₦airaland Forum

Jceeee:
let me add this : for those 11 years I waited for him , he has also had 2 children here , a girl born in 2006 and a boy 2010 but I didn’t know about those children until when I joined him in 2013. He has only told me about the boy born in 2010 buy he never told me about the girl born in 2006 , so I came to found out about the girl in 2018 via Facebook when the mother of the girl who is an African but not Nigerian messaged me on Facebook with the girl photo , she looks exactly like my husband in everything and she and my first daughter look alike too , I confronted my husband he did not denied he has told me if he had documents in this country , it was because of the girl because after having lots of rejection things were hard that’s why he decided to cheat on me and get the lady pregnant and after the daughter was born , he and the mother went to claiming that he now have a child born in this country so he was allow to get his documents through the child. After getting documents the mother started making his life miserable and he has to leave her and child and never looked back to her. I know him having children outside of our marriage is forgivable which I had also forgive him but I know when he found out about mine , he wouldn’t be the same , he will make it looks so bad forgetting that he has done the same which I forgive and forget about it.

I initially decided to ignore but after reading this article up here I have decided to air a view if you would consider my advice fine...
First you made a mistake and you must acknowledge that.
Secondly talk with your sister reach an agreement (monetary agreement some people have a price but not all, still try... End the talk by telling her she is your sister and you love her... Manipulate her feminine being with family relationship) this will buy you space, time and peace of mind for a bit but no the journey just began.
Thirdly, what makes you think the man who got you pregnant In the first place will not look for her daughter when his wife eventually depart from him, what makes you think the girl in question will not discover in time to come either from you, your sis or mother through mistake calls or gossips, what makes you think that your hubby may decide to do a DNA test to check her children and eventually discover his own
Your case is complicated but it is easy if you are willing to follow the process....
1. Are you still in contact with the girls biological father
A point to note: Nothing remains a secret for long and don't be surprised that your sister hubby is aware of this whole story.
Reply if you are interested

Nice story line, but definitely a fiction.

How can your sister that was supposedly strong and loving enough to cover up for such shame, suddenly become "unreasonable" to threaten to expose you?

Some one in your state of mind won't even remember to add so much of those details (such as dates) as you did.



N/B: you can contact me to review your stories. I can easily tell the weak links

This is a tricky situation. I’m confused as to what to tell you , it’s a really tight place to be.

Jceeee:
Thank you

you are welcome ...just be fine...

Now I will comment cus I was patiently waiting to hear this part,see my dear you have a solution,who says staying away from your spouse for that long will not bring about the unexpected, 11years for that matter is she a ghost, what of the uncertainty about reuniting with the husband she is a human, same reason the man could not help himself, it does not mean they dont luv themselves is the problems Naija has caused making couple seek for better future for their family, if this is the sacrifice, both have to accept it,my dear it will do you an honour if you muster up courage and tell your husband,tell him you luv him hence you want to let this out of your heart,he may react angrily at first but knowing you were sincere and that he to is a culprit will make it easier to let go,than keeping it till the bubble burst which will eventually burst anyway by then you would have cracked the trust and also the luv.for me surmon courage and tell him

Jceeee:
let me add this : for those 11 years I waited for him , he has also had 2 children here , a girl born in 2006 and a boy 2010 but I didn’t know about those children until when I joined him in 2013. He has only told me about the boy born in 2010 buy he never told me about the girl born in 2006 , so I came to found out about the girl in 2018 via Facebook when the mother of the girl who is an African but not Nigerian messaged me on Facebook with the girl photo , she looks exactly like my husband in everything and she and my first daughter look alike too , I confronted my husband he did not denied he has told me if he had documents in this country , it was because of the girl because after having lots of rejection things were hard that’s why he decided to cheat on me and get the lady pregnant and after the daughter was born , he and the mother went to claiming that he now have a child born in this country so he was allow to get his documents through the child. After getting documents the mother started making his life miserable and he has to leave her and child and never looked back to her. I know him having children outside of our marriage is forgivable which I had also forgive him but I know when he found out about mine , he wouldn’t be the same , he will make it looks so bad forgetting that he has done the same which I forgive and forget about it.

Exactly

jorez:
Now I will comment cus I was patiently waiting to hear this part,see my dear you have a solution,who says staying away from your spouse for that long will not bring about the unexpected, 11years for that matter is she a ghost, what of the uncertainty about reuniting with the husband she is a human, same reason the man could not help himself, it does not mean they dont luv themselves is the problems Naija has caused making couple seek for better future for their family, if this is the sacrifice, both have to accept it,my dear it will do you an honour if you muster up courage and tell your husband,tell him you luv him hence you want to let this out of your heart,he may react angrily at first but knowing you were sincere and that he to is a culprit will make it easier to let go,than keeping it till the bubble burst which will eventually burst anyway by then you would have cracked the trust and also the luv.for me surmon courage and tell him

jorez:
Now I will comment cus I was patiently waiting to hear this part,see my dear you have a solution,who says staying away from your spouse for that long will not bring about the unexpected, 11years for that matter is she a ghost, what of the uncertainty about reuniting with the husband she is a human, same reason the man could not help himself, it does not mean they dont luv themselves is the problems Naija has caused making couple seek for better future for their family, if this is the sacrifice, both have to accept it,my dear it will do you an honour if you muster up courage and tell your husband,tell him you luv him hence you want to let this out of your heart,he may react angrily at first but knowing you were sincere and that he to is a culprit will make it easier to let go,than keeping it till the bubble burst which will eventually burst anyway by then you would have cracked the trust and also the luv.for me surmon courage and tell him

Thank you

Confess and face trouble and come out pure or die in fear and wickedness.

Jceeee:
Hello

Michellekabod2, you still think DNA check is not important? Cause obviously it's the man's fault for not being there for the woman sexually that made her become promiscuous.

Your sister had to do all that for u? Even making people to see her as an after one . Wow

She deserves your blood .

You deserve to be disgraced in the market place with aches and poo trown over your body. Useless ashawo witch like u.
Woman like u are the reason good woman are called bad names .

Just confess and die . Yes u heard me . Confess and DIE. U don't deserve to live

Jceeee:
Thank you I agreed with you, my sister is not evil at all because what she has done for me , a lot of sister would’ve never done the same thing for the fact that she chooses to be humiliated for having a child without a father just to saved my marriage means a lot to me which I really appreciate her a lot by providing a good education for her daughter but my sister doesn’t want to understand me, all she care about is for her daughter to join us abroad which would never be possible. Even our mum had talked with her with no avail. I just don’t know what else to do

Renegotiate with her.
Either agree to bring the child there/any other western country when she wants to enter the university, or when she wants to do her masters program. Or give her a huge amount of money to settle her.
Keep your secrets, secret.
I won't call you names because you were separated from your husband for 11 years, and he also had 2 children from 2 baby mamas while married to you. He did his own to gain papers, you did yours to get money. You're both made for each other, so it's better to maintain the status quo .

May you be caught in Jesus name, Amen!!

anslem04:
Most of you chanting the hubby will find out ...will he just wake up n go do dna 4 the child no one is forcing on him, what the wife did was wrong, if the sistas can zip her mouth ... there are secret one must just take to the grave. telling her husband will surely reck there marriage, so much to lose

This is no longer a secret that will go to the grave with anyone since blackmail is already involve.

Somehow,her sister will tell her husband the whole truth, no one know the kind of man that he is, he might even begin to ask for money to keep quiet.

She might tell her biological daughter the whole truth, that will definitely come out later in the future.

Their disturbed mother may want to confide in a trusted person to intercede for them. And the circle go on and on.

The best thing for her now is to tell her hubby the truth.

Her mother too will sort it out with their dad. But mennn......this is going to be a lonnnggg thing.

Lies will always be needed to cover more lies.
TRUTH HURTS BUT ITS ALWAYS THE BEST FOR A PEACEFUL MIND.

Foodqueen:
This is no longer a secret that will go to the grave with anyone since blackmail is already involve.

Somehow,her sister will tell her husband the whole truth, no one know the kind of man that he is, he might even begin to ask for money to keep quiet.

She might tell her biological daughter the whole truth, that will definitely come out later in the future.

Their disturbed mother may want to confide in a trusted person to intercede for them. And the circle go on and on.

The best thing for her now is to tell her hubby the truth.

Her mother too will sort it out with their dad. But mennn......this is going to be a lonnnggg thing.

Lies will always be needed to cover more lies.
TRUTH HURTS BUT ITS ALWAYS THE BEST FOR A PEACEFUL MIND.

If am the "wife" i will take my chances rather than break my home myself, i prefer my sista go tell ... this is a situation no one stands to gain nothing, even the bible said only a foolish woman destory a home she built. somebodyelse beta do it 4 me
It good to confess buh some secret are best taken to the grave, the truth will only tear that family apart such that no pastor or imam can fix.
i will take my chances, i wana believe that lil sis won't tell on her aunt ... what i wouldnt support is if the wife had pass the bastard as a legitimate child on the hubby.

merahki:

Yeah, I think so so
And will no longer respond to sensational topics by new usernames
One such scam is a lady who supposedly is in love with a super rich HIV positive man, smh
Most of the “fake” stories tend to fuel the gender war on here

That is what pays the bill. Anything that can generate traffic.
Gender wars, Yoruba versus igbo tribal war. Some are paid trolls. The will come and set fire on a peaceful thread so as to generate traffic.
If u remove all these, nairaland is dead.

I always have that at the back of my head anytime I'm debating with somebody and know when to quit before it gets aggressive. Somebody won't be smiling to the bank to my detriment.
I come here for news and fun not kill myself over people I don't know.
Besides, nairaland don't have many active subscribers again. People join and deactivate so easily now or don't bother to comment.

You should have helped her daughter too... But your husband would still find out... I suggest you confess this to your husband...

madridguy:
Time registered: February 22, 2020

Nairaland is now a place where the admin hire writers to write different lies just to drag traffic

Oga, it doesn't matter when she registered the account. Anyone can open a new account just to share a story and get advice. The time one opened an account is not in any way indicative of the credibility of the story.

Things are happening in this world that may appear incredible and stranger than fiction.

Jceeee:
let me add this : for those 11 years I waited for him , he has also had 2 children here , a girl born in 2006 and a boy 2010 but I didn’t know about those children until when I joined him in 2013. He has only told me about the boy born in 2010 buy he never told me about the girl born in 2006 , so I came to found out about the girl in 2018 via Facebook when the mother of the girl who is an African but not Nigerian messaged me on Facebook with the girl photo , she looks exactly like my husband in everything and she and my first daughter look alike too , I confronted my husband he did not denied he has told me if he had documents in this country , it was because of the girl because after having lots of rejection things were hard that’s why he decided to cheat on me and get the lady pregnant and after the daughter was born , he and the mother went to claiming that he now have a child born in this country so he was allow to get his documents through the child. After getting documents the mother started making his life miserable and he has to leave her and child and never looked back to her. I know him having children outside of our marriage is forgivable which I had also forgive him but I know when he found out about mine , he wouldn’t be the same , he will make it looks so bad forgetting that he has done the same which I forgive and forget about it.

Finding justification for the shit u did.No remorse wat so ever..U could have told ur husband u 4gave im wen e messed up coz na u marry am. Madam go marry d dick dat gave u dat bast*rd

Jceeee:
Hello everybody , I came here to seek for advice because I’m in a big dilemma with my kid sister , I don’t want to bore you with long story I will make the long story short. I got married in May 2000 I was pregnant with my first child , I had my first child in September that same year then another daughter in 2002 May , and in July 2002 my husband left for abroad ( I won’t mention the country ) I had to move out of the renting apartment and went back to my parents house with my 2 children while waiting for him to apply for our documents, it took him 2 years to settle and for 2 year he couldn’t send us money because he had no documents and job , my parents were supportive until when my husband got his documents and started working , he started sending us money every month and was working hard for me and the kids to join him but things were not working well for us , they keep rejecting us but he didn’t get tired of us , but I started getting tired after 5 years of waiting, missing him badly , no intimacy and I was lonely and very depressed , I start seeking attention outside and I met with a married man that I had a relationship with, I got pregnant in 2008 the man suggested abortion but I didn’t want to abort because I was scared to die because I remember a cousin that had a husband abroad , she got pregnant and went to abort , she died instantly so I didn’t want to end up like her , I had planned with my sister and mum that I should leave our state to another state ( I won’t mention the name ) to go and have my baby then will come back after the baby is 3 months , I and my kid sister left and rented another house in a different state meanwhile we lied to my dad that I had traveled to this country to join my husband in abroad , things was well , I had my baby another girl in 2009 and we kept the secret for 3 months from my dad and we had to lie to him , it was my kid sister that has given birth to this baby while we were away and my dad got angry at her and he has said a lot of harsh things to her, it was very painful but my sister supported me and didn’t let the secret come out , even to my husband he just knew the baby was my sister , because I was breastfeeding her , we didn’t want to go home yet so we had to stayed here for a year , when I weaned her and we started preparing to go back home, lying to my dad that things didn’t work out and I couldn’t join my husband anymore, we returned back home in 2010 and we had been keeping this secrets from my dad , husband and other people , finally God has been great that I had to joined my husband in 2013 after 11 years of waiting , it was a wonderful time to be with him again , my kid sister got married in 2014 she had a daughter with her husband before marriage born in 2012, so the husband accepted her with my daughter that she pretend to be hers , she went to her husband house , leaving my kids with our parents , she only took the daughter she had with her husband and I used to send them money as usual until in 2015 my 2 daughters I had with my husband joined us abroad and my other daughter stayed behind , I had to convinced my husband that my sister baby should join us too which he was okay and grateful to my sister because she had been the one taking care of our children in my absent so we started applying for documents for the girl, but they kept rejecting it but we didn’t give up, at that same time my sister has also wanted her biological daughter to be included in but I was frank with her that we couldn’t add her daughter because the daughter that I had is known to be hers so if we had another daughter it would be wrong , so this has caused a lot of problems between my sister and I that she called me an ingrate after everything she has been doing to me , but I was never ungrateful to her because I take care of her daughter school fees in a best private school but I just couldn’t take her abroad with us but she is adamant that her daughter should be here too. Luckily my daughter which to my husband is my niece has joined us this January 2020 , she knows me as her auntie and my sister her mummy , She is doing well my family is complete , I have also had 2 more children with my husband two cute boys but my sister has been threatening and blackmailing that she would tell my husband everything about my daughter , I had begged even our mum has been begging her not to spoil my marriage but she wouldn’t listen , I’m scared she would tell my husband and my marriage will be over. I don’t sleep well and anytime when my husband get back from work , my heart beat faster thinking that he has found out about the secrets and I’m no longer in peace. he loves my niece ( daughter ) so much that he doesn’t treat her any different from our 4 children but I’m getting so scared , have been taking blood pressure medication because of my sister threatening me.Please I know a lot of you would insult me because I deserve it but all I need is advice from you , please if you could offer me some , I just don’t know what else to do

I cant imagine how distressing this must be for you. If I were to be in your shoes, I would tell my husband everything that happened and apologise to him even when I know I could lose everything. I imagine I would never have peace if I don't say the truth. Just find a right time and method and think of how you will handle all the possible scenarios that will result.

Hhansome:
Hello ma'am. You are just an evil woman hiding under some fake moniker just to attract some fake sympathy on this forum. Unfortunately i'm going to say it the exact way without fear... How on earth does a mother deny her child? Not actually the man but a mother who carried her child of nine months. Save me the crap, you want to save your marriage! Did you not consider it before opening your stupid legs? Anyways i dont waste my advice on evil people... Check on next comments abeg.

The real problem is not her opening her legs,but why she could not use protection even as a married woman beats my imagination.. Beside she could not even afford contraceptives pills..Op carry your cross you myopic being..I have zero fvck to give.

Lamanii22:
You should have helped her daughter too... But your husband would still find out... I suggest you confess this to your husband...

Thanks . Have been paying her school fee but bringing her over here just won’t be possible.

omicron:
I cant imagine how distressing this must be for you. If I were to be in your shoes, I would tell my husband everything that happened and apologise to him even when I know I could lose everything. I imagine I would never have peace if I don't say the truth. Just find a right time and method and think of how you will handle all the possible scenarios that will result.

Thank you

Foodqueen:
This is no longer a secret that will go to the grave with anyone since blackmail is already involve.

Somehow,her sister will tell her husband the whole truth, no one know the kind of man that he is, he might even begin to ask for money to keep quiet.

She might tell her biological daughter the whole truth, that will definitely come out later in the future.

Their disturbed mother may want to confide in a trusted person to intercede for them. And the circle go on and on.

The best thing for her now is to tell her hubby the truth.

Her mother too will sort it out with their dad. But mennn......this is going to be a lonnnggg thing.

Lies will always be needed to cover more lies.
TRUTH HURTS BUT ITS ALWAYS THE BEST FOR A PEACEFUL MIND.

Thank you

Jceeee:
Thanks . Have been paying her school fee but bringing her over here just won’t be possible.

Your sister would eventually tell your husband... Why can't it be possible... She'd feel so betrayed.. She'd take you for a selfish sister...

why can't you take her daughter....
you sound selfish
do you think it's easy to bear the shame....
that the only way you can compensate her for everything...
and I know she won't ask for more because I see her as a very nice person...

Lamanii22:
Your sister would eventually tell your husband... Why can't it be possible... She'd feel so betrayed.. She'd take you for a selfish sister...

You are right and I just don’t know how to calm her down, right now she is not listening to me or our mother. All she want is for her daughter to come over (which it is not something I can easily do ) or she will spill the beans . I just don’t know what to do anymore . I think it would be better for me to tell my husband instead of my sister telling him

Holycity:
why can't you take her daughter....

you sound selfish

do you think it's easy to bear the shame....

that the only way you can compensate her for everything...

and I know she won't ask for more because I see her as a very nice person...

I wish I could take her daughter too but we had already taken the eldest which my husband knows she is my sister child and taking the second child won’t be possible because we can’t just focus on one person , my husband also has nieces and nephews that want to be here too and we cannot just concentrate on my sisters and leaving the others behind. I’m very grateful to my sister that have been paying the child school fee to one of the best private school but still she is not satisfy.

Jceeee:
You are right and I just don’t know how to calm her down, right now she is not listening to me or our mother. All she want is for her daughter to come over (which it is not something I can easily do ) or she will spill the beans . I just don’t know what to do anymore . I think it would be better for me to tell my husband instead of my sister telling him

Right... But your sister should move on, since she's married... Do you have a long or permanent stay in that country... If not, don't tell your husband yet.... But if you have, you can tell, and your mom should help too...

lilyheaven:
You should have used the opportunity to open up

I agree 100%.. perfect timing!

Jceeee:
You are right and I just don’t know how to calm her down, right now she is not listening to me or our mother. All she want is for her daughter to come over (which it is not something I can easily do ) or she will spill the beans . I just don’t know what to do anymore . I think it would be better for me to tell my husband instead of my sister telling him

This is just the best time for you to undo your mistakes. Seek freedom through confession. Do you know that even if your sister eventually backs off on the threats, you'll still be haunted by what you've done. Make up your mind to bear the consequences however ugly, seek forgiveness from those concerned. It won't be easy, but at least you're guaranteed peace of mind.

Lamanii22:
Right... But your sister should move on, since she's married... Do you have a long or permanent stay in that country... If not, don't tell your husband yet.... But if you have, you can tell, and your mom should help too...

Yes I’m a citizen in this country and I’m working full time , honestly if he break up with me , it wouldn’t be affecting me financially because I have a lots of opportunity here and he will be the one to leave the house for the kids and I , It will affect me emotionally because I don’t want a divorce , all I want is for my children to grow up in a happy home with both parents. I just don’t know how to open up to him but I have no option left than to do so and see the outcome

72Morale:
I pray everyday not to meet a creature like you till I leave this earth.

If you are a man reading this.

May almighty God guide and protect you from marrying an inpatient woman who will be wayward and unfaithful enough to sleep around, getting pregnant for various men and deceiving you by making you raise a child that isn't yours unknowingly.

May you never marry a woman who will be busy thinking about sex and diiick while you are busy suffering hard on how to take care of her and make her and your kids happy.

Can you be a bit more objective?

From the OP's story, she Cheated on her husband with one married man and got pregnant.

While I do not support her: she is an adultress, liar, deceitful and careless, let's stop pretending these things don't happen.

There is a reason Apostle Paul in his wisdom said couples should not abstain from sex for long so they are nor tempted.

It is not easy for a person who is used to sex and emotional attention to be cut off from same for years. I know families who have jettisoned one member going to hustle abroad because of this.

@Jceeee

Just tell your husband the truth.

As long as you won't/can't bring your sister's real kids over, she will keep blackmailing you.