₦airaland Forum

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Marriage is complicated

Ybaby:
I am seeing a pattern that it is men whose mothers feed/fed thier fathers that think like this.

Poster Is your mum single cos you may have to wife her.

1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his own, and
But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Shut up. U talk too much.

tunmiluabi:
Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date.

The bolded held u down since cos u didn't obey Jesus and u were ignorant not to know that change of character in women towards their ones flourishing love is cos of cheating...

Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


Now that you have obeyed by putting her away, don't u see how ur doors opened. Your worst mistake will be to go back to a woman that has been slept by another Man.

Brother I beg u never to go back or allow a cheater into your life.

OlawaleBammie:
Ahh guy u get brain, u too get brain abeg.

opolo e ko ni jóbà

Thanks sir.

I am female

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Respect!
You'd always have my respect.

OriOko88:
Shut up. U talk too much.

Truth hurts....
Sorry!

Ybaby:
Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills

-Lol @bolded.

-True. The curse of Garden of Eden. Man toil, Woman suffers in labour room.

-OP is not a real nigger. Asking his wife for permission to fucckk her was the day the man in him died. Apparently, he married a woman he loved more - a very big mistake. Any real mother will tell his son that much.

-Man died the day he laid his head between a woman’s legs for the second time. We’re Africans, We must respect our identity and soul, else We end up like feminised European men.

Renida:
Bad vibes swerve. Done be quick to brag just yet. You have sons I believe. And you can't guarantee a day of your future

Peace

Brag about the grace of God. I am quick to brag about the grace of God

You man or woman of little faith - wife of infidel or infidel himself.....

The only bad vibe is your infidel self

Ybaby:
My bro as they are bashing me I am bashing them too

Not needed nau, u dont need it.

You sound like a provider man. God bless and increase you.

Aspiring...,yes aspiring

Besides, if i dont provide for my family, how wil i b able to don the agbada and fila abetiaja among my peers, how wil i b able to prove that am the man of the ous??


But for now na my gotv, fon, stomach a stil dey provide for

And a Big Amen to ur prayer

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Goddamn.

First off. In so much as I have not heard the other side, I have a strong witness in me that your narrative is sincere. This is the only thing about your post I will applaud.

Everyone here is trying to advise you on what you should have done or can do. They don't understand your problem. They can't because they didn't experience what you experienced nor do they see what you see. They also don't know very much about how this world and it's aspects were designed.

I won't sympathize with your plight, neither will I tell you what to do. I will however give you some 'mental keys' to unlock your understand as to what happened, as well as some principles to live by.

1. Women, by design CANNOT love. CANNOT = incapability given lack of adequate tools or equipment to perform a task or an action. What is Love? God is Love. Love is when one is weak and his or her partner is able to contain the former. Love is not reciprocal. If it were it wouldn't be love. by design, only a man is CAPABLE of love. That's you. The only way a woman can love a man (the way a man loves a woman) is if she is filled with God (love). This goes against the grain of the feminine. Principle: a woman who fears God is the most excellent of women. She is rare and your wife isn't her. Women are transactional by design. She will only submit (admit she's under) you, if you supply her needs. Selah.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

2. Bearing ALL the responsibilities of a home is ENTIRELY on your shoulders. This is, also, according to design. If you're not doing it, your wife will never submit to you (admit she's under you) and she will act accordingly- disrespect you and cheat on you. That's her design. Principle: bear all the responsibilities of the home while she keeps the home. This is order. There will be harmony and she will be happy.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

3. ALL Women are hypergamous by design. She can't submit to you if she's better than you in anyway. Seeing that money symbolizes power to a woman, if she has more of it than you, she WILL cheat on you, most likely with a man who is 'better' than you. This is a reflex action for her. Principle: Always be better than your woman. ALWAYS. You can either be improving faster than her or you can destroy her progress completely and keep her at home, while making her comfortable.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

4. Very important: A woman has more glory than a man in this world. You probably never realized this but as far as progress in this world is concerned, a woman will have more power and privileges over a man if you put them at par from the onset. A woman will make more money than a man if they are mates. A woman is better looking than a man from the begining. She will grow faster than man. She will command more favor than a man. This is by design. A woman has all the power in this world and she will submit it to a man whom she judges is better than her in every way. Principle: You MUST be 'GLORIFIED' before you marry. You must be 'something' before you marry, not hopeful to be, after the marriage. This is design. When I say be glorified, I mean be indestructible. Be GODREADYMADE. At this level, NOTHING can touch you because GOD himself would have forged you with his own hands. Meditate on this. To be GODREADYMADE, you must first go through a DIP. This is a crucible of flames and suffering that will refine you into 'Gold' at the end. Selah.

Even if your wife fears God, you CANNOT relax. A prudent wife is a gift from God. When God gives you a valuable asset, you still never get to relax. You work and develop yourself till you drop dead. This is order according to design. You were designed to work and grow forever. You still must totally dominate your life and hers.

It might be too late for your marriage to work out. Actually, once a wife sleeps with another man,
the marriage is dead. I would advise you to forgive her if she totally repents but I don't see that happening. Divorce her and move on. Live according to design. Be GODREADYMADE. If YHWH decides to gift you an actual wife, so be it. Otherwise, live for a purpose and let it define your life. Marriage is a calling, not a choice.

PDJT:
-Lol @bolded.

-True. The curse of Garden of Eden. Man toil, Woman suffers in labour room.

-OP is not a real nigger. Asking his [b]wife for permission to Bleep her was the day the man in him died[/b]. Apparently, he married a woman he loved more - a very big mistake. Any real mother will tell his son that much.

-Man died the day he laid his head between a woman’s legs for the second time. We’re Africans, We must respect our identity and soul, else We end up like feminised European men.

Hold up!

Are you advocating rape??

He had no money to entice her... without money a man will get on his knees to beg for seexx

Have money as men

Ybaby:
Thanks sir.
I am female

Eehh!! u sure say u b female?? check ur genitals well.

OlawaleBammie:
Not needed nau, u dont need it.



Aspiring...,yes aspiring

Besides, if i dont provide for my family, how wil i b able to don the agbada and fila abetiaja among my peers, how wil i b able to prove that am the man of the ous??


But for now na my gotv, fon, stomach a stil dey provide for

And a Big Amen to ur prayer

As you have made up your mind to be a provider ..... so shall it be.

Heaven will increase you and you will be the head the leader and never the tail.

You will not counted as an infidel

Truly we heard his side of the story the Woman also have tails to narrate but my little point here is that marriage is sweet when u have something that fetch u something. I just believe marriage open many realities about we humans I pray to God everyday that he should make my partner be mine real side angel and give me what to keep me as the head and never the tail in my marriage.
You're light with them in dealings they will mess up, You're strict with them in dealings they will still mess up. God nah Ur hand we dey have witness marriage of 37yrs with 5 adult children and grandchildren ended not because of infidel but something tangible between both parties involve and they refused to forgive each other.

faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down.

I will marry again when we reach heaven we talk about it. you can marry again if you divorce on account of adultery but if not you can sperate and remain single. don't misquote the bible. to be frank this is where Christianity get it wrong marriage should not be do or die affair, if Jesus or the writer of that marriage stories are concerned about do or die affair in marriage but overlooked slavery that's so pathetic and inhumanity.

Money is the cause.

YOU ARE A GOOD MAN TUNMI. GOD BLESS THE FOLKS THAT RAISED YOU..

weedfada:
Honestly I don't get it o walai... What's the point then. Make everybody then hold their side na... Eat alone, die alone!

That is it. Let everybody stand on their own instead of using one gender to climb up by another.

OlawaleBammie:
Eehh!! u sure say u b female?? check ur genitals well.

Why women dont have sense?

Yustash001:
Why is that when some women suddenly become richer than their husband...
They start to develop wings..

Most women are like that. These things happen.

Ybaby:
Na Dem!

Big english NO sense of responsibility

You are welcome to club infidel, take a seat pls

I am sorry you came from a background where there was no man to take responsibility and show you fatherly love. It has made you a very bitter person towards men.

I was was the one that sent my wife to school and later to learn a trade after marriage. I have open two businesses in the past for her that I did not receive N1 from. I have open a third business for her and it's just picking up.
I presently take 100% responsibility for the feeding, housing and education of my family. Now, it would be a disappointment if something tragic happens to me tomorrow and my wife would start doing shakara because she has started making more money than me.

Although I don't want to sound tribalistic, but I noticed that kind of ungrateful behaviour from mainly Yoruba women. I have seen Yoruba women that abandoned her family (children included) at the first signs of misfortune for their husband's. Many prefer to become second wives or mistresses to old men or alhajis than to stand by their husband through difficult periods.

Ybaby:
Hold up!

Are you advocating rape??

He had no money to entice her... without money a man will get on his knees to beg for seexx

Have money as men

-Oh sorry I didn’t know his wife was a prostitute. Ofcos, money for hand; back for ground for women in prostitution.

If not that I'm a man, I would have been weeping at your story, very pathetic. It's good God has turned your situation around. Be closer to God and go and bring your kids to live with you.

CHoccolaTE:
Lol, you have a point tho,
But at least it's better than the ones that want 100 percent 24/7 submission while being jobless bums at the same time

Don't mind that ybaby. You never knew what's happening in her family. Believe what u read on social media at your peril. Be submissive to your husband, you don't hv to look for equality. A good wife must be submissive.

wirinet:
I am sorry you came from a background where there was no man to take responsibility and show you fatherly love. It has made you a very bitter person towards men.

I was was the one that sent my wife to school and later to learn a trade after marriage. I have open two businesses in the past for her that I did not receive N1 from. I have open a third business for her and it's just picking up.
I presently take 100% responsibility for the feeding, housing and education of my family. Now, it would be a disappointment if something tragic happens to me tomorrow and my wife would start doing shakara because she has started making more money than me.

Although I don't want to sound tribalistic, but I noticed that kind of ungrateful behaviour from mainly Yoruba women. I have seen Yoruba women that abandoned her family (children included) at the first signs of misfortune for their husband's. Many prefer to second wives or mistresses to old men or alhajis to standing with their husband through difficult periods.

What are you saying na?

I love provider men. I appreciate them. Without such men we will have no roads, no roof.... these men move human race forward

It is infidel men i detest... lazy men who are looking or eating from a woman sweat.

Do you understand now?

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Your story was quite long.

Very hard to blame you as well. However, you lost your driving seat quite early in your marriage.

From your explanation, you sound apologetic as well, women by nature bad or good, well trained or not don't enjoy the driving seat. If a husband can't emotionally rise to the occasion in a bad time you make things worse for the woman.

Being in the driving seat means don't go and join the PITY PARTY OF AFRICA. Never pity yourself beside a woman, they believe that position belongs to them, and you're meant to be comforting them, jealousy won't make them pity you when enter into pitiful mode as a man.

Most likely, she began her infidelity business when threw away your manly mien. Women can be funny, unpredictable and most of the time confused even about themselves.

When she refused your using the savings for your business, it may be because of what she knew or saw in your managerial ability.

You must have felt bad when she decided to go for a course and she went. Let's assume it's not for the amorous dimension. You should have been glad for her and give her all the encouragement towards her course, but I'm sure you did the opposite because she refused your using the savings earlier for your own business.

Men need to know the psychology of women before marriage, it's a bit complex than we imagine or are taught by our parents if at all the parents even mentioned anything on handling your spouse.

Take care of your daughter and if she's not married to anyone else, assist her if she ask for it. I'm not sure you'll be able to handle even if she wants to come back. You need brace up with your emotions and be a man. Being a man is far more than just buying things for the family. Supply the emotional stuff for the woman and even without money for too long, your marriage can be safe.

If you can do that easily, you can't be financially down for too long as well.

All the best.

Pardon me if I sound too hard.

tunmiluabi:
She will one day tell her parents herself. Her parents have sought for an amicable solution and meetings are being called. I have not doubt in my mind that I have moved on. I still have good relationship with her family because of my child..

I just pretty like that part you quoted "I still have good relationship with her family because of my child"

That's show how responsible you are.

Obingene:
You people and money, are you people totally useless without money? Because I am not and never been.

Come on, there is more to life now. I studied Economics and many a times, I have broken this thing called money. It's a reward for value, it's also a means to an end and there are so many factors that determine its availability or scarcity.

I'm tired hearing about money issues everytime. Haba! It's that why you came to earth? To make money and just leave?

Listen everyone, if money is the main resource you have to offer people, then you are just like a candle in d wind, you will be blown out soon and forgotten.

Finally, if anyone disrespects you because of money, walk away from that person.

The circular flow of income shows that money can never be at a place at a particular time, more so, now we have leaders to hoard and keep wealth meant for everyone to themselves.

I conclude with this, if as a guy or a lady, you know you would disrespect your spouse in eventuality that they become broke, please don't marry, or better still, leave the relationship.

Leave and find your pot of gold.

You are correct still you are incorrect



Much more deeper though...

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

This OP na mugu. You should have poisoned that fool called your wife immediately u discovered that is cheating on u. Devilish women don't deserve pity.

Ybaby:
As you have made up your mind to be a provider ..... so shall it be.

Heaven will increase you and you will be the head the leader and never the tail.

You will not counted as an infidel

Aahhh mama woli, Ese ooo, adura tun ti gba losan gangan, laago meta osan ganriganri.


Amen oooooo.
(Whao, i love this i must confess)

[quote author=angelfallz post=89540036]The western men are running away from feminist women, but you are here encouraging men to marry feminists?

Below is the first line of an answer in Quora, followed by a link to the write up itself.

I’m going to be 100% real with you, From my experience, men really do want this type of woman still.




My dear , the problem is that people have a whole misconception of what feminism is about .i checked the link you sent and ill like to state that feminsm is just having equal right and opportunities as men socially, economically, employment wise etc .It doesnt state women should disrespect their husbands. As a matter of fact, it encourages that you treat your husband with respect and honour and vice versa. Its the concept of feminism that enables women to be empowered and educated and births women like Okonjo iweala, Funso Alakija,Dora akunyili . The last i checked these women are still hapillymarried to their spouses despite the fact they richer than them ..