This is what you need op. Thanks for the write up. baldman:
Dear OP, Please keep moving on, and I advice you move on really fast. You should thank God that you got to know about her promiscuity early enough. You should never look past any act of cheating in a committed relationship ( meaning a relationship where both of you have professed love for one another, and are both looking for something that will be long term) . It is a huge red flag, and any kind of feeling that will make one want to continue with someone who has cheated is not a healthy one. I dare say it comes from the confusion caused by the unhealthy bonding which sex before marriage brings about ( Sorry, I digressed). The reason why cheating should not be condoned is that a successful marriage is built on trust. It is hard to trust someone who has once betrayed one's trust. You do not want to spend your whole life monitoring your wife. Moreover, cheaters are bound to lie, and there is nothing worse than marrying an irredeemable liar ( she cried even though she knew it was a lie). Again, you don't want to spend the rest of your life doing fact check every time you wife tells you something. It is even more terrible if you marry into a family where they have low moral standard. The girl's mother's reaction shows that cheating is acceptable in their world. Would she beg her son to marry such a girl? She is also highly manipulative ( the girl probably got that from her mum) the begging and cursing are way of trying to manipulate you. Her prayers and curses has no weight, just delete her number and her daughters and move on. There are seven lessons that I think you should learn from this, and I will outline them for other single guys to note as well.
1. Do not marry any girl who does not regard you as a bestie or maintains an opposite sex as a bestie even after meeting you. If you find that you are not able to overthrow her previous besties( not by force but by charm, conscious show of affection and commitment), work towards establishing friendship first. Under normal circumstances, the besties should gradually fade away as your friendship deepens. You know you have won when you are the one that has to remind her to check up on her friends or they have to befriend you to maintain her attention.
2. Do not marry a lady that is manipulative. She cried to manipulate him, she introduced the boyfriend in order to manipulate both of them. She got the Mum involved to manipulate him.
3. Do not marry someone that can lie convincingly over any matter whether having to do with infidelity or not. Liars should be avoided unless you want to be a life-long investigative journalist. Lying should be a deal breaker. If you discover one lie, you bet there are a thousand others still hidden.
4. Watch the family you want to marry into, speak to those who are married to their children, ask questions around their neighborhood or community. If they do not have values that aligns with yours, do not marry their daughter. Every girl you marry comes with a baggage - her family. Choose your wife having regard to the quality of her baggage. They will determine if you marriage will work or not. If a man report such a thing to some mothers, the mother will be too ashamed to call the boyfriend.
5. If you got her to sleep with you cheaply, if she does not think sex is something special that should be reserved, be careful about going on with her. If all of her exes got her just because they were dating, and you got her too because you guys are dating (no indication of something serious) be careful. I feel when young well raised men experience sex before marriage, they tend to bond with the partner to soon, and the judgment gets clouded. I will say, follow the word of God, but if you can't I will say, keep sex off the table until you are sure you know this person well enough to make a clear headed decision, and you are committed to them.
6. Always look out for loyalty and compassion in any girl you want to be with. The urge to misbehave will be there for every couple, both male and female, but people who have sense of loyalty will be hard to be swayed, and those who will just remember there partner and think, he does not deserve to be treated like this, may likely try to resist tempting situation.
7. Never marry a girl that does not respect the sanctity of marriage. Any girl that is quick to suggest divorce, any girl that thinks it is ok to date several men at a time, any girl that will selfishly date a married man should be a No-No. |
