babythug:
It is what it is!

At this point the only place left to go is “up”.

Your sharing your story here is part of your recovery process and I wish you the very best henceforth.

The allegations against your mum may or may not be true but don’t let it hold you down be determined to rise from the complexities/complications that have happened to you so far.

You are not a victim but a conqueror.

Be prayerful and determined to be successful no matter what.

Focus and be diligent at your source of income . Manage your resources to the best of your ability and just be determined to succeed henceforth.

Let your children drive you and be your motivation. You will not be the first nor last to have these kind of challenges but make up your mind to be different by succeeding against all odds.

I wish you well

P.S- what skills do you have that can be used as a source of income? Someone may be able to assist you in that area.

Vickiyxx:

Thank you so much for the support , your words really made me feel strong and happy. To be frank with you I don’t have any skill , no vision in
Life my life is messed up. I hope it’s not too late for me

Harllaby:

Hmm. Don't continue dwelling in your past. You are not the first certainly. Your future now is your kids. From your write-up, your first child should be around age 8 to 10. Definitely needs a good parental upbringing especially as she grow into teen hood.

Right now, you need to work on yourself, find something doing like situable work you can engage in. Build and create a good relationship with people around you. It's until you're empowered mature and responsible men will look your way.

By the way, you keep mentioning your mum as is the cause of your dialema. Do you think her wealth bring you this dialema you're facing?

Vickiyxx:

Thank you so much for the support , your words really made me feel strong and happy. To be frank with you I don’t have any skill , no vision in
Life my life is messed up. I hope it’s not too late for me

KevinDein:

You can start by tapering down on the porn and masturbation. Addictions that give quick dopamine rush like gambling, drug, porn etc, are very capable of demotivating you as you tend to build your life around them.

And no, your mum isn't responsible for your misfortunes. Taking responsibility for your wrong decisions will be a good start for you.

DanseMacabre:
You need to cut ties with bad grammar too.

argent412:
If they add those ur grammers you dey speak, it will not even form pigin.

KevinDein:

You can start by tapering down on the porn and masturbation. Addictions that give quick dopamine rush like gambling, drug, porn etc, are very capable of demotivating you as you tend to build your life around them.

And no, your mum isn't responsible for your misfortunes. Taking responsibility for your wrong decisions will be a good start for you.

nana228:
I might sound harsh but at this point, you need to tell yourself the truth. Take responsibility for your actions and take charge of your life because of your children.


I don't believe it is your mother's doing that you are in this position, this is my view. Everything you are going through, you have attributed it to every other person but you. You have shared blames between your mom, dad and sister and you are even somewhat happy that your sister is in your position and strangely none is your fault. I'm afraid if you continue like this, there will be no change.

I think your problem is your mind, you need to abandon some line of thoughts. You should have learnt your lesson after your first child and started insisting on condoms before you slept with anyone, please start doing this for your sake and that of your children.

Secondly, the solution to your problem does not lie in a church, you are an adult and this pandemic should have shown you that miracles are rare. How many pastors have healed a Coronavirus patient? Most churches are communities where you share and worship. Stop running from church to church, look for one you are comfortable with and stick with it, no church is perfect. Stop looking for people to "see" and pray you out of what you are going through now.

Thirdly, I believe there are terrible families and sometimes it is OK to cut ties. If you are doing this, you also need to have a strong support system, with the state of your mind you will need someone to talk to and unburden your heart but be weary of people that are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Finally, you need to get something doing. You have 2 children and they need to go to school and be taken care of. Are your baby daddies able to help financially to take care of their children? If they are, accept it and also look for ways you can get something to support yourself.

Edit: accept that what has happened has happened, what your focus should be is the way forward and how to be a role model for the girls you are raising.

I wish you good luck.

LilMissFavvy:
You got pregnant for two different men . This fact alone shows that you have never lived a decent life, stop blaming your mother, or did your mum also cause you to father kids from two men? . How can you insult your biological father because he got angry with you? How many fathers would be happy to have a daughter like you? Even if your claims about your mum is true, is your dad whom you insulted also guilty? You are very wrong to cut off from your family, the earlier you apologise to your father and also make peace with your sister, the better.

Winneygirl:
The situation with you and your sister is a result of poor parenting.
However, you are an adult and you should be responsible for your life.
Jumping from church to church will not solve your problems. If you spent that energy working odd jobs, you will gradually become a financially independent person.
Your mother did not make her money by jumping from church to church. She worked for it. You too, work for your own money.
.
Lastly, I believe your attitude is very poor. You resent your family, you hate your sister and you insulted your father.
Is this the attitude of a good person?

adexpa:
You have taken step already, either the reason is true or not, all you need now is to sit down and evaluate how you and your children will be surviving. If you can reach the daddies of your children for monthly child support while you are also hustling to get small small money. Beware of friends you will mingle with and be serious with the way you spend your money. If any man wants to come in again, make sure you take your time before finally accept. Be prayerful too and be weary of fake churches and pastors. Be wise and be careful, you will be fine at last

Hathor5:
If you feel that your family is too toxic and you need some time apart, take your time. It may help you to make peace with them. If not, at least you will have peace on your own. I wouldn't trust any church telling you what they have told you about your mother. Be careful not to be used by them because you are in a difficult situation and they may use your need to belong for their own purpose. And like some others said, take responsibility for the decisions you have made too. I wish you the best of luck.

Vickiyxx:

Thanks but I have been trying since to stop this addiction but it hasn’t been easy. Last time I did 3 months without watching porn of masturbation but when the feeling start coming again , I started doing it like every single day sometimes 3-4 times a day , I cries about it because I want to stop but I don’t know how. Ok if she is not responsible for my dilemma then I will have to stop going to churches and become atheist because I can’t keep going there when they are lying to me . I think being a atheist will be better choice for me

Hathor5:




How do you have time and space to do it 3-4 times a day with your kids around?

nana228:
I might sound harsh but at this point, you need to tell yourself the truth. Take responsibility for your actions and take charge of your life because of your children.


I don't believe it is your mother's doing that you are in this position, this is my view. Everything you are going through, you have attributed it to every other person but you. You have shared blames between your mom, dad and sister and you are even somewhat happy that your sister is in your position and strangely none is your fault. I'm afraid if you continue like this, there will be no change.

I think your problem is your mind, you need to abandon some line of thoughts. You should have learnt your lesson after your first child and started insisting on condoms before you slept with anyone, please start doing this for your sake and that of your children.

Secondly, the solution to your problem does not lie in a church, you are an adult and this pandemic should have shown you that miracles are rare. How many pastors have healed a Coronavirus patient? Most churches are communities where you share and worship. Stop running from church to church, look for one you are comfortable with and stick with it, no church is perfect. Stop looking for people to "see" and pray you out of what you are going through now.

Thirdly, I believe there are terrible families and sometimes it is OK to cut ties. If you are doing this, you also need to have a strong support system, with the state of your mind you will need someone to talk to and unburden your heart but be weary of people that are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Finally, you need to get something doing. You have 2 children and they need to go to school and be taken care of. Are your baby daddies able to help financially to take care of their children? If they are, accept it and also look for ways you can get something to support yourself.

Edit: accept that what has happened has happened, what your focus should be is the way forward and how to be a role model for the girls you are raising.

I wish you good luck.

Vickiyxx:

When she is using my destiny how will I get a job ? I have been trying since 2011 but nothing . I don’t just sit and folds my hands and expecting everything from my parents, I have been trying to be depend when I used to live with them but nothing was working. I am now depend living alone with my children , looking forward to start something doing but I don’t even know where to start from.

Vickiyxx:

My parents cause it because when my first baby daddy wanted to come and do introduction , they were against it especially my dad , if they had accepted him maybe by now we would have been together and all of my children will be from him. I insulted my father to reset his brain by reminding him if I am not married till now it was because he rejected my baby daddy and he has no right to insult me. Am sorry but I will never apologise to any of them because I owe them no apology

Sundrus:
Funny thing be say u go think say na ur problem worse pass, but if u start to hear other people own, u go know say ur matter no too bad.

My advice for u na say make u take really good care of those kids cuz them no plan to come this horrible world. Na the mistake way u make na e bring them come this life. So, abeg make sure say their well being na ur utmost priority.

DanseMacabre:
You need to cut ties with bad grammar too.



All those quoting me, calm down na. OP's use of terrible grammar is deliberate and I'm calling him/her out for it.

Make una advise am free mah comment na. Shuo!

Vickiyxx:

When she is using my destiny how will I get a job ? I have been trying since 2011 but nothing . I don’t just sit and folds my hands and expecting everything from my parents, I have been trying to be depend when I used to live with them but nothing was working. I am now depend living alone with my children , looking forward to start something doing but I don’t even know where to start from.

DonEd:


You need to grow some sense.

Everything shouldn't be about how good u r and how others are not.

Empathy son. Empathy