₦airaland Forum

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Don't for any.reason leave your marriage... You may not like your husband but what about your children?, are you going to take them along?.

Just try and be taking care of yourself more cos you struggle for the money,don't look girly,save a bit of your salary,ignore his excesses,grow back your hair. If you know you don't go well in conversation with him, avoid any conversation except the family related ones. Play with your kids,laugh when he vexes, put on a happy face turn the table around by not getting hurt by his behavior.
Remember,you still have a family to call your own...no marriage is sweet no one and I believe every single couple on this forum will attest to that.
I'm happy he is not the drinking type or the womanizing type, those type are worst. Pray to whatever God you serve.

This is your own version of life you are leading now...no other promising one in the future if you leave your marriage.
I pray you find solace in your marriage.

I keep saying it that women should never fall for the cheap scam of "marry a broke man and build him, grow with him"

Its Absolute crap, men are very egotistical even when it makes no sense, you will see them being arrogant and full of themselves. Feeling like kings and superstars on top nothing. This egotistical behaviour is pronounced when they are dealing with women because religions and African society tells them that women are inferior to them.

Ladies, never marry a broke or stingy man, you dont live in western societies where marrying a broke man can still benefit you because while you bring money for running the house the man will cover the home front and will not boss you around. In Nigeria even when a man is broke he wants to be treated like a king, infact his feeling of entitlement increases and he starts demanding more respect.

Of course this isn't a general thing but majority of them are like that, marry a broke man and still carry 100% house chores on your head and have to deal with stress of pregnancy and raising children and increase your humility to him even while feeding him and providing for him because he is busy having ego issues. Ask him to assist with housework or attempt to make decisions at home that's when he will start claiming you are rude and disrespectful and you are insulting him because he is poor.

Better marry a rich man. Or comfortable man at least. One thing I like about men is that they are not afraid to demand their rights and even extra on top of what they deserve. Women are scared to demand what they are entitled to, the same bible and Quran that made men leaders and heads of families also mandated them to provide for their families but that part of the religions is hardly focused on or discussed because it deals with what benefits women

spartan117:
Of course not.

There is great power in submission. When a man knows that you respect and submit to him, he will love you and be willing to do anything for you. Learn from Queen Esther of the Bible, she was a virtuous woman.

We have to be balanced when we throw around this word of submission.

The woman should submit but what did the Bible tell the man: husband love your wife!!! How? As Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Men even have the tougher task, to love there wives to the extent of dieing for her.

Also note it was the man the Bible commanded to love. The woman was never given that injuction

Definitely of love? 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4 gave the characteristics of love which are:

Love is patient, kind, it's not boastful, it's not proud. It's not rude, it's not selfish etc

Which woman will you shower with all those qualities that will not worship and adore you.


Most of you quote bible to soot your own narrative. You won't love a woman as the Bible commanded you to. But you will want her to submit to you.
That's very very very selfish.

spartan117:
Of course not.

There is great power in submission. When a man knows that you respect and submit to him, he will love you and be willing to do anything for you. Learn from Queen Esther of the Bible, she was a virtuous woman.

@bold,

Very big lie.

Submissive behaviour in humans is more likely to trigger bullying instincts in others.
Majority of people only respect you if they know you have some kind of power over them.

Many women are submissive but their husbands still disrespect them and bully them.

One thing I like about men is that they are not afraid to demand their rights and even extra on top of what they deserve. Women are scared to demand what they are entitled to

facts

olabrinks:
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. You will grow to love a man who is a stable provider, you will grow out of love with a man who is a stable broke ass. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problems (which is 100% certain), you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise.

Purple pill!

Potential energy!! Lmao!

Hello madam,

The Lord grant your home peace. Amen!

I’d advice you put up a safety net. You can’t be earning and finishing same, I’d advice you lower your standard of living.

Please, SAVE. You need a backup plan. May we not be put to shame.

This may be without the knowledge of your spouse, but it’s with an intention to bail you both out in the rainy days.

God bless you, don’t give up on your family, things would get better.

Cheers!

yettymuse:
hehehehe...Ebere stop eeet o! This one na married people matter na, wetin old single lady like me sabi

Lmaoooooooo .

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

Well said

Good evening NL how is the lockdown in our different areas. Please I need ur help if u know of any man at the age of 50 years and above who needs to settle down with a God fearing and caring woman please contact me on 09085553566 or 07030810434 someone so dear to me is available. No insults pls

djon78:
We have to be balanced when we throw around this word of submission.

The woman should submit but what did the Bible tell the man: husband love your wife!!! How? As Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Men even have the tougher task, to love there wives to the extent of dieing for her.

Also note it was the man the Bible commanded to love. The woman was never given that injuction

Definitely of love? 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4 gave the characteristics of love which are:

Love is patient, kind, it's not boastful, it's not proud. It's not rude, it's not selfish etc

Which woman will you shower with all those qualities that will not worship and adore you.


Most of you quote bible to soot your own narrative. You won't love a woman as the Bible commanded you to. But you will want her to submit to you.
That's very very very selfish.

Tell them oooo

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

You are already in and I pray God gives you wisdom to handle your marriage

If he likes forming or carrying faces for you, pls allow him to do that as much as he wants


Feeding a family is more expensive than paying house rent and school fees I wish you can swap the responsibilities

But I will advise you cut down expenses from the beginning to the end

If you run generator till 10pm reduce it to just two hours or don't bring out money for fuel, finish your duties on time and be set to go to bed early

You must start saving, I don't know about tomorrow but start saving, so that you don't get stranded

Cut costs and start saving, forget about what he will say or react, his plans may be different from yours

candy2016:
Good evening NL how is the lockdown in our different areas. Please I need ur help if u know of any man at the age of 50 years and above who needs to settle down with a God fearing and caring woman please contact me on 09085553566 or 07030810434 someone so dear to me is available. No insults pls

Nobody real life around you or the person?

COdeGenesis:
Bros, I am not here to argue about who got wisdom or not. I am just saying that Uyai babe is just being demonic. My advice to the lady in questionis is to talk the husband and iron out issues. Let him know how she feels and how her attitude is really hurting the whole family binding. She should once in a while buy clothes for herself n save some money even if its 5k a month or 10k. That is all I said. That Uyai babe is a fish

You're a clown for days.

CHoccolaTE:
@bold,

Very big lie.

Submissive behaviour in humans is more likely to trigger bullying instincts in others.
Majority of people only respect you if they know you have some kind of power over them.
Many women are submissive but their husbands still disrespect them and bully them.

Too funny

bukatyne:
Nobody real life around you or the person?

......come again please, I don't get that

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

Just bear in mind that courtship is the sweetest part of a relationship. If he's this insensitive towards you during courtship, he will be worse in marriage. There's no perfect person in this world but one needs to be very careful when choosing a life partner. Marriage is a looooooong road, too long to be miserable for most of it.

realtalk19:
Some men wunt blink even if you apply all these to satisfy him,he will still get worse. I know someone like the OP hubby and trust me it got worse. People like the OP husband are cold hearted and very cruel. Not even their wife's dead body moves them. They are not worth the stress.

That's why she needs to strike back, talk back, FIGHT back. Men like these are like wolves, they won't back down unless you face them and fight back. She has been calm and respectful all these years, what did she gain with it? High BP. Mutual respect is what makes marriage work not one spouse demanding for respect by frustrating his spouse all the time.

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

Better drop him like a hotplate. Surprisingly, he'll take that attitude into marriage and expect you to ask him for everything down to the nitty grittys. You'll even have to coerce him to pay the children's school fees and other miscellaneous things. Give yourself wisdom and leave.

Tozilly:
No marriage is devoid of fracas. Majority of couple r just managing themselves. Ur situation is not yet out of control. Ur hubby is suffering from financial insecurity, entitlement mentality n bloated ego. He feels less of a man as he can't provide adequately 4 his family. U NID to save a fixed amount of money every month for Ur personal upkeep no matter wot. Try n find happiness outside him, may b with ur kids. U hv a right to enjoy d fruit of ur labour. Just press ignore button wen he starts acting up. He will either grows over it with time or b humbled by life. D situation will change for better with time. Don't come n kill urself for anybody.

Tozilly i want to add to what u just said. We dnt have a clear knowledge of his financial background or work background. At the same time, men generally are ego centric by nature. I just feel that he is been frustrated because of his current financial state. He is not able to take total responsibility for his family so he gets frustrated. A man who is responsible wants to be in charge, control, command respect and all that.It is normal to get sick once in a while but men generally dnt feel sick like we women do except on critical cases and when a man is sick, give him money and that man go well. So she should just try and develop a savings culture for herself. And encourage the man to do more. Suggest business ideas. And some times too when men are going through their rough moments, they want to be left alone. They need space. So i suggest u give ur hubby some space. Dnt get him choked up. When he needs u around, dat moment just flow with him and when its the opposite, give him space. Dnt try to force things. His attitude will get u pissed but try not to bottle up any ill feelings. Find possible means to be happy. Encourage your hubby when ever he feels less of himself even if he doesnt appreciate it. Communication is key. Keep it when necessary and when otherwise change some rutin

Mbliz:
Tozilly i want to add to what u just said. We dnt have a clear knowledge of his financial background or work background. At the same time, men generally are ego centric by nature. I just feel that he is been frustrated because of his current financial state. He is not able to take total responsibility for his family so he gets frustrated. A man who is responsible wants to be in charge, control, command respect and all that.It is normal to get sick once in a while but men generally dnt feel sick like we women do except on critical cases and when a man is sick, give him money and that man go well. So she should just try and develop a savings culture for herself. And encourage the man to do more. Suggest business ideas. And some times too when men are going through their rough moments, they want to be left alone. They need space. So i suggest u give ur hubby some space. Dnt get him choked up. When he needs u around, dat moment just flow with him and when its the opposite, give him space. Dnt try to force things. His attitude will get u pissed but try not to bottle up any ill feelings. Find possible means to be happy. Encourage your hubby when ever he feels less of himself even if he doesnt appreciate it. Communication is key. Keep it when necessary and when otherwise change some rutin

@bolded,

I realize that women are quick to fall into temptation of holding onto this notion thereby failing to understand that as true as this may be, men also have feelings and we are constantly faced with troubles/challenges which are peculiar to us.

We often have reasons for our actions, however silly some of these reasons may look, therefore are not just some species that enjoy kicking off at the slightest chance.

As you mentioned earlier, communication is key & by same, coupled with RESPECT shall a woman understand her MAN and his world - we're not difficult to understand.

dominique:
That's why she needs to strike back, talk back, FIGHT back. Men like these are like wolves, they won't back down unless you face them and fight back. She has been calm and respectful all these years, what did she gain with it? High BP. Mutual respect is what makes marriage work not one spouse demanding for respect by frustrating his spouse all the time.

Wisdom is profitable my dear - @bolded is brash & is mostly a recipe for disaster.

Wisdom is Profitable!

candy2016:
Good evening NL how is the lockdown in our different areas. Please I need ur help if u know of any man at the age of 50 years and above who needs to settle down with a God fearing and caring woman please contact me on 09085553566 or 07030810434 someone so dear to me is available. No insults pls

Why 50 & above , why not go for a young blood?

Haaaa I see what y'all are tryna do there, hope it's not what I'm thinking.

blissbliss:
Hello madam,

The Lord grant your home peace. Amen!

I’d advice you put up a safety net. You can’t be earning and finishing same, I’d advice you lower your standard of living.

Please, SAVE. You need a backup plan. May we not be put to shame.

This may be without the knowledge of your spouse, but it’s with an intention to bail you both out in the rainy days.

God bless you, don’t give up on your family, things would get better.

Cheers!

How does she explain this when the husband eventually finds out - wouldn't he think she has a plan B.

She will need to be very careful coz this may cause a big crack in the trust btw them.

Mind you, they live together.

KanuSE:
Wisdom is profitable my dear - @bolded is brash & is mostly a recipe for disaster.

Wisdom is Profitable!

What did wisdom profit her? Hypertension! Spending scarce funds on taking care of her health caused by constantly pacifying her bullish husband. If that's what wisdom is about, let me be unwise.

Bullies will continue to torment their prey till he or she stands up to them. Their preys' weakness energizes them and they won't stop unless something drastic happens. This man in question does not even care for her well-being, imagine telling his spouse she'll just die for nothing. Is that the kind of person to keep appeasing and respecting? If he calls her stupid, she should call him stupid back. If he calls her useless, she should call him useless back. If he goes violent she should treat his fuckup when he's asleep. By the time he realizes that he's no longer dealing with a meek puppy he feels he could taunt, it's either he sits up, pack out or swallow sniper. Either ways she should be prepared for a life without him.

dominique:
What did wisdom profit her? Hypertension! Spending scarce funds on taking care of her health caused by constantly pacifying her bullish husband. If that's what wisdom is about, let me be unwise.

Bullies will continue to torment their prey till he or she stands up to them. Their preys' weakness energizes them and they won't stop unless something drastic happens. This man in question does not even care for her well-being, imagine telling his spouse she'll just die for nothing. Is that the kind of person to keep appeasing and respecting? If he calls her stupid, she should call him stupid back. If he calls her useless, she should call him useless back. If he goes violent she should treat his fuckup when he's asleep. By the time he realizes that he's no longer dealing with a meek puppy he feels he could taunt, it's either he sits up, pack out or swallow sniper. Either ways she should be prepared for a life without him.

@bolded,

Now, this is exactly what it's about - this is the end game.

IT IS WELL.

You've been able to whitewash your husband. The next step should be heeding to the advices of the useless women in the comment section, so that you can finally destroy your marriage. When you destroy the marriage, I'll be here to congratulate you for joining the club of the "liberated sisters".

As a kid, I watched my parents quarrel and argue almost all of the time. My dad would throw her boxes out, she would take it back in, my mum would throw crazy abuses at him in her bid to disgrace him publicly and destroy every shred of self-esteem in him, the man would insist on not wanting the marriage anymore, neighbors would start pleading. It was terrifying. But as time went on, they outgrew those toxic traits, they stuck together, they got used to being together in peace and harmony with no more quarrels whatsoever. Marriage is a long term project where you learn to be a better human.

I know that we men can be controlling and act like bastards sometimes, but no matter how big a bastard a man is, only a woman who respects him makes him act right. If you want that man to get worse with you, try to show him he's not the boss, after all, he contributes almost nothing. My point is, you can make a man be whatever you want him to be, it all depends on the mannerisms you adopt with him.

If you think your husband isn't treating you properly, you don't get him treating you properly by standing up to him. You keep talking calmly to him like a wife married to a king, and quit looking at his failings, because it subconsciously makes you loathe and have no respect for him.

Money will come, keep praying, keep hoping, things will fall in place. In this Nigeria, there are women who are the breadwinners, and they still treat their spouses like he's the one doing everything in the home, and their marriages are thriving.

Wisdom is profitable to direct.

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

dominique:
That's why she needs to strike back, talk back, FIGHT back. Men like these are like wolves, they won't back down unless you face them and fight back. She has been calm and respectful all these years, what did she gain with it? High BP. Mutual respect is what makes marriage work not one spouse demanding for respect by frustrating his spouse all the time.

You are on point.

ekineme:
I saw this post late but I will still drop my comment; I took my time to read your post am I have really learnt alot, I think I v 80% of the attributes of your husband except the beating and unappreciative tendencies.

I think the solution is for you to take a stand, Don't apologize and tell him since he has failed to appreciate ur little effort you can't kill yourself, tell him you will cease to put effort.
Bliv me he will wish for ur old self.
Make sure you don't carry out the threat once u v noticed a change.
He will change

Your advice is tantamount to confrontation & may not necessarily be helpful. Hope you still remember that majority of men don't like to be challenged.

Rethink your approach coz one size doesn't fit all.

Genset:
Read all the story and the comments . The only thing I can utter is CHAI . But wait o o.p, so the major reason u married ur husband is RELIGION. Inu kwa? Maka uka?why smart people like Regina marry becos of money. The story and comments they shock me walai. I don't think that ur husband is redemable o. God please, don't let the stories I read here be my reality. Help me to make a good choice . God please, don't allow my emotions to becloud my sense of reasoning when it's time. I partly agree with bukatyne when she said women make choices when choosing partners. It is up to us to make a good choice of husbands and fathers to our kids. It may sound harsh the way she puts it but it is the truth. I mostly notice that poor men have the biggest EGO, why is that? God please , am begging on my knees , remove broke or poor men from me or before me . Why is it that Nigerian women hardly leave abusive marriages? I really want to know( no pun intended) . Some will say it's because of the kids while others will say financial constraint. Are they enough reasons . The o.p clearly suffers high B.p and she is still there, why? ( no insults please I just want answers.) Some of these women even earn more than their men and still decide to stay in this toxic marriage. Again, I ask why? Why do families still give birth to more than they can cater for ? What is the role of modern men if some of them can put food on their families' tables? Sincerely, African women why do you lots in bad marriages still stay ? I really want to know. Is it inherent in the black race to keep managing till u drop dead for the title of 'MRS' ?
Please no one should insult me . I dey abeg oo




Cc pocohantas
Bukatyne
Cococandy
Dominique

@bolded,

If you can figure out why y'all still love your criminal-politicians despite the rot in all facets of the economy, then maybe you will understand your question.

Funny ppl everywhere.

crackkhaus:
- You don't visit him on your own without his invitation
- He wants you to visit everyday of the week, probably to do nothing else but have sex.
- The money you need is to buy stuff for his own kitchen.

See, break up with this guy and dey your dey.

You will marry him once he shows you ring, then come on Nairaland after 5years to tell people how he changed after marriage.

@bolded,

What's wrong with that...& if your brain is not overheating, why would you even think he fvcks her everyday of the week.

You women always make it look like y'all don't like fvckn the hell out of us.

Nonsense and buratai.

KanuSE:
@bolded,

What's wrong with that...& if your brain is not overheating, why would you even think he bleeps her everyday of the week.

You women always make it look like y'all don't like fvckn the hell out of us.

Nonsense and buratai.

You be mumu sha