₦airaland Forum

Kboyvic:
I need advise please , she is insisting on court marriage without giving me a good reason why she wants us to go for court marriage before our white wedding/traditional.


Her silly comments
Her first reason was incase something happen to me that my family will not push her out,

That cause we are not fro. The state.

Incase I leave her for another woman in future.

I talk to her what's the meaning of all the comment, u know I wouldn't do all this things ur saying, a lady have be in relationship with over 6years still have doubt. She cried all through out the night begging me I didn't accept.

In the morning we settled that and we are fine after giving her reason why I wouldn't do all that she mention.


Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage. If not for the lockdown our marriage is suppose to come by June.

Why am saying no to court marriage, am thinking she wants to act anyhow after we get married. I love her but she taking the court thing as claterial for u.

You see, she is taking the court marriage too personal as if it's going to guarantee her the marriage

I don't know her reasons but she may have something in her asernal

Find out who is behind the push on her

May be your family doesn't want her

May be because you guys are from different tribes

May be you guys have trust issues

Though court marriage has never guaranteed any woman her marriage

It's mainly a governmental prove of marriage for official purposes

Jullima:
Please don’t mind him, he knows what I meant. He’s carrying a grudge from an earlier exchange on another thread.

Oh. Okay.

crackkhaus:
Meanwhile, back to the topic itself...
The court wedding his fiancée is asking for will not automatically grant her anything when he dies.
If he decides to write a will, then that is what will be used. If he decides to grant someone else power of attorney, then she will still lose.

A smart man will always know how to work around the system when it comes to situations like these. The OP shouldn't even be jittery.

This is not true. It’s not ironclad. If a will does not adequately provide for the wife, it can be contested and in some cases sef such will is declared invalid. She wouldn’t have these options if she doesn’t have a statutory certificate, that’s the whole point.

Jullima:
This is not true. It’s not ironclad. If a will does not adequately provide for the wife, it can be contested and in some cases sef such will is declared invalid. She wouldn’t have these option if she doesn’t have a statutory certificate, that’s the whole point.

Do you think that everyone using this forum is a kindergarten pupil or what exactly?

The only way a will can be contested is if you can prove undue influence by one/more of the beneficiaries...OR in a case where the person was murdered, the slayer rule can apply if it's proven that one of the beneficiaries killed him.

People have been willing their wealth to charity for years, and you're here claiming what you think you know.

You didn't even say it should adequately provide for the children, you're talking of the wife. This is why a sensible man should be very suspicious of women like you.
Lol..

frozen70:
You see, she is taking the court marriage too personal as if it's going to guarantee her the marriage

I don't know her reasons but she may have something in her asernal

Find out who is behind the push on her.

He said "who is behind the push on her" in his op. And I would not be surprised if her pusher was behind the first push too, and likely caused the third "problem come start again concerning the court marriage".

Kboyvic:
Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage. If not for the lockdown our marriage is suppose to come by June.

I would not have bothered if she were thinking this all up herself. But that "madam" really bothers me when I think of a marriage being "a union of 2 people voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."

I think like you that she's working under the illusion that marrying in court "guarantees her the marriage", when the actual protection she seeks comes if she divorces in court wherever she marries.

crackkhaus:
Do you think the people using this forum are kindergarten pupils or what exactly?

The only way a will can be contested is if you can prove undue influence by one/more of the beneficiaries...OR in a case where the person is murdered, the slayer rule can apply.

People have been willing their wealth to charity for years, and you're here claiming what you just thought of over a space of 1min.

You didn't even say it should adequately provide for the children, you're talking of wife. This is why a sensible man should be very suspicious of women like you.
Lmao...

Your comment is still false. If a husband’s will does not adequately provide for his wife, legally, she can contest it, an option she will not have had otherwise, and some cases such will can be declared invalid. I think that’s the whole point of this thread, is her request of a court marriage reasonable. The wife’s request is reasonable, a statutory certificate will always be more advantageous in the event, God forbid she becomes a widow. There are many stories out there of widows and their kids suffering. If the man is scared, he can also make provisions to also look out for himself. Marriage is not only about emotions, people also have to enter it with a very rational mind.

LeRabbite:
People have been severely burnt because they totally trusted the people they were married to. Having unflinching trust is no remedy for a duplicitous partner, hence the reluctance of many to go through with a statutory wedding.

We often here about how a statutory marriage safeguards the bride, now, men are trying to safeguard themselves. I think that’s totally fair.

I agree that many have been severely burnt however, I think this level of 'mistrust' when nothing has occurred is to great a burden for a marriage.

This is why I am a fan of people marrying the right person.

Do statutory marriages really 'safeguard' the Nigerian bride today?

What if the husband decided to maintain a parallel family without marriage and does stuff in their names?

Ehat if he has 50 acres of land in his village only his mother knows about?

What if he used his brother as next of kin and executor of his estate?

I am not saying going to the court is not necessary: I even asked the OP his reluctance to do so. I am only saying any woman in Nigeria today who thinks the statutory 'rights' she gets over-rides due diligence is in for a looooong thing.

Igando courts are still awarding child support of N5,000.00.

LeRabbite:
People have been severely burnt because they totally trusted the people they were married to. Having unflinching trust is no remedy for a duplicitous partner, hence the reluctance of many to go through with a statutory wedding.

We often here about how a statutory marriage safeguards the bride, now, men are trying to safeguard themselves. I think that’s totally fair.

I agree that many have been severely burnt however, I think this level of 'mistrust' when nothing has occurred is to great a burden for a marriage.

This is why I am a fan of people marrying the right person.

Do statutory marriages really 'safeguard' the Nigerian bride today?

What if the husband decided to maintain a parallel family without marriage and does stuff in their names?

Ehat if he has 50 acres of land in his village only his mother knows about?

What if he used his brother as next of kin and executor of his estate?

I am not saying going to the court is not necessary: I asked the OP his reluctance to do so. I am only saying any woman in Nigeria today who thinks the statutory 'rights' she gets over-rides due diligence is in for a looooong thing.

Igando courts are still offering child support of N5,000.00.

cococandy:
well I think that’s wrong. That’s my own opinion. I can’t speak for the others.


women primarily care for the kids. Makes sense that way. Few men do get child support in my neck of the woods. When they are the primary care givers. Which isn’t often.

hmm

I do agree shaming is wrong especially with all the struggle for equality and all .

True, women mostly get custody, but a man who gets custody still asking for child support from his ex is practically unheard and would be laughed to scorn. In fact, if he has to ask for child support he would very likely not get custody.

Not saying one or the other is right, though, only saying it is what it is.

Jullima:
If you don’t want to do court marriage, she can take the church certificate and go and register it in a court and get a statutory certificate, that’s what my aunty did. Please don’t be suspicious of her, she is scared of the horror stories of widows. Yes you love your wife and you’ve dated for 6 years but I am sorry God forbid you die all bets are off. You can’t control how people will treat your kids or your wife when you’re gone.

In as much as I support court wedding but why have such an option " what if he dies?"

What if she dies before him?

I feel having such mind set before marriage is wrong.

You should be more concerned about your decision to marry a woman who doesn't have a conviction (or a mind of her own) because the following statement "Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage." says a lot about the kind of woman she is.

Of course, you've your own shortcomings, which are very obvious starting from your OP. In fact, neither you nor she is coming into equity with clean hands - two people who are yet to achieve self-realization individually or lack what it takes to act conscientiously - so I don't foresee a mutually healthy and happy union between the two of you in the long run as it stands now.

I wonder why you intend to marry her in the first place, since you do not think that she deserves a statutory marriage with you; something you ought have voluntarily and joyfully as part of your plans, even before she suggested it.

As a man, you must have a philosophy and a conviction, while you find a woman who has a conviction that directly or indirectly is in consonance with yours, with volition to work and walk on your philosophy - better if your philosophy is rooted in reciprocation of goodness.

frozen70:
You see, she is taking the court marriage too personal as if it's going to guarantee her the marriage

I don't know her reasons but she may have something in her asernal

Find out who is behind the push on her

May be your family doesn't want her

May be because you guys are from different tribes

May be you guys have trust issues

Though court marriage has never guaranteed any woman her marriage

It's mainly a governmental prove of marriage for official purposes

Thank you. It doesn't guarantee a happy marriage neither does it guarantee the marriage will last forever.

Every is trying to make it work. No perfect marriage out there

Joyfulgal:
In as much as I support court wedding but why have such an option " what if he dies?"

What if she dies before him?

I feel having such mind set before marriage is wrong.

Well... that’s life, death is something we can’t predict. It’s best we prepare for it. If she dies before him, then all this is moot, but nobody knows. People buy life insurances and write wills etc to prepare for the inevitable.

Jullima:
Well... that’s life, death is something we can’t predict. It’s best we prepare for it. If she dies before him, then all this is moot, but nobody knows. People buy life insurances and write wills etc to prepare for the inevitable.

I ttc for 9 solid years. Your guess is as good as mine. Issues from front, back, right and centre. What kept me going me going was us. Court marriage didn't keep us going.


My point is, building a better relationship is more than using the law to tie someone.


What happens when there are challenges[GOD FORBID] later?

Jullima:
Your comment is still false. If a husband’s will does not adequately provide for his wife, legally, she can contest it, an option she will not have had otherwise, and some cases such will can be declared invalid. I think that’s the whole point of this thread, is her request of a court marriage reasonable. The wife’s request is reasonable, a statutory certificate will always be more advantageous in the event, God forbid she becomes a widow. There are many stories out there of widows and their kids suffering. If the man is scared, he can also make provisions to also look out for himself. Marriage is not only about emotions, people also have to enter it with a very rational mind.

Lol, you don't get any of this...do you?
To contest is not the issue, but on what basis is this contest being made?

A will can be invalid ONLY if it's proven by her in a court that it was written with undue influence, or that her husband was murdered by someone benefitting from the will.
Whether it provides 'adequately' for a wife or not, is not enough justification to enter any court. She will promptly be shown the door.

A statutory certificate is very reasonable, I never claimed otherwise. What I've been all about is that insisting on having a court-provided certificate is actually counterintuitive considering that a simple WILL can distribute wealth as the man pleases, the former does not automatically do anything...hence I suggested getting a prenup.

Within Nigeria, courts recognize wedding certificates issued by churches as legally binding documents, provided the church has a valid license.
You don't even need to step into a court (the exception is for international/immigration purposes, and in some cases, employment).

crackkhaus:
Hello, please pay attention if you're really serious about this issue. There's been a lot of comments above filled with the usual emotional tirades, and I wish I saw the topic earlier.

[b]A court wedding is not what will protect your fiancée at the event of your death, that is complete falsehood.
Having a will (or a testament that will bestow on her the power of attorney on your behalf) during the course of your marriage... this is what will give her the protection she seeks.
You can have a court wedding today and then go on to name your brother/mother/friend in your will...and she will still lose.[/b]

As far as a court wedding is concerned, it is necessary ONLY in cases of divorce...so there's really no big deal here bruv.
I suggest you should have a court wedding with her, but since she is insistent on it, please ensure that you do it only on the condition that you will both sign a prenup(legal document) which states exactly how the percentages should be distributed between both of you IF you divorce. Prenups (postnups) can still be updated during the course of your marriage as you both see fit though.

My usual suggestion for a fair prenup is:

1. That you (man) leave ONLY with things purchased in your name, while she (woman) leaves with ONLY things purchased in her name. Avoid using multiple names on your documents. Eg. If you buy something for her, use her name on the document...you can call it love, lol.

2. The house that you will be living in... if it was built from a combined financial contribution or even if just yours, then it will belong to your wife ONLY if the children are less than 18 at the time of the divorce...otherwise it remains yours and she will move out. Any other property owned will be shared on the basis of clause 1 above.

3. Child support should be pegged at 10% of your monthly income ONLY if the children are less than 18yrs of age. Tuition, health, and other expenses will be shared 50/50 equally until they are done with tertiary education. Every other financial support is at your discretion.

4. * Add any other clause here *


It is necessary to remember that if your fiancée wants to protect herself, then you're mandated to protect yourself too...and if you both love each other like you say you do, then none of you will mind. You give her a court marriage and she signs a prenup, everyone is happy.

Don't let anyone blackmail you into doing things because of a love that is meant to go both ways.
The word COMPROMISE does not imply that one person gets to have 100% of their way - it means meeting in the middle such that two people only get to have 50% of their way each, this is a partnership.

Cheers...

you got it all wrong

1 the moment you sign the civil wedding paper the woman is nolonger your fiancee but wife and default she get the right to inherit the estate, you seem not to know about WILLS a will changed by family or even court eg you wrote a WILL 5 years ago before you got married and it was giving your wealth to father and brothers. But then you got married and got 5 kids then during marriage you forgot to change your WILL to benefit your kids and wife you suddenly die, do you think the courts will let the WILL stand against the kids and wife ? NO the courts will challenge the WILL based on time the WILL was signed and present which is you have left a wife and kids. Then the power of attorney only means your given the legal power to present someone or to make minimal legal decision on behalf of someone who is alive and cant be there at the present time.

You are confusing that with an ESTATE EXECUTOR a person nominated to administer the estate of the dead, it means he is responsible to execute what has been said on will and do all the work which is necessary to distribute the estate. Most rich family will either nominate a family friend or their own lawyer

Then the one you said you can wed today and nominate your father, brother etc and wife will lose, you are wrong a bit if you die a day after civil wedding wife is still entitled to something it doesnt automatically discard her

Joyfulgal:
I ttc for 9 solid years. Your guess is as good as mine. Issues from front, back, right and centre. What kept me going me going was us. Court marriage didn't keep us going.

What happens when there are challenges[GOD FORBID] later?

No one has said a court marriage will magically turn any marriage to a perfect one. Yes, with all the challenges marriage brings, worrying about what will happen to you and your kids when you become a widow doesn’t have to be one of them.

Joyfulgal:
My point is, building a better relationship is more than using the law to tie someone.

It’s always good to build a better relationship with your spouse but all that better relationship will not help a wife when his family come and sell her matrimonial house on her head and put her and her kids out.

ZIMDRILL:
you got it all wrong

1 the moment you sign the civil wedding paper the woman is nolonger your fiancee but wife and default she get the right to inherit the estate, you seem not to know about WILLS a will changed by family or even court eg you wrote a WILL 5 years ago before you got married and it was giving your wealth to father and brothers. But then you got married and got 5 kids then during marriage you forgot to change your WILL to benefit your kids and wife you suddenly die, do you think the courts will let the WILL stand against the kids and wife ? NO the courts will challenge the WILL based on time the WILL was signed and present which is you have left a wife and kids. Then the power of attorney only means your given the legal power to present someone or to make minimal legal decision on behalf of someone who is alive and cant be there at the present time.

You are confusing that with an ESTATE EXECUTOR a person nominated to administer the estate of the dead, it means he is responsible to execute what has been said on will and do all the work which is necessary to distribute the estate. Most rich family will either nominate a family friend or their own lawyer

Then the one you said you can wed today and nominate your father, brother etc and wife will lose, you are wrong a bit if you die a day after civil wedding wife is still entitled to something it doesnt automatically discard her

You should direct all your assumptions to people who have been WILLING and still choose to WILL their wealth to charities, and not their wives or children.

Joyfulgal:
I ttc for 9 solid years. Your guess is as good as mine. Issues from front, back, right and centre. What kept me going me going was us. Court marriage didn't keep us going.


My point is, building a better relationship is more than using the law to tie someone.


What happens when there are challenges[GOD FORBID] later?

All the post on point.

The bolded extra points.

Mtcheeeeeew, as if our legal system is anything to write home about.

I have just one question, people who don't have a government issued certificate/document for their marriage what do they present to authorities (at work, embassy etc)as evidence of marriage?

I know you can register a traditional marriage at the registry and get a document but if you don't what paper do you present to the authorities? The photo album?

I thought legalizing your marriage Is for evidence purposes.

If your supposed woman tells you she is securing her future against your death, it means that your death will be profitable to her. So why make it easier for her to kill you? Remember we don't do autopsy here.

Court wedding is a murder licence granted to women to use when they feel their husband's death is more profitable to them, hence the repeated phrases " incase the man dies". Not all wives use it though. It is left for you to determine if yours can before granting her wish.

SweetCunt97:
Mtcheeeeeew, as if our legal system is anything to write home about.

We are all supposed to make our legal system good because it is not. God made everything Good, but wicked people have changed the goodness and have rather Established the Evilness because people have not fought them off.

Well I am one who fights them and shall continue to do so till I meet my maker.

NoToPile:
I have just one question, people who don't have a government issued certificate/document for their marriage what do they present to authorities (at work, embassy etc)as evidence of marriage?

I know you can register a traditional marriage at the registry and get a document but if you don't what paper do you present to the authorities? The photo album?

I thought legalizing your marriage Is for evidence purposes.

The wedding certificate provided by a "licensed" church is valid in most situations, along with photos if required.

crackkhaus:
You should direct all your assumptions to people who have been WILLING and still choose to WILL their wealth to charities, and not their wives or children.

Yes but you need to think at wider view and different scenarios eg you got 5 kids under 18 you die and your will is giving everything to charity that will can be challenged as your wife and kids (under 18 )are meant to gain from your estate by default

The will you are talking about are WILL whereby kids are above atleast 25 and above and usually these are from middle class and above people and the kids are adult people with their own familes and usually they would be family drama with the family and such people are average 60 years and above

ZIMDRILL:
Yes but you need to think at wider view and different scenarios eg you got 5 kids under 18 you die and your will is giving everything to charity that will can be challenged as your wife and kids (under 18 )are meant to gain from your estate by default

The will you are talking about are WILL whereby kids are above atleast 25 and above and usually these are from middle class and above people and the kids are adult people with their own familes and usually they would be family drama with the family and such people are average 60 years and above

When it is stated that someone has WILLED his wealth to charity, it doesn't necessarily mean that the children will get absolutely nothing.

It simply means that as much as 90% of everything will go to charity, there's nothing to challenge really because there's always something left.

Remember, the conversation with the other lady is talking about adequate provision for a wife.
A WILL can leave MOST of the wealth, no matter how much, to one very loyal Uber driver..
It doesn't mean a wife is left with absolutely nothing.

crackkhaus:
The wedding certificate provided by a "licensed" church is valid in most situations, along with photos if required.

So if there was no church wedding and the traditional marriage was not registered with the local govt or the wedding was not in a licensed church/mosque there's no valid document to present.

crackkhaus:
When it is stated that someone has WILLED his wealth to charity, it doesn't necessarily mean that the children will get absolutely nothing.

It simply means that as much as 90% of everything will go to charity, there's nothing to challenge really because there's always something left.

Remember, the conversation with the other lady is talking about adequate provision for a wife.
A WILL can leave MOST of the wealth, no matter how little, to one very loyal Uber driver..
It doesn't mean a wife is left with absolutely nothing.

there is difference between giving some of your fortune to charity and willing your fortune to charity

Willing to charity means most of the fortune is going to charity

Giving some it means there is a small portion compared to other portion on the will

In most case these people are old people above 60 therefore kids who by then are adults with their own families can be skipped in WILL due to personal reasons, so the person has right to nominate anyone

but for anyone who has kids who are under 18 that will has an automatic challenge if kids are not benefiting

NoToPile:
So if there was no church wedding and the traditional marriage was not registered with the local govt or the wedding was not in a licensed church/mosque there's no valid document to present.

There's none, only village people recognize the marriage as valid. Customary law will also recognize it.

Regarding documents to present, I believe one can either swear an affidavit of marriage or get a statutory certificate.

YourCoffin:
If your supposed woman tells you she is securing her future against your death, it means that your death will be profitable to her. So why make it easier for her to kill you? Remember we don't do autopsy here.

Court wedding is a murder licence granted to women to use when they feel their husband's death is more profitable to them, hence the repeated phrases " incase the man dies". Not all wives use it though. It is left for you to determine if yours can before granting her wish.

thats the typical mind set of african man who doesnt want to pass his wealth to his kids

the truth is your own mother and father will never give enough care to your kids than their own mother

for the mother to be able to look the kids after your death, give her a good start after your death i.e let her inherit what you worked for under the what you called marriage "providing for your wife and kids" set them up for better

ZIMDRILL:
there is difference between giving some of your fortune to charity and willing your fortune to charity

Willing to charity means most of the fortune is going to charity

Giving some it means there is a small portion compared to other portion on the will

In most case these people are old people above 60 therefore kids who by then are adults with their own families can be skipped in WILL due to personal reasons, so the person has right to nominate anyone

but for anyone who has kids who are under 18 that will has an automatic challenge if kids are not benefiting

This is what I typed before though...

Whether the children are below or above a certain age doesn't matter as long as there is something left, even if most went to charity.

No man will deliberately leave absolutely nothing to his dependent children.

Joyfulgal:
Thank you. It doesn't guarantee a happy marriage neither does it guarantee the marriage will last forever.

Every is trying to make it work. No perfect marriage out there

There is no perfect marriage, neither do we have near to perfection

Every one should just handle his or her marriage the way it can