₦airaland Forum

TonyeBarcanista:
Simple! It is not for everyone

TonyeBarcanista:
I don't think the article is too long

Pataricatering:
The most important part which u forgot to add - he must buy a good koboko because from all what u described - he is oga headmaster - so he needs a good cane to flog his erring wife and kids if they flour his authority . U people and ur dumb ego - ul never learn . How many women do u think will sit down and take d rubbish u typed here ? Yes master , ur wish is my command ! Lol . Marriage is a 50/50 partnership - better get with the program .

TonyeBarcanista:
By TonyeBarcanista

One of the major problems bedevilling the society is the collapse of relationships, courtships, marriages and family system. Although people in these failed relationships do credit their partners as those responsible for the collapse, but I believe that most marital relationship collapse due to the failure of men to be men! Being a man comes with some burden of responsibilities that nature in her wisdom has placed on male folks. The way and manner men, as family heads, realise and discharge these responsibilities will ultimately determine the fate of the relationship/marriage, and the beginning of this start at the foundation of the relationship. To have successful relationship, men should note the following;
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Starting A Relationship:
Before starting a relationship, it is expected of the man to determine his life's vision, as well as and his expectations from himself first and his would-be partner. He has to also determines physical and non physical features of his would-be partner in terms of beauty, physique, character, medical, ethnicity, faith, age, education, ideology, etc. Every man must determine his according to his heart desire and must not be coerced or bullied by societal or peers narratives to accept any standard other than his.

The next stage is to approach/woo only ladies that appeals to them and also pass character test according to their expectations. The character of a would-be partner is the very key as it determines the happiness or otherwise of the budding relationship/marriage/family. This is one step that no man can afford to gamble with. The ideological, faith, medical, and others must not be gambled with. The truth about relationship is that good character is not enough qualification for a man to decide to settle with a woman. A woman's ideology, perspective towards life, family, genotype, faith, culture, tradition, family, sex and other sociocultural issues goes a long way to determine her compatibility or otherwise with the man. For instance, a man that believes in the traditional hierarchial headship of a husband has no business getting married to a woman that doesn't hold such ideology sacred. Partners with fundamental ideologies different from each other have no business marrying each other. Doing so will only be laying foundation for an inevitable doom era. May I emphasize that NO MAN should relegate his ideology in order to accommodate any woman for any reason.

Set Ground Rules And Stick To It
Every man should lay basic ground rule governing the relationship from the onset and ensure strict compliance. One important area that should not be overlooked is the subject of privacy. There is no privacy between a pair as long as relationship is concerned. Each should have unrestricted access to the other, including knowing passwords of phones; it is not a sign of insecurity contrary to what society would want to make one belief, it is simply a testament of oneness. As a man, any woman that doesn't believe in "No Privacy" relationship is most likely hiding something from you and should be a no-no.

Post-Proposal/Marriage Stage
With all the aforesaid in check and confirmed, men in relationship should proceed to take only women that match their criteria and meet their respective physical, character, ideological and other fundamental requirements to the "village" and altar, and do the needful. The purpose of courtship is not just for "free sex", it is a platform for would-be couple to confirm compatibility.

Once married, men should be prepared for greater task as family head, and ensure he leads by example, while their partner (and kids) also live by the family standard. Men shouldn't be slow to assert authority, appropriate sanctions and discipline on whoever that derails from the path, including himself.

Some Key Responsibilities And Expectations For Men
Having established the above, a man must recognise that as the hierarchical head and burden bearer of the relationship and marriage, he is saddled with greater responsibilities and expectations than his partner and/or any other member of the household.
[img]https://tenntuxx.files./2018/09/blackmanfamily.jpg[/img]

Some key responsibilities/Expectations include;

Fairness: Being head of family doesn't mean the man is a higher human to the wife or the children. It only put him at the top of authority within the family. He must be fair in his dealings with his wife at all times, knowing that he is accountable to God and nature. In fact, a man that isn't fair in his dealings will never know peace in the home.

Leadership: As a man, you can't flout rules and regulations and expect the woman to abide by it. It doesn't work that way! Leadership is by example, and men who aren't living exemplary lose every moral justification to address err by his woman or even his children.

Independent Mind: A man should have an independent mind that is not influenced by peers or societal narratives. He must realise that issues that concern relationship and home affairs are unique and he doesn't need popular opinion of relatives and strangers (on and off social media) before taking decision.

Openness To Ideas; Although a man is expected to possess independent mind, he is bound to open his mind to opinion and ideas of his woman on virtually all issues without having an impressionist mind. Though a man is the head and final authority, he is not omniscient. He may not even be the most knowledgeable between the pair. Even if he is the most knowledgeable, he may not be the most knowledgeable on the issue in question. Also, there is a wise saying that no idea is a waste, this applies to relationship. His final decision must be in the overall interest of the union irrespective of whether it comes from him or his wife.

NB: Without prejudice, a man must insist on decisions and actions that he is of a strong conviction that is of the benefit of the union/family even if his partner insists otherwise. But he should be prepared for the consequences should the action/decision yield unfavourable outcome.

Responsibility: A man must be first be responsible to himself and the woman in his life. A responsible man is one that knows his onion and live a life worthy of emulation. An irresponsible man cannot lead a woman not to talk of family.

Accountable: Although his woman is accountable to him in all things, the man is expected to first account to himself and the woman in his life. That way he shows a pathway for the woman to follow.

NB: A woman that is not prepared to be accountable to the man is a no-no irrespective of other factors.

Financial Stability: While no one expect a man to be very wealthy or live in affluence before meeting a woman, it is expected that he should at least have source of livelihood that to be able to cater for his needs and that of his partner/family. Any man that is yet to have good source of livelihood should suspend the idea of marriage altogether until he is ready. It is not a crime to be broke, but it is a sin for a grownup man without anything doing to be talking of relationship and marriage. The reason is simple, the woman is not meant to take care of financial any burden! It is the man's responsibility to cater for the woman and the home while the woman gives helping hand. I repeat, the woman is meant to give helping/supporting hand and not to inherit the main burden.

Chief Planner: The man in the relationship is chiefly responsible for making short and long term plans to ensure that his relationship and home doesn't suffer; and ensure that he sticks to it. This is very important as those who fail to plan end up losing it. Although a woman is expected to partner her man, it is still the man's responsibility to ensure things work as the Planner in Chief.

Physical/Mental/Emotional
/Sexual Fitness: Every man should always take priority of physical, mental and sexual fitness. A man who is weak physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually is not appealing to a woman. In fact, no woman wants, deserves nor desires one who is physically weak, emotional wimp, mental retard and one who cannot perform sexually (not saying men should start using drugs). Men that fall short in these areas will have serious problem in their relationship/family. It is the duty of the man to work on his weaknesses!

Discipline: A man should discipline himself as by doing this he creates precedent for his partner and children to follow. No man should tolerate or forgive indiscipline in his home, not from himself, his woman/wife/girlfriend or children. Discipline is one of the way of expressing love.

Godfearing And Godly: All said, this is the most important. Any man that fears God will love and honor His Words, and will want to live godly life; and thereby be the best man any family would have. By this I don't mean outward religiosity (like many) or mere churchgoer, but for one to have reverence towards God Almighty and to follow His word.

Finally, marriage is not a bed of roses but it is a union ordained by God meant for human pleasure and not for humans to endure. But it is the duty of the man to seek and insist on woman that meets his desires and matches his expectations to have his dream home.

May God Bless Us All...

writeprof:
Thanks OP, I took my time to read this essay. It is quite instructive and I like the fact that you rightly and graphically captured with umbrella. God instituted marriage and He still gives spouse (wife or husband) to people. Where you talked about one having the characteristics one needs in a woman is important however, if a man who wants to marry under submission to Christ decides to involve God in it by PRAYERS and FASTINGS, there is a lot of possibility that his own characteristics will give way to God's own.
For example, I already decided I would get married to ladies from two tribes within my state. I wanted a tall lady. A university graduate and others. But I handed it over to God with two conditions (1) I want a wife that would join and help me to serve God better (2) I want a wife that would give me peace at home- that I would look forward to going home to meet no matter what- I had worked with married colleagues who feared going home because of issues at home.
I prayed and when I was to see my would be wife, she was totally not from my state and a tribe that I had never given a thought that my wife would come from. But primarily, after 7 years and still counting in marriage GOD met my 2 conditions which have primarily made it 'easy' to tide over other challenges.

TonyeBarcanista:
Submission isn't the only issue bro. Take your time and read if you haven't

ImaIma1:
Submission is the only part that usually interests my Nairaland brothers

ImaIma1:
At least this write up is better than the last one that seemed to be subjective.

proclinician:
No man marries a woman that does not understand that he isthe head of the family because he is the man. The ide ji uno. All of you bitter, deranged and non compos mentis old women making a lot of noise instead of getting some useful education for self advancement are very much aware that these wailings starts and ends on a faceless forum. No more no less

SocialJustice:
Lol, please go visit twitter and see how pathetic and weak men have become.

TonyeBarcanista:
Your feedback is noted but not solicited.


Thanks

SocialJustice:
Lol, please go visit twitter and see how pathetic and weak men have become.

wany:
How have they become weak and pathetic ? It is what this generation has brought forth , sad you cant turn back the hands of time to our mothers time.where women were seen and not heard. Note our mothers were not empowered.the melinia women are more woke,empowered, opinionated and enlighten,so it is difficult to dominate and control.and this is what you call weak and pathetic, the only thing that is constant is change and more change is coming.

SocialJustice:
Weakling trying to sound strong and informed. The woman doesn't have to be silent and unseen but she must know her place. She is not created equal with the man and the man must also know his office. The man abdicating his office and making himself equal to the woman is the worst thing to have happened to humanity.

Good thing there are some of us left who know what thde man is and what the woman is.

Ivebeenbanned:
Stop seeing marriage as a Boss-employee relationship but rather as two friends...PARTNERS that chose each other. Women don't need leadership, keep thinking like this your marriages will keep ending.

Netblyss:
Wow! Just wow! Just look at what you just typed.
Those women who won't sit down and take this "rubbish" where are they now?

I think you need to get off your high horse.

Marriage is a partnership quite all right but whether you like it or not someone must lead and that some one is the man.
Being led is not a bad thing and that is why we must always pray for a good and morally upright man.

In every association, there must be a leader else anarchy

dinachi:
Nice ideas I must say! But all these will never work with the high rate of lesbians in Nigeria right now!

professore:
Although that part that suggests courtship involves free sex does not support the godly aspect you introduced later. Apart from that, your write up was beautiful.

MrMacinterchi1:
Where is your source of information from?

dinachi:
My dear, your mentality belongs to the 18th century!

Every Nigerian Girl who passed through secondary school in the late 90s are lesbians , go and ask.

wany:
And where is the place of a woman? by been coward,Sad you just have to deal with the truth.the modern day women is too empowered to be in your league.but the good news is ,if grandmum is still existing in the village she can arange you a nice /homely girl from the village but be rest assured that one day she will be woke by her environment and also get empowered with or without you and become the mordern day woman.is just the sad truth

frankony2001:
I took time to read your writeup and I appreciate the time you spent to do it. But there are some areas I could not agree with you. In some areas you encouraged the wife not to be submissive to the husband. When a wife does not respect or submit to the husband, there are bound to be problem in that marriage. I'm speaking from experience. I have been married for eighteen years now.

blackjack21:
Flawed? We may as well take a medical prescription from a laundry man.