ogawisdom:
What's the big deal here

You served someone food without drinking water and water for washing hands.

If you don't wanna serve him why not ask him to go dish food from the pot after cooking

Alright

Please, if you cooked and served the food, why did you leave water out of the service?

Are they supposed to keep interrupting their meal and socialization by walking to and fro water dispensers all over the dining room and kitchen?

Your annoyance is baseless and has more to do with using “common sense” than blaming “traditional” men.

Is that how your mother taught you to “prepareth a table in presence of thine enemies?


Abeg, brush up your table-setting manners. You are only a “girl-friend”. Tomorrow, another girlfriend will get it all right and make “matrimonial touch-down”, and you will come back to NL and be screaming about how ungrateful he was after sweating and pounding yam all over his family compound and village.

Back to kitchen school please!

KanwuliaExtra:
Please, if you cooked and served the food, why did you leave water out of the service?

Are they supposed to keep interrupting their meal and socialization by walking to and fro water dispensers all over the dining room and kitchen?

Your annoyance is baseless and has more to do with using “common sense” than blaming “traditional” men.

Is that how your mother taught you to “prepareth a table in presence of thine enemies?


Abeg, brush up your table-setting manners. You are only a “girl-friend”. Tomorrow, another girlfriend will get it all right and make “matrimonial touch-down”, and you will come back to NL and be screaming about how ungrateful he was after sweating and pounding yam all over his family compound and village.

Back to kitchen school please!

Thank you

Hathor5:
I think the story is cooked up but let me give you the benefit of the doubt.

When you serve people food, you serve whatever is needed to enjoy the food along with it, be it water to drink, to wash hands, napkins or spoons. If you need someone (your boyfriend) to lend you a helping hand then you simply say "Babe, can you please get the water already?/ Would you please be so kind and get the water?/Can you help me a little please?"

Now I don't know how he asked why you didn't bring them water because the tone matters but the question is justified. Why not? If you feel that you should not bring water because you came to his place sweating then maybe you should not have come in the first place. Doing something for someone you care about should not feel like a sacrifice neither should it stress you. If for some reason his request is inconvenient, you can always say no for whatever reason. You are his girlfriend, not his slave. But please don't do anything and then complain. Give cheerfully or don't give at all. Do what you have to do properly or don't do it at all. If you can only do half, communicate why you want support.

Your choice of words is also revealing. You said that "since morning hes been disturbing" you. If he is such a nuisance, why are you two together?

What I find disturbing about your boyfriend though is that he wants you to cook for his mother at your first visit to his parent's house.

I will go with this. Except if you don't want to marry him, this is how he's going to know a wife material. You don't serve someone food and expect them to go and get water. They could as well just serve themselves. I see no big deal in this cos to me, this is normal. You serve food, you should serve water as well. If you can't, u can simply ask him to do it and not sit expecting it to be so. I think the guy simply expects that as a lady, it should be something u should ordinarily know hence his tone.

Plus let's not pretend not to know that one of a woman's major responsibility to a man is in the kitchen. It's not just an African thing. It's the same even in the Western world we copy. It doesn't make women any less of humans but our roles are different and it has been like this since creation.
To me, but for the tone or manner he spoke, there is nothing special about what he expected of you, girlfriend or wife not withstanding.

1 month dating and you are already on call duty as a chef.

Vikky1425:

Thank you

URW!

Yes, no big deal in pouring water in their drinking cups but chastising you in front of his friend was tactless. Men that rebuke their SO in front of an audience do so to prove they’re in control of the relationship.

The telling you what your roles are as a woman, the use of his mother as a threat etc already gives you an idea of what kind of husband he will be, so it’s your choice.

To add, to avoid future disagreements you guys can follow a general etiquette. The one who cooks, sets the table and serves the food. The non cook clears the table and washes the dishes.

donpata:


I will go with this. Except if you don't want to marry him, this is how he's going to know a wife material. You don't serve someone food and expect them to go and get water. They could as well just serve themselves. I see no big deal in this cos to me, this is normal. You serve food, you should serve water as well. If you can't, u can simply ask him to do it and not sit expecting it to be so. I think the guy simply expects that as a lady, it should be something u should ordinarily know hence his tone.

Plus let's not pretend not to know that one of a woman's major responsibility to a man is in the kitchen. It's not just an African thing. It's the same even in the Western world we copy. It doesn't make women any less of humans but our roles are different and it has been like this since creation.
To me, but for the tone or manner he spoke, there is nothing special about what he expected of you, girlfriend or wife not withstanding.

But u know things are actually different in the western world. Men can help in the kitchen not here. He is trying to see whether I am wife material yet he isn't doing anything expected of a husband.
I'm also trying to see beyond what just happened, will he be a nice husband in the long run? He once said he cannot help with house chores but doesnt mind sharing bills. I am overwhelmed for a relationship not yet a month. I will be studying him as well

doitforyou:
Yes, no big deal in pouring water in their drinking cups but chastising you in front of his friend was tactless. Men that rebuke their SO in front of an audience do so to prove they’re in control of the relationship.

The telling you what your roles are as a woman, the use of his mother as a threat etc already gives you an idea of what kind of husband he will be, so it’s your choice.

To add, to avoid future disagreements you guys can follow a general etiquette. The one who cooks, sets the table and serves the food. The non cook clears the table and washes the dishes.

I wont wash the dish ke? I did, i dont think he will agree to that

I get the feeling that this is a fake story, it lowkey sounds like one of those wattpad bsdm stories lol 'it is your duty', do people speak like that naturally?

But if it isn't

1. He clearly has no tact or manners, no matter how you feel that's not the way to speak to anyone
2. He had no issues 'reprimanding' you in front of a third party

He sounds like a d*ckhead basically

"the relationship is barely one month" Laff almost kill me when i read that part.

This desperation to become 'wife' will make you end up in a bad marriage.
He's even manipulating you, asking if that's how you will behave when his mother is there....
.
One month relationship and you are already slaving away in his house, and very soon his family house. At the end of it all, his family will say they don't like you, or you're not from their village.
.
Better wise up and set the tone for your relationship. What you can't continually do, don't start.
.
P. S If cooking for the world is your passion, please do it. But don't grudgingly do it and come on Nairaland to ask us if his attitude towards you is appropriate. Let traditional man go and marry traditional woman. Don't think you can change him.

If I post more than 2 entries on any thread, I will be accused of “bullying”.

. . . . Biting my fingers at some ridiculous things I am reading from the OP!

Self-control is not easy sha. Especially, in this lock-up-and-down Corona-era.

ibkayee:
I get the feeling that this is a fake story, it lowkey sounds like one of those wattpad bsdm stories lol 'it is your duty', do people speak like that naturally?

But if it isn't

1. He clearly has no tact or manners, no matter how you feel that's not the way to speak to anyone
2. He had no issues 'reprimanding' you in front of a third party

He sounds like a d*ckhead basically

It's not a fake story my sister I just got home now and cant stop thinking
I just dont want to share the chat we had before I went over to his place. He said him and his friend ate light food to sleep last night, I should have left my place earlier to come make them food

Vikky1425:
I just created this account. I'm at my boyfriend's house and I'm bored. His family member called and he asked me to wait for him.
I promised to come and make him vegetable soup today, since morning hes been disturbing me to come because his friend is also around. I sha got there sweating because of the heat and entered kitchen immediately.
I made the vegetable soup and swallow. He said the soup is delicious, after which I served him and his frnd. It is me that took his friends food to dinning table o. I went to sitting room which is just like right from the dinning. In front of his friend he started asking why I couldn't bring them water to wash their hands and also put water inside cup for them to drink.
It's annoying to me because washand basin is right in the dinning and also a water dispenser in the dinning, glass cups are also there so why cant he do that? Knowing well I've been preparing the food. Just that one he cannot do.
After eating he said "it's nice that you can cook, but you're a woman it's your duty to put water for washing hands and to drink, what if any of my family member or my mum is around?"
There was a time he talked about visiting his mum and how I would be the one cooking, that's not a big deal to me as long as am not reduced to the maid.
Am still angry anyways. Traditional man in this modern world, he wants to enjoy wife benefit without acting like a husband.
Update; I have told him about it and he says "me that says you should serve us water dont I know the water is beside us?" I asked him why he had to even do that in front of his friend and he said "it's no big deal, I should have still come to serve it too" kept insisting on how it's my duty and him not a believer of division of labour. He then said "I wont take that from you next time"
The relationship is barely one month

My sister run , I repeat run before someone son will turn you to slave.
I don talk my own.

KanwuliaExtra:
If I post more than 2 entries on any thread, I will be accused of “bullying”.

. . . . Biting my fingers at some ridiculous things I am reading from the OP!

Self-control is not easy sha. Especially, in this lock-up-and-down Corona-era.

I'll try to control myself and reply no one further. And your 2nd or third entry could mean a lot. Thanks

Vikky1425:

It's not a fake story my sister I just got home now and cant stop thinking
I just dont want to share the chat we had before I went over to his place. He said him and his friend ate light food to sleep last night, I should have left my place earlier to come make them food

Honesty it sounds like this is a script...the 'useless naija man' tropes being used sound too intentional and specific

You need a lesson in humility. If you cannot cope with his over-traditional character, you better step. No one is tying you to him.

Vikky1425:

I wont wash the dish ke? I did, i dont think he will agree to that

Oh gosh.

Then you don't need any advice. Continue my sister, you are doing well.

Vikky1425:

I'll try to control myself and reply no one further. And your 2nd or third entry could mean a lot. Thanks

Nooooooooo. . . . Isssorite my dia.
Las las, you too go dey alright.
Na bullying dey reign for family section now o.
We have to be very kiafoo.

You should be jumping up on your feet like Scott here anytime your bf commands you to do anything.


You will not make a good wife if you continue with your arrogance, he is right...

TheArchangel:
1 month dating and you are already on call duty as a chef.

Free chef

One month relationship and you're already cooking food and doing wifey.
Una strong well well o

That is how all of a sudden they called me one day to start washing clothes, all of a sudden! Even came to pick me from my house ke..He said - i have a visitor, clean the house! Visitor was another woman. Then he shooed me to go and continue washing clothes! In her front fa

I'm having second thoughts now

Na dem... :

KanwuliaExtra:
Please, if you cooked and served the food, why did you leave water out of the service?

Are they supposed to keep interrupting their meal and socialization by walking to and fro water dispensers all over the dining room and kitchen?

Your annoyance is baseless and has more to do with using “common sense” than blaming “traditional” men.
Is that how your mother taught you to “prepareth a table in presence of thine enemies?
Abeg, brush up your table-setting manners. You are only a “girl-friend”. Tomorrow, another girlfriend will get it all right and make “matrimonial touch-down”, and you will come back to NL and be screaming about how ungrateful he was after sweating and pounding yam all over his family compound and village.

Back to kitchen school please!

Thank you
@ bolded? Jukwaa muoo

Biko, if you notice what you don't like while courting, please walk away to avoid adding to many sob stories around. Good luck.

To me i would say that as far as he (according to ur statement) is just your boyfriend,talk to him about it cos if that continues,he might use it as an excuse to break up with u.He is just your boyfriend and not your husband and neither has he promised to marry u nor engaged you yet.if it persist,breakup with him cos if he marries u,mhhh it will be worse. A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE

doitforyou:
Yes, no big deal in pouring water in their drinking cups but chastising you in front of his friend was tactless. Men that rebuke their SO in front of an audience do so to prove they’re in control of the relationship.

The telling you what your roles are as a woman, the use of his mother as a threat etc already gives you an idea of what kind of husband he will be, so it’s your choice.

To add, to avoid future disagreements you guys can follow a general etiquette. The one who cooks, sets the table and serves the food. The non cook clears the table and washes the dishes.[b][/b]

@ op. Nothing wrong in serving water sha.

For d guy, every form of rebuke and disagreements shd b done in camera.

But one month dating n you r already cooking like normal stuff. Don't b hasty o.

Men get bored easily when all the cards are laid bare. Seems d dude in question has some greens...

Any time I see a new moniker with a story, I know it's fake

You toiled in the kitchen for a man you barely know but you're upset that he asked you for water? If you can go and cook for a man you just started dating, what is water that you cannot serve? As much as I detest traditional men, I stand with him on this. It is highly improper to serve food without water to go with it

You are wrong for nothing serving them water. You should have asked them to dish the food themselves. Because i don't understand how someone will serve food and tell
Who is eating the food to go and be washing hand and fetching water from different miles.