Mariangeles:


Stop caring!
For her attention.
For her affection.

Just decide that it is enough!
Expect nothing from her so you don't get disappointed, and then suffer heart break each time.
Let her be by herself and how she wants to be.
She is a very wicked, cold-hearted, manipulative and selfish woman period.

thank you!

in addendum to her repulsive attitudes you mentioned, she's megalomaniacal and toxic as well!

Divorce her joor

enemyofprogress:
so you are married?Na him I come dey waste my time here since dey admire you and dey masturbate on top. You are very very wicked and earthless

Don't let Dominique hear this. Na ban till 2030.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

the OP shouldn't had qotten married to her at all!

Hiqh BP @ 42, imaqine?!

I didn't see anything bad in the character o.
U can only put her away by divorce only if she commits adultery. That is if u are a Christian. But if you are a Muslim, u can slap her out of ur house.

Now the issue here is u.


What are u doing with Birthday OGA?
What are u doing in the kitchen?

Ignore ur birthday and take beer when the date comes and present her with her birthday when hers comes. She is a woman and that matters to her and not u.

Go outside and eat and do domestic chores that is personal to u.


Some times, just woze her dirty slap to reset her memory, unless if she is stronger than u.

In sex, Bleep hell out of her to show u respect and of course, carry girls if u like.


Just do what u like and enjoy EARTH

Hmm... But you have some issues too. Must you expect her to idolized your birthday? She got you a gift, fine. Accept it and give peace a chance.
Reach out to her again. Assured her of your love. Discuss with her on how both of you can make the marriage work. Do that with a sincere mind. Resolves to make the marriage work.
Apply what you resolved to do and reminds her to do same but not to police her.
Best wishes!

I have one word for my dear nairalanders, “NEVER U THINK U CAN CHANGE UR SPOUSE “ It is very hard to change someone that is up to 12 years not to talk of an adult. Parents should endeavor to inculcate any morals they wanted for their children before they get to age 12, otherwise the child grows with the character she or he has as at that time.
Please if at any point u noticed a character in him or her during ur relationship and u will not be able to cope with after marriage , do not go ahead with that marriage otherwise u are inviting high blood pressure to urself of which might lead u to ur early grave.
For OP, I have to be blunt with my advice for u.

1) U noticed that she has character not pleasing to u but u still went ahead to marry her. According to u, ur pastor told u that she will change after marriage and u believed that. Sorry to tell u this, u are just myopic for adhering to what ur pastor told u. I have said this and will keep on saying it, please stop going to ur pastor to help u choose whom to marry. It is totally wrong becos the pastor will just tell u what he feels or thinks. So many people have fallen victims of this so called pastors telling them that this person is whom God said they should marry. Why don’t u go on ur knees and hand everything to God in prayer ? Believe me, God will reveal to u if that person will be good for u. Besides , it is better u choose by urself to avoid blaming anybody when things aren’t rosy. This is ur number 1 mistake but we will not kill u becos of this mistake. The way forward is simply what u need now.

2) Please for God’s sake , stop crying and begging her for that makes her feel that she is on top. This will toughen her the more.

3)Try and ignore her anytime she did something and is expecting u to beg .

4) Believe u me, if u ignore her for like 3months, she will be forced to ask herself what happened and she might be afraid may be u are planning something for her probably divorce. Nobody will tell her to start amending her ways before it will be too late for her bearing in mind that she never had a good relationship with her people.

5) It baffles me how u always beg someone that doesn’t not have a good relationship with her siblings, aunts and uncles. U would have use this to ur advantage since she has refused to give u peace.

6) Since she can use silence on u anytime u guys have quarrel, OP, pls developed a thick skin and ignore her. If she waited for some days and see that u no send am message, she will stylishly come to u and ask how u are faring.

7) Please be happy, engage in other activities like visiting gym even ur friends.

If u guys have any issue and she refuse to talk to u. Once u are back from work, pls load ur phone with credit and start calling ur friends mostly male friends, always laugh so loud whether the discussion is making u laugh or not. This sudden attitude of urs will kill her the more. She will not be able to bear it again after u have done it for like one straight week. This way, u have totally ignored her and have shifted attention to ur friends. She will ran to u for discussion by force.

9) This issue can be properly managed if u try. Do not think of divorce for now.

Good luck to u and may God bless ur marriage!

Your write up make big sense

bukatyne:


You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

Eulalia:
Both of you have issues and need to work on yourselves. I could deduce this from what you said about the birthday present she got you. Someone took the pain to get you a present and you rejected it on the grounds that it was three days late. That could be very hurtful ( rejection). The you left ii in the parlor and was expecting her to bring again to you in the room. Is she a magician to know you were ready ro accept it now? Then You picked offence because she didn't bring it. Who's at fault here? You. I mean...even if the gift came late, it still better than never.

One needs to hear from her to be able to advise accordingly. As for her malice keeping attitude, thats a no no.

You guys should try and act mature and learn to overlook some trivial things.

Do not divorce her. Instead, show her you're bigger than all that childish act. You're the head.take charge and begin to act like one.

Did you skip the part where it's now his birthday (May 2) and the wife didn't even remember And it has been happening for five years straight.

Something is most definitely up!

My advise for you is simple. U need to recognize that people are different and unique in their way and appreciate the beauty of that. You are brought up in a loving family where u remember and celebrate birthdays which is not the case for your wife. See, my brother it costs me my first relationship before I started taking birthday serious, and that does not mean that I didnt love my ex. Secondly, as a married man, i must confess to you as a man, if you want to have long life, don't always complain at every of your wife mistakes. The reasons are obvious: 1. She will not fill comfortable with u, 2. It will affect your health 3. Most married women don't like to always say sorry to their husband all the time because they expect you to understand.
Also, I will advise you to find time to express love to your wife, if you love her more she will make life easy for you and I tell u she will not forget your date because you will always tell her. Don't test your wife and don't be tribalistic.

Honestly you ignored the danger signs when you ought to have backed out. Now she ain't seeing herself as married. If you die today she will continue with her life. Put it to God in prayers, plan on how ypi want to take care of the children (if any) then what next, Alaye, find your square root!!!

noakchukibadan:
Hmmmmm, I have done most things, for 8 years , I do not think she has apologized more than 3 times on any issue. Like I said I have prayed, and fasted. I have cried, and begged.

@noakchukibadan
Personally, I think marriage is not a do or die affair. If it is causing you sadness or headache consistently, it might be time to let go.

Get a good lawyer and File for divorce. Or better still, separate for a while and see how things go from there. Wishing you all the very best

oga my advice is just free her and be doing ur won thing act like she's not getting to u
trust me I know people from that side they have most of the worst characters in them bro

just divorce her simple.

Eulalia:
Both of you have issues and need to work on yourselves. I could deduce this from what you said about the birthday present she got you. Someone took the pain to get you a present and you rejected it on the grounds that it was three days late. That could be very hurtful ( rejection). The you left ii in the parlor and was expecting her to bring again to you in the room. Is she a magician to know you were ready ro accept it now? Then You picked offence because she didn't bring it. Who's at fault here? You. I mean...even if the gift came late, it still better than never.

One needs to hear from her to be able to advise accordingly. As for her malice keeping attitude, thats a no no.

You guys should try and act mature and learn to overlook some trivial things.

Do not divorce her. Instead, show her you're bigger than all that childish act. You're the head.take charge and begin to act like one.

Did you skip the part where it's now his birthday (May 2) and the wife didn't even remember And it has been happening for five years straight.

Something is most definitely up! How can a wife go for MONTHS without talking to her hubby??
She has only apologised three times in EIGHT YEARS?!?
What kind of marriage is that

Even her family is afraid of her!

The OP was deceived and convinced to marry a lady with so much physical, emotional and psychological baggage!

I am sorry for your misfortune. You have done your best. Since finance is not your problem, you deserve to be happy! I am just thinking of your children, they should not be brought up in a toxic atmosphere. No peace, love and forgiveness. I will suggest you go seek divorce and start afresh. A million and one women will take you the way you are, shower you with love and be loyal 100%. I wish you luck.

its obvious you arnt yet tired it remains for the woman to poison you before you realise that you married a narcissist. believe me once you are tired you wont come publicly to ask for advise you would do whats best for your well being. and please just because your wife is prayerful does not make her a good woman and that was obviously your first mistake thinking its and woman you see who goes to church and prays thats a good partner. i can only say a home is meant to be a place of solace and peace once its only seen as a war zone my brother leave your wife take the kids and be happy.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

My advice: Ignore her and play the fool. She would come begging.
Always call on God at night
If I tell you my story, you would know that God truly rules in the affairs of men.

bukatyne:


You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

Even at the point of high blood pressure/ hypertension? Who even made this law in Christianity as I understand that Jesus did not even marry?

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Relationship doesn't have to be this way now. Na by force to stay in relationships in this manner? Using this approach, op can never find peace. This is like pretending that all is well when in actual fact, it is not.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

All these na window dressing. It's like treating the symptoms instead of the actual disease. Relationship doesn't work this way. Op will end up die young if he doesn't move away from the radiation

Since you said you guys married in the church, I won't advise to go for a divorce after all you knew her character before marrying her, and the fact that none of her family members have a say in her life shows more how terrible of a person she is. My advice is try not take things personal again just try live your life like as if she doesn't exist you can go to gym, hang out with friends, just try do things that make you happy thank God you said finance is not an issue, just ignore things that bothers you about her and move on with your life, but always remember to pray to God and never abandon your children. We all have a cross to carry in life.

Most of marriage is like this. I have married 12years ago and I'm experience something like this. Please, for young guy that want to marry, try to marry your friend. We always see the traces but because of love, we go ahead. I little problems we do have when we were Courting has now become big problems. I discovered during courtship but she promised to change. Please let us be following our mind. They always have some good area. Op not every body take birthday serious. If she does not remember your birthday its not a big things. Rejected her gift is bad.

pocohantas:


Marriage no amicable, na separation go come be like that? Lmao

Toh, I know know wetin to talk nau.

The marriage is just toxic, I think. But them never turn violent.

Anyhow, make dem either see a marriage counselor or divorce. This thing no be do or die.

kodix:
Sorry my dear but honestly you have to over look some many things to make your marriage work,there is no perfect person you don't even know whom you will get next, don't attach so much important in so many small thing(e.g just know she is not a birthday person,not carrying grudges that she don't use to rem it),always forgive, don't act quarellsomely for e.g not accepting her gift BC ur birthday escape her mind,why will you even reject her gift expecting her to beg u b4 collecting it,Are you God! You're even the cause of some of your problems with her,learn how to appreciate and complain less,ignore so many things no body is perfect.all the best.

You guys will contribute to the death of this guy. A bad relationship is a bad relationship, no two ways about it. If someone mistakenly entered into relationship with the wrong person, let the person get out as soon as possible before it's too late, I meant before untimely death occurs. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Please, don't scare or trap him with how his next relationship might look like.

thank you very much

nams77:

I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi?
I always advocate hearing both side of the story though
I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack!
Cc bukatyne

The wife is better than him Finacially ....period

When your wife doesnt talk to you for a month and boast about it, then she doesnt need your money(if u have one) or help for the kids for a month and dont bloody care cos you are the one that would keep running back.

Secondly when u are angry your wife did not remeber your birthday and when she actually remebered all she did was to buy you an apology gift, and you wey b man come dey vex like mumu. The man is actually the woman of the house.


Thirdly but a foolish one, how can u marry a girl that is totally disconnected from her family. Who train her, How did she spend her childhood, who does she listen to. The woman is manipulative cos her past is fried. Some kind of psyco and Nigeria is not a place you recommend therapy for people, they would think you see them as mental patient.

Fourth, there are issues prayers cannot solve, inshort the said wife is hiding under prayer to cover alot of emotional flaws, deep seated hate and anger. Her prayer point would always be against her enemies.

My solution for you is this. Those kind of lady only fear their pastor and God.. Meet the Pastor that you want divorce and mean it. Thats the only way. you can only tame her kind with pastors dey fear.

Secondly stop giving birth , and start using all your time to look for money. Woman dey fear and respect man wey value thier business pass them.

bukatyne:


You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

Did you see were he has high blood pressure?

You want him to stay in a marriage that threatens his peace mind and mental health?

Do you think even their kids are growing up in a healthy environment?

andyanders:


You nailed it here. Op too has got an attitude problem himself. Why complain about Birthday issue and when she got one and presented to him, he never appreciated it 'cus she didn't get it done when he wanted it.

Not when he wanted but when it matters. At the right time.

Op, u knew her character b4 getting married. Try live with it since u don't fight each other. No 2 perfect people on the face of this earth.

The dude is dying of hypertension! Did you read that part? Or you believe that he's the one giving himself hbp? The words DIVORCE and SEPARATION didn't exist for nothing

Fearcom:



Did you skip the part where it's now his birthday (May 2) and the wife didn't even remember And it has been happening for five years straight.

Something is most definitely up! How can a wife go for MONTHS without talking to her hubby??
She has only apologised three times in EIGHT YEARS?!?
What kind of marriage is that

Even her family is afraid of her!

The OP was deceived and convinced to marry a lady with so much physical, emotional and psychological baggage!

That was why I said both of them are at fault. I saw that part quite alright but I feel its a very trivial thing that shouldnt be causing problems in a marriage when there are more pressing issues to deal with. "Birthday"? Hm.

Mind you, op admitted he saw the red flags but chose to go ahead with the marriage. So its not true that he was deceived into the marriage like you said.

Anyways, let them just look for a way to sort it out. And if worst comes to worse, he should sit her down and ask her if she's tired of the marriage and hear what she has to say.

ceeceeuwa:

For him to bring it to the public means he is open to people's opinion and advice. That is why I am asking him what he really wanted. Remember no one can take the decision for him. We can only advice.

Well.....it's true sha

watch these video for tips on how to deal with heart breaks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W5a0u4Qkrg

andyanders:


You nailed it here. Op too has got an attitude problem himself. Why complain about Birthday issue and when she got one and presented to him, he never appreciated it 'cus she didn't get it done when he wanted it.

Op, u knew her character b4 getting married. Try live with it since u don't fight each other. No 2 perfect people on the face of this earth.

Hey u shutup, did u read his post at all? For good 5 years ur so called wife don't remember ur existence ( birthday is part of it) after u complain she bought gift days after, if you are the one I'm sure u will slap her and the gift ni. That's why I don't seek advice from social media.

[quote author=andyanders post=89155086]

You nailed it here. Op too has got an attitude problem himself. Why complain about Birthday issue and when she got one and presented to him, he never appreciated it 'cus she didn't get it done when he wanted it.

Op, u knew her character b4 getting married. Try live with it since u don't fight each other. No 2 perfect people on the face of this earth. [/quo