₦airaland Forum

Nitric:
A guy who is bothered that his wife does not remember his birthday...nothing wey person no go hear?

I have read the post twice to see what the problem is and I found none. My hubby also forgot my birthday but that did not stop me from celebrating it in the house, I am waiting for his birthday to forget it too. .


You complained of practically cooking for yourself and doing all domestic work, what kind of work does your wife do? And when does she close for the day? that should not be a problem. Get a housegirl or domestic worker to do that and pay him or her.Discuss this with her and issue resolved.


He complained when the children misbehave, the wife will say it is his xter. When children have so much energy to destroy things, you find out it is the man that is energetic . I don't see anything in it. My hubby will always tell my boy- "asonakwa ishi ka ndi be NNE GI". This does not have a direct translation but the closest meaning is " don't be local like your mummy's ppl." I know if it is this op, he will say she insulted his whole village. As for keeping malice in the house, it is a common thing ooo. Ppl that are annoyed sometimes want to stay alone to have time to forget it. It also passes. When I am angry, I want to stay alone for the heat to defuse. Going for months without end is wrong.I dont know if she falls into the category of ppl that want to defuse.

You have stayed long enough with your spouse to know what she likes and how to handle her.
I cannot say what caused your high bp, lots of factors like body weight, diet,stress,etc may have contributed . Forget divorce for now. Like someone advised you earlier, get a friend or friends ( possibly a male friends) and spend most of the time outside work with this person. Try to be less possesive of your wife. With time, everything will come back to normal.

You have option of divorce ( the easy way out) or making the marriage work ( a serious determined work). I made up my mind to never argue with my hubby again to avoid quarell. So anytime he tries to start an argument, I won't contribute cos I know where it will end.

Try the above for a month and I am sure you will see difference. Communicate more and report less. I am sure she will hate you more for reporting her to everybody.

If not her sour relationship with her parents and siblings, I would have safely say she is perfect replica of my ex. But my ex have good rapport with her family. I used to tell her if I continue with her, I won't live long. Thank God I have moved on.

OKOATA:
Your wife is an evil monster that should be treated as trash and neglected forever and let her fuvk off. Keep managing till you die of HBP and am sure she’s even waiting for that. If you have her name as your next of kin change it, if it’s a joint account remove her name from it, anything joint this joint that remove her name from it, stop begging and crying, I even hate it when a woman cry’s and begs me because I find it irritating, since the first time you started crying and begging like a little child she took advantage of you, what you don’t know is that women hate men that cry and beg, it was my own mother that told me this. Stop prostrating before a woman, stop kneeling and begging a woman, I swear that thing is irritating like shiit. My advice to you is to just end this evil marriage, you said you developed HPB and you are still managing. A man did the same in my area and he died while driving his in car, the woman he left behind is sleeping around like a dog now. Separate from this evil witch you call a wife, let her be since it’s glaring she doesn’t love you anymore, focus on yourself and your health, go to the gym, eat healthy, make enough female friends and am not saying you should start sleeping around but if you find a woman around, hang out with your friends and families. About her birthday fuvk her day and May she burn in Hell. Any man that treats a woman like egg bet it they don’t appreciate and am sure she’s even cheating on you with a real man that’s she no send you. You need to start acting like a real man bro. Woman hate simple men, men that are too nice but if we keep telling men they say women are golden, women are eggs bla bla bla, Free that demon you called a wife, she deserves no mercy. Don’t listen to those people telling you to manage her like that bla bla bla, I can bet she won’t change and you will keep doing the same thing over and over till you die of HPB. Bro she’s not the only woman in the world o, there are still good women out there o. A word is enough for the wise.

You too much .....you nailed it

I will advise you take out time to calm the storm in your home. She is a damaged wild horse and you need to tame her. Is she Sagittarius? She knows how to ignite you emotionally and watch you ignite. And you always ignite.

Stop igniting and your problem will go away. You will have her eating from your palms. You should do some reading on psychological conditioning. You need to rewire your self and gain control of your emotional intelligence. No good horse will submit to your authority without a fight.

I kinda see that stallion/wolf altitude in your wife cos she has learnt to love alone in her world. Any way, are you sure she is not an introvert?

Find out first.

Your problem is simply. And the solution is stop paying attention to whatever she says or does. Stop craving the attention, approval and acceptance of your wife. Every woman knows when the attention is gone from her. Since she used to have on a platter cos never valued your time around family, she will miss the dopamine rush it brings.

She will become addict to you for that attention.

It is not every thing she says you will respond to. Consider some of her altitude the tantrums of a child. Pick the ones to respond to, and withdraw complete attention from the rest. We nor dey fight but I see you like I nor see you. I nor go complain. But discipline her where need be. That's why you are the head. So stop allowing her get to you.

But be happy for no reason. I learnt this earlier in my marriage. I was co-depedent, and trust me when I say my wife use me do rubbish.

I was trying to love like I should cos of my childhood ideals about marriage and family.But she did like soft man. She use me do yeye. She wanted unpredictability. And that was what she got. She nor Sabi wetin dey vex me or wetin dey make me happy.

So psychologically, she can no longer manipulate me. And I have reversed the tide, and she is getting a dose of her medicine.

I will first of all, recommend Shakespeare's taming of the shrew. It was the first book that thought me how to tame a woman.

Never fall for her emotional manipulation.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.



In as much as I agree with the person who wrote the above,you should add that he needs to get himself a,good babe outside that will give him the peace and love her desires,he is just 42 yes,he needs to expend his energy positivity,your pastor won't tell you this but you need to tell yourself.

DateMynd44:
you're heartless.
Just because of 100 naira.
I'm sure You're not a Christian cos Christians are known to be kind and generous.
You're a Muslim

You never fail to disappoint, just like I expected.

My answer is still NO though

mamatwiny:
I have read the post twice to see what the problem is and I found none. My hubby also forgot my birthday but that did not stop me from celebrating it in the house, I am waiting for his birthday to forget it too. .

He complained when the children misbehave, the wife will say it is his xter. When children have so much energy to destroy things, you find out it is the man that is energetic . I don't see anything in it. My hubby will always tell my boy- "asonakwa ishi ka ndi be NNE GI". This does not have a direct translation but the closest meaning is " don't be local like your mummy's ppl." I know if it is this op, he will say she insulted his whole village. As for keeping malice in the house, it is a common thing ooo. Ppl that are annoyed sometimes want to stay alone to have time to forget it. It also passes. When I am angry, I want to stay alone for the heat to defuse. I dont know if she falls into the category of ppl.

You have stayed long enough with your spouse to know what she likes and how to handle her.
I cannot say what caused your high bp, lots of factors like body weight, diet,stress,etc may have contributed . Forget divorce for now. Like someone advised you earlier, get a friend or friends ( possibly a male friends) and spend most of the time outside work with this person. Try to be less possesive of your wife. With time, everything will come back to normal.

so you are married?Na him I come dey waste my time here since dey admire you and dey masturbate on top. You are very very wicked and earthless

Look for Ubanja, Martinez or Omar to give you red pill, you really need it

noakchukibadan:
. Well, thanks for the advice, maybe I forgot to say that she places huge importance on birthdays, for her I must throw a party, every year for 7 years, and she can not even remember mine. Just to say happy birthday ?

Stop throwing her a party.stop expecting happy birthday from her.spend your time in gym or some where that makes you happy .travel very often if possible.spend time away from her.i you can... separate from
her.Tell her that you need a separation and that if things don't work out after you will divorce her.Let her miss you.put your feet down stop apologizing to her even if you are wrong,stop beging or crying in front of her.Inform that pastor that you intend to divorce her.create a suspicion in her mind that that she is about to loose you to another woman.most inportantly separate from her so that you will not end up having stroke because if your BP rise and you end up on a sick bed sorry sorry sorry sorry.save your life and health first because if you die your marriage is over.Even if she changes now after she noticed that she is loosing you.maintain your stand don't go back to your old self again.dont ever celebrate her birthday again or apologize.if everything fails divorce her.

1. You can't change someone but you can influence anyone especially your wife. If you choose to keep the marriage then INFLUENCE her. It's a battle you must win.

2. Marriage is a union if 2 Imperfect people. So study and build a strong wall against her Imperfections.

3. Business men who do not know how to conquer worry.. die young. Quit the worry and work the marriage to your standard. You are the MAN.

4. The Women are all the same out there oh!
If she doesn't CHEAT then pray � you don't send her out and meet someone worse � (So many men have been down this road)

The choice is yours sir.
I'm 47, married for 14 years with 3 kids and I figure in as much as my wife doesn't CHEAT on me..then we just gat to work it out everyday (Our Imperfections) while I put in my best to do the INFLUENCING (Against her schemes).
After every episode, I move on to the next (Without worrying).

BUXOMEBONY:
You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.



In as much as I agree with the person who wrote the above,you should add that he needs to get himself a,good babe outside that will give him the peace and love her desires,he is just 42 yes,he needs to expend his energy positivity,your pastor won't tell you this but you need to tell yourself.

One of the worst advice I've ever seen in my life. I am not surprised it is a female.

noakchukibadan:
Hmmmmm, I have done most things, for 8 years , I do not think she has apologized more than 3 times on any issue. Like I said I have prayed, and fasted. I have cried, and begged.

Is obvious she knows U are a weak man or she knows U love her too much to take U for granted.
Just sit her down and narrate everything on the table for her to change and how it's affect U.
Ogah, if there is no change, just ask to go while U process everything either for divorce or give her ur rules to adhere with.

Speedo17:
1. You can't change someone but you can influence anyone especially your wife. If you choose to keep the marriage then INFLUENCE her. It's a battle you must win.

2. Marriage is a union if 2 Imperfect people. So study and build a strong wall against her Imperfections.

3. Business men who do not know how to conquer worry.. die young. Quit the worry and work the marriage to your standard. You are the MAN.

4. The Women are all the same out there oh!
If she doesn't CHEAT then pray � you don't send her out and meet someone worse � (So many men have been down this road)

The choice is yours sir.
I'm 47, married for 14 years with 3 kids and I figure in as much as my wife doesn't CHEAT on me..then we just gat to work it out everyday (Our Imperfections) while I put in my best to do the INFLUENCING (Against her schemes).
After every episode, I move on to the next (Without worrying).

Story story

litigator:
I will advise you take out time to calm the storm in your home. She is a damaged wild horse and you need to tame her.

Your problem is simply. And the solution is stop paying attention to whatever she says or does.

Pick the ones to respond to and withdraw complete attention. We nor dey fight but I see you like I nor see you. I nor go complain.

But I will be happy for no reason. I learnt this earlier in my marriage. I was co-depedent, and trust me when I say my wife use me do rubbish.

I was trying to love like I should, but she did like soft man. She wanted unpredictability. And that was what she got. She nor Sabi wetin dey vex me or wetin dey make me happy.

So psychologically, she can no longer manipulate me. And I have reversed the tide, and she is getting a dose of her medicine.

I will first of all, recommend Shakespeare's taming of the shrew. It was the first book that thought me how to tame a woman.

Never fall for her emotional manipulation.

Story for the gods

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

.


Plan to leave the house for her for like 1-2 weeks and dnt tell her ur going... If she doesn't call or look for you den be rest assured that she wasn't happy marrying you. She wanted to marry another person..

You can proceed with a divorce case.

But if she calls or reach out den go back to ur wife

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

If you want to live long stay away from that woman & support the kids financially periodically.
Start by coming home late, avoid contact with her, then disappear few days from home without her knowing your whereabout.
Watch and observe her response to these action then make a decision based on her response.

Shegzy8:
Out of all he said, you only picked the part you felt he was wrong!! criticized him there then went on to say trash. you want the victim to act matured in the face of oppression. you view reeks all shades of bias.

Can you just give your own take on the matter and leave my mentions alone.?
Now if you don't mind, keep off.

Shalom.

OKOATA:
Your wife is an evil monster that should be treated as trash and neglected forever and let her fuvk off. Keep managing till you die of HBP and am sure she’s even waiting for that. If you have her name as your next of kin change it, if it’s a joint account remove her name from it, anything joint this joint that remove her name from it, stop begging and crying, I even hate it when a woman cry’s and begs me because I find it irritating, since the first time you started crying and begging like a little child she took advantage of you, what you don’t know is that women hate men that cry and beg, it was my own mother that told me this. Stop prostrating before a woman, stop kneeling and begging a woman, I swear that thing is irritating like shiit. My advice to you is to just end this evil marriage, you said you developed HPB and you are still managing. A man did the same in my area and he died while driving his in car, the woman he left behind is sleeping around like a dog now. Separate from this evil witch you call a wife, let her be since it’s glaring she doesn’t love you anymore, focus on yourself and your health, go to the gym, eat healthy, make enough female friends and am not saying you should start sleeping around but if you find a woman around, hang out with your friends and families. About her birthday fuvk her day and May she burn in Hell. Any man that treats a woman like egg bet it they don’t appreciate and am sure she’s even cheating on you with a real man that’s she no send you. You need to start acting like a real man bro. Woman hate simple men, men that are too nice but if we keep telling men they say women are golden, women are eggs bla bla bla, Free that demon you called a wife, she deserves no mercy. Don’t listen to those people telling you to manage her like that bla bla bla, I can bet she won’t change and you will keep doing the same thing over and over till you die of HPB. Bro she’s not the only woman in the world o, there are still good women out there o. A word is enough for the wise.

na you be my man of the year, na you sabi women jare. Come make we go shak beer carry olosho make we enjoy ourselves and leaf this cry cry baby and his evil wife jare

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

For sake of your children.. DIVORCE HER!!..so that they will have a father.. your are heading to grave if you remain on the same roof with such woman..

Let's here from your wife

my brother, ur wife z from Benue nd u r from Ekiti. U can't change her again, cux dat has been part of her. d pastor nd d family deceived u into marrying her knowing fully she won't change. my advice to u z to file for DIVORCE. let her go she doesn't love u. thanks nd God bless u.

Skmoda360:
He said he wants divorce......

For him to bring it to the public means he is open to people's opinion and advice. That is why I am asking him what he really wanted. Remember no one can take the decision for him. We can only advice.

You really need to talk to her. She has been abused sexually by people she trusted. She’s taking it on you or see the abuser whenever she looks at you. Everything you described here is saying she’s been sexually abused. You need to bring her closer, give her confidence and tell her you’re her husband. Wish you good luck.

Do the exact things she does to you and keep a diary of all and ensure she can access the diary when you are not at home. Give yourself a breathing space, park her aside and never expect anything from her so that her mind can run wild with both positive and negative imagination. Stop "gisting," and "form" introvert" at home. Watch how she responds and comes to amend her ways asap.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Useless man, you want to divorce a woman that has Been there for you. All because of her behavior. I know you have another woman somewhere you are sleeping with. Your wife has tire you already so you are looking for excuse. Man up to your responsibility and stop doing this to the innocent woman

We all have issues we are struggling with in our relationships. I'll suggest that you support and help her go through this phase. It's not her fault really as she's clearly a product of the society. Terminating the union is baseless on just character except you get ulterior motives

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

noakchukibadan:
. Well, thanks for the advice, maybe I forgot to say that she places huge importance on birthdays, for her I must throw a party, every year for 7 years, and she can not even remember mine. Just to say happy birthday ?

Reciprocate the energy you get!!!

When next her birthday comes up, deliberately forget it too. If she reminds you and insists on a party, tell her you are not in the right frame of mind to throw parties.

Sorry about your situation. Its unfortunate, you married somebody with full blown NPD. Pls google it. I nearly died in the toxic relationship of nearly a decade. I realized what happened to me after she ran away. Im in my healing process from the prolonged abuse. Forgive yourself, its not your fault. Once again, google NPD and you will see everything that happened to you. Sorry and take care of yourself.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

[color=BLUE]Na wa ooo!

Be like say them just package her give you make you marry and take her off their hands, despite knowing her character.

Na this one them go call "for better, for worst" too?[/color]

Aladegba:
Eeeeeeeeeehn?
So Nigerians are born automatically with the gift of guidance and councilling? Tell me more about your people...what if all the solutions you guys prescribed to the dudes were rong but you guys were busy criticizing adesina and abba... I shake my head.

here is like a court with different lawyers so a suggestion for possible solution to a case if not gotten here on nairaland especially when it hits front-page. There is no solution to that problem.


There's nothing that has ever happen to someone that has never happened to others what you get here is mostly from experienced people in that matter to give you firsthand idea.

ransomed:
Do the exact things she does to you and keep a diary of all and ensure she can access the diary when you are not at home. Give yourself a breathing space, park her aside and never expect anything from her so that her mind can run wild with both positive and negative imagination. Stop "gisting," and "form" introvert" at home. Watch how she responds and comes to amend her ways asap.

And you think you're taking sense? Why punishing her