Rozz:
The issues here is that this man doesn't see anything wrong in anything he's doing,hes a very selfish man and very manipulative.My heart goes out to his wife.

He is a narcissist, an entitled manipulative narcissist at that.

Biglittlelois:


And they have arrived.....

my sister. Na OP get em prrick ,,he can use it whenever,wherever and however he feels like using it D ,

Biglittlelois:



He is a narcissist, an entitled manipulative narcissist at that.

I just pity the innocent woman and the emotional trauma he's putting her through,a chronic narcissist he is.

This is a fake story to wind people up
Obviously trolling.

IdiAminDada:


So I cheated, i deserve to die or what exactly do you mean. My wife deserves to call every female contact in my phone insulting them.

The one who i cheated with is saved "Office".

My wife ended up calling
Blessing, Esther, Ruth, Linda, and even my first cousin nicknamed "finegirl" insulting them of trying to snatch her husband!

OP, you're being ridiculous. Can you just take your time to see how wrong your actions are?

Never before have I seen a thread on nairaland where everyone is unanimously agreed on a stance.

You're not right! You are wrong!! Very wrong!! And everyone is telling you!!

Your wife might not be perfect but you're a burden to her.

If you aren't careful, you'd be one of those fathers whose children don't talk to him in old age because he spent their early years in bars and having political arguments that had no bearing on his financial responsibilities.

Your family deserves more from you.

IdiAminDada:


Exactly what I said, I am living with it even though not happy.

If you are not happy with the situation,then take steps to change it.You are clearly a capable man.You are experiencing a torturous & apprehensive existence.How long can it go on?CHANGE!

IdiAminDada:


Unfaithfulness
I don't think I was beating around the bush because i did mention that i cheated. There was not excuse for it.

But the concern is the her insecurities leads her to doing the unthinkable. If she has access to my phone now, she will find a booklet and start copying every female name in my contacts. If. She sees for the recent contacts that we've been talking, gbam she calls the female with threats and insults. In most cases her presumption is wrong and could do damage someday since everyone she call so far is inconsequential.

I had no relationship with the girl with the lipstick on my shirt, just a lausy drunk girl that couldn't walk straight which I help to the car.

I gave a girl a lift and her earring fell in the car. I became an issue more than a year now.

They were sharing condoms at a bar, I collected a pack, it was in my car for 3 months until a friend needed it at a wedding. I came home and she accused me of using it.

The cum. Since my sec sch days, if i squat to take a shit, i always notice like watery cum coming out. On this particular day, a friend took me out to a bush bar, ate fish pepper soup and gbam my stomach was on fire. There was no way i would sit on that smelly toilet and cant reach home so I drove some distance, found some bush and did my business squatting. The cumlike thing happened and got my boxer stained. My wife inspected my boxers as usual and saw it. To her I, I just finished fvcking.

Lastly, if my finances is her problem, i cant kee myself.

Oga you are just filled with excuses, honestly.

You are jobless
Hang around unserious friends that adds no value to your life
Cheats, womanize

And you still complain about your wife
The woman dey try
In fact that woman truly loves you
She has taken a lot of bull crap from you

True she may have her own issues
But you must change
Cut off those unserious friends
Cut off all those attention to irrelevant women
Be serious about job or business
You first be the change

Then she will follow

You are with a woman that truly loves you
You think all those babes you flirt and galivant around with will tolerate half of what that woman tolerates
Dude they won't try that

Please change your ways
You don't even have problems
You are the problem

piroux:


OP, you're being ridiculous. Can you just take your time to see how wrong your actions are?

Never before have I seen a thread on nairaland where everyone is unanimously agreed on a stance.

You're not right! You are wrong!! Very wrong!! And everyone is telling you!!

Your wife might not be perfect but you're a burden to her.

If you aren't careful, you'd be one of those fathers whose children don't talk to him in old age because he spent their early years in bars and having political arguments that had no bearing on his financial responsibilities.

Your family deserves more from you.

I am not understanding you o, seriously.

I cheated, 1 year ago. Did I cheat yesterday? No. Will I cheat tomorrow? No.

What have I done wrong now? What have you said that i can say, "you are right"?

Am i in the bar right now? No. Will I be in the bar till 12pm midnight tonight? No. When last did i reach that time at the bar? Can't even remember but I think it was around February last year. Is it my habit of being at the bar till midnight? No. So if I want to at a random day, i cannot because I am married or what? Do people who stay at the bar till 4am get arrested for staying at the bar?

The wrong I did was 1year ago, make I kee myself for my past? The chat my wife saw yesterday was last year, with a married woman I saw last in 2010. Why is my wife insulting me?

Hey, my dear, typing this reply stopped me from reading the novel, I was reading.

Oops, i just called you a pet name, therefore, i have cheated on my wife, abi?.

I am confused o, please make me understand what wrong I did. The last year cheat, chat or the fact that I have female contacts in my phone? Or you want me to stop doing what i did last year common, there are reasonable people here o.

How am I wrong?

What does my family deserve from me? Kee myself or stay at home? Make them kukuma chain me to the bed now so they can be happy, abi.

I've said it several times on this platform. Too many half baked men are being bred these days, and to think hes 39 is more appalling.

If we make findings, we would realise your parents indulged you, growing up.

Imagine the reasons he listed for marrying a wife! How old are you again?

Femsyn:
I've said it several times on this platform. Too many half baked men are being bred these days, and to think hes 39 is more appalling.

If we make findings, we would realise your parents indulged you, growing up.

Imagine the reasons he listed for marrying a wife! How old are you again?

Since the reasons are wrong, make i kukuma divorce na? Abi no be so you wan suggest?

Did you expect me to say I married her because I love her? Or because she had big breast or big nyash?

Or you want me to open another thread to write reasons why I married my wife.

Did you bother to ask yourself what is the context of the post?

If i went into that detail with every part of the thread, how many pages do you think the story will be?

Make I kukuma go write book to make you happy.

i think nigerians hate the truth and love lies,this is why they say they would turn dollar to 1naira and we all believed atleast some of us,OP is saying the truth and everyone is trying to tear his head off..look all MEN cheat.its in the male DNA,just pray to have a man that would think of your safety while cheating(condoms) and a man that would do it in secret and not rub it in your face.all i can say is stop flirting and if you must be smart about it.i have a man but i do not check is phones and he does not check mine.i will not fight a woman because of a man.dont try and change a man did it once and it ended badly and remember jayz cheated on bee and iceberg slim cheated on the actress and even we heard the rumor about apostle suleiman

djon78:



Oga you are just filled with excuses, honestly.

You are jobless
Hang around unserious friends that adds no value to your life
Cheats, womanize

And you still complain about your wife
The woman dey try
In fact that woman truly loves you
She has taken a lot of bull crap from you

True she may have her own issues
But you must change
Cut off those unserious friends
Cut off all those attention to irrelevant women
Be serious about job or business
You first be the change

Then she will follow

You are with a woman that truly loves you
You think all those babes you flirt and galivant around with will tolerate half of what that woman tolerates
Dude they won't try that

Please change your ways
You don't even have problems
You are the problem

The last money i made in 7 figures, one of those "unserious" people gave me the job.

The bread my children will eat tomorrow morning, another one of those "unserious" people bought it and brought it home for me. He bought the fuel in my car a week ago and paid my TV subscription.

I should cut off from all of them, right?

What should I changed now, I should change the fact that I cheated last year?

I read somewhere that intelligent women find it really hard to find a suitable husband to marry. Once he doesn't measure up they walk...its that simple.

Why would you marry a woman without good mental coordinate and expect so much from her? Please! You probably thought she would be easy to control since she doesn't know how to think correctly... It is well fa. Just be patient with her.

By the way, I only read the first paragraph of the story o.

Was going to waste my time till I saw new moniker.

Cheats, comes home late, flirts, complains about not eating his favorite meal always, can't leverage on his friends to get a job and thinks his wife is the problem?

Maybe she is truly the problem.....

Still keeping up with you.

IdiAminDada:


What should I do when the thing thing that happened happened.

Hope you read that I contemplated divorce myself?

Thank God. The most sensible thing you have said today. Abeg hurry up and divorce her so that a good man can quickly find such an industrious and loyal woman. Please stop wasting her time and potential

Ochiban:


Thank God. The most sensible thing you have said today. Abeg hurry up and divorce her so that a good man can quickly find such an industrious and loyal woman. Please stop wasting her time and potential

I will be delighted.

One mans food is another mans poison.

bukatyne:
Was going to waste my time till I saw new moniker.

Cheats, comes home late, flirts, complains about not eating his favorite meal always, can't leverage on his friends to get a job and thinks his wife is the problem?

Maybe she is truly the problem.....

Still keeping up with you.

You didn't read the very first sentence.

M

IdiAminDada:


The last money i made in 7 figures, one of those "unserious" people gave me the job.

The bread my children will eat tomorrow morning, another one of those "unserious" people bought it and brought it home for me. He bought the fuel in my car a week ago and paid my TV subscription.

I should cut off from all of them, right?

What should I changed now, I should change the fact that I cheated last year?

Bro look at it this way.
Use wisdom to solve this
The most important priority is your home
They may be helping you
Just be wise about it.

Cut off those irrelevant chats with women
Even interaction and all those flirting with them
It draws suspicion

See the solution is out there
Your madam loves you honestly
The change in your relationship with your wife
Lies in your hands
Of course She do have her own problem
But the change starts from you
Do your own part where you are wrong
And you will be surprised she will change
Like hanging out late
Try and stop it
Even if you must hang out with your friends
Don't stay till late
It's true no job is frustrating
But be the change

In fact let me tell you
These issues in your home
Is the reason of your joblessness
It breeds very bad omen
In addition to an unhappy wife
Very very very bad omen

That your woman is happy with you
Will bring you good fortunes

One of my acquaintances
Was like that
Hanging around guys that drink and womanize and he was married
Jobless but gets small runs
Once he makes small change
Boozing and other stuff with those his crew
The wife working good job told hin
One-day that God was making her the bread winner of the family because of his irresponsibilury
The guy saw it was true
And decided to change and become responsibile
Peace came back to his home
And his finances like magic turned around
He and wife are best friends now
And he cut of the irrelevant friends

See bro these things acts like magic
Honestly that woman loves you
If not she will just live you to your ways
Just find a way to change
And you will be surprised how your home will turn

baldman:
Dear Poster,

It is not quite clear why you posted this, but I will take it that you just wanted to rant, and perhaps scout for comments to justify your gross irresponsibilities. Luckily for you, your post will attract some hard truths from the good men and women in this community, and I am hoping you will look beyond the abuses and just learn as people objectively tell you the truths about yourself which you have failed to acknowledge. As I already hinted, you are a grossly irresponsible married man, and in all honesty, I doubt if you could be a good father in the real sense of the word. You come home late, you drink, you chastise your wife in the presence of your house girl and children, you do everything to pull her down, and you indeed tried to convince us that this very real woman is some retard that you did the favour of marriage. I want you to imagine the scenario in your home as you painted in your post, and transform it into a Nollywood movie, how will you judge your own character? You are definitely not the victim, your wife is the victim. She married a man that is self-absorbed, and needed a mumu wife. You loved the fact that she deferred to you and you had to provide leadership in all aspects, but that became a burden in marriage and you became irritable because of it. The truth is that when you marry a woman, you marry the whole package that she represents, and your responsibility is to build her up, first with your mouth, then with your action, patient guardians, and also by providing support. I am sure having the house maid has helped greatly to ameliorate some of her incompetences. Your responsibility is to help her, build her up, and for God sake, be faithful to her. Your woman is a rarity, you have been jobless, irresponsible, unfaithful, unaccountable and your judgments have been poor, honestly, you made some money and you just paid up your debt and start accruing afresh, what happened to using some or all of that money to start something? Most of your wife's behaviours are in reaction to your unfaithfulness and illicit affairs. It is your wife that we should be begging not to dissolve you, that woman will do well without you and the risk of STDS which you represent. You have been breaking her heart with all those chats that you think you are having for fun. Did you expect her to be falling in love with you, or be recovering from her alleged madness while you are doing those things? My words may be harsh but imagine your wife is your daughter and all you have said is coming from a son in law?
I agree with you that it is likely that the kind of life you are leading may be responsible for your ill-luck and I want to implore you to retrace your step, move closer to God, love your wife as christ loves the church as implored by the bible, and begin to live a decent life. You also need to change your friends immediately; they can get girls and hotels for you, they can buy beer for you, they can give you some occasional bail out, but they cannot help with money for you to start something constructive, they are no good friends. If you continue the way you are leading your life, that 'useless' woman will one day realize that she can live without you.

Thanks for this!!

I am not understanding you o, seriously.

I cheated, 1 year ago. Did I cheat yesterday? No. Will I cheat tomorrow? No.

What have I done wrong now? What have you said that i can say, "you are right"?

Am i in the bar right now? No. Will I be in the bar till 12pm midnight tonight? No. When last did i reach that time at the bar? Can't even remember but I think it was around February last year. Is it my habit of being at the bar till midnight? No. So if I want to at a random day, i cannot because I am married or what? Do people who stay at the bar till 4am get arrested for staying at the bar?

The wrong I did was 1year ago, make I kee myself for my past? The chat my wife saw yesterday was last year, with a married woman I saw last in 2010. Why is my wife insulting me?

Hey, my dear, typing this reply stopped me from reading the novel, I was reading.

Oops, i just called you a pet name, therefore, i have cheated on my wife, abi?.

I am confused o, please make me understand what wrong I did. The last year cheat, chat or the fact that I have female contacts in my phone? Or you want me to stop doing what i did last year common, there are reasonable people here o.

How am I wrong?

What does my family deserve from me? Kee myself or stay at home? Make them kukuma chain me to the bed now so they can be happy, abi.

Let's assume that you're no longer doing what you used to do in the past(while married),as per clubbing, keeping late nights, cheating, etc.
But are you aware that built up resentment in your wife has damaged her emotionally?

Going by your initial posts and responses so far, I believe you still see yourself as a victim, when it is the other way round.

Since you won't divorce your wife and free her from the emotional drains, you need to start amending your ways by
*stopping the emotional and physical cheating
"getting a job no matter how small the salary is, and keep yourself busy
"cutting down relationships with those friends who offer you women and pay for hotel rooms
*try to earn back your wife's trusts by your actions and inactions.
" set your path with God right and be both spiritual and physical head of your family.

@ op.
U seem to have only bad things to say about your wife. Your emotion is blinding you from seeing any good in her so try this-
Take a deep breathe, and list out the good things u saw in your wife before u married her. Focus your mind on only those things and cloud out all these your complaints. You need to drop a lot of the bitterness towards your wife for the good of your family.

Cos truth be told, most of ur complaints are normal things which somehow u don't see as normal anymore. Eg, she asks u what she will wear, what she will cook. What's really wrong with these that u have to be so bitter about it She complains cos she thinks u re cheating, who wouldn't?? and u go about leaving clues in your phone and calling other babes pet names. Do u even call her a pet name? She allows children play with things then beat them when they spoil them, brother, a lot of wives are like that. that's y u re there to help discipline the children and stop them from playing with such things. Family is both of u and the children and each parent has a role to play in guiding the kids. U re unemployed for two years but most nights u re out drinking and u want her to welcome u with open arms? Now also put urself in ur wife's shoes, how would u really feel.
She is the bread winner now and still has time to even ask u what she will cook and your response is bitterness all the way.

Pls while u re at the exercise in my first paragraph, also list out all the bad things in you. Go and apologise sincerely to her now for all those while appreciating her for the good in her. This action if done well will turn the tide and your family will be better off. Sincerity in u will also involve change of attitude.

If your wife grabbed you by your balls because you came home late thinking you slept with someone outside but your conscience is clear nothing of such happened, what will be your reaction. Let her continue to squeeze your balls.

When she went home and narrated what happened that made the father summon me, she didn't tell him she held me by my balls. When I told him, what do you expect him to feel?

You expect him to say, holding you balls is nothing it is coming back by 12mid night that is the problem.

Her anger was that i slept with someone to have come back home that time. Did i sleep with someone?

Funny enough, that very night, I called her to tell her I will be late. I had a very good reason to be late but not she grabbed my balls.

Jesus...

If your wife grabbed you by your balls because you came home late thinking you slept with someone outside but your conscience is clear nothing of such happened, what will be your reaction. Let her continue to squeeze your balls.

When she went home and narrated what happened that made the father summon me, she didn't tell him she held me by my balls. When I told him, what do you expect him to feel?

You expect him to say, holding you balls is nothing it is coming back by 12mid night that is the problem.

Her anger was that i slept with someone to have come back home that time. Did i sleep with someone?

Funny enough, that very night, I called her to tell her I will be late. I had a very good reason to be late but not she grabbed my balls.

Though I don't like the idea of someone quoting me and the ID says nobody. it makes me look stupid trying to quote back. However I believe it's u OP.. So why not maintain the new Identity that you have created for this thread?

I wanted to reply / ask you some questions but I can't because it says nobody..

That last time i thought of that, i calculated I needed to spend N120k to start. My driver's license is class D and they refused to accept it till i get an E. I need tires and replace my cracked windshield etc besides it not a fuel efficient car. I asked my parents to swap car but still need close to that amount still.

I have school fees and 2yrs rent to pay first.

The only reason I have not been evicted is because my landlord is my late relative. He died a month after my rent expired last year.

When do you think I can settle all that and start Uber?

What am doing now does not put a dime in my pocket but hopefully, it should.

I am seeing u as a lazy man

Ochiban:
Wait I am confused
You are married man with 3 children at home but you want to go partying and clubbing? so who will take care of these children?
She is annoying you by asking what you want to eat. When you dont answer, she cooks something you dont like? SO she is a mind reader ?

Oh wait- YOU ARE A TROLL...

Obviously a troll. But we just need to keep on replying to silly stories like this, innit? Nairaland is filled with kids posing as adults.

OP your wife is a strong woman cause you can nag for Africa.
It is obvious you married your wife for logical reasons, from the little I read.
You better man up.

Op
And you gladly justify all you did. You wife is really trying. Honestly which responsible man comes back home at 1am and expect a welcome hug from his wife, tell your story to a baby.

Be reasonable how will you say all the girls you were hanging out with are just friends, I believe if you have the money you would definitely lodge a girl in the hotel and have sex with her,
How won't your wife nag when it's so glaring that no woman on earth can please you .
Oga you are the problem in this marriage, I wish your wife can share a little from what she goes through with you.
Then my friend this, my friend that all this friends taking you to the bar don't dey know you are jobless, how many of them has offered you a job, you don't have friends, they are your enemies,
Been jobless for 2years yet non of them can offer you a job or get started again, all they do is buy you drinks from one bar to another


Grown up

Unfaithfulness
I don't think I was beating around the bush because i did mention that i cheated. There was not excuse for it.

But the concern is the her insecurities leads her to doing the unthinkable. If she has access to my phone now, she will find a booklet and start copying every female name in my contacts. If. She sees for the recent contacts that we've been talking, gbam she calls the female with threats and insults. In most cases her presumption is wrong and could do damage someday since everyone she call so far is inconsequential.

I had no relationship with the girl with the lipstick on my shirt, just a lausy drunk girl that couldn't walk straight which I help to the car.

I gave a girl a lift and her earring fell in the car. I became an issue more than a year now.

They were sharing condoms at a bar, I collected a pack, it was in my car for 3 months until a friend needed it at a wedding. I came home and she accused me of using it.

The cum. Since my sec sch days, if i squat to take a shit, i always notice like watery cum coming out. On this particular day, a friend took me out to a bush bar, ate fish pepper soup and gbam my stomach was on fire. There was no way i would sit on that smelly toilet and cant reach home so I drove some distance, found some bush and did my business squatting. The cumlike thing happened and got my boxer stained. My wife inspected my boxers as usual and saw it. To her I, I just finished fvcking.

Lastly, if my finances is her problem, i cant kee myself.

djon78:
M


Bro look at it this way.
Use wisdom to solve this
The most important priority is your home
They may be helping you
Just be wise about it.

Cut off those irrelevant chats with women
Even interaction and all those flirting with them
It draws suspicion

See the solution is out there
Your madam loves you honestly
The change in your relationship with your wife
Lies in your hands
Of course She do have her own problem
But the change starts from you
Do your own part where you are wrong
And you will be surprised she will change
Like hanging out late
Try and stop it
Even if you must hang out with your friends
Don't stay till late
It's true no job is frustrating
But be the change

In fact let me tell you
These issues in your home
Is the reason of your joblessness
It breeds very bad omen
In addition to an unhappy wife
Very very very bad omen

That your woman is happy with you
Will bring you good fortunes

One of my acquaintances
Was like that
Hanging around guys that drink and womanize and he was married
Jobless but gets small runs
Once he makes small change
Boozing and other stuff with those his crew
The wife working good job told hin
One-day that God was making her the bread winner of the family because of his irresponsibilury
The guy saw it was true
And decided to change and become responsibile
Peace came back to his home
And his finances like magic turned around
He and wife are best friends now
And he cut of the irrelevant friends

See bro these things acts like magic
Honestly that woman loves you
If not she will just live you to your ways
Just find a way to change
And you will be surprised how your home will turn

why is it that no one is paying attention to the insensitivity of the wife....?

Living with an insensitive person Is worst than living in hell...I have a first hand experience of what the op is saying because sometimes I just feel like parking my bags and going to a place where I can have peace of mind.....

for real Sir?? U want us to bash your wife after this your post?
From the look of things you don't seem like a responsible husband. You chat with other girls and call them 'sweetie' and even telling them u miss them. That is callous and unthoughtful of you. Imagine if she were the one doing all you posted here, how would you feel?
Didn't you notice all the bad traits before you married her? I guess that is where you complement her too.
You have a wife that truly loves you. change your ways and fix your marriage sir.

How can i unread this, this man nah complete idiot, alot of men is praying for such a blessing ur tagging useless, do you know what it means for a woman to be a bread winner for 2 fucking years, coming bck from work tired and u stress her emotionally by hanging out late and trying to justify your irresponsibility shit. I wish your wife reads this and my little advice to her is give you space, just flirt her own flirt nah u go still rush back here to post shit. Good women endure alot truely, she has all evidence to show ure cheating except your delusional mind trying to play yourself you never penetrate anyone. I can bet, you have gone far beyond kissing, if the tables are to turn now they will blame the woman and drag her around. All reasonable guys here should tell OP the hard truth, he is clearly an idiot to me. Shit!! your more intrested on your stupid social life than hustling for your kids nonsense.

My dear you're very irresponsible and you're justifying it to suit you with excuses, you as a married man Wit four children still do what teenagers and single guys and babes do,how will you stay out uptill 12am as a married fellow with children and you expect your wife to be happy what are you teaching your children and what are you looking for outside, you're also a very big cheat is it only when you have sex with another girl that you know you cheated no that's abig lie,another girl is boldly calling you pet love names and you're justifying it why? And still have romantic chat with your ex! flirt with so many girl if you wife state doing all of the above what will you term it,in fact you're heartless to be claiming right, you go out and come back anyhow you want,are even OK! Stay away from these friends that deceives you and focus on the well being of your family,don't be self-centered too don't mock your wife because she is trying to carry u alone as the head by asking you what to cook,what to wear and to purchase is BC she regard you bcs some women will do what ever they want without putting you in consideration, so appreciate your wife, train your children stop wanting to see what your wife will do,correct if you're the one that see them doing wrong eg pressing your wife phone from there your wife will learn,pick up the dirty clothes when they lither around and put them where it suppose to be you wife will learn too,a leader live by example and not with critics. Atmost learn how to be a father not as a juvenile and look for work to do even thou menial and keep your self very busy.

Baba you are your problem

You gave her reason to have trust issues with you, yes I am currently dating a girl that does not make decision of her own, and the reason why she seek my opinion all time is because she trust my sense of judgement, tell me how your relationship was during your early days of your marriage??.


I believe she did not just wake up one morning and started disrespecting you and accusing you of having multiple affairs, sorry to say bro, but you act like a big baby, ones you are married you become dedicated to your wife and kids, give them 100% priority, why the hell will you still be clubbing and keeping late night when his have responsibilities waiting for you at home??


Baba you are deng lucky you married a good woman, a typical Nigerian woman will probably cheat on you multiple time as revenge too.

Bottom line, baba all this thing is your fault, there is nothing pillow talk couldn't fix but you prefer to galivant with girls and flirt around, just imaging your chat, with your ex you posted here if you are in your shoes, and you saw such chat on her phone would you not react as she has done??


Dude better go and fix your family and stop throwing blames.