Erukaye101:
I was reading the story until you bleeped up big time, then I stopped. Leave that girl for her to have peace, you have caused lots of damage already.

Climatology100:
I created a new moniker just to conceal my identity as I'm very frequent on travel and Autos sections.
I'm worried and I need advice on the next step to take.
I dated my ex right from our secondary school days, I was in JS3 while she was in JS2 and our relationship span till I finished my studies in university level though she couldn't proceed to the Uni as she insisted on doing business, she was so successful in her business that she built her own house before she attain the age of 26 albeit in my name(This I found out later while using her laptop as she later admit to it)
Things were moving good and steady between us, my parents and siblings know her as she often came over to my parents house, I met with his father once and the respect was mutual.
All this while, we never engage in sex until my third year in Uni, she's who she said she is, A virgin as I disflowered her then but things went side ways between us when I was elected as the president of one of the associations in school, she created this sense of imaginary rivals in every ladies she saw with me despite assuring her I'm not cheating on her.
In the year 2014,she became pregnant while I was in 400level though I told her I'm not ready for pregnancy as my head was full with so many things then, my CGPA dropped, having issues with my mother as everything was just not positive at that moment as I need to clear my head and pregnancy issue is just not what I need.Well, she told me she will keep it and take care of all the bills involved but I kept a distance from her and virtually from everyone back then.
My Dad eventually found out and he called and assured her of his support but she had a miscarriage when she was 7months into it, believe me as I was totally devastated when she called me around 1am to tell me as I and my Dad supported her in every ways possible, I stayed with her for 2weeks before I traveled back home(we lived in different state)
2months before I went for my service year, we had an unprotected sex and it was so emotional that I know there's more to it but I couldn't just concentrate when she asked me if I'm ready for marriage, I simply told her "I'm going for my service, I will be back for you" I never knew she read a lot of meanings to my statement.
I have one crazy idea of writing down the dates if I have sex with ladies(This I learnt from my Dad) during my service year, I lost contact with her as all efforts to trace her wasn't forthcoming but I received the shocker of my life when her sister posted her wedding pictures on Instagram( I haven't meet her as she too don't know how I look like as I don't do pictures, I have a phobia for taking shots with camera but we do communicate on phone)
The following month, another pictures on FB aibelt a new account by my ex thanking God for safe delivery of her baby girl,i quickly contacted her and we exchanged contacts but I asked her why the sudden development, her response was shocking, she told me "She can't wait for me as she's not educated but I'm, that I'm ladies man and she can't do rivals".
2years pass and I stumble on the baby girl pictures on FB and the resemblance is just out of the world, I quickly checked my diary and it correspond with the month she was born as in the date we had sex to her month of delivery, I contacted her to verify but she kept mute but on our consecutive discussions she always plead with me not to speak about it, she never deny nor agree to it.
I screenshots the pictures of the baby girl to my sister as I plan to travel down south to do DNA and if possible take responsibility of her but she told me to let her be that the right thing will be done at the right time by my ex.
Lately, I have being having a series of dreams as I keep seeing the girl trying to extend her hands to me but there's this barrier between us.
I called my ex yesterday to plead to her to tell me if I'm the father of the girl but she still repeat the same thing, pleading to me to let her go and not to talk about the girl, she even told me the girl is what keep her going emotionally everytime she think about me.
She's 5years now and everytime I see her pictures on FB or Instagram I always see myself in her.
Should I let her be without playing my role in her life or should I act with force to reclaim her?
Advice and Insults are allow.
you are just acting up because she got married. you kept her as your safety net and had no plans for her. you just want to use the baby to blackmail her and make her life miserable. you left for your youth service you did not communicate with her and all of a sudden you saw her wedding pictures and a baby then you remembered the date you had sex and want to claim your child. bros move on and allow her to enjoy her marriage.

Cuddlebugie:
Another case of a woman pinning the other man's child on her husband.

fabulous85:
you just saw her as a safety net, someone who will always be available for you. you had no plans of commitment with her and her level of education will always be an issue for you. you are just sad she found someone that loved her enough to marry her. when you left for Nysc you did not communicate till you saw her wedding pictures, you then saw the baby pictures and all of a sudden you realised the date you had sex and you want to be a father.you have never loved that girl so dont destroy her marriage. she even asked you of your plans for her before you left for service and your response ''am going for service'' that girl dodged a bullet leave her alone

fabulous85:
you just saw her as a safety net, someone who will always be available for you. you had no plans of commitment with her and her level of education will always be an issue for you. you are just sad she found someone that loved her enough to marry her. when you left for Nysc you did not communicate till you saw her wedding pictures, you then saw the baby pictures and all of a sudden you realised the date you had sex and you want to be a father.you have never loved that girl so dont destroy her marriage. she even asked you of your plans for her before you left for service and your response ''am going for service'' that girl dodged a bullet leave her alone

linnyx:
You messed up big time sha. But she has to do the right thing - she needs to understand that paternity fraud is BIG NO and the supposed father should learn the truth about the little girl.

First things first, you have to do a DNA to ascertain if she's your daughter.

Climatology100:

Bleeped up? Please make me understand as this issue is really affecting me.

loveliveshere:


Very apt.
OP, any lady would not like her future to look blurry hence the decision she made. Try and convince her about how you feel about the little girl, she might eventually open up you. Trust me the way you behaved when she had the first pregnancy is enough to convince her never to trust you with another pregnancy or child.

Climatology100:

I tried, believe me, I tried, there was a time I spoke with her on phone for over 30min, pleading and she was so emotional on phone to the extent that she told the daughter to come and say hello to your daddy, I was you know I'm tired and I know I have not be good to her as I should have look after her more than I try.
Thanks anyway, I appreciate.

Erukaye101:

1. You got her pregnant and ignored her which later ended up in a miscarriage. I think God was trying to get to her and give her second chance.

2. You got her pregnant again and she asked you if you are ready for marriage but you said "you will get back to her"

3. You lost contact with her, like why will you write down the date you had sex with a girl, when you are not up to something?

You f*cked up! For how long will she wait for you? Even if you are not ready for marriage yet, why have sex un-protective? Let's agree its a mistake, but why didn't you give her hope? Instead you told her "you will get back to her" and then you lost contact, I ask you for how long?
She found happiness and moved on, and now you are ready for the marriage and baby, isn't it?

Oga you have caused enough damage, let the girl be. She will do the right thing required, when the time comes, and this is only if she is sensible enough too.

Don't ruin the baby's life, Don't ruin your Ex life, Don't ruin the early marriage.

Because when you ruin all, you will never be there for them, you will always ignore them like you have always done. Just let them be! Do not cause more damage.

Climatology100:

Safety net? Her level of education? Nah, not at all, she was never a second option but first, we communicated while in camp but all those change when her number wasn't connecting anymore, she also deleted her fb Acct.
My both parents are not educated and they're doing excellent so her education is just not an excuse, my immediate brother only have school cert and he's doing great financially than I who's educated.
I repeat, she's never a side chic.

Amanee:



Leave another man's wife alone and move on

You have the chance to meet someone new and I hope you've learnt your lesson

Climatology100:

Another man's wife? I'm in a relationship so I don't do married women, that's a taboo where I come from.
Yes, I move on already, it's just the daughter of a ish.

Climatology100:

Another man's wife? I'm in a relationship so I don't do married women, that's a taboo where I come from.
Yes, I move on already, it's just the daughter of a ish.

sanesta:
but from the look of things, it's obvious you didn't put more effort in search of her and you were tepid about the relationship..

You don't expect her to wait for you when you were actually not showing any seriousness.. A bird at hand bro, a Bird at hand!!!!!!!!!!

Climatology100:

Hmmm, thanks bro for your input.
My service year was the defining year in my life, I have spent majority of my life with people I know so I need a change in environment as I was pleased to be posted to core northern state far from home.
I only wrote down the date we had sex not just for that day but for every sex we had, protected or not so it's not a planned stuff.
I messed up, I really do but I'm alive and capable to take care of the girl so it hurt me everytime I reason that someone else is taking care of her.

Climatology100:

You're right, I was too busy to make name for myself while in service as I just don't want to attach to my family wealth and I make it, I'm not rich but comfortable but I was wrong to have shut door at my close pals and families.
Money is nothing without family.
Thanks for your input.

sanesta:
the whole thing is getting clearer now.. so you've already moved on meaning if not for the daughter you wouldn't have felt any apoplexy.

pls allow her enjoy her marriage make devil no use you.

Erukaye101:

So which do you prefer, to speak out now and ruin her new marriage and her life too, or to stay calm and urge her to do the right thing?
See the best thing is to meet up with her one on one and thoroughly discuss it, if she refused to meet up, threaten to leak or speak out, then believe me she will meet up, when she does, be calm, do not do the talking, let her do, only tell her you know the baby is yours and you deserve to know what her next step is. If its good enough, then play along, if it isn't, bro get your child back with full force, but do it wisely, so it doesn't ruin her life, as this is 50-50% chance of her life being ruined or not.

If she is wise enough, she would have explained to her new husband before the marriage