₦airaland Forum

yvelchstores:
For me personally I can never leave my child with someone else. What if she is breast feeding your baby? Sorry for what happened to her.. For me personally, let hell let loose, I can't leave my infant with anyone.

Exactly on point. That she even want to sleep over with a 7 month baby is demonic. She must have breastfed the baby at your back 'cus her milk is still flowing. Picking offence and stopped greeting you is another hidden agenda. Be carefull allowing her access to other of your children as that could turn to be a very big risk. If your family can move out, better. Better watch your back if she starts acting to warm herself back to you.

EricSmallz:
You are selfish sha. 5 kids? If you were my wife, I would instruct you to gift that child to that poor woman. 4 kids are more than enough. Do you want to eat some? And from the look of things, your husband is even broke o. He can't even afford to rent a house, but you are just giving birth like bird. What if God gets angry and withdraw the kids?

I don't think you're even married. "gift a child" to someone. You're not serious

jess2019:
At OP.
I just finished reading the whole 5 pages. I have a 9month old baby and I can understand from op's point of view leaving her child out of her sight for so long. It feels like I've left my baby for eternity when I step out for just an hr.
For the issue at hand. I dont get how her inlaws can suggest OP gives her child to her SIL. Dont they know what bonding is? The bond between the mother and child. OP carried this baby for 9months and then cared for her for 7months. Haba. I'm beginning to think that the sister inlaw must have staged her pregnancy and loss just to plan about taking op's 5th child after she saw OP pregnant with her 5th.

[b]Follow this
Sit your sister inlaw down. Explain to her you understand her predicament and that you are willing to give ur child to her but they should allow ur child to reach one yr. Reason that you have bonded with baby during pregnancy and birth, therefore it will not be that easy for u to just handover ur baby like that. While they are waiting for ur baby to be 1yr old. You and ur hubby should use that 5months to look for a place of your own.

Before you pack out, sit ur SIL down again. Explain to her that your baby is passing separation anxiety and that u cannot afford to give ur baby up. That her cries touches you and because of that you are willing to pack out if she can't bear to see ur child not with her. Babies begin to feel separation anxiety from 8months. They cry when their care giver is not around.
This reason will give u time to plan and also to avoid trouble with your in laws at hand. Atleast everyone will give u a breathing space for now. Time takes care of situations. [/b]

@bold

A very good suggestion.

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

You must protect your children by all means. People don't take care of other people's children as their own. your child needs motherly care and love. If she needs to adopt, she should do it the proper way through Government agencies.

sisisioge:
Wawi! So it came to that! The last time you brought this story here, I advised that you allow her assess to you baby by sharing with her. I didn't even say gift her the baby as a whole but share like anyone sensitive to the other woman's plight would be. But no o, your other motherly sisters were attacking me saying I was asking you to gift your child to another. See now. No issues would have arose if you were just nice enough to allow her continue to be your baby's nanny until she gets tired of the stress of the unpaid service, given that you still have a multitude to care for. It was a very simple solution where everyone wins.

Anyways, it is time to woman up towards your responsibilities. You can't be living in free accommodation plus free whatever join while spiting your benefactor. And you can't of course be forced to completely give up your child...Infact, she shouldn't actually want anything to do with you and your children again. The insult and spite from you was just too much!

May God bless everybody with what their heart desires...who knows, they here can gather money for you to get you started, but it won't measure to what that woman you were spiteful towards has given you and your family so far.

Let me add that if you eventually get a job, you may be required to leave your baby with a nanny or whoever while you're out like most working class women do. That's like some 8 hours of someone else "sharing" your baby with you o. Anyways, let's hope for the best. You should do a business that allows you be with the child 24/7.

I'm sorry, I get so unglued when women are especially nasty to one another when it comes to child bearing. Good luck.

You are very dumb.
One would think the essence of a Forum like this is the knowledge that comes from ideas sharing. You chose to be stupid, sticking to the ideas that many have told you are wrong.

You are equating a nanny's attachment to an emotional attachment?

The likes of you are the ones that scald your housemaids because you can't be bothered, even making jest of her unfortunate situation.

worworbabe:
You are very dumb.
One would think the essence of a Forum like this is the knowledge that comes from ideas sharing. You chose to be stupid, sticking to the ideas that many have told you are wrong.

You are equating a nanny's attachment to an emotional attachment?

The likes of you are the ones that scald your housemaids because you can't be bothered, even making jest of her unfortunate situation.

Really? And you decided to haul insults at me like that? Whew! So many cretins claiming adults. You are ridiculously stiiipid! Didirin omo!

jess2019:
At OP.
I just finished reading the whole 5 pages. I have a 9month old baby and I can understand from op's point of view leaving her child out of her sight for so long. It feels like I've left my baby for eternity when I step out for just an hr.
For the issue at hand. I dont get how her inlaws can suggest OP gives her child to her SIL. Dont they know what bonding is? The bond between the mother and child. OP carried this baby for 9months and then cared for her for 7months. Haba. I'm beginning to think that the sister inlaw must have staged her pregnancy and loss just to plan about taking op's 5th child after she saw OP pregnant with her 5th.

Follow this
Sit your sister inlaw down. Explain to her you understand her predicament and that you are willing to give ur child to her but they should allow ur child to reach one yr. Reason that you have bonded with baby during pregnancy and birth, therefore it will not be that easy for u to just handover ur baby like that. While they are waiting for ur baby to be 1yr old. You and ur hubby should use that 5months to look for a place of your own.

Before you pack out, sit ur SIL down again. Explain to her that your baby is passing separation anxiety and that u cannot afford to give ur baby up. That her cries touches you and because of that you are willing to pack out if she can't bear to see ur child not with her. Babies begin to feel separation anxiety from 8months. They cry when their care giver is not around.
This reason will give u time to plan and also to avoid trouble with your in laws at hand. Atleast everyone will give u a breathing space for now. Time takes care of situations.

You're almost the only woke person on this thread. Don't mind those schemers. As soon as I read the story I knew OPs co wife was up to something. Even me still waiting on God for my own child would never ask another woman to give me hers.

Madam OP, please be very prayerful. Don't go about with airs around your shoulders and try to be respectful to your husband, her husband and her. When ever this issue comes up always make sure you disagree to give up your child calmly. No roforofo fight. Okay?

sisisioge:
Really? And you decided to haul insults at me like that? Whew! So many cretins claiming adults. You are ridiculously stiiipid! Didirin omo!

Someone needed to point it out to you.

You are the dindirin here who thinks a mother should share her own child and is stupid enough to come back and gloat because things turned out worse.

Very foolish being.

worworbabe:
Someone needed to point it out to you.

You are the dindirin here who thinks a mother should share her own child and is stupid enough to come back and gloat because things turned out worse.

Very foolish being.

Done explaining my stance... Arindin banza.

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

I don't know how this suggestion may seem, but how about you suggesting they leave your baby for you, after you have weaned her and rested, you can carry another pregnancy for them, this time around, everyone will have it in mind from the beginning that the baby will be theirs...like a surrogate, but your husband will be the one to get you pregnant
How about that? To let peace reign and bring joy to a couple

MariaAngeles:
I don't know how this suggestion may seem, but how about you suggesting they leave your baby for you, after you have weaned her and rested, you can carry another pregnancy for them, this time around, everyone will have it in mind from the beginning that the baby will be theirs...like a surrogate, but your husband will be the one to get you pregnant
How about that? To let peace reign and bring joy to a couple

Only when one understand what a woman passes through the 9 months to put to bed that would come to terms the bond between mother and child. Suggesting surrogate for a woman in this part of world, doesn't stand. Op should get out from that house and get R/P room in other to have sense of belonging. The woman asking her to release the child to be sleeping with at 7 months translates she has started to have mental issue for her predicament that could turn harmful to that child. Op, go get a place with your husband.

sisisioge:
Whew! You are so insensitive!

Firstly, you and your husband decided to be breeding children like rats since the cost of rent has been taken off your expenses right under the roof of the ones that housed you. Poor woman would die inside each time you pop out another baby like a rabbit while she keeps waiting unto the Lord...how insensitive of you.

Now she has lost her baby and using yours to console herself but nah...mama fruitful couldn't bear to share...whew!

If na me be her o...I will kuku tell my husband say seeing all these kids in the house is breaking my heart...you guys should give us space for a while...won't you guys just wonder if I'm wrong .
Iranu!

please read what you typed again,we are talking about a baby here and not a rat or an object to be tossed around...how do you share a baby,please explain.........

yvelchstores:
the fact that she still reported to her husband shows she doesn't have a good heart. Then the husband couldn't even have sense, he still called OP husband to warn... All because they are housing them. A woman should share her baby with you because u are sharing accommodation with her, imagine the guts. Kai.

you so on point,imagine the nonsense people are spilling just because thy are housing them,how do you even share someone's child...comments annoying ayaf......

@op don't mind those saying you gave birth to 5 children,some of these people insulting you,their mother gave birth to 7,13,15 e.t.c,most are hypocrites.....protect your baby please,its your right,babies are not commodity to be tossed around....

Just imagine,some people said it here that it might come to this......I pray God helps you...she should go to the orphanage to adopt,don't give your baby out .......

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

sisisioge:
Done explaining my stance... Arindin banza.

Oponu oshi. Keep on typing from your one room basement.

Wicked thing.

andyanders:
Only when one understand what a woman passes through the 9 months to put to bed that would come to terms the bond between mother and child. Suggesting surrogate for a woman in this part of world, doesn't stand. Op should get out from that house and get R/P room in other to have sense of belonging. The woman asking her to release the child to be sleeping with at 7 months translates she has started to have mental issue for her predicament that could turn harmful to that child. Op, go get a place with your husband.

You can use the service of another surrogate mother. It will be planted with your ova fertilized by your spouse's sperm. This is gestational surrogacy. And so the baby will be genetically yours. Call to New-Life surrogacy clinic https://www.new-life.ua/services/surrogacy and they will help you

This your Chinese-English get as e bo o...
You would have simply write all this in Igbo or Chinese language,it would have been easy to comprehend.

After seven kids! She's under no obligation to birth babies for anyone!! Do you have any idea of the wear and tear on her body, already? Surrogates are usually paid, will she be paid?

I know you are coming from a good place but still nah!

MariaAngeles:
I don't know how this suggestion may seem, but how about you suggesting they leave your baby for you, after you have weaned her and rested, you can carry another pregnancy for them, this time around, everyone will have it in mind from the beginning that the baby will be theirs...like a surrogate, but your husband will be the one to get you pregnant
How about that? To let peace reign and bring joy to a couple

Aleora:
Just imagine,some people said it here that it might come to this......I pray God helps you...she should go to the orphanage to adopt,don't give your baby out .......

Thanks I will not give her my baby there’s a lot of babies in the orphanage , streets who needs motherly love from people like her and she doesn’t want those ones but only want mine, like I said before,I will move out after lockdown probably by next week

Chiomamoses:
I have 5 children for my husband d last one is 7months my husband brother wife was pregnant wit her first child after waiting for almost 10 years we were all happy for them and couldn’t wait for him to be with us unfortunately on December 27 she delivered tru CS and lost d baby that same day is so painful for us as family we stay in the same compound the house belonged to my husband brother , I take care of her she start getting too attached to my baby she want to be with her all the time she will take her away from me and stay with in her house all day until I go for her for breastfeeding then last time she ask me if she can spend the night with my baby but I refuse making excuses for her not to be offended. For the past 1 week I have been avoiding her and keeping my baby inside d house making excuses she is sleeping or she is not feeling well and she ask my elder daughter to come take the baby and I refuse and she came asking me if she offended me I said no and lied my baby was not feeling well but she was offended and told her husband cos she has no child and I have stopped my children coming to her house my brother in law got angry and told my husband to warn me my husband cautioned me which I went to her and apologise even taught what she said is not true cos I do let my other 4 children to go to her house and I only stopped my baby going there because she is getting too attached to her and I know she is feeling so much pain for d loss of her baby but me too I need my baby I don’t like sharing her with anyone. For 3 days now she ceased talking to me and stop responding my greeting. Please am I wrong ?

Madam, you are not wrong at all. Your baby is still very young to be taken away from you everyday. You and your baby still need all the bonding you can get. You can explain this to your husband, so he can see where you are coming from. Your other kids can go to her house often to keep her busy. Staying with in-laws comes with plenty wahala mbok

Aleora:
Just imagine,some people said it here that it might come to this......I pray God helps you...she should go to the orphanage to adopt,don't give your baby out .......

What!! Likely seriously. Where is this done mbok. Pls don't concede to this. She should go to an orphanage home and adopt a child legally

jbridges:
Madam, you are not wrong at all. Your baby is still very young to be taken away from you everyday. You and your baby still need all the bonding you can get. You can explain this to your husband, so he can see where you are coming from. Your other kids can go to her house often to keep her busy. Staying with in-laws comes with plenty wahala mbok

Thanks my dear see my husband has never listen to me because he want to do everything to pleased his brother , he want to be under him in everything even if the brother ask him to lick his feet he will do it. I have had enough of staying under the rule because they have accommodate us they want us to live under their rule thank God me I can’t obey stupid rule. I think moving out of here will help my husband to be shine his eyes and to be a man. so we will have our own house

Chiomamoses:
Thanks my dear see my husband has never listen to me because he want to do everything to pleased his brother , he want to be under him in everything even if the brother ask him to lick his feet he will do it. I have had enough of staying under the rule because they have accommodate us they want us to live under their rule thank God me I can’t obey stupid rule. I think moving out of here will help my husband to be shine his eyes and to be a man. so we will have our own house

Do you have a business or a job? Apart from your husband...
How supportive are you financially?

It is well with her. She is only consoling herself with your baby.

Mariangeles:
Do you have a business or a job? Apart from your husband...
How supportive are you financially?

I used to work for them but when I took in with my last baby , I stopped working till now am
Not doing anything

Perogbangba:
It is well with her. She is only consoling herself with your baby.

Amen

Chiomamoses:
I used to work for them but when I took in with my last baby , I stopped working till now am
Not doing anything

No wonder they had the audacious sense of entitlement.
What you have to do is to be strong because from the moment you move out with your kids, it is going to be tough for you. But with the support of your children, there's nothing you can't handle.
You have to do all you can for your children.
Even if it is to start frying akara to cater for them, DO IT! By then, nobody will have the nerve to ask you to give up any of your child.

Femsyn:
Why are you staying in your husband's brother's house with 5 children?

I can't see the reason you asked this question. If they had their own duplex, you think they will be in her brother inlaws house?

sisisioge:
Whew! You are so insensitive!

Firstly, you and your husband decided to be breeding children like rats since the cost of rent has been taken off your expenses right under the roof of the ones that housed you. Poor woman would die inside each time you pop out another baby like a rabbit while she keeps waiting unto the Lord...how insensitive of you.

Now she has lost her baby and using yours to console herself but nah...mama fruitful couldn't bear to share...whew!

If na me be her o...I will kuku tell my husband say seeing all these kids in the house is breaking my heart...you guys should give us space for a while...won't you guys just wonder if I'm wrong .
Iranu!

I do wonder what the wicked find in there actions.

Since you are obviously a wicked soul, what will you derive if the family of 7 is homeless?

sisisioge:
Another solution...nah, she declared that she's not sharing. While it is most understandable that OP's fertility or fertility struggle of her SIL isn't OP's fault, being a bit sensitive would have helped. Instead of outrightly banning her from picking her child, she could just have suggested this your advise up there. Anyways, I continue to find her action insensitive... My opinion remains the same.

By the way, I wasn't asking her to terminate her pregnancies or donate her baby to the SIL...I was just advocating sharing to ease this woman's pain now. Jeez...may God bless everyone looking to be fruitful with their own babies.

I wish the SIL good fortune with her next pregnancy and hope the OP will change her ways.

I'm sure you're not a mother!
If you were, you won't be sounding this way. The baby is a human, a living being and not a toy that should be shared on the basis of emotional blackmail.

Imagine someone expecting you to leave your suckling baby with her overnight, haba! That's going overboard. Obviously, the woman's mental health is somewhat unstable and she needs the help of a therapist.

May God Almighty bless her with her own kids soonest.

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

Stand your grounds OP, you are a strong woman and a good mother. God will surely grant you grace in this family battle.
SMH to your husband who isn't standing by you at this trying time...

No one should force you to 'dash' another person your child, thats very unfair.
Whether a mother has 2 or 20 kids, its very difficult for her to just dash out one like that, especially a baby that is still suckling.

Please be strong, follow your instincts and do what you think is best for your baby.
Its not your fault that your co-wife don't have any. If you weren't in the picture won't she and her husband find another way out (adoption, surrogacy, IVF, etc).