₦airaland Forum

CHoccolaTE:
Problem with many men is that when they don't have valid points to make in an argument they start twisting logic and acting ignorant.
Is it in this same Nigeria with ASUU strikes and skyrocketing unemployment rates that a 29yr old has already graduated from university and has a decent salary higher than 30k?

Lol

Let's keep lying to ourselves because we want to win arguments. Infact all 29yr olds should have their own houses and cars and private jets sef if not what have they been doing with their lives

truthsayer009:
You make plans around his own Pay Check but he shouldn't do same to yours? Because he his a man.

"because I want to, or the situation necessitates it." --- LMAO, this is definitely a NO. Okay Good night please.

truthsayer009:
Sincere Not to even win arguments, because NL doesn't even pay any bills of mine. I just want us to have an honest conversation.

Are you saying we should begin to have sympathy on Women now since Nigeria has ASUU strikes & Women who are 29 years cannot afford a salary higher than 30k.

I keep asking because I lived in Lagos where Ladies say they cannot date a Man in their 20s or 30s who

- Doesn't have a Car
- Doesn't live in his own house / apartment
- Has his Foam on the ground because he cannot afford to buy a Bed Frame
- Cannot afford to take them on Expensive Dates because he his broke
- Cannot afford to buy an iPhone on their birthdays

Does it mean we are now considering that Nigeria is a very hard place to live & Men in their late 20s are not considered broke because they are lazy.

A friend who left her broke Fiancee for a Rich guy in someone's Diary, did she consider that Nigeria is so hard & her Fiancee is doing everything in his Power to increase his Income if only she gives him more time.

PrimadonnaO:
Honestly. I just decided arguing with him was pointless because he has chosen to twist facts. Is it not the same universities we went to? When I was in uni, I had access to students' record files back then. The number of persons who would be graduating at 22 were just 30%. Someone here is setting standards that at 26, a woman should be earning significantly such that she can split bills 50/50 with her husband.

If we say that a man must have a house and car and at least 20m before getting married, they'll start crying foul. LOL
Lots of men these days are really just weak and delusional, and they don't realise what it's doing to the home.
You want to claim rights to your wife's body
Have her keep a sparkling house
Cook you all the intercontinental and African dishes
Go through a most herculean task of childbearing God-knows-how-many-times!
These same men that run away from the house when their little kids are crying and running around the house uncontrollably. LOL. They'll leave the wife to do the nurturing and controlling alone.

Yet, they want her splitting bills 50/50. Shamelessness.

truthsayer009:
Before 26 you should have been working If you graduated early, at 26 you should have a decent income & not Alawee kind of income.
26 + 3 years work experience makes you 29. If you don't have a decent income at within this period then what are you doing with your life?

CHoccolaTE:
When I keep saying men are generally selfish creatures they will say I hate men or I am a bitter feminist
Women are already severely disadvantaged in Nigerian marriages and the only thing they have rights to claim is the financial contribution of their husbands. Men in Nigeria are not expected to or obligated to do anything else in marriage except provide. Even faithfulness is overlooked for them, now they want to complain about their one single task in marriage

NoToPile:
Sometimes we are not always realistic, How many Nigerian graduates that graduated early have a decent non allawee type of job before 26, lets even say before 30.

This has always been my point, lots of graduates are not financially stable till their 30s, some never ever get financially stable. It is what it is in Nigeria.

A sizeable amount of graduates will struggle till their mid 30s, even 40s.

PrimadonnaO:
You're not making your points clear... and you're not staying in line with the central ideas of the original post.
Nobody is saying you should have pity on women. That actually sounds irritating. Pity. Is she a destitute?

Get the point right once and for all. For the men who are very particular about marrying a woman who can significantly support him financially, they should have it at the back of their minds that the majority of such ladies are 26 and above.
The percentage of women who are under 26 and gainfully employed are few. I know this for a fact because I do recruitment, so I have real statistics. Interestingly, too, even in the 26 and above age bracket, the number of gainfully employed ladies in comparison to underpaid/unemployed are even so few.

Why's that point so difficult to understand, truthsayer? The truth has left you ni!

NoToPile:
Sometimes we are not always realistic, How many Nigerian graduates that graduated early have a decent non allawee type of job before 26, lets even say before 30.

This has always been my point, lots of graduates are not financially stable till their 30s, some never ever get financially stable. It is what it is in Nigeria.

A sizeable amount of graduates will struggle till their mid 30s, even 40s.

truthsayer009:
I never disputed that, Men have been held to the same standard for years, Nobody complained. Now we begin to hold women to certain standards.
It now becomes a problem, the goal post has shifted.

Realistically a lady between 26 - 29 years should have a job of atleast 70 - 80k in today's Nigeria. What do you bring to the table if your earning power is just 30k ehn? WHAT?!

I don't know why everyone is suddenly pretending that life ends on Nairaland.

CHoccolaTE:
When I keep saying men are generally selfish creatures they will say I hate men or I am a bitter feminist
Women are already severely disadvantaged in Nigerian marriages and the only thing they have rights to claim is the financial contribution of their husbands. Men in Nigeria are not expected to or obligated to do anything else in marriage except provide. Even faithfulness is overlooked for them, now they want to complain about their one single task in marriage

truthsayer009:
I don't know why you are replying me, my points were for CHoccolaTE, Which is directly for her making excuses for Women because Nigeria is hard, so many uncontrolled circumstances like ASUU is holding people's greatness back & so therefore we should just accept Women as they come & not filter based on their earning power.

You have already made your point which is fixated on not agreeing on 50/50 even when you have such earning power, I have accepted & move on by saying good night. The fact that you are pretending not to get my point which I made to her makes you a hypocrite.

truthsayer009:
I never disputed that, Men have been held to the same standard for years, Nobody complained. Now we begin to hold women to certain standards.
It now becomes a problem, the goal post has shifted.

Realistically a lady between 26 - 29 years should have a job of atleast 70 - 80k in today's Nigeria. What do you bring to the table if your earning power is just 30k ehn? WHAT?!

I don't know why everyone is suddenly pretending that life ends on Nairaland.

PrimadonnaO:
Haba! Is it even 70-80k we're talking about?

Is it 70-80k that the family wants to be splitting 50/50?? Hahahahahahaahahaha. Hian!

So hubby wants to be waiting for his wife's 35/40k contribution every month to run the home. Ehenn? Lol.

Please o. I'm done.

*Modified*

This just made me realise that we all have different backgrounds, and ideas on how we want to run our home, and what we can or cannot accept.
As someone said, money is really just a means to an end. Too much ado about it will inevitably cause problems.
Apparently too, what counts as a significant income is relative, as it all depends on each family's standard of living.

The point of this whole discourse wasn't to go into a tirade, even though I was aware the topic is somewhat debatable these days. The point of this discourse was simply to highlight perspectives, some angles, that I felt weren't being taken into consideration.

There's no fixed formula for how a home should be run. People adapt their models to their peculiar situations.
Finally, it is very helpful for husband and wife to be significantly earning. But I still hold that if you won't split ALL domestic responsibilities with your wife, then you shouldnt demand a 50/50 financial responsibility system from your wife. There'll be troubles in that house.

C'est finis.

truthsayer009:
No problem.

I'm glad you laughed at the amount I wrote, which further proves my point that women should do more in their earning capabilities in their 20s.

You all asked me to be realistic, I have. Using 70k - 80k is the good start for people who live in Lagos, so I used that as a Minimum, as you can see that I wrote "Atleast". If you live in Ibadan for example, perhaps a salary of 50k might seem like a lot & more convenient.

There are families who run their home with 150k income from the husband & 70k income from the wife, It will shock you that the 35k which constitutes of 50% from the woman brings goes a long way, not only in settling bills but a modifies Woman's mentality that her quota is expected no matter how small. It also gives her the leverage & confidence of calling her spouse to order because she contributes her financial part.

If you ask me, sincerely 30 / 70 is actually fine. It's about mentality for me, a Woman who cannot contribute her 30% when she earns 70k will definitely not when she earns 250k. Women's brains work in a unique way, you can't just wake up one day & tell her she would start contributing financially if you don't have that discussion at the inception of your marriage.

Even for domestic chores, there are washing machines & dishwashers, you can even hire a maid If you can afford it. Husband can learn how to cook some small things, change diapers etc. When he was a Bachelor, was he not eating? or when you go and visit him for Knacks, does he not clean his house? No big deal abeg!

PrimadonnaO:
This contributing contributing you’re going about... how is the contribution done exactly? Is it not enough that she can look after herself and do certain things without asking her hubby? She can fuel her car, and make her hair, and buy her personal upkeep stuff and shop for the kids and use her discretion to offset bills as they come, that’s not relief enough?

Ladylite:
Thanks maami

But this is a bit myopic, the major question is= IS MARRIAGE COMPULSORY?

Without a man, can a woman not be a provider.... What about women whose husband's are dead(yes o, research shows that men die first simply because they do most of the work)


If you are talking based on naija then you may be somewhat right, but this can NEVER be general. I finished university at 21, and my cousins in the UK finished at 19. See why I said this OP is a bit myopic?

To give the responsibility to the man and espect him to respect you later is just a mental dystopia. When u and the man agree 50/50 or even 70/30, there will be a Major form of mutual respect for each other.

Times have changed. Ladies who can not take care of themselves have no business dating a man else they will use him as an ATM unconsciously or consciously. Such ladies who have never grasped the concept of working hard and smart will always WASTE money and we know men are logically inclined, they would not want to wife such a devorer.

So in conclusion, sisters make your own money, we are wired to be able to multi task more than men, so what stops you from doing business online while in school?? Ehn, what stops you from using the lock down to learn digital skills and pursuing some one who is ready to teach you for free. Drop the pride and learn how to own your life.

My man loved me much more because he paid for the first date and I took him out the next month and paid, we are always trying to outdo each other till now.... That is a game TEAM, no dull moments.
Pls let's get it clear, corona virus has changed the game and many will now know the value of saving up rather than buying some expensive wig we can not eat during a lock down. Or a latest Phone that can not help anyone during such an outbreak, values and priorities have been shifted and shattered. Welcome to the new world.

truthsayer009:
No It's not relief enough, In lame Man's terms you are saying My money my money & my husband's money is ours. This is how most of our parents lived, that pattern won't work now, things have changed o.

Families that have savings in these modern times, how do you think they go about it? If it is only the husbands money that is being saved, It means he can just wake up one morning & spend the money on a one Unilag side chic whenever he deems fit. Shebi it's his money ba?

For the Richer ones, how do you think they purchase properties? how do you think they go on that vacation every year or how do think they paid for their daughters Masters Degree in the UK?

So you just want to be spending your own money without accountability ba? Welldone

Ladylite:
Thanks maami

But this is a bit myopic, the major question is= IS MARRIAGE COMPULSORY?

Without a man, can a woman not be a provider.... What about women whose husband's are dead(yes o, research shows that men die first simply because they do most of the work)


If you are talking based on naija then you may be somewhat right, but this can NEVER be general. I finished university at 21, and my cousins in the UK finished at 19. See why I said this OP is a bit myopic?

To give the responsibility to the man and espect him to respect you later is just a mental dystopia. When u and the man agree 50/50 or even 70/30, there will be a Major form of mutual respect for each other.

Times have changed. Ladies who can not take care of themselves have no business dating a man else they will use him as an ATM unconsciously or consciously. Such ladies who have never grasped the concept of working hard and smart will always WASTE money and we know men are logically inclined, they would not want to wife such a devorer.

So in conclusion, sisters make your own money, we are wired to be able to multi task more than men, so what stops you from doing business online while in school?? Ehn, what stops you from using the lock down to learn digital skills and pursuing some one who is ready to teach you for free. Drop the pride and learn how to own your life.

My man loved me much more because [/b]he paid for the first date and I took him out the next month and paid, we are always trying to outdo each other till now[b].... That is a game TEAM, no dull moments.
Pls let's get it clear, corona virus has changed the game and many will now know the value of saving up rather than buying some expensive wig we can not eat during a lock down. Or a latest Phone that can not help anyone during such an outbreak, values and priorities have been shifted and shattered. Welcome to the new world.

ProtectMyMoney:
Women! Follow what is written in the book of Proverbs...virtuous woman

CHoccolaTE:
When I keep saying men are generally selfish creatures they will say I hate men or I am a bitter feminist
Women are already severely disadvantaged in Nigerian marriages and the only thing they have rights to claim is the financial contribution of their husbands. Men in Nigeria are not expected to or obligated to do anything else in marriage except provide. Even faithfulness is overlooked for them, now they want to complain about their one single task in marriage

PrimadonnaO:
This contributing contributing you’re going about... how is the contribution done exactly? Is it not enough that she can look after herself and do certain things without asking her hubby? She can fuel her car, and make her hair, and buy her personal upkeep stuff and shop for the kids and use her discretion to offset bills as they come, that’s not relief enough?

pryme:
THIS, is more than enough.

truthsayer009:
No It's not relief enough, In lame Man's terms you are saying My money my money & my husband's money is ours. This is how most of our parents lived, that pattern won't work now, things have changed o.

Families that have savings in these modern times, how do you think they go about it? If it is only the husbands money that is being saved, It means he can just wake up one morning & spend the money on a one Unilag side chic whenever he deems fit. Shebi it's his money ba?

For the Richer ones, how do you think they purchase properties? how do you think they go on that vacation every year or how do think they paid for their daughters Masters Degree in the UK?

So you just want to be spending your own money without accountability ba? Welldone

PrimadonnaO:
You just deliberately choose to twist things...plus that's why I asked that you state what this contribution looks like... how it's done.
That is not anything like "my money is mine, your money is ours."
If it were, that money would only be expended on the wife's sole needs, and that's it. Not a single house bill will be taken care of from there... everything that concerns the children has to come from their father, too.
Plus you were the one who started this 70-80k income ni! Have you forgot that's the premise we're discussing? Which house are they saving up to buy from 80k salary? Lol.

pryme:
even if your are trying to pass a good point, generalising men will only make you smart by half.

rain21:
what are you saying in essence? if the two of you are contributing equally and on a 50:50 basis,who then takes care of the home front? don't say househelps, cos they wouldn't do everything for you.

in a case where your child is seriously ill and your child needs to be taken to the hospital, your wife has an important appointment, you too does afterall you both are seriously hustling to meet up with the 50:50 contribution,who then takes the child to hospital?

or in a situation, you two have to go on an official meeting outside of your base,you will leave your child (less than two let's say) alone with a house help for days unending?

you need to explain how your method will work

Ladylite:
Thanks maami

But this is a bit myopic, the major question is= IS MARRIAGE COMPULSORY?

Without a man, can a woman not be a provider.... What about women whose husband's are dead(yes o, research shows that men die first simply because they do most of the work)


If you are talking based on naija then you may be somewhat right, but this can NEVER be general. I finished university at 21, and my cousins in the UK finished at 19. See why I said this OP is a bit myopic?

To give the responsibility to the man and espect him to respect you later is just a mental dystopia. When u and the man agree 50/50 or even 70/30, there will be a Major form of mutual respect for each other.

Times have changed. Ladies who can not take care of themselves have no business dating a man else they will use him as an ATM unconsciously or consciously. Such ladies who have never grasped the concept of working hard and smart will always WASTE money and we know men are logically inclined, they would not want to wife such a devorer.

So in conclusion, sisters make your own money, we are wired to be able to multi task more than men, so what stops you from doing business online while in school?? Ehn, what stops you from using the lock down to learn digital skills and pursuing some one who is ready to teach you for free. Drop the pride and learn how to own your life.

My man loved me much more because he paid for the first date and I took him out the next month and paid, we are always trying to outdo each other till now.... That is a game TEAM, no dull moments.
Pls let's get it clear, corona virus has changed the game and many will now know the value of saving up rather than buying some expensive wig we can not eat during a lock down. Or a latest Phone that can not help anyone during such an outbreak, values and priorities have been shifted and shattered. Welcome to the new world.

emmaodet:
If she is earning enough, then she shouldn't marry in the first place.
Let her leave marriage for those who need it and want it. Who will appreciate it.
The man said he will hire a maid to do the house chore and you are still here insisting he must do it just to mock him? What else do you want? The house chore has been done, so what else? Must it be done by force by the man before you feel satisfied?
Look Bukky,
There are over 7 billion people on earth of which atleast 50% are women.
The gross tonnage of earth is 1.5-2 billion people.
What that means is that for the earth to be sane, safe, healthy, convenient, have enough fishes, animals in the bush, trees in the forest, plants to grow naturally without adding chemicals, fertilizers, genetically modified seeds to feed people, the world population needs to shrink to 2 billion people most and be controlled within that range half of which should be women.
In other words, we only need 750 million women worldwide to give birth to ONLY TWO children per woman to keep the world population sane.
Which means rich ladies that think they don't need marriage or man are not needed.
We want more lesbians, gays, feminist, rich women who will be overpriced for marriages to rise so that marriage can be left for sane people in other to regulate the world.
Which means presently, out of 3.5 billion women, if possible 1 out of 5 women should marry and give birth to 2 max kids why the remaining can GO FVCK THEMSELVES FOR ALL WE CARE

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/2012/apr/26/world-population-resources-paul-ehrlich&ved=2ahUKEwjwvay628XoAhWTtHEKHSpuBNgQFjACegQIDBAI&usg=AOvVaw3qCrWO8iTtphalZfUBZJvo&ampcf=1

PrimadonnaO:
Now, I know this is going to be controversial, but I really don't care for crowd cheering. For the sake of clarity, and so everyone is able to weigh their options carefully, I'd like to state a few things.

Marrying a woman who earns is really great, it would make life a lot easier. But there are so many things you must consider.

1. Most men marry in their early to mid-30s. Are you marrying a girl who's your age mate? If she's between 22 to 27, then she's probably just leaving school or rounding off with NYSC. Excuse me, Sir, did you did you get financially stable right after school? If not, please marry your mate who's in her 30s. Oh, wait a minute, y'all call them evening newspapers!

2. Do you realise that life is in stages, and these phases come at different times for different people? So she's not earning today, is that how things will be forever?

3. You must realise that you should marry a woman who can live within your means... who can be content with what you're able to provide. Anything other than that will simply frustrate you. Why do you think you commonly find men marrying below their status?

4. No matter how much you wish things were different, women are not naturally wired to be providers. From the beginning of time, it was Adam who was cursed to till the ground for his daily bread, not Eve. That one was cursed with tortuous childbearing. So if you make a woman do the things that you're supposed to do, you'll create anarchy in your home. She'll most likely be disgruntled and it will start manifesting in her actions.
If you're tired of being or don't know how to be a man, just come as a woman in your next life.

In a house she's paying rent for you want to start keeping late nights, or having shady movements, or having her tether to the needs of all your village people who troop in by the hour. Hahahahaa. She'll throw you out!

5. Some of you men talking about the women in your offices, did they tell you they split bills 50/50 with their husbands? I have lots of female colleagues, and women talk. You guys know nothing!

6. Even if she's gainfully employed or running a thriving business, I think the mindset that she must split bills with you is a problematic one. Yes, it is natural that when she earns, she would help around with bills in the home. But don't bank on it... don't make your plans around your wife's income. A man's primary responsibility is to provide for his home, anything else is support, assistance, and you know what those words mean, yeah? If the rent or kids school fees get due before you're able to pay it, no hassles l'll pay it ASAP, but I'll be expecting a refund!
My area of support without expecting reimbursement are;
If you bring 100k for monthly upkeep, and the foodstuff or things I want to do around the house require more than that, I'll make up the balance without stress.
If the gas runs out before you get to refill, I'll top up.
I'll fuel my car myself, buy all my weaves, and maintain my wardrobe myself.
I can give my children whatever treat I feel like, make them look good, without asking you.
If the utility bill comes when you're not home, I pay up.
I buy you random gifts, and throw surprise birthday parties for you.
If you need a loan, I give to you, and you pay back with interest!
Should you fall on hard times, and your income isn't coming in, I'll naturally step up and take care of everything until you get back on your feet.

Having said all that, a woman who earns tangibly is actually doing herself a world of good. Personally, I can't for the life of me fathom why anyone would want to be a fulltime housewife. But it's not in my place to criticise. Everyone's got their peculiar preferences. I understand the need to be very much involved in my children's lives.
Actually, I'm still wracking my head on how to get around that when the time comes... build a solid career, raise intelligent and very well-behaved Godly children, look after my home and husband...
So maybe some women simply see holding a job and achieving all these as an impossible task. Some men, too, simply prefer to have fulltime housewives for their unique reasons. Each man to his own.

All the long story summarily is;
1. You want to marry a woman who's earning money... think about her age and prospects.
2. Even if she's earning, providing for the family still remains your chief responsibility. That's what being a man is.
3. Stop condemning people who would rather be, or marry housewives. It's their call. Not yours.