Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

God bless you

December last yr, we had a couples seminar. It was taught that the couple knowing themsves should save money with the one who is more prudent. Either of the sexes can do it. Communication is the key.

A couple gave their input, 23 yrs in marriage. The man worked where he was paid very well. He would squander it. The wife managed to save the paltry sum he gave her for housekeeping. Until the company laid him off. After crying for over a week, realizing his foolishness and inability to invest,bis wife called him and gave him a lump sum which they use to start a poultry feed business.

In 8 yre, the biz has grown from just pick up trucks delivering the feed to atleast 2 containers each week.Since then every money that enters his home goes to the wife and he is happy
They now have their own house, several cars and biz doing well.
He called the wife up so the church would celebrate her.

Even though he learnt the hard way, pride will not let alot of men do it to avoid falling. It doesn't take away his authority.


The ship you are steering as the family head, is it taking your family to a safe place or the rocks?

No Generalizing in marriage.

Mzflexydeeva, emmadejust, Nnaabros et all

fatymore:
You say..


These are the types of ladies nairaland guys are looking for

But the truth of the matter is...





You won't see them except in your wildest imagination

They are all over Nairaland though in limited supply. Forget the grandstanding here. Most ladies still long for good marriage and know the price to pay to put it together. But as usual, only a few are willing to pay that price.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

I beg to disagree Sir. Some women have this bossy attitude and find it hard to be submissive to their husband even when he is trying his best.

Well..... someone above asked how a marriage of 40yrs could produce a 30yr old child . If this story is true, I can only congratulate the woman based on two reasons:
1. Her submission only worked because she married a ''good man''.
2. She has been intimidated/oppressed in the marriage and has no say, she lost her self esteem, such that she has to wait for the crumbs that fall from her husband's purse before she can provide for herself. She got used to such slavery, and I congratulate her for the ability to cope in it for such a long time.
Any woman who tries this in our world of today should be ready for the CONSEQUENCES. If you handover your finances to your husband and he wastes it, or uses it to chase women outside, and finally throws you out of the house, pls blame yourself. A joint account with fair rules is a better idea.

Ausrichie:

They had toxic marriages bros. A divorced or unmarried woman was looked at with much contempt, scorn and hatred, she was like an eyesore in the society of then and most times called a witch, most women then stayed in toxic relationships rather than face the disgrace that may be brought upon her and her children by the society, remember to that those times men freely beat their wives, so don't compare then with now. It is not by force to be together now.

This same toxic marriages lasted long with less acrimonies than today's marriage with so much turbulence... Look sometimes I think we are over sensitive in this generation. Over civilization sometimes is bad.. There is something our fore fathers got right that we are not getting right

vickydevoka:

Equal rite is gud. If Africa can emulat the white completely. No unnecessary huge payment for dowry. N bill n house chores should be divided into two. Den I will believe in equality . It shouldn't be one-sided

Equal right is good but has negative I outs in marriage... The truth is that their can't be two captains in a ship.. One is a full captain, the other is a co-pilot

A well written piece of marriage coherence

Ladycewhy:
thank you o. I will not hold sway for other women but I will speak for myself. I am this type that serves the hand I am dealt .

Most of the men here gyrating on this thread have no integrity ,no transparency,no loyalty ,no consideration to their partners.They move as if their partners are second fiddles yet they want a woman who will kneel down and lick their feet . Yeye dey smell

Most of the men here gyrating on this thread have no integrity ,no transparency,no loyalty ,no consideration to their partners.They move as if their partners are second fiddles yet they want a woman who will kneel down and lick their feet




Don't judge people by their comments, what you just said is very unfortunate......there are lost of good people here

emmadejust:
Our digital wife of nowadays is not concern in that obedience and summit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

ure right o . I know a woman like dat. She had full control of d finances but na d man money o. To d extent d man doesn’t have access to it. The man must explain wat he wants to do with his own money o. So most time he avoids asking as far as she’s ok and there is peace. But d woman will go shopping with her mum and she loves family vacation. Now the man is tired and has taken over wat is his and called off dier relationship except a particular act d with bulk of the money which d woman wouldn’t let go. They aren’t married though. Just living as baby mama and papa. Imagine if Dey were married. Divorce would Av been sure

Nice piece

In order for today's modern woman to be successful, she has to learn how to be "masculine" in her workplace and "feminine/womanly" in the home front (in the sight of her spouse and their kids).

Any attempt to misplace each other will ultimately lead to chaos.

Amumaigwe:


They are all over Nairaland though in likoted supply. Forget the grandstanding here. Most ladies still long for good marriage and know the price to pay to put it together. But as usual, only a few are willing to pay that price.

I agree there are list of good men and gals here, but the problem is social media and peer pressure.... How many of them ca. Pay the price of good marriage?.. Good marriage is serious work

Marriage is totally out of our hands, no one knows who God has made their match. All we can just do is to pray and commit the chosen one in the hands of God. PRAYER STILL REMAIN THE KEY.

PLEASE IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL KEEP ALL THE MONEY TO HIMSELF DON'T HAND OVER THE MONEY TO HIM OOH!!! Don't let anyone brainwash you.

Hand all the money to him only when he faithfully uses the money to better the entire household.

SUMMARY: Don't accept every advise you get from people and from the internet. APPLY WISDOM while accepting advices.

edrys:


I beg to disagree Sir. Some women have this bossy attitude and find it hard to be submissive to their husband even when he is trying his best.

Very true.. My advise is that men should look before they leap... Meek men should avoid bossy women if she Rick's most of the box.. Vice versa.... I can't be gentle and marry jezebel because she is pretty and can cook and wash

Goodone

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

Thank God you learnt all that. If it were my parents, my father may not collect it. He will direct you to my mother. She manages the home front and everything else so what ever he needs, he will get it from her. She will also give him an account of what she did with the money.

Just like you listed, understanding is key. Every thing in a marriage depends on the understanding of each spouse.

Forgiveness- if infidelity can be forgiven, beaten too can be forgiven.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

the summary of it all.
correct

The man has done his home work for his wife to be this submissive. İf you want that kind of wife, put in your 100% and see yourself getting a 100 from your wife not even 99%. İ pray my marriage exceed 40years.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

She made veiled reference to it in the entire writeup.

The truth is that such women still exist.


Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: Try your best in this Area, it helps.

Euegene100001:
Love,respect and honor from a wife will humble any man .That woman’s marriage can never crash.This particular kind of ladies are rare if you find one you are lucky and blessed

that's not true my brother. I have seen where a woman did all of these and more and the man continued to dehumanise her in every way. He did her a favour by marrying her. He sàys.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

Gbam Gbamudele Gbamudeleki.

EJanni:
that's not true my brother. I have seen where a woman did all of these and more and the man continued to dehumanise her in every way. He did her a favour by marrying her. He sàys.

Something is not right. Look deeper.

Story started with "since I am part of the family" later turned to "I called my friend" and finally "I told my girl I will call her back"..... Now we really know why women are to be hailed if marriages are to last 40 years not men.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

Please expatiate

babyfaceafrica:


Most of the men here gyrating on this thread have no integrity ,no transparency,no loyalty ,no consideration to their partners.They move as if their partners are second fiddles yet they want a woman who will kneel down and lick their feet




Don't judge people by their comments, what you just said is very unfortunate......there are lost of good people here

bottom line is if you want a queen be ready to be my king ,this is not the 18th century ,no body is going to kneel and call you Lord and Master . Any man who wants that better go sit in the grave with his ancestors.

@OP, so your friend did not learn a thing from her mum. It shows the kind of wife she would become...I'm disappointed.

Mzflexydeeva:

This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

You are totally and completely and 'practically" wrong. Assuming that a woman does 99% means that the man does nothing at all. In the African the man does far more than the woman to provide, protect, sustain and establish the home. Both have their roles to play.

The man gets the money gathered from that event most likely because he fully funded the entire event in the first place.

In an ideal setting both should get equal parts of the money even if the man funded entire event.

Ladycewhy:
bottom line is if you want a queen be ready to be my king ,this is not the 18th century ,no body is going to kneel and call you Lord and Master . Any man who wants that better go sit in the grave with his ancestors.

,this is not the 18th century ,no body is going to kneel and call you Lord and Master


But this is not always true!!.. Do your thing sha.. Just erase hate from your mind, toxicity is bad