₦airaland Forum

Dande55:
[s][/s]
Gibberish. You are just a clown.

Tehehe

COdeGenesis:
Wrong. Marriage is about understanding and communication. I get pissed off when people talk like this. If your marriage is having a flat tire, fix it. You cant abandon the car. Same man that is bad to you can be good to another woman

Ok, I'm trying to understand you oo. So you mean whether a man is good or bad is determined by the woman in question? You mean a man's attitude is dependent on a woman's behavior?

Iffffffy:
At some point, I thought I was the one doing this narration, it is well sis.

May God heal your marriage

bukatyne:
When you are mature enough to comprehend my post, quote me.

Shut up. Says someone who sees marriage as an avenue for slavery.
Onething I notice is that, most of you who has accepted their fate to slave till death, wants every other person to be like you.

Jullima:
This is such a simplistic view. Women this, women that. lol so a man turning into a bad husband is now not only the fault of the wife is now also fault of the mother who in your world is SOLELY responsible for his upbringing? So when do Nigerian men take responsibility for their behaviour?

So you want to tell me a hitler for a husband will not seep into how a child is molded, so when a man beats his wife in front of his children, it doesn’t damage them to think it’s the norm or you have children becoming referees and cleaning up their mother’s wounds. When a man cheats openly without regard for his family or neglects his family for a side chick, you want to tell me the sons are not mopping all this up.

You think a son that watches his father treat his mother like dirt is not watching and learning and when the marriage counselors (elders) come, he watches and learns how they tell his mother to endure, “marriage is for better for worse” or blame the mother.

Have you not seen fathers usurping the authorities of the mothers in-front of the children and treat the male children like kings...

Let’s move away from the home and go to the community, how do you think children are raised? Do you think one person is solely responsible for raising a child? The community, society and culture also raises a child, the child spends more time in the community (school, church.. etc) than he spends at home. At his school, his surroundings, extended family, church/mosque/shrine what he has watched and learned at home is reinforced. He sees it reinforced at family events, in books, on the news, in Nollywood movies..

Children are sponges, they watch, absorb and adapt. It takes a village to raise a child.

If you had even typed women that stay in toxic marriages and let their children watch and learn this bad behavior, I would have agreed but to say women train those men to be this way.....

Lol I support her stance. Most times in Africa, women spend more time with the kids than men even when she's a career woman she is still expected to carry the weight of child rearing on her head. ln most homes the girls are trained right from a young age to learn domestic chores so they can be good wives, you will also notice that boys are on the streets during those times, playing soccer or whatever their adventurous minds lead then to do. Have you ever heard a boy being told 'if you continue this way you won't be a good husband'? I don't need to ask if you've heard girls being spoken to this way. When a boy watches his dad beat his mum, what is his mum's reaction? most women still remain in their marriage, giving the impression that they will stay no matter what is done to them. I don't need to tell you how this behavior affirms domestic abuse in a boy's mind and destroys a girl's self esteem.

Dande55:
Shut up. Says someone who sees marriage as an avenue for slavery.
Onething I notice is that, most of you who has accepted their fate to slave till death, wants every other person to be like you.

Hahaha

you are too mouthed

COdeGenesis:
Typical AkwaIbom Girl mentality. Lack of good judgement and no sense at all. Dont listen to her. Marriage is about understanding. No one stoped you from saving. You can take out a part of your salary to get some things for yourself and save while reducing other expenses. You know the solution to the problem, just say sorry and let peace rain. I am sure you such an amazing woman, I am much like your husband. I can be rash when situations aint going too well. But there is this babe that understands me and knows how to get me to shake off those things. You need to communicate with your husband and let him know how you feel. Play with the man, be friends together. Nothing can make me keep malice with my wife. My dad has never kept malice with my mum. My mum earns than my dad. My dad is egoistic but with all the money my mum has, she still gives my dad that respect. Please go n talk to your husband as a friend. Let peace rain. Next time dont bring issues about yiur family online and make people insult your husband. Please, i beg you.

Oga, abeg no vex. Na you I follow yan? No mai enter you ooo. I believe that this is a public fora, so everyone's opinions should be highly respected. So, I should've advised her otherwise abi? Or you expected to read - serve him his meal while kneeling, eulogize him when he cusses you to the high heavens, stroke his back even at her own discomfort. Chaiiiiii! . Men. Una no go kee pelzin.

MizjaY, read me wellaaaaaa! Save ruggedly and radically, when time reach and you see say him never still geh sense, ruuuuunnn oo. Don't listen to any other contrary advice. Your husband needs to learn anger management and as well learn to suppress his ego. Person wey no get suppose humble.

I repeat, ladies, marry who get sense, come sabi road on top.

bukatyne:
When you are mature enough to comprehend my post, quote me.

You never still learn how to detect alternates and those quoting you to bait you, ehn Bukatyne

Don't bite... Lol

Those of us who know you have an uncommon and very unique approach to issues will always know and respect it... let the rest burst veins on top your mara.

Jullima:
My dear you have described most Nigerian marriages. We see it here a lot on NL. Keeping malice and Nigerian husbands are 5&6. You are not allowed to express your feelings, it’s called talking back. You’re also supposed to apologise for something you were a victim of. If the husband is not 100% the breadwinner, even worse, any body language or words are interpreted as “you don’t respect me because you are contributing”

P.S our NL favourite matron will come in and blame you for not choosing right, even though he presented himself as a godly man or you must have done something to change a godly man.

Sis, it is well.

Yes all is going to be well but God will not change anybody condition unless they take the first step.
Cut down on your expenses and try to save no matter how little it may be.
The ball is in your court and you can decide how you want to play it.
Our life is not the same so is our decision making and our goals too.

Just take your job seriously sha because this kain man fit make person life dey miserable should there be any relapse

Iffffffy:
At some point, I thought I was the one doing this narration, it is well sis.

Shuu! may God help the woman folks ooo.

olabrinks:
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problem, you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise.

For 30 pieces of silver? He can as well marry 5 wives while the lady can as well roll for more options. Well, it all depends on our perspective of marriage. Believe that at your peril.

Mizwisdom:
Lol I support her stance. Most times in Africa, women spend more time with the kids than men even when she's a career woman she is still expected to carry the weight of child rearing on her head. ln most homes the girls are trained right from a young age to learn domestic chores so they can be good wives, you will also notice that boys are on the streets during those times, playing soccer or whatever their adventurous minds lead then to do. Have you ever heard a boy being told 'if you continue this way you won't be a good husband'? I don't need to ask if you've heard girls being spoken to this way. When a boy watches his dad beat his mum, what is his mum's reaction? most women still remain in their marriage, giving the impression that they will stay no matter what is done to them. I don't need to tell you how this behavior affirms domestic abuse in a boy's mind and destroys a girl's self esteem.

SMH. That is a very very simplistic view.

It takes a village to raise a child.

Children also watch and learn what they see at home, if domestic abuse, cheating etc is a norm, guess what? They think it is too. Oh now it is why can’t women leave? The same people will tell you a child from a broken home is damaged. There are men and women that literally avoid marrying a man/woman form a single home. (Why?)

I have literally seen a father tell a child to get up from a punishment and slap the mother in front of the child telling her how not to punish a diokpa. Children in their formative years spend more time away from the home. The culture of said community where the child is raised is also a factor.

The culture and norms of a society or a community does not exist in a vacuum.

There are multiple combinations and factors that are responsible for how a child turns out. To stay “oh it’s the mothers that turn the men that way” is very myopic.

Why do the women stay? Why are they afraid to leave? If we want to do the blame game, we can go back to how the mother was raised? Who raised her to turn her son into a bad husband?

I really feel for this Op, going through her previous posts, it's obvious relationships and marriage has not favored her.

MizJaY:
So I though sha cos I'm not sure I'm d only one going thru this kind thing. Most marriages na just mk we manage dey push am dey go....lol

I am very sorry for what you are passing thru. That not what marriage suppose to be like...
I won't want to do any blaming game here...
This time you need to pay a big sacrifice for your home to survive, not by endurance alone which is draining your happiness, but present your family to God all the time that God should restructure your home and make your home a good model, you need to stand in prayer, like serious one, that your husband should know that his case had become a prayer points, if he fears God he will knows he needs to checks his life


Your husband needs a revelation, he needs God to touch him and reveal his life to him


He need to reflect on himself


I pray my God, my father, the source and the founder of all marriage will visit your home and restore happiness to it, before the next 3 months you will look back and praise the Lord, every encounters your husband needs for redemption begins to be at work in Jesus name Amen

Iffffffy:
At some point, I thought I was the one doing this narration, it is well sis.

Even you too?

crackkhaus:
Circle of life.

I cannot can abeg

I know someone who complains her husband is insensitive and doesn't help with chores, listen to her etc. Yet makes her elder daughter wait on her younger son because he is a 'man'.

Colleagues at work nko? A guy was talking of going to the market and they said he should go and marry so he will stop stressing himself. That it is the duty of a woman to go to the market.

The ones that make jest of men who complain of been duped in the market nko?

Or the ones that say they husbands is too big to do chores and in the next breathe complain they are overworked?

Or the ones complaining their sons are 'too soft' or 'does too much chores'?

Or the ones fine with a promiscuous son while chasing every man near their daughters?

It is still female in-laws who would trouble a wife whose husband cherishes. You will hear 'she is controlling him' etc.

When they start whinning, I just smile and move on. When you are tired, you know what to do.

I like the wise ones that know they are 'suffering' the consequences of their choices and make peace with it.

It is the ones that choose cheats, liars, disrespectful men complaining of same traits after marriage that off me.

What do you want me to do? You knew Morufu was a cheat before you married him. Heck! You caught him twice, yet you think he will change because you are now his Mrs.?

I remember someone who left brother Luke who sleeps in the couch and prays with her so they will not engage in pre-marital sex because he was too 'gentle, boring' to marry raskimomo.

When I see these things, I remember Ewuro5 that said she wants to match make her girls.

The way we are going, that is the way to go.

No

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Ma'am first and foremost I won't join the band of people asking for the 2nd narrative, I mean your husband side of the story.

Am a product of a broken home and I can tell from your story that your husby is a low self esteem man. When you have such man as a husband you have two options
1. Be quite and prayerful or
2. Take the easy and hard decision out of the marriage

But who will suffer your kids will suffer and don't forget your husband can give a good narrative to who cares to listen how bad you are and not a wife material kind of woman.

So madam I will simply ask you to find happiness in yourself and your kids. Cuz that man is a failed project. No matter what you try you can never win. You can't please them. So do yourself a favor and relax your mind and learn to listen and talk less no matter what.

Simple yes sir and sorry sir will give you peace of mind. Even though he is wrong just tell him sorry without asking for explanation.. and be happy

If you need companion come to Nairaland and read comments and laugh away your sorrow.... I dey with you ma

bukatyne:
I know someone who complains her husband is insensitive and doesn't help with chores, listen to her etc. Yet makes her elder daughter wait on her younger son because he is a 'man'.

Colleagues at work nko? A guy was talking of going to the market and they said he should go and marry so he will stop stressing himself. That it is the duty of a woman to go to the market.

The ones that make jest of men who complain of been duped in the market nko?

Or the ones that say they husbands is too big to do chores and in the next breathe complain they are overworked?

Or the ones complaining their sons are 'too soft' or 'does too much chores'?

Or the ones fine with a promiscuous son while chasing every man near their daughters?

It is still female in-laws who would trouble a wife whose husband cherishes. You will hear 'she is controlling him' etc.

When they start whinning, I just smile and move on. When you are tired, you know what to do.

I like the wise ones that know they are 'suffering' the consequences of their choices and make peace with it.

It is the ones that choose cheats, liars, disrespectful men complaining of same traits after marriage that off me.

What do you want me to do? You knew Morufu was a cheat before you married him. Heck! You caught him twice, yet you think he will change because you are now his Mrs.?

When I see these things, I remember Ewuro5 that said she wants to match make her girls.

The way we are going, that is the way to go.

Two of my friends, one South African, the other Welsh of East African descent...they will always say:
'Nigerian men and Nigerian women...you all deserve each other, none of you are innocent.'

I giggle every time we get into one of those gists and they end it like that.

MizJaY:
Thank every one for their responses I want to reply everyone word for word but my battery and data are very low now. But this particular msg caught my attention and I couldn't help replying this one. I laughed after reading it. e be like say u no want make I no get peace this night or this weekend. Very funny. He will use at least 4 hours to scrutinize, explain, scatter, batter, finish, destroy the message and it will lead to more problems cos oga is always right and am always wrong. i remember one incidence where i gave him my atm card, after using it he apparently forgot where he kept it and i now wanted to use it, oga was 150% sure he gave it to me and i was very sure he did not. This is not matter of he was hiding it to use it later or wanted to steal from me cos theres not a time i say no when he asks to use my atm inshort at times its permanently in d car. We argued back and forth until he reminded me that thats how i am that i need to check myself that i always forget things that i have serious problem bla bla bla. For peace sake i said its alright that i will go to d bank to block it and get a new one even tho I was sure he didn't give me. Lo and behold as we came down from car and i faced him to tell him something atm was facing me from hes front pocket i now showed him and he shamefully gave me after all d bragging that day sweet me well well but guess what, oga said he was giving me one time that I probably didn't collect it so maybe that's how he mistakenly put it back in he's pocket. I just kept quiet cos I felt shame for him

My husband will tell me, if u like dont take care of yourself u Will just die for nothing....mennn

But My mother always tells me, my daughter, u better be taking care of urself, hypertension is not a good thing, if anything happens to you, your husband will marry another woman and move on. Someone else will take care of ur children. I will not be alive forever but I will tell u d truth while I'm still alive...

Humm! Eleyi gidigaan ooo
May God help you but you have to help yourself first and remember that you can't do anything without financial independence.
Save for your future and your children too.
Love yourself first before others tomorrow is always another day my dear.

MizJaY:
Thank every one for their responses I want to reply everyone word for word but my battery and data are very low now. But this particular msg caught my attention and I couldn't help replying this one. I laughed after reading it. e be like say u no want make I no get peace this night or this weekend. Very funny. He will use at least 4 hours to scrutinize, explain, scatter, batter, finish, destroy the message and it will lead to more problems cos oga is always right and am always wrong. i remember one incidence where i gave him my atm card, after using it he apparently forgot where he kept it and i now wanted to use it, oga was 150% sure he gave it to me and i was very sure he did not. This is not matter of he was hiding it to use it later or wanted to steal from me cos theres not a time i say no when he asks to use my atm inshort at times its permanently in d car. We argued back and forth until he reminded me that thats how i am that i need to check myself that i always forget things that i have serious problem bla bla bla. For peace sake i said its alright that i will go to d bank to block it and get a new one even tho I was sure he didn't give me. Lo and behold as we came down from car and i faced him to tell him something atm was facing me from hes front pocket i now showed him and he shamefully gave me after all d bragging that day sweet me well well but guess what, oga said he was giving me one time that I probably didn't collect it so maybe that's how he mistakenly put it back in he's pocket. I just kept quiet cos I felt shame for him


My husband will tell me, if u like dont take care of yourself u Will just die for nothing....mennn


But My mother always tells me, my daughter, u better be taking care of urself, hypertension is not a good thing, if anything happens to you, your husband will marry another woman and move on. Someone else will take care of ur children. I will not be alive forever but I will tell u d truth while I'm still alive...

Madam, you always give your husband your ATM when he needs it. On top of that, he will still insult you. I am so sorry for you. You have laid the foundation of your marriage.

From now on, start withdrawing your financial support. Let it be 70(husband) - 30 (you) or 80 - 20.

Please keep some reasonable money and start taking care of yourself. Your seeds of help towards him are not being appreciated and never will. You are still living in the days of our forefathers. The syllabus has changed. Please update yourself fast.

If you kill yourself, he will go and marry a new and fresh babe. Please wake up!!!!

Jullima:
SMH. That is a very very simplistic view.

It takes a village to raise a child.

Children also watch and learn what they see at home, if domestic abuse, cheating etc is a norm, guess what? They think it is too. Oh now it is why can’t women leave? The same people will tell you a child from a broken home is damaged. There are men and women that literally avoid marrying a man/woman form a single home. (Why?)

I have literally seen a father tell a child to get up from a punishment and slap the mother in front of the child telling her how not to punish a diokpa. Children in their formative years spend more time away from the home. The culture of said community where the child is raised is also a factor.

The culture and norms of a society or a community does not exist in a vacuum.

There are multiple combinations and factors that are responsible for how a child turns out. To stay “oh it’s the mothers that turn the men that way” is very myopic.

Why do the women stay?

The era of society raising a child is long gone. Can you spank a neighbor's child without her using the opportunity to tell you how barren you are and how you are a witch? even teachers are no longer free to beat children without someone taking a phone to record and upload so that he will cause an uproar on social media. If you go to your adult son's house and see him washing his wife's undies what will be your reaction? take it or leave it boys are not raised to serve, they're raised by women(primary care giver) to rule over women.

Let's not divert from the main topic, my aim is to let the OP know that Nigerian men are not domesticated. It is mostly the mother's responsibility traditionally to train their kids domestically. Mothers tend to leave out their boys from such trainings. Hardly will you see a male child being left to cater for his younger ones, feed, bath them, while his parents are out, he's usually involved in outdoor activities while his dutiful sister does the job. So how do you expect a man to suddenly start playing such a role when he gets married? you're bruising his ego if you expect him to apologize to an ordinary woman he will continue to keep malice with you and remind you of how he is the boss and you're to submit to his rule it's expected, so like I advised her, she need to accept it, she's not alone, about 95% of married women are taking worse things in their marriage.


Until people start training male kids to be good husbands narratives like the OP's will continue repeating itself. Hope she starts training her boy(s) this way so that her future daughter in law will be a happy, satisfied woman in her marital home. But I don't think she will, instead she will raise him to cling to her Aprons

Blackbishop:
No



Ma'am first and foremost I won't join the band of people asking for the 2nd narrative, I mean your husband side of the story.

Am a product of a broken home and I can tell from your story that your husby is a low self esteem man. When you have such man as a husband you have two options
1. Be quite and prayerful or
2. Take the easy and hard decision out of the marriage

But who will suffer your kids will suffer and don't forget your husband can give a good narrative to who cares to listen how bad you are and not a wife material kind of woman.

So madam I will simply ask you to find happiness in yourself and your kids. Cuz that man is a failed project. No matter what you try you can never win. You can't please them. So do yourself a favor and relax your mind and learn to listen and talk less no matter what.

Simple yes sir and sorry sir will give you peace of mind. Even though he is wrong just tell him sorry without asking for explanation.. and be happy

If you need companion come to Nairaland and read comments and laugh away your sorrow.... I dey with you ma

Saying the man will paint her bad to the people is nothing believe me.
Although the misinformation will seem unfair but sooner or later everyone will see or know the truth

Abeg this Nigerian marriage wahala tire pesin jare

Mizwisdom:
The era of society raising a child is long gone. Can you spank a neighbor's child without her using the opportunity to tell you how barren you are and how you are a witch? even teachers are no longer free to beat children without someone taking a phone to record and upload so that he will cause an uproar on social media. If you go to your adult son's house and see him washing his wife's undies what will be your reaction? take it or leave it boys are not raised to serve, they're raised by women(primary care giver) to rule over women.

Let's not divert from the main topic.

The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” isn’t to be taken literally. It means, a child is a product of his community and society. The culture, norms, values, of said community, his parents, his school, all the people he will meet, learn from and socialize with during his formative years, influences how he will turnout.

E.g this is the reason most times a Nigerian man raised by his born and raised Nigerian parents in a different country/culture behaves and thinks differently from a Nigerian man born and raised in Nigeria, depending on how much he was exposed to the mainstream culture.

Let’s not even start with those good men that manage not to be influenced or turnout differently, our society will not even allow him to be a good man in peace. His peers will call him a simp for being nice and good to a girl, his family(men and women) will say he has swallowed juju for being a normal loving husband. He’s been signaled to that being a good loving and faithful husband is not normal.

I agree let’s stay on topic. A wife pouring her heart out about her bad marriage which happens to resonate with many married women on this thread. So let’s leave mothers and women out of it, that’s another topic for another thread.

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

you are not the talking type yet you write this epistle. Anyway, you guys need to separate for a while. There is a red flag up there. He's already abusing you emotionally

If you can walk out of the marriage in one piece the earlier the better. I always pity women who stay in abusive marriage with hope of change for the better when it's actually changing for the worse. If you die today he'll start fucking another woman in a few days time. If you can cope being a single mother walkout jeje. But don't walk out to become number 2 somewhere else.

Anyway @topic

Let me disregard those idiots always looking for how to blame women because they want praise
Because men don't pretend before marriage now, so it's women's fault for choosing them.
Madness

@op, obvious solution is to start saving money to start a new life after leaving him. if you decide to stay and tolerate, it could further negatively affect your health. Very high bp can cause stroke and heart attack.

MizJaY:
U hit d nail on d head. A BROKE MAN WITH EGO. That's my husband.

what is the age difference between you two?

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

I have never seen someone describe my husband so vividly. I have made up mind not to fight him nor make him my problem. My utmost desire now is to see how my kids would excel in school so I deliberately concentrate most of my energy on them. When he starts ranting, I give him the silent treatment and patiently wait for him to get done so I can leave that place as any word I utter would only aggreviate the whole issue. However once in a long while I give him.back so he will know there is a limit any human can go to

Age as nothing to do with marriage but maturity and truthfulness is the key to having a good relationship. The reason am saying this is because I'm just a year older than my wife and we've never and God's willing not going to fight, keep malice and the likes. My wife's younger sister"s husband case is another thing. Many atimes I regret advising her to marry him thinking that the age difference of 15 years was going to be a good choice. But at the moment she's in a literal hell of a marriage. A marriage of 3 years and he even met her a virgin at the age of 27. I won't say much about them, hopefully someday she'll share her story all by herself.

I really enjoyed reading this thread. So many matured responses.

We men need to do better.

Please op, start looking out for yourself. Don't blame yourself for not choosing right according to our nairaland perfect home owners. Jesus himself taught he chose right when he told his father in the book of revelation that he will come and rescue man but when the time came, at the garden of Gethsemane, he began to have double mind. He kept asking the father to take away the cup but he had no choice than to yield to the Father's will. My sister people change, the only person that is unchangeable is God. Read through the scripture, you will understand more. Kindly make up your mind to give it to Jesus, allow the perfect high priest who went through it all to see you through. As per bp, start your day with four glasses of warm water, detoxify yourself thrice a week with lemon, turmeric and honey. Learn to listen to music that will lift you up. Engage in chewing moringa seeds or drink the tea. Finally sister, whatever good, sweet, holy, if it has any virtue ponder on them. Decide to ignore negative thoughts, you can do it.

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

I support this. Save some percentage of your money, no matter what.
Many lazy men depend so much on there wives money.
They don't up there money making hustling skill. And still they will not appreciate that woman who is supporting them. They rather make life unbearable for them.

Another thing for men working, they should just not rely on there job alone. I always tell my pals this. Have a side hustle, a business or investment. Just have something. Look at the present situation in the nation, many companies will lay off there workers. Those depending on that alone I sorry for them.

Men should not be lazy. Go out there and hustle and always appreciate your wives.