Xone3:

I am 29, single, a no-good child, have a job and business. I think I am responsible except you have parameters for me to measure it. I dont really like being dictated to about my life, strong willed, stubborn, perceived to be proud, loved by most of my colleagues even the one I fight with, blunt, I can give my last kobo to people, outgoing outside but introverted around family, extremely playful outside. There is no chores I cant do but i am a firm believer in free will and I love independence.
Yes, I can disown whoever I need to even though this is Africa.

u got me laughing really, just calm down.On a more serious note, u cant love independence wen ur still under ur parent roof .i guess u got d drift.

merieam16:
u got me laughing really, just calm down.On a more serious note, u cant love independence wen ur still under ur parent roof .i guess u got d drift.

Really, I am not under their roof. I went home because of Covid-19. You get the drift now. I have been living far from their roof for at least 6 years now.

Xone3:


Lesbian bawo? No I am not, far from it.

Then, u can still make up with them.

It's lack of understanding and proper communication from both sides. And sometimes it pays to say yes and let peace reign until u are free to be your own person

GoodGood luck

Xone3:

Thanks, I actually have a job and we stay apart. However, I went home due to the covid19 lockdown and things haven't changed within us.
They feel I am proud, disobedient and wayward. All I have ever tried to do was please them. I am not perfect, I am stubborn, hard hearted, kind, firm in my decisions and highly opinionated. Abused at 8, psychologically abused from young till now. Thanks for your comment

I really don't know you enough to say this but a part of me thinks this opinion of you by them isn't too far from the truth.I feel you chose to be rebellious for some reason that may be your parents' fault while you were growing up but that has ruined your relationship with them.

It's good also you admit being stubborn and hard hearted.Has this nature helped you in your relationships with other people apart from your parents?
Why did your relationship with your boyfriend end?

I think you can be a better person than you are presently.No one is perfect but I feel you can build better relationships.......with your parents and others.

thorpido:
I really don't know you enough to say this but a part of me thinks this opinion of you by them isn't too far from the truth.I feel you chose to be rebellious for some reason that may be your parents' fault while you were growing up but that has ruined your relationship with them.

It's good also you admit being stubborn and hard hearted.Has this nature helped you in your relationships with other people apart from your parents?
Why did your relationship with your boyfriend end?

I think you can be a better person than you are presently.No one is perfect but I feel you can build better relationships.......with your parents and others.

He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it.
I was immature and didn't know what I wanted.
We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn.
I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships.

sassysure:

Then, u can still make up with them.

It's lack of understanding and proper communication from both sides. And sometimes it pays to say yes and let peace reign until u are free to be your own person

GoodGood luck

I am sure I have a problem with this particular. I don't know how to say yes to allow for peace because I feel I have said too many yes to allow for the cycle to continue. Communication is two sided, two people communicating to come to an agreement of some sort, not one sided where one person does all the talking. I appreciate your input a lot.

Xone3:

Thanks , you made me smile and cry. I am actually not jobless, I have a job that means the world to me but I am tired of being the bad child. The one every family both near and far see as the odd one out. The rebellious one who is disobedient, proud and unruly. The bad influence to the other child. The one that tries to be independent and won't leave her room.

At least you have not gotten pregnant outside wedlock yet, you can't be that bad.

People with strong personalities are often made out to be the bad ones because they are intimidating to those around them. I can sense you might have a strong personality and it rubs off on people the wrong way.

Try to be more agreeable on the surface even if you know the person is full of shít deep down - it makes people feel less threatened around you.
You simply don't need to act disobedient, unruly, or proud all the time. Identify the people in your life who have these impressions of you and actively do things that make them feel more comfortable and in charge even though you know deep in your mind that you are just letting them think they're in charge for peace to reign... trust me it works.

You'll be fine.

successmatters:
Just stand in front of them and try to shout "I disown you!"

You will be shocked when they scream it together in your own face while throwing you out.

You don't know how hard it is to raise someone till age 30.

I think you're being rash, but you can give us the whole story so we can make more informed suggestions.

LMAO! Buhahahahahahahaha!!!

Xone3:

Thanks, I actually have a job and we stay apart. However, I went home due to the covid19 lockdown and things haven't changed within us.
They feel I am proud, disobedient and wayward. All I have ever tried to do was please them. I am not perfect[b], I am stubborn, hard hearted[/b], kind, firm in my decisions and highly opinionated. Abused at 8, psychologically abused from young till now. Thanks for your comment

Okay. So this is where the problem is.

Endure till the end of lockdown, pack your kaya back to your house and love them from afar. Life is not that hard.

Ishilove:

Okay. So this is where the problem is.

Endure till the end of lockdown, pack your kaya back to your house and love them from afar. Life is not that hard.

Enduring is the problem o. It looks like my battery keeps running down and I am wondering if it is the battery or charger. I have been here but suddenly it looks like I dont have the strength anymore with the constant words and talks I am hearing. I am constantly being guilt tripped.

crackland:

At least you have not gotten pregnant outside wedlock yet, you can't be that bad.

People with strong personalities are often made out to be the bad ones because they are intimidating to those around them. I can sense you might have a strong personality and it rubs off on people the wrong way.

Try to be more agreeable on the surface even if you know the person is full of shít deep down - it makes people feel less threatened around you.
You simply don't need to act disobedient, unruly, or proud all the time. Identify the people in your life who have these impressions of you and actively do things that make them feel more comfortable and in charge even though you know deep in your mind that you are just letting them think they're in charge for peace to reign... trust me it works.

You'll be fine.

I have never gotten pregnant, reported for immoral conduct, being found doing anything bad but I am always wrong.
However, I have been found to be making decisions like a man, be too independent and my wings needing to be cut.

Xone3:


Thanks, I really appreciate you. The fact that there I keep hearing that there is nothing I know how to do. I am viewed as not religious which I really don't want to be. You are not allowed to have an opinion or say. I am perceived as rude because of the tone of my voice, I am belittled every single day. I look more like the black ship even extended family capitalise on that to say, Oh! she is no good, she is this and that. I am drained and in other not to tarnish the name I feel it will be better to legally remove it. I am actually thinking of seeing a psychologist too and decide if I should go ahead with it. Lets I forget, it is my fault that I am still single because I didnt marry my ex of 6 years and no one will marry a bad person like me. Thanks

Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us."

In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense.

He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?"

Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na."

Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo.

You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing.

Xone3:
Please I need the procedures needed to disown myself from my parents. Almost 30 and I am psychologically drained.

Family is the most Important thing we all have,don’t rush into any decision now believe me latter you will all laff over it cos there no way both of your parents will want to lead you astray
Cos if you have any problem this your family will be by your side.

Xone3:


He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it.
I was immature and didn't know what I wanted.
We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn.
I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships.

You actually can do better than this.You don't have to be on the 'highway' all the time.
In your home now,the major issue I believe will be chores.As long as you are in the home,help out.Take responsibility.
Try to be a part of the family in activities.It doesn't mean you have to agree with them in everything but you can meet them in the middle.
It's to make you a better person for yourself first,your family and the society at large.

MrBrownJay1:
what about walking away, and remove them from your life completely...

Forever is a long time bro.

Ishilove:

Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us."

In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense.

He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?"

Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na."

Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo.

You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing.

Yes, I totally understand you. My tone of voice is totally always annoying most times because I am annoyed that they don't understand me and always try to impose everything on me. From my course of study in school to how I dress, to the people I talk to, to how I must behave, to me not staying in my room, to how I can't listen to music at a certain time, when I must wake up, down to how I must worship God etc. I have really tried to keep smiling throughout my years but it just seems I have gotten to this point where I am fed up of everything. The only major joy I have is derived from my Job. I love my job.

thorpido:
You actually can do better than this.You don't have to be on the 'highway' all the time.
In your home now,the major issue I believe will be chores.As long as you are in the home,help out.Take responsibility.
Try to be a part of the family in activities.It doesn't mean you have to agree with them in everything but you can meet them in the middle.
It's to make you a better person for yourself first,your family and the society at large.

The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly.

I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force?
So sorry I typed too much.

Koralords:

Family is the most Important thing we all have,don’t rush into any decision now believe me latter you will all laff over it cos there no way both of your parents will want to lead you astray
Cos if you have any problem this your family will be by your side.

They are not leading me astray, they are draining me mentally, emotionally and psychologically. To the point I feel I am running mad. This isnt a one-off situation. It is something I have lived with growing up. Many times I have regretted been born, many times I had wished I could sleep and not wake up. The only thing that keeps me going each day is my Job. Sometimes I wonder what I will do without it. Don't get me wrong my parents have been supportive, monetarily but what I feel is far above money. I have never been enough, why must I be the model for the community, teenagers around, church members etc.
It is not only about being at my side, It is about understanding the child. A child that was never close to you while growing up can't open up to you now just because you want them too. The point where I dread picking up their calls because I don't know what to expect. I prefer it to ring and call back 2 days after than pick. I prefer to be indoors than outside where my every move, words or actions will be picked on and expanciated to be discussed and analyzed.

Xone3:


He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it.
I was immature and didn't know what I wanted.
We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn.
I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships.

Oh my...

Xone3:


The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly.

I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force?
So sorry I typed too much.

You need to separate yourself from such a tense environment and take a couple of steps back so you can get yourself. You sound drained.

Ishilove:

Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us."

In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense.

He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?"

Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na."

Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo.

You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing.

Also most times my facial expression betrays my tone of voice. If something irks me it shows on my face especially when someone says something that I dont agree with. Or is that why they feel I am proud?

Ishilove:

You need to separate yourself from such a tense environment and take a couple of steps back so you can get yourself. You sound drained.

I am drained. Funny thing is that I am a counselor. I actually felt like walking out of the house to get a hotel, pay for 10 days, switch off my phone and sleep throughout but my younger one said I shouldn't go out even though he didn't know my agenda. He is tired as well but dependent.

Xone3:


The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly.

I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force?
So sorry I typed too much.

Hmm,this has gone really deep.
Your parents didn't manage this well too while growing up and I don't know why it's both of them.It's one or the other most times.

We can talk more about this if you want.

thorpido:
Hmm,this has gone really deep.
Your parents didn't manage this well too while growing up and I don't know why it's both of them.It's one or the other most times.

We can talk more about this if you want.

Imagine being abused at 8 and you never speak about it till you're 28. You try to forget about it, act all strong and yes I mask my feelings so much that my friends and colleagues say I am too playful and energetic.

Xone3:


Imagine being abused at 8 and you never speak about it till you're 28. You try to forget about it, act all strong and yes I mask my feelings so much that my friends and colleagues say I am too playful and energetic.

I'll be honest with you.You need therapy.
Let's talk more.

thorpido:
I'll be honest with you.You need therapy.
Let's talk more.

I am trying to get therapy, contacted someone today. She said she will send me a schedule to book an appointment.

Xone3:

I am trying to get therapy, contacted someone today. She said she will send me a schedule to book an appointment.

Good.I'll like to follow you up.

successmatters:
Just stand in front of them and try to shout "I disown you!"

You will be shocked when they scream it together in your own face while throwing you out.

You don't know how hard it is to raise someone till age 30.

I think you're being rash, but you can give us the whole story so we can make more informed suggestions.

You know, you should consider taking comedy seriously as a career!

Yours response really cracked me up! But you raised a valid point!

Stay blessed!

No need.. Just avoid them.... Manage till the lockdown ends and leave, and just call them when their is need

Op, you must be fun to be around with.

babyfaceafrica:
No need.. Just avoid them.... Manage till the lockdown ends and leave, and just call them when their is need

Thanks

Arsenate:
Op, you must be fun to be around with.

Thanks, maybe.