₦airaland Forum

chillex8:
Danfo. Drop me here

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL. I AM JUST A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY WOMEN LIKE TO PRACTICE WHEN THEY MOVE ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I succeeded and they finally arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and I have now significantly calmed down as per ''abroad levels'' and due to determination. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment w e find ourselves in. First thing she did when she got here was to cut of my family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career as well, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. You would never even think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my Pali and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

OUR SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL. I AM JUST A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY WOMEN LIKE TO PRACTICE WHEN THEY MOVE ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I succeeded and they finally arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and I have now significantly calmed down as per ''abroad levels'' and due to determination. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment w e find ourselves in. First thing she did when she got here was to cut of my family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career as well, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. You would never even think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my Pali and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

OUR SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

LinLinGentle:
I have tried to convince her to come back to Nigeria before the lockdown, but she said she would never step out of the country until she gets her Pali. She said she has no business in Nigeria and even if her mum dies before she gets her Pali, she would not move an inch.

I have honestly tried almost everything. I have begged for peace, prostrated, cried, moved out, moved back in when I was piling up more debt, called pastor and his wife who have now given up on her case due to her non-compliance with spiritual advice. I have made multiple attempts to sit her down to have a heart to heart, but it's always the same roadblock. She sees me like some piece of shit that doesn't deserve her. I have seen some chats where she was talking to family and friends about how she plans to divorce me and re-marry here once she gains her grounds.

LinLinGentle:
All these people here that kept saying I did not treat my wife right in Nigeria don't actually know what they're saying. The answer is NO. In Nigeria, she never touched her salary, I never leave house chores to her alone, I did most things men do to show love to a woman. She just makes sure to tell me how inadequate I am and how she could have had better than me and deserves more. She had this ex boyfriend she always compared me to. Also, she has always had this pathological attachment to her extended family and makes it a duty to paint me in a bad light to anyone willing to listen. Her family expect more from me than I could offer, but did not even nurture the kind of relationship where this could happen. I was always the one doing the calling and visiting and all I get back is criticisms. Throughout our stay in Nigeria, none of her family members ever visited our matrimonial home, cos my wife cannot stop staying things like ''He drinks too much'', ''he never stays at home'', ''I think he is cheating'', ''his mother is a witch'' etc. We were both young professionals and we had busy lives back in Naija so we used to keep a maid, a driver etc. It was not really what you would call a patriarchy at all, just that I had a lower threshold for bullshit. The only difference between when we were in Nigeria and now is that I cannot keep up with her gbas gbos here, and have to back down most of the time for peace to reign, but back in Nigeria, she dared not do or say some things to me cos I would reciprocate swiftly. I am just a normal man with ''African mentality'' like most of y'all, I am not a trouble maker. I am just unfortunate to have this kinda wife whose expectations I have never met and who thinks I don't deserve appreciation, affection, respect, loyalty and love.

Martinez39s:
As I suspected, her behaviour has nothing to do with your "gra gra." Her behaviour is just who she is. She is using the excuse of your "gra gra" to justify her toxicity. Developed western countries are not the best places for married men. Many women show their toxic and demonic aspects when their boyfriend/husband bring them over.

It pays to take the red pill.

Lexusgs430:
The red pill been antibiotics.......

EVILFOREST:
.... a PATHETIC and PECULIAR SITUATION ABROAD.
I believe everything you put up there.

Some may see it as "a TALE by the MOONLIGHT".... but for me I know what our LADIES usually become when they migrate to where they are offered empowerment in the form of BreakFast.
I know how NIGERIAN LADIES maltreat their husbands abroad especially in the US.

I visited one IGBO BROTHER Last week at his residence.... I wept right there when I saw how the Lady he married was spanking him.
This is a GUY who happens to be my senior by 2yrs of age.
I entered my VEHICLE and wept all through.
There are so many SINGLE NIGERIAN MEN who are RIPE for marriage, some are into Cars and Caterpillar Parts here, but when you raise the issue of marriage, they decline immediately.
I encountered one building an ESTATE In ENUGU.... in his 40s, very hardworking yet no thought of marriage.
His MOM visits regularly to shed tears..

PLEASE, which country do you reside... ?
Can we have a WHATSAPP GROUP of NIGERIAN MEN in Diaspora... where these issues can be discussed and the way forward.. Strictly for the MEN.
I am proposing that. Also, should in case we need to visit our embassies.
MEN are becoming depressed by all these threats.
The number of HOMELESS MEN in the US is increasing...

It has become a WARFARE and no Longer a Marital Affair.
Please state your country.....
I am trying to see if we already have a GROUP where we can discuss such pertinent issues or if one has been created already.

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL. I AM JUST A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY WOMEN LIKE TO PRACTICE WHEN THEY MOVE ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I succeeded and they finally arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and I have now significantly calmed down as per ''abroad levels'' and due to determination. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment w e find ourselves in. First thing she did when she got here was to cut of my family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career as well, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. You would never even think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my Pali and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

OUR SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

LinLinGentle:
All these people here that kept saying I did not treat my wife right in Nigeria don't actually know what they're saying. The answer is NO. In Nigeria, she never touched her salary, I never leave house chores to her alone, I did most things men do to show love to a woman. She just makes sure to tell me how inadequate I am and how she could have had better than me and deserves more. She had this ex boyfriend she always compared me to. Also, she has always had this pathological attachment to her extended family and makes it a duty to paint me in a bad light to anyone willing to listen. Her family expect more from me than I could offer, but did not even nurture the kind of relationship where this could happen. I was always the one doing the calling and visiting and all I get back is criticisms. Throughout our stay in Nigeria, none of her family members ever visited our matrimonial home, cos my wife cannot stop staying things like ''He drinks too much'', ''he never stays at home'', ''I think he is cheating'', ''his mother is a witch'' etc. We were both young professionals and we had busy lives back in Naija so we used to keep a maid, a driver etc. It was not really what you would call a patriarchy at all, just that I had a lower threshold for bullshit. The only difference between when we were in Nigeria and now is that I cannot keep up with her gbas gbos here, and have to back down most of the time for peace to reign, but back in Nigeria, she dared not do or say some things to me cos I would reciprocate swiftly. I am just a normal man with ''African mentality'' like most of y'all, I am not a trouble maker. I am just unfortunate to have this kinda wife whose expectations I have never met and who thinks I don't deserve appreciation, affection, respect, loyalty and love.

Alero3Arubi:
I swear i never wanted marriage, but i am giving it my best.
You my dear have married a person thst loves being married than building a HOME.
it's not too late to walk away and start all over.
You will loose all before now but at least you will not lose more, after now.
May the forces of life be with you.

jojothegreat:
Pretend everything is fine between you and her,travel back to Nigeria with her for a visit or something.
Then japaaa oo. Or separate legally with her in Nigeria..
Save yourself and your kids.

My 2 cent��

flyingdutchman:
OP: She is aware that once you two separate, you have to pay her her entitlements. So she is desperately looking for a boyfriend and wants to split. My advice: pretend and TRAVEL TO NIGERIA WITH HER TO visit and leave her without her knowing but take her passport. Make sure you send fortnightly money for her upkeep. But, she needs to go.

Martinez39s:
More men are beginning to wake up to what women really are and more are beginning to question marriage. Those who for whatever reason bring their wives/girlfriends abroad are in for rude awakening.

Iruosonobrugwhe:
fix a secret camera at home

LinLinGentle:
All these people here that kept saying I did not treat my wife right in Nigeria don't actually know what they're saying. The answer is NO. In Nigeria, she never touched her salary, I never leave house chores to her alone, I did most things men do to show love to a woman. She just makes sure to tell me how inadequate I am and how she could have had better than me and deserves more. She had this ex boyfriend she always compared me to. Also, she has always had this pathological attachment to her extended family and makes it a duty to paint me in a bad light to anyone willing to listen. Her family expect more from me than I could offer, but did not even nurture the kind of relationship where this could happen. I was always the one doing the calling and visiting and all I get back is criticisms. Throughout our stay in Nigeria, none of her family members ever visited our matrimonial home, cos my wife cannot stop staying things like ''He drinks too much'', ''he never stays at home'', ''I think he is cheating'', ''his mother is a witch'' etc. We were both young professionals and we had busy lives back in Naija so we used to keep a maid, a driver etc. It was not really what you would call a patriarchy at all, just that I had a lower threshold for bullshit. The only difference between when we were in Nigeria and now is that I cannot keep up with her gbas gbos here, and have to back down most of the time for peace to reign, but back in Nigeria, she dared not do or say some things to me cos I would reciprocate swiftly. I am just a normal man with ''African mentality'' like most of y'all, I am not a trouble maker. I am just unfortunate to have this kinda wife whose expectations I have never met and who thinks I don't deserve appreciation, affection, respect, loyalty and love.

Iruosonobrugwhe:
fix a secret camera at home

Judybash93:
OMG!! This is perhaps the best advice I've read in a long time.

darfay:
For the fact that he isn't in good terms with his wife doesn't give you the right to refer to another man's wife as a hoe. Bros before your wife? Abeg make we dey reason and advise with sense

Luckymama:
@ OP, a lot of women endure maltreatment from their husbands in Nigeria because they have no choice I.e they are dependent financially and have to take it. That they continue to accept maltreatment doesn’t mean they have no feelings. The macho inconsiderate way a lot of husbands treat their wives kills whatever love the women may have had. A lot of them are just waiting patiently until situation change.

That’s why for example you will find old couples where the wife has abandoned her husband and is permanently living with one of her children. Now when he is old and needs his wife’s company she has no feelings for him and doesn’t need him anymore since her children can now take care of her.

Same situation you are in. You killed your wife’s feelings for you with your behavior in Nigeria and now she feels she doesn’t need you and so it’s payback time.

The only thing you can do is explain to her that in the first place you don’t have your papers yet so she has not yet “arrived.” Secondly, sincerely beg her forgiveness and make efforts to make amends for your behavior. We women are still quite soft. You won her heart once, you can win it again. Set to woo her the way you did before you got married. Hopefully she will forgive and forget and be ready to build a home with you.

And in case it’s a fake story, well men should note that we never forget the maltreatment. We just bide our time. So always treat your woman right.

sonofanarchy:
pretend and work things out with her, infact turn mumu for her,win back her trust,then tell her y'all will visit naija for holiday,when you reach naija, seize her passport and documents,japa back to your foreign abode