₦airaland Forum

funmisticqueen2:
she is not a bad woman, bit a normal human being

Ybaby:
Absolutely agree!!! I honestly do.

If I come to this world again I will marry this man.

Infact from what I have seen on NL na me lucky pass

crackland:
Bro any man that remains in the house eating his wife's money after life happened to him, is on his own.

Same thing I've always stated here.

He ought to move far away from her and only visit occasionally to see the kids.
If it's not against his moral/ethical codes, he can have a side-chic at his new base to release tension once in a while.

UjuJoan2:
If I were a man, I would do everything possible to be able to provide for my family. And if I know I would not be able to, I will never get married

Genset:
U re indeed . Allow this 50/50 broke men wail like cows here. Most of the wailing stories we see on Nairaland come from homes with financial issues but these men here will never learn.

Ybaby:
You have not learnt your lesson and it is quite unfortunate because it is not about you - it is about the nature of the woman.

Women are programmed to submit - she naturally wants to submit to a man who toils and provides. She wants her man to rule over her but he must toil and sweat to provide then he can rule over her.

If he does not rule over her by providing and inspiring her respect then she will rule over him like your wife ruled over you and it is bad thing to happen to both wife and husband.

Your wife is not a bad woman .... it is her programme. Your programme had a virus (no funds) which then corrupted her programme (treating you like an infidel)

Bible : Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
What did the bible say about adulterous woman? Which one is worse, a man that struggles to provide, not wilfully not providing or an adulterous woman.

I am a woman whose husband was unable to provide for his household for the first 3 years of our marriage. But like the OP, he was always trying to provide, though reminding me that I never ask him for money while we were courting. Being married for 24 years now and the last 21 years has seeing him providing for the 5 of us much more above the average standard. I do mainly voluntary work for NGOs and run a school that he funded, he still pay me salary till today. When jealous women from his tribe begrudge his changing my cars frequently, he says I have earned it 100 folds.
Men not providing is not good, but men like OP who try but can not provide enough are not the definition of Infidel. Also, Theranos no grace period for women to be Helpmate for their husband in my bible�
Peace.




CHoccolaTE

emmaodet:
But this is very bad. What is marriage when we can't have each others back? Why should marriage be one sided to favour only women when things are good?

Why should we encourage a system that wants women to just be there with a man when he has money. That means - Owo epo laraye bani la, wan kin bani la teje. People will only lick your sugar hand and not bloody hand.
Life is all about you rub my back, i rub your back.
Ki owo jowo ni owo fin mo - you can only get a fully clean hand when you use both hands to rinse thoroughly and not just one.
If my wife won't be there for me when things are down, support me, raise a loan for me in her cooperative then there is no point marrying in the first place.
Let me enjoy my life a lone when i have so that i will suffer a lone when i don't have.
This is really bad and i don't encourage it.
Life is never a straight line graph. Today am working and earning, tomorrow i may run into turbulent times and lose my income or businesses or investments too.
Nothing is 100% predictable bro

Ybaby:
Chai!!!

You are sifia pain.

King of infidels

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

akpota:
bro i sent u a message please reply. Or can you drop me ur mailbox. At the moment, do you feel your wife still have affection for you? Has she ever asked of your wellfare regarding if you have a job.

CHoccolaTE:
Lmao

Men love to ignore that verse of the bible. Their favorite verse is the one telling women to submit.

They also ignore the verse that talks about mutual submission in christianity.

Simbrixton:
pain ke? Me wey dey very comfortable with my poverty

I just dey wonder what a rich person dey do for nairaland

Gals with ur mentality na d poorest of men dem dey marry at age 50

Ybaby:
You have not learnt your lesson and it is quite unfortunate because it is not about you - it is about the nature of the woman.

Women are programmed to submit - she naturally wants to submit to a man who toils and provides. She wants her man to rule over her but he must toil and sweat to provide then he can rule over her.

If he does not rule over her by providing and inspiring her respect then she will rule over him like your wife ruled over you and it is bad thing to happen to both wife and husband.

Your wife is not a bad woman .... it is her programme. Your programme had a virus (no funds) which then corrupted her programme (treating you like an infidel)

Bible : Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

CHoccolaTE

Coldie:
If u read that story well, do u know what it means for ur wife to be cheating on u openly then at a point she started been the one to beat u, then at a point she tells u that if u want to leave u are free to, just because she earns some money

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

tunmiluabi:
Glorious! Thanks. In my marriage I was the one deprived of affection and everything that comes with being married. I never for once looked else where and never discussed with anyone except now on this forum. I have always known that my condition was not permanent. I and believed that I was going rewrite my own story. All I wanted was a go at an opportunity and for her to stand by me and which never came. But when it finally came, the deed has been done. Forgiveness is grace, I have done that already. I swear I have nothing against her. To be honest, she doesn't even know that I have a job. She only knows I am not dead. She has called to let me know that I should work hard to help raise my kid. I am sure she is surprised, I send money to her account on a monthly basis for our kid's upkeep. There is no need for me to brag to her about my current status. If she finally knows, it will great for her. I believe the greatest gift in life is not just knowledge or wisdom but grace to believe, believe, and believe again. At the moment, I have not taken a decision on what next line of action is but what I do know is that she is not in any of the my plans. At the moment I am concentrating on re-certifications that I have not done in years. I will update you guy as LIFE gives me more "feedbacks".

Ybaby:

Renida:
Smh. What sound wisdom

UjuJoan2:
I agree . . . I will never respect any man I have to feed. I just won't be able to.

I imagine it may look unfair as that would mean men have no room for failure, or they will never find love. But that's just the reality.

Being the superior gender is not an easy feat!

Ybaby:
Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

funmisticqueen2:
Pure wisdom

Dyt:
But you need a friend
From your write up, you been through alot

It's ok
I won't persuade you
**that's if you don't have any**

Have a goodnight rest in your lekki suite sir