Hi everyone I need advice because am I little confuse

I am in a relationship with a great lady, she loves me and she always have butterflies in her Tommy each time she sees me or hear my voice but I don't feel that way, I see her more as a friend. We can gist d whole day if need be without getting tired or bored, we have complementary goals, we understand each other. I think it's because she is dark skinned n I prefer light skinned ladies. My confusion is that I want to settle down, can I go ahead with her? bearing in mind that inner beauty n character is better than outward beauty. Will it work out? Will the lack of sufficient love from me cause any ripple in future?

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%

You're not ready for marriage.....at least not with her.
You better let her go if your mind is not in her instead of chasing fair girls in the future(and there will be more fair girls because of bleaching).

Have you knacked her? Let's start from there

Fabbyking:
Hi everyone I need advice because am I little confuse

I am in a relationship with a great lady, she loves me and she always have butterflies in her Tommy each time she sees me or hear my voice but I don't feel that way, I see her more as a friend. We can gist d whole day if need be without getting tired or bored, we have complementary goals, we understand each other. I think it's because she is dark skinned n I prefer fair ladies. My confusion is that I want to settle down, can I go ahead with her? bearing in mind that inner beauty n character is better than outward beauty. Will it work out? Will the lack of sufficient love from me cause any ripple in future?

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%

You prefer bleached ladies? Oponu.
Shame on you!

thorpido:
You're not ready for marriage.....at least not with her.
You better let her go if your mind is not in her instead of chasing fair girls in the future(and there will be more fair girls because of bleaching).

I am ready. I mean natural light skin girls not bleached

lilmax:
Have you knacked her? Let's start from there

knacking her or not is not the board of contention here, thank you

freecocoahubby:


You prefer bleached ladies? Oponu.
Shame on you!

everyone has his or her own preferences

Fabbyking:
knacking her or not is not the board of contention here, thank you

If you can't answer the question, then you're fooling yourself

Been married for 16yrs plus and can tell you this, love will fade at some point in marriage.......beauty and looks aint skin deep, they are superficial and WILL fade.. my FIL is as white as an albino but hubby is dark skinned and i am light skinned but NOT fair....both my kids took my FIL's skin colour ie hubby's recessive genes.......you may marry a fair skinned girl whom pregnancy hormones messes up with and she goes dark during preg and never returns to her birth colour yet ur kids end up with your colour......will you then dump her and your kids because they dont have your "preferred skin
colour"...

.friendship is what will keep your marriage through those tough times because believe me as a spouse, u ll offend your spouse so much that they might resent you....but then because they miss their "friend" they reconcile and forgive you.

I think the bigger question here is do you know what friendship is

keepingmum:
Been married for 16yrs plus and can tell you this, love will fade at some point in marriage.......beauty and looks aint skin deep, they are superficial and WILL fade.. my FIL is as white as an albino but hubby is dark skinned and i am light skinned but NOT fair....both my kids took my FIL's skin colour ie hubby's recessive genes.......you may marry a fair skinned girl whom pregnancy hormones messes up with and she goes dark during preg and never returns to her birth colour yet ur kids end up with your colour......will you then dump her and your kids because they dont have your "preferred skin
colour"...

.friendship is what will keep your marriage through those tough times because believe me as a spouse, u ll offend your spouse so much that they might resent you....but then because they miss their "friend" they reconcile and forgive you.

I think the bigger question here is you know what friendship is

thanks for your reply. Let me elaborate my point, I don't feel that tingling sensation of love with her, I see her more of my paddy paddy. Is that good enough for marriage?

Fabbyking:
everyone has his or her own preferences

And yours will certainly be the end of you!

Just imagine the nonsense you've typed up.. your little brain cannot comprehend that the only difference between this lady and a "fair lady" is a fvcking BLEACHING CREAM! So I guess bleaching her skin is what it will take to win your love?

Dude you're shallow and pathetic. Free that girl jor let her find a real man to love and appreciate her. Ode!

freecocoahubby:


And yours will certainly be the end of you!

Just imagine the nonsense you've typed up.. your little brain cannot comprehend that the only difference between this lady and a "fair lady" is a fvcking BLEACHING CREAM! So I guess bleaching her skin is what it will take to win your love?

Dude you're shallow and pathetic. Free that girl jor let her find a real man to love and appreciate her. Ode!

some people and comprehension shaa

Fabbyking:
some people and comprehension shaa

Yup - you lack basic comprehension my guy.

Fabbyking:
thanks for your reply. Let me elaborate my point, I don't feel that tingling sensation of love with her, I see her more of my paddy paddy. Is that good enough for marriage?

@bolded,leave her and let her go.Honestly as you grow in marriage,with the way you see her now,she'll become even more unattractive to you.

You need both. Bible says husbands love your wife and love entails so much. That means you're willing to give anything bla bla bla. Then you need that friendship to relate in your day to day life. That's what keep you going even in later years.

keepingmum:
Been married for 16yrs plus and can tell you this, love will fade at some point in marriage.......beauty and looks aint skin deep, they are superficial and WILL fade.. my FIL is as white as an albino but hubby is dark skinned and i am light skinned but NOT fair....both my kids took my FIL's skin colour ie hubby's recessive genes.......you may marry a fair skinned girl whom pregnancy hormones messes up with and she goes dark during preg and never returns to her birth colour yet ur kids end up with your colour......will you then dump her and your kids because they dont have your "preferred skin
colour"...

.friendship is what will keep your marriage through those tough times because believe me as a spouse, u ll offend your spouse so much that they might resent you....but then because they miss their "friend" they reconcile and forgive you.

I think the bigger question here is do you know what friendship is

Exactly !
Thank you for this ma'am
OP

Get a book and pen, write out a list of all what you want in a wife .
If she ticks at least 70- 80 % of what you wrote, please marry her.

BUT, if you know within your heart that you wouldn't stay faithful to her just because she isn't light skinned, please let her be.

We humans sometimes don't really understand what love really is, it's not always the tingling sensation...Most times it stems from real and true friendship.

As you grow older, you would understand that some things are going to fade away, they won't matter any more, they are temporary.

What permanent features does she have ?

I don't mean to sound harsh or disrespectful and I understand everyone has preferences, but if you still think in this manner, I am sorry sir, you aren't ready for marriage. You didn't say she isn't good looking, the problem is her skin colour.

Trust me, I know some light skinned girls that are not "marriageable".

When you get married all these things gradually wouldn't matter anymore...

My wife is light skinned, brown "cat eyes" , she is breathtaking to look at. I didn't marry her for all these. It just happened that she had these features.

I am not saying I don't notice her beauty, but as we grow together, her selflessness, her dedication, her submissiveness, her love and care for me, makes me more attracted to her, that I barely notice her face sometimes, the beauty of her actions have overtaken her physical beauty. She gives me peace, peace !. She is my best friend, as you call it my paddy paddy.

Your number one priority should be peace of mind, then every other thing can follow.
Without peace of mind, you can't function properly as a human, nothing else would make sense.

I pray you see things and God gives you foresight to deeply understand what marriage entails and what lies ahead of you.

Fabbyking:
knacking her or not is not the board of contention here, thank you

If you truly see her as just your friend, your answer to that question should have been a clear NO.

If you are sleeping with her, you just want to have your cake and eat it, using excuses of not loving or wanting to light skin girl to deceive yourself.

Fabbyking:

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%

Your attraction for her is just not high enough. A 40% level of love is okay but with attraction at just 40%, you will most likely cheat on her with someone you find more attractive.

Every other score issa goal except attraction, sorry.

Either you look for someone else, or you marry this one and make a vow to whatever deity you believe in to never cheat on her. Your choice.

Fabbyking:
Hi everyone I need advice because am I little confuse

I am in a relationship with a great lady, she loves me and she always have butterflies in her Tommy each time she sees me or hear my voice but I don't feel that way, I see her more as a friend. We can gist d whole day if need be without getting tired or bored, we have complementary goals, we understand each other. I think it's because she is dark skinned n I prefer light skinned ladies. My confusion is that I want to settle down, can I go ahead with her? bearing in mind that inner beauty n character is better than outward beauty. Will it work out? Will the lack of sufficient love from me cause any ripple in future?

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%

You dont love her and you're not attracted to her. This might be a disaster waiting to happen in the future. You should try and see whether you can develop feeling for her before marriage, if you cannot then I'd advice you let her go. Attraction and love matters, she might end up irritating you after marriage cos the attraction isn't there.
Do you picture yourself making love to her? Traveling together and making good memories.
If it cannot go beyond friendship for you, I'll advice you let go. Its first her own good as well. Except you want to marry her for the good communication and trust? And cheat on her with someone you find sexually appealing.

Jesu oko ijo!

It is well

thorpido:
@bolded,leave her and let her go.Honestly as you grow in marriage,with the way you see her now,she'll become even more unattractive to you.

thanks

[quote author=farady post=88088536]You need both. Bible says husbands love your wife and love entails so much. That means you're willing to give anything bla bla bla. Then you need that friendship to relate in your day to day life. That's what keep you going even in later years.

[/quote you understand me, thanks for your contribution

[quote author=farady post=88088536]You need both. Bible says husbands love your wife and love entails so much. That means you're willing to give anything bla bla bla. Then you need that friendship to relate in your day to day life. That's what keep you going even in later years.

[/quote you understand me, thanks for you contribution

Donald3d:

Exactly !
Thank you for this ma'am
OP

Get a book and pen, write out a list of all what you want in a wife .
If she ticks at least 70- 80 % of what you wrote, please marry her.

BUT, if you know within your heart that you wouldn't stay faithful to her just because she isn't light skinned, please let her be.

We humans sometimes don't really understand what love really is, it's not always the tingling sensation...Most times it stems from real and true friendship.

As you grow older, you would understand that some things are going to fade away, they won't matter any more, they are temporary.

What permanent features does she have ?

I don't mean to sound harsh or disrespectful and I understand everyone has preferences, but if you still think in this manner, I am sorry sir, you aren't ready for marriage. You didn't say she isn't good looking, the problem is her skin colour.

Trust me, I know some light skinned girls that are not "marriageable".

When you get married all these things gradually wouldn't matter anymore...

My wife is light skinned, brown "cat eyes" , she is breathtaking to look at. I didn't marry her for all these. It just happened that she had these features.

I am not saying I don't notice her beauty, but as we grow together, her selflessness, her dedication, her submissiveness, her love and care for me, makes me more attracted to her, that I barely notice her face sometimes, the beauty of her actions have overtaken her physical beauty. She gives me peace, peace !. She is my best friend, as you call it my paddy paddy.

Your number one priority should be peace of mind, then every other thing can follow.
Without peace of mind, you can't function properly as a human, nothing else would make sense.

I pray you see things and God gives you foresight to deeply understand what marriage entails and what lies ahead of you.

thanks alot I appreciate your input

crackkhaus:

Your attraction for her is just not high enough. A 40% level of love is enough but with attraction at just 40%, you will most likely cheat on her with someone you find more attractive.

Every other score issa goal except attraction, sorry.

Either you look for someone else, or you marry this one and make a vow to whatever deity you believe in to never cheat on her. Your choice.

thanks

rockstarB:

You dont love her and you're not attracted to her. This might be a disaster waiting to happen in the future. You should try and see whether you can develop feeling for her before marriage, if you cannot then I'd advice you let her go. Attraction and love matters, she might end up irritating you after marriage cos the attraction isn't there.
Do you picture yourself making love to her? Traveling together and making good memories.
If it cannot go beyond friendship for you, I'll advice you let go. Its first her own good as well. Except you want to marry her for the good communication and trust? And cheat on her with someone you find sexually appealing.

that cheating part is my fear, thanks for d contribution

Fabbyking:
Hi everyone I need advice because am I little confuse

I am in a relationship with a great lady, she loves me and she always have butterflies in her Tommy each time she sees me or hear my voice but I don't feel that way, I see her more as a friend. We can gist d whole day if need be without getting tired or bored, we have complementary goals, we understand each other. I think it's because she is dark skinned n I prefer light skinned ladies. My confusion is that I want to settle down, can I go ahead with her? bearing in mind that inner beauty n character is better than outward beauty. Will it work out? Will the lack of sufficient love from me cause any ripple in future?

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%

You see, it's best to marry a friend than to marry someone you love because friendship develops to love and the love grows base on the friendship

A friend will find it difficult to hurt you considering what you guys shares in common like gisting and the rest

lilmax:


If you can't answer the question, then you're fooling yourself

Stop it naw �

Fabbyking:
thanks for your reply. Let me elaborate my point, I don't feel that tingling sensation of love with her, I see her more of my paddy paddy. Is that good enough for marriage?

Can you tell us what's attracting in her or what you like about her

frozen70:


Can you tell us what's attracting in her or what you like about her

I love the peace of mind she gives me, I love that I can be myself around her, I love the way she understands me but physical attribute is generally 40%. Is it a good number for me to proceed?

Fabbyking:
I love the peace of mind she gives me, I love that I can be myself around her, I love the way she understands me but physical attribute is generally 40%. Is it a good number for me to proceed?

OK, don't rush, give yourselves time

Concentrate on her and on the relationship but not on the marriage yet

With time you will have a good reason to settle with her

Being happy when you are with her is a great score

Marriage without happiness is as bitter as bitter leave juice

OP, this might sound weird and strange but trust me, it works. Starting from when next you see or talk with her, tell her everyday, " Baby, I love you so much, and I'm so attracted to you, your body is so sexy. You're the best thing that has happened to me". Repeat it every single day whenever you see her, via whatsapp, SMS. EVERYDAY, even if it sounds heavy and weird in your mouth. Do this for 4 weeks and re-evaluate how you feel about the love and attraction.

I once dated someone who wasn't my spec at all but he won me over with how nice and attentive he was. I liked how nice he was to me but wasn't proud to seen with him. I had to do something about it. I already knew how powerful words are so I started telling him how handsome he was and how much I loved him ( I didn't feel an iota of love at this point) but I kept saying it to him. He enjoyed hearing it because he will always smile. From there I started noticing that he had a nice smile,
small kissable lips, small dimples that appear when he laughs, cute tiny eyes that crinkles when he laughs, the richness of his laugh etc. I started noticing little details about him that I liked, from there my heart started opening towards him, before you know it, I started liking him more and more, wanting to spend more time with him, before long I fell in love with him. That relationship went on for years before he cheated on me with his ex. If he didn't cheat, we would still been together.

You said she gives you peace and ticks all the other boxes. Do this so you can realize that you actually love her then you guys can get married.

PS- If after 4 weeks you still don't love her or feel attracted to her, please, let her go.