Rapecase:
It has been like this from the beginning.

I only just started getting fed up and actually beginning to give up.

I endured this far because I know many youths look up to me and I can't disappoint them but I am running mad.

She left off this morning. Told me three days ago she was traveling today. Nothing said about the purpose of the trip. I got to know from a mother figure that she went to buy some stuffs, gave her 400k for her business days ago which she went to buy stuff with but should a sane woman not tell me her whereabout.

I am just praying she does what she has never done before, fail to return home tonight, it will be the end of us.

Rapecase:
This is exactly what I have decided on. I am moving out. Will fend for them all but I am moving out. Someone in my church already called the pastor to involve him but THIS TIME THERE IS NO STOPPING ME. I DONT THINK GOD IS WICKED TO PUNISH ME FOR WANTING TO HAVE SOME SANITY.

I HAVE GIVEN IT MY ALL. I WORK BETWEEN 12-14 hours per day and the only time I don't work all I get is issues.

I am 100% moving out.

Itcanbefixed:
I tell people that during courtship, most of the time, the parties involved are just pretending, this is because, both parties, are trying as much as possible to show their good side. Reality of who we really begins to show 0 - few years down the line. The way we handle this reality is how well our relationship with our spouses will progress.

In relation to this matter, sometimes we need to change ourselves to see the change that we desire in others. This new part of your wife may be as a result of hidden traits that spouses fail to pay attention to during courtship. For most marriages, you will hardly escape this occurrence. I did not escape this in my marriage

There are so many things that will be required for a proper advice to be given on this matter, honestly, it will be difficult to just blame your wife for all you have mentioned without getting her own views. However, I will try as much as possible to try to use the closest possible examples.

1. Does your wife express satisfaction after you both have sex (I asked this, because if she doesn't enjoy it, she would not see the need for it) -
Solution : Please go and learn techniques to please your wife if she doesn't, wives will tell their husbands if they enjoy sex one way or the
other, if she has not been saying so, please go and learn! Also, there is a need to ask her if you are satisfying her in this regard, asking does not do
any harm, It's your marriage, I ask my wife regularly, it was from our discussion that I discovered that I needed to up my game, now I get regular
thank you e.t.c note: I don't use sex enhancement drugs, burantashi e.t.c (No pride intended) just fruits that I learnt on google through simple
searches like "fruits / foods that aid sex e.t.c

2. Not all Humans Believe in Giving Freely: Some women perceive giving freely as waste of money, some like to put a value and calculation to
every single kobo you give. This should not be counted against her because the kind of training she received for the over 18 or more years before
you guys got married is different, families, environment etc of couples are different, trust me, not all signs are seen during dating or courting.
Solution :If you try to forcefully bend a dried fish, It will break, however, by applying techniques such as soaking in water and been gentle,
you will eventually be able to bend the once dried fish. Marriage involves the act of trying different methods to make it work, if you try one method
and it does work try another method. With time and constant discussions , you wife may begin to accept that charity is an acceptable way of
life.

3. House Chores / Keeping the House Tidy / Making of Bed : Not all marriages are the same, not all women are the same, not all men are the
same, It is easier to tolerate your wife than trying to make her suddenly become what she has not been trained to be by upbringing.
Solution :Used to complain about my wife not making bed, not keeping the room tidy etc until I came to the realization that what I ever say
or do concerning this will not change my wife, this was causing some much friction until I decided to start doing this my self or just look the other
way. Believe me, I have more peace and we fight less because of this, dont mind people that will call you all sort of names for trying to save your
marriage, cos if I dont tell you "how will you accuse my wife of these things". If you cannot live with the flaws of your spouse, it may be difficult to
have a peaceful home, cause only you can tolerate not fix your wife.

4. Third Parties : I dont know who involved pastors, elderly women etc in your martial issues, but not all women like third parties to hear about
their flaws or weakness, some of the new attitudes of your wife may be because of this.
Solution : Try as much as possible to discuss your marital issues alone without a third party. Even if you have to do this, it should be only for
the purpose of advice from trusted people that will not give you advice to destroy your home, preferably without the knowledge of your wife to
avoid issues, but with time you will learn how to apply right actions without consulting anyone.

5. Your marriage is still fixable ! you have to change yourself to see the change that you desire in others.


I hope this helps!

Alero3Arubi:

God bless you.
Your number 4 has crashed this table.
Most people do not know some women hate third party whether it is their own family or otherwise.
That thing is very annoying, it can pain and cause hate to fester and revenge to brew.
The grudge this third party causes in the heart of the woman is so big it can cause rift in the marriage.
Fear women especially that don't argue during the reporting. That will just be looking and agreeing to the advice. The revenge they are planning eh... only God can save you.

Belafonte:


I find this funny. For a man to swallow his pride and involve outsiders in his marriage is an embarrassing situation that he will only do when he has tried all he can and his wife is unresponsive to his attempts at resolving issues.

If he eventually seeks outside help to straighten things with his wife after failing to do so himself and his wife is hatching revenge plans, then that marriage is as good as over. I wouldn’t invite other people to mediate between my wife and I as I value my privacy. I won’t disturb myself over a recalcitrant wife either. I would just ignore her till sense falls on her. She dey crase

Alero3Arubi:

God bless you.
Your number 4 has crashed this table.
Most people do not know some women hate third party whether it is their own family or otherwise.
That thing is very annoying, it can pain and cause hate to fester and revenge to brew.
The grudge this third party causes in the heart of the woman is so big it can cause rift in the marriage.
Fear women especially that don't argue during the reporting. That will just be looking and agreeing to the advice. The revenge they are planning eh... only God can save you.

Belafonte:


Look, church and church people cannot help you in this matter. They will only help you patch your marriage and help you endure the bullshit till your old age when it would be too late to make any drastic moves.

No disrespect intended, but fûck you’re pastors. If they could help, they would have done so with your constant reporting and their constant counseling.

Take practical steps and save your marriage or, at least, your dignity

freecocoahubby:



Lmao! You dey mind am

Mstick is a well known yabaleft escapee with severe daddy issues who hides under the cloak of "feminism", spending hours ranting in the family section like a mad dog!

She only regurgitated that stupiid post in a desperate attempt at garnering 'likes' ... funniest part is the simpleton actually thought her usual cohorts will join the bandwagon to hurl insults at OP.. but unfortunately only ended up exposing how idiotic and frustrated she is right on the front page.. smh

Mac2016:

Bro,
This issue is fundamental. I suggest you ask her in a soft way what is wrong.. I believe she will believe you are the one that have changed. And I think she would be right...
I said fundamental cos I can see you were selfish while dating her.. Because she's so beautiful or for the reason best known to you, You over pushed your luck with her while dating.. Everything was okay with you just to have her.. You were persistent, your love was overwhelming and you didn't allow her to make a choice.. Your love overwhelmed her and persuaded her to marry you.
Now you have changed, you want to start setting things aright.. Hmmm. It will take divine intervention to right your fundamental errors.
I have assumed and I doubt if I will be far from the truth.. I may err tho .
Take it easy with her please. Give her time to choose to be your best friend thru softness if you demand it by some form of avoidance as punishment, I bet you will lose her and cry the more.
Others shd learn from this o. Either guy or girl, never use overwhelming love to push someone to marry you, allow them to love you also.. Your strength alone is not enough to sustain your marriage it can only sustain a relationship

flakesy01:


Makes a whole lot of sense. Are you a marriage counselor or you are speaking from experience?

Rapecase:
I have done this many times. She changes for one week then go back to status quo.


We discussed this at length. She probably thought it was funny or maybe because due to her excesses I stopped using a joint account with her. Before she controls everything until she does something I dislike and I overheard her father advising her to let me use my own account separately. The advise wasn't really bad perse but he was talking from the "she is my daughter angle" and before she could tell me anything I made my move.


I have sad her down many times. Many times. I merely came to Nairaland to be sure I am not overreacting and judging from the over 300 comments, I am not. My next action will shock even me.

Mac2016:

I'm gifted in deep thinking only.. Have not turned this into a profession tho! Thanks for the compliment... I appreciate

flakesy01:


Please do keep us posted on all what transpired after. Don't get me wrong o, it is for mere educational purpose. Thank you. Wish you luck though.

Rapecase:
She has done worst and even though the church has stepped in, I am moving out. I have done my best and proud of my effort to keep things together but it simply isn't working.

crackkhaus:
Your problem is lack of sex and the power you've given her to use it against you.
Forgetting your anniversary is just a by-product of the real issues in your marriage.

The day you start begging a woman for sex, you start losing your self-worth and she will gradually start believing she can get away with anything since you will still meet her at night to beg for punny.

Just let her be sexually.

Continue with your duties as financial provider of the home generally, but reduce whatever she personally gets from you in a noticeable way.

As for your sexual needs, I won't hold it against you if you get it outside. That's exactly what I'd do in this scenario.
Sex is too easy to get for one person to use it to imprison me.

By the time you don't kiss, touch, or even breath on her neck for the next 5months, no one will remind her to receive sense.

Sellout:
I'm sorry but this is totally wrong do not follow this advice, lol please don't come to social media and listen to rubbish cooked up by people who can't save their own. You are indirectly telling him to go and cheat on his wife because she refused sex.
You see all this things you wrote her OP, type it in a letter and send to your wife. Let her know this is how you feel word for word. You said she was over you during your courtship days and then things changed. Did u bother to give her the attention you would usually give her while you two were still dating. Do you take her out, spoil her.

Establish a very open communication between yourself and her, do the unusual, tell her you want the other side you saw that made you fall in love, tell her memories, women clings to memories she might not show it immediately but it will awaken a consciousness and she would think about it.

Please DON'T CHEAT! undoing it can never happen.

God bless

Rapecase:
She has done worst and even though the church has stepped in, I am moving out. I have done my best and proud of my effort to keep things together but it simply isn't working.