You are not alone�. It is easy for people who have No marital experience to advice with their imagination. I feel your pain
To judge a matter there are two side to a story. Women are emotionally being. Maybe she's holding to a grudge or negligence
You are the only one that can help yourself, somehow, anyhow. You should talk to someone she respects so much, preferably older Couple that you both can trust.
Just see her as a weaker vessel. Sense of ownership make women act that way.
Just let her understand the implications. Dont get tired of explaining yourself in a loving way
Above all you will continue to forgive and love her ni
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
Her forgetin g the wedding anniversary not a big deal.
Most us we didnt see our parents celebrating such. So it not part of us.
But for you begging for sex all the time show a that love is not there, the love between two of you is one sided. Yeah it happen s that when you truly loves someone and the person don't value or regard you as a wife or husband . it may affect your emotions which on a long run look like mental issue or , if she is a woman it will make her to be aggressive.
Pray and stylishly ask her things she likes and things she doesn't, and work on them
I'm sorry for what you're going through bro but please if you guys can't really sit to talk about the issue boiling between y'all, then, treat her the same way she's treating you. Just focus on your kid and man, be happy. Happiness comes from within and you have every gadamn right to be in that state. It'll also be better to hear her side of the story though..
yeyeosoronga: Get her to be more accountable to you, and even to herself. Help her get a loan for her business, under her own name. You can act as a guarantor, so that las las if she defaults on payment , you will bail her out but that will allow her know that she can jeopardise her credit worthiness. Allow people appreciate money, and don't make it seem as though it's so easy to get the money. She doesn't appreciate all you do because it probably comes on a platter. If she is travelling and doesn't tell you of her plans, do same to her. Plan a travel for the weekend, perhaps to visit your parents or a business related trip and tell her the night before, or on the day before. Some people do things without consideration for others, not necessarily out of malicious intent but because they dont think deep enough. When you do same to her, she will develop empathy for that same thing and would have learnt a lesson. But if she doesn't care whether you tell her or not, sorry, love isn't a strong forte in your marriage. It doesn't mean you can't still have a good marriage. Many marriages still thrive on less, even without love so no biggie. As per the sex thing, 3x a week is more than enough. Negotiate a timetable for sex. Yes, I said it. It should be spontaneous blablabla, but real life events may mean you won't get any, despite being married. So, negotiate early now. Why doesn't she like sex anymore? Is she always tired? Are her hormones playing up?, let her get her thyroid checked too. Fortunately, I hear there's a new drug to help women's libido sexually. It's not yet approved in most countries, but it could help her. There's also the Spanish fly nonsense they talk about. In the past, which position did she like during the act, let more of that happen now than just the one you like. Also, make sure you're still attractive to other women. Nobody likes a pot bellied, smelly person who wears one boxer shorts 2-3 days in a row. Always smell fresh, come home fromm work, take a shower , relax to have your meal and watch TV to unwind. Wear nice pyjamas or sleep wear , fresh ones daily. Even if its sleeping in a singlet due to heat, wear a fresh singlet. I'm not been sarcastic here. You have to look after yourself. Not just because of your spouse, but for your own selfworthiness. Join a gym too while at it. If you dont show others you value your looks, body and you're a god, how would they value it?
crackkhaus: Your problem is lack of sex and the power you've given her to use it against you. Forgetting your anniversary is just a by-product of the real issues in your marriage.
The day you start begging a woman for sex, you start losing your self-worth and she will gradually start believing she can get away with anything since you will still meet her at night to beg for punny.
Just let her be sexually.
Continue with your duties as financial provider of the home generally, but reduce whatever she personally gets from you in a noticeable way.
As for your sexual needs, I won't hold it against you if you get it outside. That's exactly what I'd do in this scenario. Sex is too easy to get for one person to use it to imprison me.
By the time you don't kiss, touch, or even breath on her neck for the next 5months, no one will remind her to receive sense.
Your advice is okay, but the part I don't agree with is where you said he should have sex outside. Definitely, this will ruin the marriage and not bring the solution that he wants from our contributions. Sex with strange women outside will SURELY come with repercussions which may not have remedy even by the time the wife change.
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
Your wife is a total bitch who doesn't appreciate nor love you..but rather uses her greater tool emotional blackmail..women greatest weapon... Only men who know how to stand their ground and be in charge of their home and know how not to tolerate such B.S are able to tame such excesses from 9ja women who are mainly very selfish and self entitled.
For now is either you keep tolerating her selfish B.S or you put an end to it. you see women..once they notice they can yeyerize you without consequence you are finished as a man.I have seen many of such cases.
crackkhaus: Your problem is lack of sex and the power you've given her to use it against you. Forgetting your anniversary is just a by-product of the real issues in your marriage.
The day you start begging a woman for sex, you start losing your self-worth and she will gradually start believing she can get away with anything since you will still meet her at night to beg for punny.
Just let her be sexually.
Continue with your duties as financial provider of the home generally, but reduce whatever she personally gets from you in a noticeable way.
As for your sexual needs, I won't hold it against you if you get it outside. That's exactly what I'd do in this scenario. Sex is too easy to get for one person to use it to imprison me.
By the time you don't kiss, touch, or even breath on her neck for the next 5months, no one will remind her to receive sense.
Absolutely.Men should get this fact because it's 1000% true
abescom: You and your kind should learn not to comment on issues on nairaland if you have nothing tangible to say on the issue.
Many people who come here ( and I have had to at some point ) do so because they need help and want to get it without revealing their identity. The fact that you don't need such at the moment doesn't mean others are petty.
And he adding the money and work aspect is quite justifiable. He obviously is trying to make people see work isn't an excuse.
And if you give someone as much as he has said he gave and you still get called names because you help someone in genuine need you surely will be angry too.
Let's stop pulling others down because you have a way of belief that's different from theirs.
Thanks and God bless you. I would've told that guy the same for being so judgemental but I lack the energy to type.
As for the OP, his wife is a thorn in his flesh, clinging to him to serve as a punishment probably from a past misdeed.
Some people have heads, they don't have caps and some get cap, but no head There are people out there who will fast for 21 days straight to be in a marriage and this one is fumbling like this. Mr Rapecase, you didn't ask for too much from your wife. All these her attitude looks like someone who isn't matured. I wonder how old she is. But my theory is this: once you start chopping dick, you don wise be that.
We, women, hold dear the things that are of utmost importance to us. If she can forget anniversary dates, either you or the marriage isn't in her priority list. Something that I take time to plan for. We're still not back home from our one week away for the Val. Talk to her where she listens. People like you will be difficult to redeem once your cheating mode is pressed. Good luck trying. I hope she changes for the better.
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
Did you not notice some of these traits before you married? That is the problem. It's hard teaching an old dog new tricks
You are not ready to do what is necessary to enjoy your marriage and be in charge most of you young men of nowadays are so weak and it is so so pathetic!
How can you be asking an already married woman to do her duties?
Abeg I am tired of weak men abeg! Look at how a woman is twisting and turning you up and down with your money oh! God forbid , if you loose your job, do you know that this woman will give you high blood pressure and untimely death.
Well, if at any time you get your wits around you and you are ready to be a man do the following:
1, Stop worrying her, quit it all together. 2, Get a girlfriend outside or develop your masturbating skills to relieve yourself so that lust wont make you rush her and start begging. 3, Improve your dressing drastically. 4, Reduce drastically your communication with her to the basics. Don't be rude but be tarciturn. 5, While at home and in her presence make call to your lady friend and talk long and loud, in fact be joyful while making the calls or pretend you are talking to a lady but don't look at her while doing this. 6, Stop giving her money for her business. Of she asks let her know you are low on cash. Keep posting her. 7, If she makes move for sex, resist it and say you are not interested. Don't rush and go overboard to sex her or else the spell will be broken. I know most of you young men are weak I hope you have the strength to do the following.
IF YOU DO ALL THESE AND SHE STILL DOESNT CHANGE, DONT BOTHER, SHE HAS BECOME A LESBIAN! DIVORCE HER!
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
I'm just wondering, was there any hint of such behavior during courtship, even at the slightest (though I know one can't be perfect) ?
please would appreciate it if you could answer this. help a brother
I'm just wondering, was there any hint of such behavior during courtship, even at the slightest (though I know one can't be perfect) ?
please would appreciate it if you could answer this. help a brother
She always never apologise. I thought maybe she one of those who don't know when they are wrong and everything would change ... I was damn wrong and I am paying big time for it now.
Rapecase: She always never apologise. I thought maybe she one of those who don't know when they are wrong and everything would change ... I was damn wrong and I am paying big time for it now.
thanks sir, you just did me a big favor,
women don't really change in marriage ,they actually show those signs but it is usually ignored.
Thanks plenty sir
I pray everything gets resolved and she develops empathy.
Oga you don't have a wife,she just needed you to produce babies and make her financial stable then dump you. You seem to be the mumu lover .
For her business get a loan for her. House expense reduced it.and focus on your house building (sha look for a very detailed excuses for no money)
Don't beg her for sex,if she brings no take.(I won't encourage you to get it from outside,flee from the devil:woman.if the side chic knowns your weakness(mumu lover) you are a GO again.)
You don't need her attention, you have daughter they are more than enough,spend more time with them be their playmate
If you are not fashionable be so, go to gym, wear nice dresses and shoe ,nice hair cut, use good body cream perfume ,this pink lips balm go and buy it.
Occupy yourself with so many thing ,that you will forget she exist.
Have good relationship with people outside you and your wife.make friends with people outside her zone .
Give yourself and your children good treat .Enjoy life without her let her see you can life without her.
And be careful to get stab.
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
No woman can treat me like this. I have an inborn silent treatment mechanism to help me cope with shits like this. If I'm married to this type of woman, I'd drive her nuts by simply saying nothing. The house go tire her. Na she go carry her bag leave the house
Mstick: Oga if you’re running nuts like you claimed you wouldn’t add all the flimsy details about giving your wife money knowing fully well how much it triggers the boys on this forum, after all if you don’t give your wife money who will?
I don’t understand why you need to add the “she practically doesn’t work” part if you really don’t want your wife to be insulted by kids on this forum.
Your sex life is NOT anyone’s business and it’s also not for public consumption so why do you need to add that detail?
If you feel your wife doesn’t love you, don’t you think she’s on the best position to answer that instead of exposing your family to ridiculous advice from never do wells?
Rapecase: I doubt. The mental health path is me questioning myself.
Am I demanding too much? Are my demands realistic or I am not normal? She is totally fine.
The first thing I would have done if I were to be in ur shoes is to relieve the house help of her job, pay her off n let her go. Ur wife will wake from her slumber and know exactly what it is to be a wife n mother, she'll know her duties n responsibilities too den she'll appreciate n respect u. OP, pls, don't loose ur sanity
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
I think you need to seat her down and have a conversation with her.
Heart-2-Heart conversation. Express your dissatisfaction and pains to her.
I also think you should have speak up about things you dislike instead of keeping mute thinking things would change.
You don't like something but you refuse to let her know about it, how do you want her to make necessary adjustments needed.
Also before helping the sister (her friend), did you discuss your plan with her first as your wife before giving the woman money?
I don't subscribe to your wife not informing you about her movement, she live under your roof, you are the first point of call, if for any reason she is unreachable, so you can't be clueless about her movement.
Please make a list of things you want her to improve on and have a conversation with her as husband and wife. Also be ready to make some amendment from your side, because I believe you also have some behaviours she dislikes but yet to discuss with you.
After your conversation, I believe things should change if both parties still want to remain married to each other.
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
I think you need to seat her down and have a conversation with her.
Heart-2-Heart conversation. Express your dissatisfaction and pains to her.
I also think you should have speak up about things you dislike instead of keeping mute thinking things would change.
You don't like something but you refuse to let her know about it, how do you want her to make necessary adjustments needed.
I have done this many times. She changes for one week then go back to status quo.
before helping the sister (her friend), did you discuss your plan with her first as your wife before giving the woman money?
We discussed this at length. She probably thought it was funny or maybe because due to her excesses I stopped using a joint account with her. Before she controls everything until she does something I dislike and I overheard her father advising her to let me use my own account separately. The advise wasn't really bad perse but he was talking from the "she is my daughter angle" and before she could tell me anything I made my move.
Please make a list of things you want her to improve on and have a conversation with her as husband and wife. Also be ready to make some amendment from your side, because I believe you also have some behaviours she dislikes but yet to discuss with you.
After your conversation, I believe things should change if both parties still want to remain married to each other.
I have sad her down many times. Many times. I merely came to Nairaland to be sure I am not overreacting and judging from the over 300 comments, I am not. My next action will shock even me.
Mstick: Oga if you’re running nuts like you claimed you wouldn’t add all the flimsy details about giving your wife money knowing fully well how much it triggers the boys on this forum, after all if you don’t give your wife money who will?
I don’t understand why you need to add the “she practically doesn’t work” part if you really don’t want your wife to be insulted by kids on this forum.
Your sex life is NOT anyone’s business and it’s also not for public consumption so why do you need to add that detail?
If you feel your wife doesn’t love you, don’t you think she’s on the best position to answer that instead of exposing your family to ridiculous advice from never do wells?
...and don't you think you're better off moving on and not commenting at all?
Rapecase: Edit - to those who may be wondering about my username, I created this account whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.
Our 4th anniversary was few days ago, as I thought she would , my wife forgot the date. It ordinarily would not have hurt me so much but I have always had this feeling that she doesn't love me.
When we were dating she was all over me. But nothing I do ever since we got married gets appreciated. Few months ago she hurled abuses on me for helping a sister, a friend of hers, who lost a child and are homeless. And what's the help? Just 100k. Apparently I enjoy abandoning her need for others. And this coming from a woman who few days earlier was saying I had invested over 2m on her business in a short while ( by her own calculation, as I don't take note when giving her money ).
I told a mother figure in church who is close to both me, her and the family I helped who corrected her. Expect if she will apologise tomorrow.
Off course the lady I helped in question is idiotic but I can't bear her and house and kids being homeless especially after losing a child.
My wife will never apologise when she does sometime I object to. Her apology which is often done in the most demeaning way is only tendered if I take the issue over board.
Our sex life since we got married has been poor to the extreme. I have ensured I do not cheat, not for a single day but I constantly have to beg for sex or masturbate to relieve myself.
Laying our bed is always a war for her. She does it only when she wants. Mind you we have two kids and a maid who helps with virtually everything.
The maid in the morning ( 90% of the time ) makes the breakfast, clean the house while she only baths our first child and get her ready for school, I take her to school most of the time.
Am I overreacting to expect my wife to
1. Properly apologise when she does something I do not like and ensure she doesnt repeat it? For instance few days ago she was planning on traveling outside our base, I only got to know through her phone conversation with her sister although she didn't eventually travel, I felt I should have known before hand as I got to know a night before. Till date what I got in form of apology is, "I would have told you". She was planning to travel by 5am, I heard her conversation by 10pm a night before and we slept on the same bed.
2. Sex at least 3 times a week? I stopped trying to initiate it after so many rejections.
3. Not to forget important dates such as our wedding anniversary?
4. To at all time be the one making my meal.
Please note she practically doesn't work now. We are setting up a fashion house for her she has taken over 3m from me as of the time of writing this. Note my cloths go to dry cleaners. Only thing she does is cook my meal ( when she wants ).
I am beginning to think maybe I am a mental health patient who doesn't know yet. Maybe something is wrong with me and I am just reacting based on that?
wow and this is just your 4th anniversary and she is already misbehaving lo, bro your wife used you and yes of course maybe she loved you right from the beginning but along the line something's might have changed and she is not willing to carry you along and because you guys have a children together she feels you cannot do anything about it. Just tell her to pack her things and move out with her children then see how hard she would be begging you not because of your own children but because the benefits she gets from you would be over. Man up take care of your children and leave her once and for all.
crackkhaus: Your problem is lack of sex and the power you've given her to use it against you. Forgetting your anniversary is just a by-product of the real issues in your marriage.
The day you start begging a woman for sex, you start losing your self-worth and she will gradually start believing she can get away with anything since you will still meet her at night to beg for punny.
Just let her be sexually.
Continue with your duties as financial provider of the home generally, but reduce whatever she personally gets from you in a noticeable way.
As for your sexual needs, I won't hold it against you if you get it outside. That's exactly what I'd do in this scenario. Sex is too easy to get for one person to use it to imprison me.
By the time you don't kiss, touch, or even breath on her neck for the next 5months, no one will remind her to receive sense.
To think you claim to be an adult with sense, is this what sensible adults advise others to do?
Nothing happens to your sanity bro, you are not demanding too much either. You are too soft..... Just keep talking to her and if she doesn't listen.... Find something to do to ignore her for sometime to restore her to default level
OP from your write up I can guess you have almost always been that soft guy that does everything to please your lady, and that attitude is affecting your marriage now because your wife is confortable and she knows there nothing you can do regardless of the amount of her Bleep ups. Remember how girls would do everything to please a boyfriend who is a jerk and would treat those very nice guys as trash. That happens because the babe knows that the nice guy would still come to beg even if she misbehaves. You need to change this now in your marriage and start acting like that 'jerk'. It might take a lot of time for things to change but it will definitely work for you.
Acting like a jerk doesn't meaning abusing your wife in anyway, it simply means saying NO when her conditions doesn't please you. It means becoming selfish.
The first resolution to problems in relationships is communication. If you have tabled these issues properly before her and she isn't still changing then it is time to become a selfish person.
1. She isn't working yet, so you really don't need a house help. Sack her and let your wife do her marital duties. Let your wife know her place in the home.
2. If she doesn't apologize properly for her previous Bleep up, don't grant her next financial request or any request at all. Tell her to apologize properly and still don't grant her request immediately. Grant it probably 24 hrs after she has apologized properly.
3. Never beg her for sex again in your life. Yes, I said that!! Never ever in your miseraby konjified life beg her for sex. Use porn and self service yourself. If I were you though, I would definitely get a side chic once she i see I'm begging for sex. But if you can do without a side chic, please do that because they said extra marital affairs destroys marriage and it is true to some extent. 4. Get yourself a place where you'll hangout until late night and get home very unusally late. This should raise her suspicion. she would become conscious that you can actually do without her and the whole sex thing entirely. Do this for 3-4 months at a go and you'll see changes.
Seriously, your marriage needs to be about give and take from this point. If she needs something from you she needs to do something to please you or else she isn't getting it. If she refuses to cook or clean the house then she isn't getting her next request because you aren't pleased with her. And you tell her why you are not pleased, don't just keep it to yourself. OP, it won't be easy but I can bet there would be changes. Hit me up on in WhatsApp 08100353991if you would like to talk about it. I just hate when ladies start treating their men like trash. That shit must be corrected.
OP from your write up I can guess you have almost always been that soft guy that does everything to please your lady, and that attitude is affecting your marriage now because your wife is confortable and she knows there nothing you can do regardless of the amount of her Bleep ups. Remember how girls would do everything to please a boyfriend who is a jerk and would treat those very nice guys as trash. That happens because the babe knows that the nice guy would still come to beg even if she misbehaves. You need to change this now in your marriage and start acting like that 'jerk'. It might take a lot of time for things to change but it will definitely work for you.
Acting like a jerk doesn't meaning abusing your wife in anyway, it simply means saying NO when her conditions doesn't please you. It means becoming selfish.
The first resolution to problems in relationships is communication. If you have tabled these issues properly before her and she isn't still changing then it is time to become a selfish person.
1. She isn't working yet, so you really don't need a house help. Sack her and let your wife do her marital duties. Let your wife know her place in the home.
2. If she doesn't apologize properly for her previous Bleep up, don't grant her next financial request or any request at all. Tell her to apologize properly and still don't grant her request immediately. Grant it probably 24 hrs after she has apologized properly.
3. Never beg her for sex again in your life. Yes, I said that!! Never ever in your miseraby konjified life beg her for sex. Use porn and self service yourself. If I were you though, I would definitely get a side chic once she i see I'm begging for sex. But if you can do without a side chic, please do that because they said extra marital affairs destroys marriage and it is true to some extent. 4. Get yourself a place where you'll hangout until late night and get home very unusally late. This should raise her suspicion. she would become conscious that you can actually do without her and the whole sex thing entirely. Do this for 3-4 months at a go and you'll see changes.
Seriously, your marriage needs to be about give and take from this point. If she needs something from you she needs to do something to please you or else she isn't getting it. If she refuses to cook or clean the house then she isn't getting her next request because you aren't pleased with her. And you tell her why you are not pleased, don't just keep it to yourself.
OP, it won't be easy but I can bet there would be changes. Hit me up on in WhatsApp 08100353991if you would like to talk about it. I just hate when ladies start treating their men like trash. That shit must be corrected.
