₦airaland Forum

nahzyla:
It's like we are many in this WhatsApp group.

My own is similar to hers but no beating, just ungratefulness and entitlement and overbloated ego.
I made the mistake of marrying when he had nothing thinking I can support until he finds his feet but na so so ungratefulness and seeing disrespect where there is none. Na him dey even disrespect me sef but you dare not say anything remotely offensive to him. He will even start gossiping me and picking my faults to his friends when I am right there with them.

The plans he used to tell me he had to establish himself, these days if you remind him he will get angry and make excuses for why he cannot get a lucrative job. It's the small business that hardly earns anything he has been doing since.

Me self still dey take BP medicine every day, right now my mind is divided between leaving him or staying and working on things.

I wish young girls of nowadays will learn that you should NEVER ever for any reason marry a man that is economically inferior to you.

Yes, I agree with you �. Men of nowadays will tag one gold digger but it's experience that is teaching one. I really hope singles out there learn.
Lalasticlala, this is a great thread and frontpage worthy.

Alennsar:
Saying the man will paint her bad to the people is nothing believe me.
Although the misinformation will seem unfair but sooner or later everyone will see or know the truth

Abeg this Nigerian marriage wahala tire pesin jare

So true, but the damage will have been done..
So just play along

Ishilove:
If a lady says she wants to marry a man who is established, they will call her a goldigger. Now that she has chosen to build life small small with a broke man, he has turned out to be an ungrateful asshole.

Love gbakwuoku biko.

Exactly my mind. I hope singles learn from this. For crying out loud, people should stop having more babies that we can't take care of. You loose yourself and one will look hagard at the expense of child care.
In fact, maybe I will start supporting the school of thought that a broke man is not entitled to sex.

COdeGenesis:
Typical AkwaIbom Girl mentality. Lack of good judgement and no sense at all. Dont listen to her. Marriage is about understanding. No one stoped you from saving. You can take out a part of your salary to get some things for yourself and save while reducing other expenses. You know the solution to the problem, just say sorry and let peace rain. I am sure you such an amazing woman, I am much like your husband. I can be rash when situations aint going too well. But there is this babe that understands me and knows how to get me to shake off those things. You need to communicate with your husband and let him know how you feel. Play with the man, be friends together. Nothing can make me keep malice with my wife. My dad has never kept malice with my mum. My mum earns than my dad. My dad is egoistic but with all the money my mum has, she still gives my dad that respect. Please go n talk to your husband as a friend. Let peace rain. Next time dont bring issues about yiur family online and make people insult your husband. Please, i beg you.

Compare what Uyai says to the op in such a situation with high bp and no savings and what you wrote here.
Who get sense pass You even went far to say typical Akwa Ibom girl. What does that got to do here?
And you, you are typical what?

crackkhaus:
Two of my friends, one South African, the other Welsh of East African descent...they will always say:
'Nigerian men and Nigerian women...you all deserve each other, none of you are innocent.'

I giggle every time we get into one of those gists and they end it like that.

Your friends deserve a pack of kunu

bukatyne:
When we say look before you leap in, they act like rabid dogs on several threads.

A woman chooses a man: study him, study him, study him.

There are markers and strains of behavior: look well.

That's why I like Ubunjaa's threads and think every young lady should read them well. That way, when you see his apostles, you jump and pass.

These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man?

No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle.

The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited.

The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma.

This woman has spoken... The cycle continues to it started from the mother's training. I hope singles out there, read this and mother's should also take note, train your male child well and if you have a good one as a spouse, appreciate what you have.

faithfull18:
Yinmu, they are always good until you are in it.

No they fake being good.
A good person will always promote a good home environment.
They were never good.
But deceive unsuspecting women who fall for there trick.

djon78:
No they fake being good.
A good person will always promote a good home environment.
They were never good.
But deceive unsuspecting women who fall for there trick.

You are right, it swings both ways.

OP, I took time to flip through some of your previous posts and I can deduce that:
(1) You have not been so lucky with relationships
(2) You seem to be married for at most 7 or 8 years

Now from your post above, you said you are a family of 6, meaning you have 4 kids.

Based on the above, it is safe to say you settled for the lowest hanging fruit for a husband and the foundation of your marriage was faulty from the start. I say this to disabuse your mind and the minds of so many young folks that Nigerian men are generally like the way you described your husband. Now we only heard from you. I'm sure if your husband give his side of the story, we would see a different picture. That is normal.

Next is that both of you did not (1) quite know yourselves, (2) didn't go through a marriage counseling class, (3) did not discuss in details things like the standard of living, number of kids you both intend to have and how to run the finances of the home etc. The lack of this gave rise to you having 4 kids within 8 years of marriage with inadequate finances to cater for and run the home. This can easily lead to high BP for you, in a bid to try your best to keep things afloat.

Your type may not be the talking type but wen una open mouth, una fit reduce a man to chaff , and of course that is the last thing a man would expect from his wife. This is taking sides with your husband oh! Just being objective here.

Way forward?

Option 1. You both need to sit down and discuss budget to run the home and family planning. You also need to save part of your income and take care of yourself (At least try and look good without being expensive, since he is giving you any money for upkeep). I would not subscribe to you hiding anything from him. If what you are saving is 10% and another 20% for yourself, tell him what is available henceforth is 60% (after you pay your tithe).

He might get upset and would want to hit back at you or blow his top.

Option 2 : If this is the case, please call the attention of your parents. I say this, since they have once intervened

Be prayerful and ask God to intervene in the affairs of your home. Ask Him to correct every faulty foundation of your home.

Cheers and wish you the very best.

Asuito7:
Compare what Uyai says to the op in such a situation with high bp and no savings and what you wrote here.
Who get sense pass You even went far to say typical Akwa Ibom girl. What does that got to do here?
And you, you are typical what?

Bros, I am not here to argue about who got wisdom or not. I am just saying that Uyai babe is just being demonic. My advice to the lady in questionis is to talk the husband and iron out issues. Let him know how she feels and how her attitude is really hurting the whole family binding. She should once in a while buy clothes for herself n save some money even if its 5k a month or 10k. That is all I said. That Uyai babe is a fish

nautybride:
Exactly my mind. I hope singles learn from this. For crying out loud, people should stop having more babies that we can't take care of. You loose yourself and one will look hagard at the expense of child care.
In fact, maybe I will start supporting the school of thought that a broke man is not entitled to sex.

Sex is the only thing you xan give. There is more to a relationship than just sex aunty. There is no marriage without issue. You got to understand your partner and come to a compromise to sail the boat together.

akinade28:
Ok, I'm trying to understand you oo. So you mean whether a man is good or bad is determined by the woman in question? You mean a man's attitude is dependent on a woman's behavior?

Yes, a man"s attitude is dependent on a woman's behavior. Yes.

All of una white collar men talking about low hanging fruit, broke man etc. I hope all of you keep this same energy post-covid-19 when y'all are out of your jobs.

And as for the foolish manipulative women seeing marriage as economic emancipation. Nothing will change, you will get served heaps and heaps of frustration. Amen.

UyaiIncomparabl:



Oga, abeg no vex. Na you I follow yan? No mai enter you ooo. I believe that this is a public fora, so everyone's opinions should be highly respected. So, I should've advised her otherwise abi? Or you expected to read - serve him his meal while kneeling, eulogize him when he cusses you to the high heavens, stroke his back even at her own discomfort. Chaiiiiii! . Men. Una no go kee pelzin.

MizjaY, read me wellaaaaaa! Save ruggedly and radically, when time reach and you see say him never still geh sense, ruuuuunnn oo. Don't listen to any other contrary advice. Your husband needs to learn anger management and as well learn to suppress his ego. Person wey no get suppose humble.

I repeat, ladies, marry who get sense, come sabi road on top.

Just ignore this crazy advice. There is no problem without a solution. Try n talk to your husband. Communicate with him anx make him understand how you really feel when he acts that way and how it is affecting your relationship/bonding with him. Once in a while buy yourzelf zome clothes/shoes. See ehn. This one has worked for me. Anything you want your husband to do , show it to him. When you get your salary buy him maybe a shirt/something. Do it like every month, you would see he would start buying you stuffs in return. Do not allow one fish head that can not even maintain a bf/gf relationship to break your home. Most of all the babes giving your advice can not even manage a home

COdeGenesis:
Bros, I am not here to argue about who got wisdom or not. I am just saying that Uyai babe is just being demonic. My advice to the lady in questionis is to talk the husband and iron out issues. Let him know how she feels and how her attitude is really hurting the whole family binding. She should once in a while buy clothes for herself n save some money even if its 5k a month or 10k. That is all I said. That Uyai babe is a fish

You are not here to argue about who got wisdom then what did you mean by ''typical Akwa Ibom with no sense at all and lack of good judgment''? At the end she ended up saying something better in relation to the op problem than yours.

Even now you are calling her demonic. Na wa for you.

Please don't mention me again if you are going to throw insultive tantrums at anyone here(Uyai inclusive) like this

faithfull18:
You are right, it swings both ways.

Sure you are right, it swings both ways. That's why people should look well before they leap.
Know your personality and the kind of things you can tolerate. Be very watchful and you will avoid them.

Marriage is more than tingly butterflies feeling in the stomach. It's serious business.

Asuito7:
You are not here to argue about who got wisdom then what did you mean by ''typical Akwa Ibom with no sense at all and lack of good judgment''? At the end she ended up saying something better in relation to the op problem than yours.

Even now you are calling her demonic. Na wa for you.

Please don't mention me again if you going to throw insultive tantrums at anyone here(Uyai inclusive) like this

Akwa Ibom , men. Once they see women, their reasoning fails. I can see. She should just abandon her marriage over a little quarrel. Besides, this is a one sided story. Women can be very deceptive.

COdeGenesis:
Akwa Ibom , men. Once they see women, their reasoning fails. I can see. She should just abandon her marriage over a little quarrel. Besides, this is a one sided story. Women can be very deceptive.

Your stereotype nature knows no bound and it has no rivalry.

Chai. People dey this world o

Asuito7:
Your stereotype nature knows no bound and it has no rivalry.

Chai. People dey this world o

Typical, Akwa Ibom man. He can sell his brother out because of a woman. If the op was your brother's wife, would you advise her to leave the home? Small quarrel she dons run come social media come dey rant, instead of her to talk it out with her husband. You will be shocked this issue can get resolved in a minute. I hate it when people who can't even maintain a relationship dish out negative advice to people. That Uyai gurl is a fish. The typical girl who has nothing to offer in a relationship than sex. I pity any man that would marry such a low thinking babe

COdeGenesis:
Typical, Akwa Ibom man. He can sell his brother out because of a woman. If the op was your brother's wife, would you advise her to leave the home? Small quarrel she dons run come social media come dey rant, instead of her to talk it out with her husband. You will be shocked this issue can get resolved in a minute. I hate it when people who can't even maintain a relationship dish out negative advice to people. That Uyai gurl is a fish. The typical girl who has nothing to offer in a relationship than sex. I pity any man that would marry such a low thinking babe

You probably need some rest so that your sense of human dignity will come up and your brain will stop spewing 'typical'.

But u willingly gave 4 kids? 4 Asin 4? Nne, you in for a long ride. I get pissed when I read some stories. How could you give birth to 4 whole kids?
Make I no type wetyn dey my mind.

COdeGenesis:
Sex is the only thing you xan give. There is more to a relationship than just sex aunty. There is no marriage without issue. You got to understand your partner and come to a compromise to sail the boat together.

And the woman in question was she not giving her best. And still not appreciated.
Honestly some guys no dey try at all.

Thank God all my sisters are married and to sensible men who provides very well and appreciates what there wives bring to the table.

It's funny that it's broke men that are meant to be humble and appreciative of a very supporting wives are the one causing problems. So leave the women alone. Make they get sense well.

The issues are financial and low self esteem on your itinerary. Only a low level human apologises for Nothing.

Can you See where your keeping quiet has landed you?
BP drugs at this age.

People like you talk down on comfort and money like it is a sin.
I know your type.

Keep managing, you own four kids.

Iffffffy:
At some point, I thought I was the one doing this narration, it is well sis.

.
SAME HERE!!

bujebudanu1:
How ladies end up marrying clowns is baffling me...

People don't just like a quiet and peaceful life , na money issue sha

Because they lack logical capabilities, hence they fall easily for emotions and bigotry!

Imagine marrying a guy because of mere religion! How shallow!

COdeGenesis:
Typical, Akwa Ibom man. He can sell his brother out because of a woman. If the op was your brother's wife, would you advise her to leave the home? Small quarrel she dons run come social media come dey rant, instead of her to talk it out with her husband. You will be shocked this issue can get resolved in a minute. I hate it when people who can't even maintain a relationship dish out negative advice to people. That Uyai gurl is a fish. The typical girl who has nothing to offer in a relationship than sex. I pity any man that would marry such a low thinking babe

It looks like you have issues with Akwa Ibom people

But get over it bro

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Sorry for the beating but I have a question for you. If your husband salary is for rent and school fees, why is it a problem for you to spend yours on feeding and others? What do you want to be using your own money for?? For aso-ebi?? I just wanna learn please

something of this nature is bound to happen if you are a husband who can not provide the basic things for your family, there is no such things like A NICE BROKE MAN.

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Dis una matter don knot water o! On a more serious note, you and your husband married each other for the wrong reasons. This is the greatest disservice one can do to oneself. Summon the courage to correct the wrong, irrespective of your financial situation and the opinions of others. How are you sure your husband is not cheating on you? Good night, sister.

Ishilove:
If a lady says she wants to marry a man who is established, they will call her a goldigger. Now that she has chosen to build life small small with a broke man, he has turned out to be an ungrateful asshole.

Love gbakwuoku biko.

You mean she should be praised for feeding her own children while husband exhaust his salary on rent and school fees So what happens when your established man is broke or loses his job?? Abi you don't know life happens?? No woman, I repeat, no woman deserved to be praised for sharing responsibility with her husband. No be the same children wey she go still manipulate against their father?? U na no well.

Jullima:
Well let me say most, because some women are enjoying their marriage. Don’t ever NOT have savings, there is no protection for you o. As you can see your 100% contribution is not even appreciated. Always, always have savings. Always save a portion of your salary, if anything happens, Igando will award you N500 stipends. Starting from now, set aside a portion of your salary and start saving, so you can always have an option to leave when it gets unbearable or you have something to fall back on if he puts you out.

But it's OK for the man to spend all his savings on the family, while it's important for the wife to save from her salary? Women with their selfish attitudes

crackkhaus:


Well since you're tired of always being the one to ask him why he's keeping malice with you, don't you think it's time for you to start planning your move?

You said you don't have money yet and this is why you're still there... Madam start keeping/saving money aside small small, time dey go.

She should start planning her move... If she pack, na you go marry her abi you go give her your brother to marry. No problem without solution Mr advicer