₦airaland Forum

noakchukibadan:
Hmmmmm, I have done most things, for 8 years , I do not think she has apologized more than 3 times on any issue. Like I said I have prayed, and fasted. I have cried, and begged.

Bros sorry
Firstly, you married a known devil.
Secondly, you failed to establish your authority as man from the outset. Every woman do like to misbehave and test the strength of man from the outset. If you had done this initially, you won't be at at this level.
My sincere advice for you is to 1: neglect her, do as if she doesn't exist. Like you're co-tenant. Take good care of your kids as they don't have a mother.
Secondly, if you're man enough. Marry another wife don't divorce her and let her know you're upto it. If she tries anything funny, you'll commit her to prison.
Thirdly, process your visa and that of your kids, leave her behind in Nigeria.
My golden advice to men: stop court wedding with the uncultured female folks we have in this era. You need to know it's a way to trap you and your freedom.
Feminist crew don't quote me, if you do, covid-19 shall be your portion.

Why did you allow pastor to promise you

You are crying and begging?

I'm sorry to say but you're not a man's man!

Mine is just fair a bit.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Sorry to say this, as it was your sole decision to have married her, So it will be sole decision to continue or not continue. What God has put together, let no one puts asunder.

at 42 you still cant decide for yourself look at me 26 i broke up with morethan 20girls any girl that decided to give me unnesassary headache i leave her the Bleep alone

Op, this is a dreadful home which needs urgent attention. The problem started and countinued because you have failed to man up. You have failed to stand your grounds. You have allowed her to push you to the wall and realized you are a dog that cannot bite. You are too cool for most ladies.

You are a lover boy who cherish a happy home. You have allowed your emotions and heart to decide for you instead of your head. So many things have crossed your mind like where would she go if you decide to send her parking. You have over loved and it's not your fault but you forgot to draw the line. That's the bitter truth.

My advice -, Damn the consequence(s) that may arise. Call her, sit her down and tell your all you want from her and let her know prize for any inactions which you must abide with. Don't fail to stand on your word.

Let her amend issues with her family especially her mum and siblings. Giver enough time to do it. Failure to do it, she should face the consequence you give.

You were twisted into the marriage. It's not fault of yours but you gave her Pastor the chance to use God in devaluing you.

Taken your kids to your family. Let them stay there forna while. If possible to a distance away from home. She needs force and pressure to change. Leave her alone. Don't shed tears or argue on filmsy excuses. Stay away from home during the day. Give her the chance to suspect you are having an affair. Let her emotions become uncomfortable. Let her start nagging while you have made your mind to stand your grounds.

Sir, if you don't man up, this woman would kill you. Not with any weapon but emotions. Your BP is already high just because you over loved a woman you thought should give you joy.

You are too weak. Believe me.

Clearly bro, your wife doesn’t love you,and never did love you, she sees u as weak,and u have shown her she is ur world. As a brotherly advice ignore abd find pleasure from other things u love and concentate on that, like me i love games,i have d latest collections of games,and anytime my wife starts i go to the game room and get drowned in it.. may be u shud try doing what you love the most

bukatyne:
You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

Very well said

Baffupdrizz:
What is the main issue here?

You are joining too many issues into one.
Is it that your wife is snubbing you and you just can't take it anymore? Or you are angry she doesn't give a f*ck about your birthday? Or you are sad thaf you have beeb diagnosed with high blood pressure?

Is there something that she is not actually doing that is obligatory and incumbent on her as your wife?

Get your grip together. Stop running to third parties to come help you control your wife. The real responsibility you need to take is taking responsibility of YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.

If someone has kept malice against you for over a month, is that not enough for you to know that she can as well poison you?

pls go back to school a woman with no respect for her family and father can't be submissive to any man do you copy?

noakchukibadan:
I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

I like the fact that you hold only yourself accountable
You knew her and still go ahead and marry her
This is a lesson for people that always think their spouse will change after marriage or maybe the can patch them
Leave the marriage but I'm concern about the kids, can just take the children and move

First don’t think of divorce
2nd learn to accept your fate cos that’s the only way you can live your life, she can’t change so don’t expect much see it as this is who she is. Do not let her character bother you anymore. When she act up just laugh and go your way. Do not be emotional for her again.
3rd learn to take care of yourself first before anything cos life has no duplicate. If you die of high blood pressure the world will move on without you. Shalom

i can bet my balls the lady is from ekiti... crazy fayose people, stuborn like mad... one almost killed me with this wahala until I ran away, and the sad part is they don't do all this to hurt you, its just their useless strong head

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Mr. Man pls take it easy o.
You are hypertensive.
Easy sir!!!!!

I need your wife side before i can advise anything.
Second guess
It be like say your wife is the financial of your home

To be honest from my part she cnt change she grew up without her father? N does not recognise if the father is alive or not?
You mistake there would have been fixing up her relationship with her dad n now you would have a say on her n family u ignored that is coming back to hurt you. The mom can't control her then u too can't��, the pastor can't too.
That the way she grew up to be
The best thing you can do is give her a break,
During the break give her thes terms for coming back
1.make peace with your dad
2.live with family for sometime
3.learn mannarz n character from her dad
4.give her a lot of space so she can learn if doing this period she refuses you file for a divorce bro simple u 42 man don't die young bro you still have life n two kids to take care of don't let them be fatherless bro that hurts a lot am talking from experience

OP, it depends on what you believe, I believe in marriage and also in divorce, when salt is no longer tasting salty, then what's the use?

Divorce is like suicide. It never solves anything except it's done in self defense. My advice: fall in love with something or someone else. Something like a hobby, Someone like the Holy Spirit. Spend more time worshipping God and growing His kingdom and it'll take your mind off the stress.

Pending the time your wife will change, please find things to do that will make you happy cos you are hypertensive. Maybe you can engage your children more. Since she wanted to live a recluse life, ignore her a little bit by focusing more on your kids. Take your children out, play with them, tell them stories. I hope she's not also using them as tools against you. In another vein, get yourself busy. Add more part-time education if necessary, set book study target, form a study group with friends. Just show her that, you are not afraid to live alone.
Keep praying for her cos God can touch her heart. You can't change her by force cos that's who she is. Please, you've not reached the point of divorce.

Questions:
Is she allowing you to perform your duty in the other room?
Is she proving dangerous at home? Like, ignore you even if you are dying at home. Let's say you mistakenly cut your yourself with a knife while cooking, will she still ignore you in that situation.
The reply to those 2 questions could change the dynamics.

NARCISSISTIC WIFE
OP, SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE. MAKE A RUN, NOW!

Check out these links. Sounds familiar?

https://blog.usejournal.com/i-was-married-to-a-narcissist-for-12-years-and-i-had-no-idea-3398b7b15c45

Check this video, explicit!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKxtuFEcm7I

You prayed and cried?...God what have men turned to?



Stay there o, let her kill you .At your tender age you've already been diagnosed of hbp .


A woman that can stay months without talking to you can poison you. Men wake up ! If a woman should play Catwoman then you play James bond. Be Alpha . Take the redpill I beg you

nams77:
I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi?
I always advocate hearing both side of the story though
I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack!
Cc bukatyne

Frozen70 differs from those devil feminists we have here. She experienced, matured, I think elderly too. Not those ones whose mama dey sell roasted corn besides road and forming biz gez on NL.
Dear, more wisdom to you.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

It is a pity. That's a very pathetic condition. Unfortunately it is not enough for divorce especially for religious marriage.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Person wey her entire family no fit talk to naim you go marry. As wetin, macho man or king kong. Well like all her family, relative and pastor tell you....me too advice you to forget, manage and tolerate. Yoi lucky she is prayeful sef Nd not cheating.

bukatyne:
You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

For how long

I think I perfectly understand your plight in this matter and the possible solution to your problem.

Let me ask you these questions before I advise you on what to do?

1. How frequent do you have intercourse in a week or month?
2. How old are your kids?
3.is she a full time house wife or working class?
4.does she have a friend she relates frequently with?
5. Does she bring more money to the table than you do?
6. Have you checked yourself,is there anything you are constantly doing wrong all the times?
7.Has she caught you with sidechicks ?
8. Do you still love her?
9. Do you always report her to your family member(s)?
10.Are you comfortable with the way she is raising your kids?

Please respond accordingly and let drop my advise.

Acme45:
if he's your brother you will advice him to die there

She's worst than the wife of OP

You enter one way be that.........

Don't mind those children that ask you to divorce her. This is not an exceptional case. What you will do is to study her weakness I.e something she is not comfortable with. Use it against her anytime she is misbehave.

ikh777:
IF THIS WHOLE STORY IS TRUE, Then sir, you have tried. you need a clean break.

BAD CHARACTER is like TOOTHACHE... you may have to remove the tooth.

See, the pastor and family deceived you. This is why I hate how marriage is done in Africa, THEY LIE TO SINGLES CLAIMING AFTER MARRIAGE TILL WILL GET BETTER only to marry then they start preaching to you to MANAGE.

In NIGERIA, MARRIAGE = MANAGING.

So, I can not say it is a spiritual matter, but with all you have said I feel you should prayerfully divorce her. And move on with your life lest you die early of HBP.

even if u marry new wife ur HBP still dey.

try treat that one first


also HBP cause erectile dysfunction and can lead to stroke.

Who will take care of u then?

bad performance and also a man character

which could also cause marital crisis and doubts in a womans mind.

to divorce or not to divorce is ur personal decision, at least three sides to a story, ur version, ur wifes version and then the truth

na u know d woman u marry

God left the business of match making when Eve led Adam to fall and Adam had the guts to blame God.. That's why its boldly written 'He who finds a wife'... Now you have found a wife. Thank the Most High.. You said she came with the full package and you accepted her. Yes you with all you saw accepted her. The next thing is that you find happiness any way you can. Be mindful of loneliness. Buy a musical instrument. Learn how to play it.. I have cool jazz music that will take you far away from all negativity. Get ws-1037 wster music player. Build a new life.

imanray37:
pls go back to school a woman with no respect for her family and father can't be submissive to any man do you copy?

Okay Mr. Educated,

Why did he not give the money to the wife to purchase those things if he cares that much?

There are boundaries!!
And for every married man out there, buying undies for anyone else other than your infants and your wife is going beyond it.

Run away from her before she kills you