₦airaland Forum

missimelda01:
This man I hope you're okay, where did I mention that I was going to feed you and your family? It is people like you that give other people bad names without a reason. You were the one who called me a broke babe, is that how they correct people in Russia? Biko don't angry me this night

Sorry I mistake you for one idiot like that.. she was saying that the person that created the thread is broke then I created na so she begin talk nonsense full ground.. sorry once again for accusing you wrongly..eh eh if I make you vex this night what are you going to do?

fatymore:
Any abroad base looking for wife in Nigeria?

Come and marry me

Won de

The guy wrote that line in the nonsense. Woman wey you go turn yourself to fool for inside their matriarchy society she go still divorce you dey look for the man wey go fit control am well. I am tired of this their woke nonsense Abeg. Good write up but he spoke in the nonsense trying to bastardised our way of life in Nigeria. It is done in America doesn’t mean we have to do it here in Nigeria. Take your slave mentality away from here.

HappyNigerian:
[s][/s]
Nonsense post! Because you are in America you now think their matriarchal society that has never worked for them is better than the society that God and nature bestowed on mankind that has proven to work for us? Nonsense again

eni4real:
Won de

Kintiyin...

Let me husstllllllle in peace.


Abroad Husband where are you biko.

Dakun your wife is waiting for you.

Nagode

missimelda01:
But wait, why is love and relationship this complicated? If you're in Nigeria, problem.. out of Nigeria, problem

In the midst of all this brouahah, there's still someone out there meant for you.

Because humans are too complicated and confused. Most times, they don't know what is important and chase after frivolities.

fatymore:
Kintiyin...

Let me husstllllllle in peace.


Abroad Husband where are you biko.

Dakun your wife is waiting for you.

Nagode

Omo nu

Gracejeri:
Hello oo whose there, I need an abroad based guy to marry.. Not a student please, I'm willing to relocate and work for us to grow big over there.. Nigeria is kinda hot

won de

Meeyankee:
Sorry I mistake you for one idiot like that.. eh eh if I make you vex this night what are you going to do?

You don't have the ability to vex me, I don't know you and you don't know me

kimjessey2019:
I don't know how one of my uncle managed to raised those humble daughters of his here in Nigeria while the other one of my uncle raised porn stars actresses in US. If them come Nigeria every mama go luck their sons and husband inside house. Tufiakwa

This is funny

eni4real:
Omo nu

Since you are in Nigeria, please face front joor..make abroad people see me

oshaosha2014:
The guy wrote that line in nonsense. Woman wey you go turn yourself to full for inside their matriarchy society she go still divorce you dey look for the man wey go fit control am well. I am tired of this their work nonsense Abeg. Good write up but he spoke in the nonsense trying to bastardised our way of life in Nigeria. It is done in America doesn’t mean we have to do it here in Nigeria. Take your slave mentality away from here.

Don't mind him. I am tired of these American slaves and their ways of reasoning.

eni4real:
won de

a ponbe

Exactly. This one go dey greet him wife first for morning, “good morning ma.” When these people go America automatically everything wey we dey do for Nigeria we no sabi do again.

wjxavier:
Dem don cook you. You go soon wash payint.

The American model does not support marriage. Take it or hug transformer. Marriage is not a Democracy.

Their wahala

HeavenlyCherub:
Thank you for seeing my perspective. A lot of women have been abused, used. That is why they’re afraid of people new to the US. Majority will want to be supported or want a green card.

If you want this support just find someone you genuinely love and don’t hurt people for your own gain.

Your experience is normal as so many have equally suffered same both men and women but the reality and bitter truth is that such experiences will teach us life lessons that humble us in so many ways.

Sadly many suffer burn out and then tune themselves off from the beauties of life. They become a ghost of them selves, their true worth and beauties lost due to depression, anger, bitterness and frustration.

Am a survivor myself having gone through very bitter and harsh experiences but I learnt early to live my life and find happiness atleast in my job if for anything.

I urge all those who have suffered heartbreaks and selfish attitudes from lovers, it’s difficult and often times extremely difficult to fight off such pains but thankfully you are alive and healthy. These are key virtues in preparing yourself for true healing and better opportunities again. Better opportunities will locate you and that is a fact so work on yourself, find dependable friends, bury yourself in your job, look your best at all times and just love God and you will see him give you beauty for ashes.

As a survivor am happy I went through that road, I have forgiven, am alive and at peace with my self and my God, whatever I lost are only MATERIAL so truly speaking I lost nothing.

I WILL BE TRULY HAPPY AGAIN BUT TILL THAT OPPORTUNITY COMES I WILL CONTINUE LOVING MYSELF AND MAKING THE BEST OUT IF MY LIFE.

Love you all!!!!

missimelda01:
This man I hope you're okay, where did I mention that I was going to feed you and your family? It is people like you that give other people bad names without a reason. You were the one who called me a broke babe, is that how they correct people in Russia? Biko don't angry me this night

babygirl, dont be angry in dis lockdown

missimelda01:
That would be best if only it was possible, love is part of life.

I am afraid that in our today's world we don't understand what love is all about.

RuudVanNisteroy:
We would get more respect if our countries were well functioning societies. They also have ignorant stereotypes about us.

the write up is so valid for anyone to contradict.as much as I wouldn't want to misjudge you or anyone by his/her opinion,i haven't seen an article as perfect and educative as crispel's in a very long time on nairaland.

fatymore:
Since you are in Nigeria, please face front joor..make abroad people see me

O da

SweetCunt97:
Yes! Nigerian men need to drop that male dominance bullshit. You both can't be working and you expect her to slave away in the kitchen all by herself while you watch television.. No no no.

Anyways, we'll get there some day, afterall the west had male dominance some decades ago before the rise of feminism breaking their women free from the shackles of male dominated oppression.

that's not even my problem. I. Don't mind slaving in the kitchen and being SuBmissive in all RamifiCatiOns.
But when it comes to Sex&X fashion, he shouldn't just try to make me reserved.

fatymore:
a ponbe

Loneliness dey there o

eni4real:
O da

What's with your signature

Amalekki:
Much ado about nothing.

One point that I find interesting about us is the way we complain about the attitude of Nigerians abroad. This is just a reminder that shoe get different sizes. You live in Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Enugu, Ibadan etc dey show people from your remote village pepper say you be city man or woman with serious oppression but when you enter the foreign end you start preaching. You get back to Nigeria after 4 weeks vacation and you won't let people hear word with coded oppressive attitude about your better exposure

you can not detach humans from hypocrisy... That's how humans behave

Crispels:
Lol. No vex. I’m only trying to share my experience. I know a lot of people will find it helpful. I also found the previous threads helpful - so I decided to also add to the conversation.

Can we be friends

What do you have in the western world: its opposite; matriarchy.... who does it favour all the damn time? The never satisfied woman.

RuudVanNisteroy:
Spreading some knowledge. Patriachy is dead in the western world, you must also get in the kitchen and cook.

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

You started well and ended horribly.
Mind you, in most cases, it's not the same values the oyinbo or Nigerian girl add to you that a Nigerian girl will add.

So while I do the dishes and Cook food here,my Nigerian girlfriend who barely bring anything to the table except for sex that we both enjoy, should be watching Telemundo abi?

vikkimimi:
As much as I would love to say this matter has been over flogged.... I'd like to say it's educating and an added info.
Your points are valid, and as a Nigerian girl, I've learnt one or two from the three threads today. THANKS

You're doing well...

Freaky freaky

You are so on point. Once my kids grow up a bit in canada my beo I am sending them back to nigeria , I must show them the other side of life. Thanks for ur points.

Crispels:
I have gone through this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5782313/chai-nigerian-girls-canada-lonely/5 , its comments and the response it got from a Nigerian -Canadian lady. I was able to relate to so many of them - being a Nigerian student in the United States. Hence, the need to give my perspective.


(1). ALMOST ALL “FRESH OFF THE BOAT” IMMIGRANTS ARE LONELY

Contrary to the perception that was created on the other thread that Nigerian ladies in Canada are lonely, loneliness knows no sex. It hits both men and women - particularly those who are fresh immigrants.


(2). MANY NIGERIAN GIRLS ABROAD SET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS(THE KIND OF GUY THEY WANT)AT A YOUNG AGE.

I have met with several Nigerian - American girls here and even international students who came from Nigeria. In the course of my interactions with them, I noticed a pattern of behavior, most of the Nigerian girls(both Nigerian - Americans and Nigerian foreign students) who are below the age of 24 always have an ‘image’ of the guy they want. Many(do take note that my choice of words are MANY/MOST and not ALL) of them will always tell you that “he has to be very handsome, rich, tall, sociable (which could also mean a party freak/a guy who loves binge drinking). They will also tell you that he has to be responsible, and many more, according to them”. When you however delineate all of these requirements, you will realize that they are unrealistic. It is hard to find a guy who possesses all of these qualities at the same time - and even when you luckily get to meet one of such- the reality could be: he is already in a relationship, he does not like you or there is no connection between the two of you.

More so, expecting a Nigerian guy(particularly a foreign student) to have it all figured out( be rich, handsome, sociable, this and that) at the age of 22 is insane.

Many of these girls continue to view guys from this prism of expectations until when they clock 25years plus and reality begins to set in. They will now start realizing that their initial expectations are not logical. They will discover that the rich, tall, sociable and handsome guy they wanted at the age of 20 could be a cheater while the struggling guy who they looked down on during their Junior year in college could now be earning 7figures - just three years after they looked down on him. Life is a process and we all are still growing. It is better to look out for potentials, hunger for success, drive and discipline instead of creating unrealistic checklists at a young age. Many of these girls(and even guys) set their expectations based on what they see on social media - ignoring the fact that the reality of Davido and Chioma or Beyoncé and Jay Z is unlikely to be your own reality. By the time many people realize life does not work according to certain checklists, they would have lost some years and funny enough - the guy or girl they probably looked down on earlier could now be their dream partner albeit too late.

(3). THE AVERAGE NIGERIAN ABROAD PREFERS TO MARRY A FELLOW NIGERIAN BUT THINGS SOMETIMES CHANGE DUE TO HURTFUL EXPERIENCES


When I first arrived in the United States, it was easier for me to interact with Oyinbo girls than most Nigerian-American/Nigerian girls. Most(not all) of the Nigerian girls I met here were so evasive and arrogant then. This was a time I needed a lot of help - in terms of settling down, making new friends, staying connected to my roots and stuff like that. I never even thought of dating anyone then - I just wanted good friends in a foreign land but many of the feedback I got made it seem as if I was trying to “shoot a shot” and I should stay off them. In fact, on many occasions, it’s either my messages(some as innocent as: “Hello, please, which of these stores is the most reliable grocery store in this neighborhood)”? or my greetings were ignored or I was completely ghosted. Some of them even described me as a “FRESH OFF THE BOAT” guy who they don’t want to be friends with.
I found it somewhat sad because many of these privileged Nigerian kids are children of Nigerian immigrants who were also once foreign students that even worked as cleaners, drivers and the likes when they first arrived in the US before they eventually settled down to become Doctors, Engineers, Businessmen, etc. So, watching some of their kids act cocky towards a ”newly arrived Nigerian” was sad - because the struggles he/she is facing now were what their parents faced 20-30 years ago. While I was struggling to settle down, I got more support from foreigners - there were Americans who took me to different stores, taught me how to use the city transportation system, how to save cost and adjust to the American society and system. These were some of the forms of support I needed from my Nigerian sisters(NOTE : over 98% of the Nigerians I saw upon resumption are females).

On the other hand, there were girls from North African countries and other parts of the world who love Nigerian guys die. Kudos to our music industry: many foreigners love/rate Nigerian guys due to our afro beat artistes and our love for dance/faajii, big weddings and surprisingly - the way we treat our women. These foreign babes bought me unsolicited gifts and offered to pay for my food(which I stubbornly refused) on numerous occasions. In fact, there was an American friend that unsolicitedly cooked for me during Thanksgiving period - she cooked it in her family house, drove down to my apartment and gave it to me. Thus, if I was so desperate to date anyone at that time, it would definitely have been a foreigner.

Yet, I continued to love and support my Nigerian sisters and the Nigerian community. In fact, deep inside of me, I continued to convince myself that when the time is right - I would rather date and marry a Nigerian girl as opposed to any other nationality. This was despite the fact that I was friends with just only one Nigerian(she’s Nigerian - American) girl at that time - who was already dating a Caribbean guy and I was equally not even searching for a girlfriend at that time.

The reality here is: most guys are not that patient to wait for a Nigerian babe or tolerate such hurtful experiences. Many would have gone for the Oyinbo girls or any other foreigner who treated them nicely even if they had planned to date a Nigerian ab initio.

(4). WE SHOULD ALL BE REALISTIC AND STAY TRUE TO OURSELVES.

Looking for ready made girls or guys at a young age is one of the major reasons behind loneliness among Nigerians in the diaspora. The fact that a guy or a girl just arrived the US/Canada(to study) from Lagos or Onitsha today - with a heavy accent, awkward dressing, low bank account balance, etc... does not mean he cannot be as smart, sociable, and successful as Obama in a few years. If there is one thing I know about we Nigerians, it’s that: virtually all of us have great potentials and we desire greatness in life. We are very ambitious and we are willing to give all it takes to achieve our dreams - howbeit the stifling environment in Naija is usually a great hindrance to our successes. Nevertheless, we are all in the process of becoming who we hope to be. Thus, while we endure this process: why can’t we all just be realistic, support each other to be better individuals, achieve phenomenal successes together and serve as a beacon of hope to those who look up to us back home in Nigeria?
[/b]Why must we make major life decisions like relationships based on mostly unrealistic checklists when we both can evolve together to meet the desires of our heart and soul? [b]
We should not focus on what only pleases our eyes but what satisfies our heart and soul - that is what makes long lasting relationships. Beauty will fade. Money will fail at some point but what will make it last, forever is: character, strength, discipline and love of God.

[/b]Eventually, most of the girls who treated me badly when I first arrived here later wanted us to be friends after they read, saw or heard some things about me. While I will forever love my Nigerian sisters, coalescing around guys only when they look like what you want should not be so. Life does not work that way. Anybody could rise! There are potentials in every corner of the world. What people need are opportunities and when these opportunities meet potentials, preparations, hard work and the grace of God - greatness is inevitable.[b]

As Nigerian men abroad, we must love and respect our women. We must treat them as priorities - come what may! We must also support and cherish them because they embody our beauty, greatness and strength. Our Nigerian sisters must also realize that Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge was not built in a day - it took years of efforts, investments and transformation for it to become the darling of our Nollywood movies. In other words, that a guy does not entirely look like it today does not mean he will never get there. So far he has the potentials, he can even be more - with time and hard work, he can be way more than your unrealistic checklist. Can we now start looking at the heart and not the checklist?

This O.P writes from +1412, United States of America.

Finally, we all should not dwell in the past. We cannot change what happened during the slave trade - it was an unfortunate incidence but that is now history. More so, we were not the ones that sold them into slavery and not all African immigrants have condescending opinions about black Americans. Majority of us love them and we see them as a part of us. African immigrants should see black Americans as their brothers and sisters, vice versa. We all need to work together and put our differences/biases aside. [

IN THE END, WE ARE ALL AFRICANS! ONE LOVE!!![/quote]Bro! You're very intelligent, I'll love to be your friend(not just online) You need to pass me your vibes( the way you see things).
I'm actually in the stage of my life in which i need to choose between going abroad (USA , Canada or Netherlands) for graduate study or staying back in Nigeria and grow my way to the top( to be an elite) which i believe is very possible cause at the moment I'm not doing bad and I believe it can only get better.

One love!!!
[color=#006600][/color]

fatymore:
What's with your signature

Prevention is better... That is my message!!

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, U

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

Lol, support in the kitchen indeed. Patriarchy is a really fancy word. If she can't cook she should say so, don't expect me to wash plate or do any crazy shore. Why won't it be like that when men instead of supporting their wives to succeed while she takes care of him, instead try to make her cook, cleaner and still expect her to carry on financial responsibilities. Some guys are just shameless.

I intend to marry a white lady when I find the chance and finance to run my post graduate degrees. No woman should expect me to assist her in the kitchen unless it is to eat. It is her exclusive duty to cook for me, if she's too tired to then she can chill and shouldn't cook under duress. She's not my 50:50 partner. I am the head of the union and she's there to help the head succeed while the head provides protection.

This 50:50 partnership is the reason Western societies are so dysfunctional at the family unit.

Everybody should practise what works best for them. My wife can't be my 50:50 partner and I don't even have to say it for her to know. If she's not cool with it while we're dating, she can move on.

ODB2:
leftoid crap. U might as well castrate yourself

White girls are dating black guys now over the skinny beta white cucks because of this sissy pandering

Women are looking for a second daddy figure in a man and you are here spewing your sissy campus indoctrination

You just showed how insecure you are and how desperate you want to fit into your Liberal crowd

cuck sucker

Don't mind that wimp