₦airaland Forum

Onaiwu1:
Very PAINFUL seeing all this happening to ur mother one thing I know ur mother is an hero and I will beg u if it will take u ur last panny just take her away from ur dad because if not I pray ur mother enjoys the fruits of her labor before ur dad do the evil plan he has in mind, take ur sinbling to a place where he can't local u guys and work partime if possible to take care of ur mum and sinblings God will be with u and protect u guys

bolaji3071:
Your story is similar to mine. But in my own case my dad didn't come back home, but he went to the village to marry another woman.

Me and my siblings were left with my mum alone who is a trader to cater for us.

Later when my dad became sick, the woman left him. And the sickness got worsenend that they had to rush him to UCH ibadan.

It was one fateful morning of August 6, 2016 that I got a call from the village that my dad has been rushed to UCH.

And it was that same day I was preparing to upload my my documents for my school admission.

So I had to travel down to UCH from lagos that same day to stay with him at the hospital, being his first born.

We stayed there for 40 days and also he was operated on(below knee amputation).

So after the surgical injury became a little bit ok. We went for physiotherapy to learn how, so he can learn how to use clutches to walk.

So, after that he got discharged and we went back to the village.

That year, after the uploading of documents, I gained admission to study in Unilag, and around November we were asked to come to school for the physical screening.

On getting to school after my screening, I got a call that my dad has died. Mehn that was the worst day of my life.

I traveled back to oyo state that same evening. It was a very sad and bad experience for me. Despite how he was not there for me, my siblings and mum, I would never wish for him to die.

My dad's junior bro who promised then to sponsor me in school didn't come through, I have been hustling my way through during holidays with work ranging from bet9ja cashier, office assistant and all to cater for my school needs, siblings and mum,but 300level second semester was the most difficult for me.

I could not get any job to save up for 400level school fees after the holiday. Had to sell of my phone then to pay up my school fees, now in 400level. It has not been easy, but I know my story will change for good soon and I will give my mum and siblings a very better life.

I perfectly relate with all you are going through op.

Lekan239:
I already have my OND in mechanical engineering, and I'm currently in HND1 but there's no clue on how I could get enough money to pay the remaining bills before exam. Sometimes I still thank God for bringing this corona virus at the right time, if not for the virus exam would have began and I would officially have been a dropout again. Either way I'm always looking forward to what life throws at me. And I'm already planning of the way forward if I eventually dropout. But all I know is that either now or later I will surely complete my education

superfitsez:
if you interested,I will direct you where they'll request your father, but your comment up there is to much of Nollywood movies where you think is only the valuable person

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

lozanni:
I feel so sad reading about your experience, I had to control my emotions before it got the better of me.
Cases like yours and Ops' are reasons why I feel our rich men are not doing enough to help the poor and downtrodden, especially those who have great potential like the two of you.
I hope wealthy Nigerians will create philanthropic Foundations, like you have in developed countries, to help those in severe need and not just donating billions to the Government.
I pray the Good Lord will make ways for both of you and your families so that you can achieve your dreams and aspirations.

Arobake:
You won't drop out in the mighty Name of Jesus.
Please make contact with me. I'm struggling too, but God is a miracle working God and He will make a way.

Do get in touch. It will be well.

Thank you.

GerogeI:
You will not solve your mother's problem by breaking down the house. At some point in life, your mother will still need a companion, even a half enemy, when you are all gone. So leave the lazy man, let him eat food if your mother can find.

Your mother, your father have lived their lives, made their mistakes, etc. What matters is what you do.

You are at least 27 years, first child, a son and you did not visit your mother for over two years. Who then is her strength and confidant. Every woman holds her lifes aces in her first son. Check and change yourself because it seems you are walking in your fathers shoes.

As long as your mother hears your voice and knows you are progressing, she will never count the food your father steals a loss, because from him, she bore you, who is wonderful and awesome. Everything she ever dreamt of, a gift she will oneday cherish giving confidently to another young woman. Knowing she brought you up right. So make yourself awesome and wonderful, the reason why all her sacrifice was worth it. I did not say get rich quick, be availble, be involved, be attentive, listen, contribute, make solutions.

Further, if your father has resources that are under utilised in the village. Hatch a plan of what to do with them. Go over your plan with your mother. Then go over to your father and make him buy your ideas man to man. Gradually you will take over those resources and use them to carter for your mother and the rest. If your father is lazy, then he is lazy and there is nothing you can do to change that. But you can play him like a smart young man, and give comfort to your mother. If you let him carry on as is by being angry, you will loose your inheritance to strangers, resources that could help your mother.

Your parents are too old for the kind of seperation you seek. Your Mum has already finished the work. At their age, couples are rather fond of each other, not highly sexaully attracted to each other. So whats the fuse. Just use your young mind to grow your self and organise your family.

Indirect leadership. The better you do, the happier your mother will be!

Also, do not trust so much in your mothers relatives. If she goes to them they will grow weary of her after a while. The problems you have might also be in those place.

Men run from responsibilities in bad economy. It is so common, am not saying it is ok. Further, men are highly likely to run from their homes after the age of 35-45. The age of mid- life crisis. When they see they failed at there dreams. Many give up for the drudgery of day yo day survival. Most blame their choice of wife as the reason for their failure, especially those that married too early. Others just overcome by finding women outside.

One way you can help your father is to get close to him, ask a lot of questions about his dreams as a young man. You will rekindle in him hope that he can succeed and live through you. Maybe then he might surmon the energy to stand for his family. If nit, at least you all can tolerate each other better. So be the bridge and not the river.

Then guard yourself against reacting to midlife crisis like your father did. It is just psychology. Dreams are hard to build, but hope is never lost.

Pearl05:
If he sell the lands, be sure that he will disappear for 2yrs and only return when the money finish.

Relocate your mom to the village, it will be difficult at first but within 18months period she will adapt to villa life. Your 23yrs old younger sis is in good hands and maybe after her finals, she should go stay with her till NYSC.

Fear of change is stopping her from making the move. Leaving her church( family) , neighbours and friends.

Talk to her pastor to help talk to her.

Offpoint:
Your dad has been an ass hole and deadbeat for 27 years and yet you guys are four in numbers how do your mom did it?

How about you and your siblings tie him up and drop him off in any isolation center closest to you? Tell NCDC that your dad has covid_93 Deadbeat.

Sad news for you is your mom will never leave your dad. She would have done so long ago if she was going to... Face reality bro, get the mom and make your mama happy.. You guys are her husband now.

I repeat TAKE YOUR DAD TO AN ISOLATION CENTER, he should be quarantined.

Gloriagee:
My brother, I don't know. Do you have contacts of anyone like a course mate or an admin staff? They might be able to help.

Christmasdon:
. HOW CAN U BE SO DAFT LIKE THIS. ? SIMPLE QUESTION, ARE U A GRADUATE OF NOUN. ?YES OR NO. YOU SEE WHY I HATE GIRLS WAY OF LIFE. HOW COME U KNOW TOO MUCH WELL OF NOUN. ANYWAYS, I DONT MEAN TO INSULT YOU. LET ME ADVICE, LATER AHEAD DID YOUR HUSBAND ASKS U A QUESTION .PLEASE MY DEAR. NEVER U SAY I DON'T KNOW O. I HAVE WANRNED YOU.

LebanonCedars2:
@Lekan239,

My story was more like yours, maybe worse. But in my case, my mother was the one that abandoned us. Today, I can only testify to God's faithfulness.

Please, how much is your school fees?

Please drop your whatsapp number here. I'll come back later today to pick it.

With you on God's side, you, your siblings and mum will surely come out stronger, better and blessed.

Gloriagee:
I'm neither daft nor the cause of your problems. Get a grip on your emotions...you definitely can pass your points across better when you are calm. Don't drink and write next time n keep your silly warnings to yourself.

Christmasdon:
.NEXT TIME! DO NOT SAY WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW..YOU ARE DAFT SIMPLE. I WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED YOU OF NOUN IF YOU HAD NOT MENTIONED IT. MENTIONING NOUN TELLS ME YOU KNOW THE ENDPOINT OF NOUN. AM SORRY ! NEXT TIME DON'T SAY THINGS THAT IS WAY BEYOND YOU.

crackkhaus:
People like your father always get their due when the time comes. I don't believe any of you can do anything to change him because he is a middle-aged man who is already set in his ways.
Something miraculous needs to happen which will cause him to look inwards and retraces his steps, otherwise his path is set before him.

Your only priority now should be for your mother's wellbeing...so if you can keep convincing her to create some space, then keep doing that.
Ultimately, it's going to be her decision to either remain in the situation or move away for some peace of mind.

Lekan239:
exactly

TheGreatIYANU:
Just focus on getting your mum into full recovery. Do whatever you must, as far as it is legal and godly.

Dont be ashamed to hustle right now... carry block if you must.

Once she is better you and all your siblings should really round and take her (forcefully if needed) to her peoples place pending when one of you can get a place.

Dont completely abandon your father, cater for him to the best of your ability but ensure your mother is fine.

That should be your sole singular focus right now.

Zoie:
Why don't you take your 40k and shove it up your leaky anus huh?

Zoie:
Still an abuse-enabling comment.

Femsyn:
This is a very typical story of many Nigerian homes. Later in the man's old age, when children and wife ignore and treat him like trash, one stranger, in the name of a fiance, who has no idea of their history, will become judgmental and share blames.

Another uncle will encourage other women to endure abuse, just because his own mother barely survived a marriage with an egotistical and insensitive man.

uuzba:
Your mum's life is precious? Your father's life is not precious?
Who made you judge over the guy's family?

A man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two shall become one..

Bible does not say, a man should carry his mother and run...

As he has hand to buy phone and rant online, let him pack his load and leave his parents house.
They are their own couple.he. He and his siblings should go and marry their own and take care of their wives and stop putting hand in another person's marriage
I will not be the one to tell him to destroy his own family. No matter what his dad is doing, that is his mum's business to judge. And not his business.