with her mental state which has in turn led to her trying to sabotage her marriage and maybe her life in general.

If it's the latter, she has no idea she is even sabotaging herself. The best you can do for her in this situation is to love her harder inspite of her shortcomings. This will encourage her to be more open to you. You should also talk to her about seeing a therapist.

Google "self sabotage" and you might be able to make some sense of the whole situation.

Flier:
Post your account balance and I will post mine, I bet your entire family don’t have 1/10 of what I have in my account beside I don’t work for anyone I employ people like you
Find better things to do with your time and stop fighting over wedding anniversary
It disgust me when I read about a full grown man fighting over unnecessary things

go and sit down joor, if you have no meaningful contribution to make

yeyeosoronga:
Get her to be more accountable to you, and even to herself.
Help her get a loan for her business, under her own name. You can act as a guarantor, so that las las if she defaults on payment , you will bail her out but that will allow her know that she can jeopardise her credit worthiness.
Allow people appreciate money, and don't make it seem as though it's so easy to get the money. She doesn't appreciate all you do because it probably comes on a platter.
If she is travelling and doesn't tell you of her plans, do same to her. Plan a travel for the weekend, perhaps to visit your parents or a business related trip and tell her the night before, or on the day before. Some people do things without consideration for others, not necessarily out of malicious intent but because they dont think deep enough. When you do same to her, she will develop empathy for that same thing and would have learnt a lesson. But if she doesn't care whether you tell her or not, sorry, love isn't a strong forte in your marriage. It doesn't mean you can't still have a good marriage. Many marriages still thrive on less, even without love so no biggie.
As per the sex thing, 3x a week is more than enough. Negotiate a timetable for sex. Yes, I said it. It should be spontaneous blablabla, but real life events may mean you won't get any, despite being married. So, negotiate early now. Why doesn't she like sex anymore? Is she always tired? Are her hormones playing up?, let her get her thyroid checked too. Fortunately, I hear there's a new drug to help women's libido sexually. It's not yet approved in most countries, but it could help her. There's also the Spanish fly nonsense they talk about. In the past, which position did she like during the act, let more of that happen now than just the one you like. Also, make sure you're still attractive to other women. Nobody likes a pot bellied, smelly person who wears one boxer shorts 2-3 days in a row. Always smell fresh, come home fromm work, take a shower , relax to have your meal and watch TV to unwind. Wear nice pyjamas or sleep wear , fresh ones daily. Even if its sleeping in a singlet due to heat, wear a fresh singlet.
I'm not been sarcastic here. You have to look after yourself. Not just because of your spouse, but for your own selfworthiness. Join a gym too while at it.
If you dont show others you value your looks, body and you're a god, how would they value it?

Love this comment... you are very Wise. �

Lol. You are a meal ticket. Painful thing is, it isnt even being hidden unlike normal practise.

Kill the beta in you. Or get killed, literally.

Rapecase:
Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.

Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.

When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this
coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).

I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.

Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.

My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.

Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.

Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.

The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.

Am I overreacting to expect my wife to

1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.

2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.

3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?

4. To at all time be the one making my meal.

Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).

I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?

Oga when your partner see you finish, they misbehave, usually it's men that put on this act more, but I will advice you to put on disguise method. It works like magic. Get a new number and download whatup, then get a sweet hot girl pictures like 20 pictures same girl. Chat with your real phone and the girls phone. Complain to the disguised phone all the dirty stuff your wife is doing. Oga tell the babe how she compliments you. Even promise to give her more money. Also send to her if she sees the 500.000 you sent her.. You married a selfish one but my LECTURER in sociology taught me, marriage is a mistake everybody must make and you must live with it. (IKENYI IMT ENUGU). SO DEAR PAPER DEM. REMEMBER TO FORGET YOUR PHONE AT HOME AFTER YOU MUST HAVE BUILD A FAKE CONVERSATION IN WHATSUP. SOME WOMEN LIKES COMPETITION. AGAIN JUST LIVE HOUSE ODD HOUR OR CHANGE YOUR MOVEMENT. SHE HAS BLACKMAILED YOU EMOTIONALLY SO RESET HER BRAIN. The fake phone must not be seen at home.

Mstick:
Oga if you’re running nuts like you claimed you wouldn’t add all the flimsy details about giving your wife money knowing fully well how much it triggers the boys on this forum, after all if you don’t give your wife money who will?

I don’t understand why you need to add the “she practically doesn’t work” part if you really don’t want your wife to be insulted by kids on this forum.

Your sex life is NOT anyone’s business and it’s also not for public consumption so why do you need to add that detail?

If you feel your wife doesn’t love you, don’t you think she’s on the best position to answer that instead of exposing your family to ridiculous advice from never do wells?

Very disappointed in this comment. Sincerely speaking, you have not said anything sensible. If he can help himself, he won't come here in the first instance.
Pls learn to show empathy when dealing with others.

Rapecase:
Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.

Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.

When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this
coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).

I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.

Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.

My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.

Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.

Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.

The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.

Am I overreacting to expect my wife to

1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.

2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.

3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?

4. To at all time be the one making my meal.

Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).

I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?

Your job as a husband is to love not the Wife - read Eph 5:33. Love at all cost, she will respect and reciprocate your love sir.

Mstick:
Nairaland alfa mails your food is ready it contains the usual
1) he gives his wife money
2) she denies him sex
3) she doesn’t work

Come and abuse OP’s wife, he has already laid her on a golden table for you guys.

OP, this is your wife... do your findings

CsRockefeller:
If we are being honest with ourselves, we can tell from few weeks after we get close to Mr A or Miss B that they are bad market.

It's glaring, but we choose to ignore them.

Yes, the signs are always obvious, but people claim love is blind, so what happens in marriage that their eyes now clear? Is it that after marriage the love dies and so the signs begin to show glaringly ?


No the problem is they ignore the red flags and begin to cry and lament more than the writer of the book of lamentations later in marriage.

yeyeosoronga:
Get her to be more accountable to you, and even to herself.
Help her get a loan for her business, under her own name. You can act as a guarantor, so that las las if she defaults on payment , you will bail her out but that will allow her know that she can jeopardise her credit worthiness.
Allow people appreciate money, and don't make it seem as though it's so easy to get the money. She doesn't appreciate all you do because it probably comes on a platter.
If she is travelling and doesn't tell you of her plans, do same to her. Plan a travel for the weekend, perhaps to visit your parents or a business related trip and tell her the night before, or on the day before. Some people do things without consideration for others, not necessarily out of malicious intent but because they dont think deep enough. When you do same to her, she will develop empathy for that same thing and would have learnt a lesson. But if she doesn't care whether you tell her or not, sorry, love isn't a strong forte in your marriage. It doesn't mean you can't still have a good marriage. Many marriages still thrive on less, even without love so no biggie.
As per the sex thing, 3x a week is more than enough. Negotiate a timetable for sex. Yes, I said it. It should be spontaneous blablabla, but real life events may mean you won't get any, despite being married. So, negotiate early now. Why doesn't she like sex anymore? Is she always tired? Are her hormones playing up?, let her get her thyroid checked too. Fortunately, I hear there's a new drug to help women's libido sexually. It's not yet approved in most countries, but it could help her. There's also the Spanish fly nonsense they talk about. In the past, which position did she like during the act, let more of that happen now than just the one you like. Also, make sure you're still attractive to other women. Nobody likes a pot bellied, smelly person who wears one boxer shorts 2-3 days in a row. Always smell fresh, come home fromm work, take a shower , relax to have your meal and watch TV to unwind. Wear nice pyjamas or sleep wear , fresh ones daily. Even if its sleeping in a singlet due to heat, wear a fresh singlet.
I'm not been sarcastic here. You have to look after yourself. Not just because of your spouse, but for your own selfworthiness. Join a gym too while at it.
If you dont show others you value your looks, body and you're a god, how would they value it?

I can't anything wiser than this. You are indeed a wise person.
But you know, women can be a world of uncertainty

Rapecase:
I have done this many times. She changes for one week then go back to status quo.


We discussed this at length. She probably thought it was funny or maybe because due to her excesses I stopped using a joint account with her. Before she controls everything until she does something I dislike and I overheard her father advising her to let me use my own account separately. The advise wasn't really bad perse but he was talking from the "she is my daughter angle" and before she could tell me anything I made my move.


I have sad her down many times. Many times. I merely came to Nairaland to be sure I am not overreacting and judging from the over 300 comments, I am not. My next action will shock even me.

Sir whatever you do next, please consider the future of your child(ren).

Whether you decided to divorce or get another lady outside, your kids should be your major priority.

Also try and get her parents to talk with her, because except she is also not interested again in the marriage, they should be changes gradually (if not immediately).

I really do feel you, you also need to build a strong support base offline outside Nairaland because you need to be mentally strong for what is coming next.

However, don't allow this situation degenerate into domestic violence.

It's well. May God wisdom guide and be with you in your next step.


Be Strong.

May God bless you sir

yeyeosoronga:
Get her to be more accountable to you, and even to herself.
Help her get a loan for her business, under her own name. You can act as a guarantor, so that las las if she defaults on payment , you will bail her out but that will allow her know that she can jeopardise her credit worthiness.
Allow people appreciate money, and don't make it seem as though it's so easy to get the money. She doesn't appreciate all you do because it probably comes on a platter.
If she is travelling and doesn't tell you of her plans, do same to her. Plan a travel for the weekend, perhaps to visit your parents or a business related trip and tell her the night before, or on the day before. Some people do things without consideration for others, not necessarily out of malicious intent but because they dont think deep enough. When you do same to her, she will develop empathy for that same thing and would have learnt a lesson. But if she doesn't care whether you tell her or not, sorry, love isn't a strong forte in your marriage. It doesn't mean you can't still have a good marriage. Many marriages still thrive on less, even without love so no biggie.
As per the sex thing, 3x a week is more than enough. Negotiate a timetable for sex. Yes, I said it. It should be spontaneous blablabla, but real life events may mean you won't get any, despite being married. So, negotiate early now. Why doesn't she like sex anymore? Is she always tired? Are her hormones playing up?, let her get her thyroid checked too. Fortunately, I hear there's a new drug to help women's libido sexually. It's not yet approved in most countries, but it could help her. There's also the Spanish fly nonsense they talk about. In the past, which position did she like during the act, let more of that happen now than just the one you like. Also, make sure you're still attractive to other women. Nobody likes a pot bellied, smelly person who wears one boxer shorts 2-3 days in a row. Always smell fresh, come home fromm work, take a shower , relax to have your meal and watch TV to unwind. Wear nice pyjamas or sleep wear , fresh ones daily. Even if its sleeping in a singlet due to heat, wear a fresh singlet.
I'm not been sarcastic here. You have to look after yourself. Not just because of your spouse, but for your own selfworthiness. Join a gym too while at it.
If you dont show others you value your looks, body and you're a god, how would they value it?

I feel you are over reacting.

So many people know about it, it's like you complain a lot to everyone. And this is getting her pissed off. Making her not take you seriously because she is used to your nagging.

Those guys asking you to cheat, use and dump side chick etc... If you adhere, we'll be expecting another thread like:
My side chick wants me to marry her
My side chick is pregnant for me
I've gotten infected with std/hiv
My wife wants a divorce and has decided to keep me away from my kids and wants 3/4 of my property.

Be grateful for what you have.

Reduce your expectations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMQl46r3ZiQ

If your woman is a village girl,she may not remember your wedding anniversary my brother and it doesn't mean she love you less .Learn to love the one you have married without excuse

membranus:
Then there is no joy or affection in your marriage.

Do something about it.

Hahahaha, I would marry my wife again if there is something like another life. My marriage is a blessed one with beautiful children. Living a modest life too. She asks for something in the morning, it is provided in the evening, I wouldn't joke with her o. She's a rare gem.. Celebrating things are just not my thing, no hard feelings. I don't even celebrate birthdays. Just my nature, Mr Arinurode Olumonranokan. Many of you attach so much to nothing

SURElee:
Yes, the signs are always obvious, but people claim love is blind, so what happens in marriage that their eyes now clear? Is it that after marriage the love dies and so the signs begin to show glaringly ?


No the problem is they ignore the red flags and begin to cry and lament more than the writer of the book of lamentations later in marriage.

Lol. Everyone should be extra vigilant. Lots of crazy people out there in suits and skirts.

Rapecase:
If you read the whole thread you will understand better

I didn't. Let me go back and read it through. Thanks

Esteemval:
but in this situation I'll advise you pray first, it hasn't failed before, or don't you have God,? don't you believe she can change?

She can. I just feel we place to much emphasis on prayers in this part of the world where issues can be simply resolved in other ways.

Sorry that you are going through all this...

THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

Find and gain back yourself ,the confident you, the you that women wants and admire , the apha you that makes money and takes care of his family , the sweet you that dresses well and wears good new perfume( buy a new perfume with a sweet fragrance) . Change your hair style... and stop or don’t complain again about anything ... focus on living a happier life style ... don’t look sad or down when you are making your own meal in the kitchen, you can as well be playing a sweet song while doing so. And when your wife initiates a conversation with you, answer her with smile and gladness like nothing it’s wrong .... find your sweet self again and watch how everything turn around.

And of cus pray for guidance

YOU DONT HAVE ANY ISSUE IN YOUR MARRIAGE , BRUH
LIVE YOUR BACHALOR LIFTSTYLE AGAIN but now with a Flatmate and your beautiful children to love and show care everything day.

I don’t even remember mine and I doubt if myself and my wife ever had an argument over this!
There is more to life than all that please. She loves you of course!

maasoap:
Hahahaha, I would marry my wife again if there is something like another life. My marriage is a blessed one with beautiful children. Living a modest life too. She asks for something in the morning, it is provided in the evening, I wouldn't joke with her o. She's a rare gem.. Celebrating things are just not my thing, no hard feelings. I don't even celebrate birthdays. Just my nature, Mr Arinurode Olumonranokan. Many of you attach so much to nothing

Okay oo Mr. Modest Family Man, just put a little spice to your marriage, it will taste more delicious.

It's just an advice oo, no offence meant.

Spread the word bro.
I don't hear our sweet lovely ladies saying anything. If he cheats and gets his nose or tongue cut-off, dem go talk say e deserve am

Officialgarri:
This is the result of emotional blackmail.

You have done nothing wrong. You have only asked your wife to be a wife.

Posterity will look the other way when you decide to take a drastic step against her.

Sense go kill you. Spoken like a real G

Jetfire:
Sorry that you are going through all this...

THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

Find and gain back yourself ,the confident you, the you that women wants and admire , the apha you that makes money and takes care of his family , the sweet you that dresses well and wears good new perfume( buy a new perfume with a sweet fragrance) . Change your hair style... and stop or don’t complain again about anything ... focus on living a happier life style ... don’t look sad or down when you are making your own meal in the kitchen, you can as well be playing a sweet song while doing so. And when your wife initiates a conversation with you, answer her with smile and gladness like nothing it’s wrong .... find your sweet self again and watch how everything turn around.

And of cus pray for guidance

YOU DONT HAVE ANY ISSUE IN YOUR MARRIAGE , BRUH
LIVE YOUR BACHALOR LIFTSTYLE AGAIN but now with a Flatmate and your beautiful children to love and show care everything day.

You see why it's good to marry your friend? Simply laying of bed..OP wants his wife to be doin it EVERY DAMN TIME. Chai. Relax my guy...you carry this marriage thing too much for head.

Rapecase:
I have done this many times. She changes for one week then go back to status quo.


We discussed this at length. She probably thought it was funny or maybe because due to her excesses I stopped using a joint account with her. Before she controls everything until she does something I dislike and I overheard her father advising her to let me use my own account separately. The advise wasn't really bad perse but he was talking from the "she is my daughter angle" and before she could tell me anything I made my move.


I have sad her down many times. Many times. I merely came to Nairaland to be sure I am not overreacting and judging from the over 300 comments, I am not. My next action will shock even me.

Your next action will shock even you? Oya destroy your marriage na with your two left hands. Calm down Biko.

This is serious! I hope she gets help and I hope you get help yourself over this terrible mental torture. You should involve her parents/parent figure or someone she really listens to if you haven't done that, or you both should go for professional counseling. And continue to pray, forever is a long time to be miserable.