MMotimo:
I'm not picking sides but my own is the lessons readers can learn from this drama. Particularly as it relates to the whole "carried her abroad" language.

There are exceptions to the narration below and I realize the current drama is between a couple that got married in Naija, not a new union. My focus is on singles. In general, this is how it plays out:

Some men go abroad, marry for papers either through pretence (essentially romance scam ) or contract. Then they divorce and go and import a girl from Naija, usually arrangee marriage. For some reason, the default is to find a girl whose family is economically disadvantaged and therefore desperate to escape poverty while the man himself will often be from a controlling, local family.

Bobo goes into great debt abroad to woo and marry his import with the tacit agreement that when she lands, she too would contribute to service the gbese. This is not discussed with family members on both sides so everyone just sees bobo spending money like it's growing on trees. The man himself is often the controlling and domineering type with a god complex, afterall he just "rescued" a whole family from poverty by marrying their daughter. The girl may or may not know about his controlling behavior but often does not care either way.

The following paragraph is the important part -

For the girl and her family to have some dignity before and after marriage, her family members, far and wide, should try shake bodi, contribute or carry the marriage expenses. Pay for her passport, visa fees and even ticket sef. Even if it means the girl would pay back as soon as she starts working over there. Remember, this is to preserve your dignity for the future and avoid statements from the man and his family such as "hungry family, poor family, na our son liberate her family from poverty " etc. These statements will be on repeat every time the man or his family have an axe to grind so do the upfront sacrifice to prevent this. Don't forget that in this scenario, his family is already highly involved in facilitating the marriage and already feel entitled. This is what the girl and her family signed up for, no need to pity anybody.

If the girl's family no reach to offer support. Please and please , when your daughter gets to Obodo Oyinbo, as early as possible, she should start sending hard cold cash (not gifts o) to his family members, particularly the ones that know the history. Send them more than the bobo ever spent on her and her family in Naija. This is the "block mouth" money to forestall any future
superiority complex on their part. Even if it meansthe bobo giving her the money in the background to give them.

Then of course, she has to help the bobo's hustle to pay off the wooing and marriage debts. After that, she can turn to help her family. In all these, omoge has to stay humble and respectful. If the marriage crashes for whatever reason, you and your family can carry your head high. Any of his family members that talk anyhow, show them the Western Union of the funds you "gave" them as soon as you arrived or better still remind them of yours and your family's contribution to the marriage and travel expenses. Awoof dey run belle so don't get carried away. Just jeje pay what you owe his people so you can do your love in Tokyo in peace.

Marriages crash every day but don't open your family up to disrespect in the future.

All of the above also applies when it is the guy that is imported, same for each sex.

Just want to say I don't know you but I love you for this contribution.

Hathor5:


I will not disagree with you because many people reason like you have described above but I think it is also equally important to recognize and appreciate those who don't. I have seen them here and I have met others offline. Someone very close to me considers every man who raises his hand for whatever reason against a woman a loser, so did his father and so do his brothers.

Of course we all know some men that don’t hit women and hate domestic violence. However, to say “many” that’s not reality.

cococandy:


Do you folks make comments like this hoping that you’re the only ones in the so called overseas and no one else can debunk it?

Liabilities indeed. A demographic that is one of the most educated of immigrant minorities In America? In fact if the population in general?
Lie small small please.
I’m weary of reading falsehood on this Nairaland

Coco candy what's falsehood about it?

SweetCunt97:
Ive known u down to all details if u know what I mean. Lolzzz

Unveil yourself.

henryhemon:


Unveil yourself.

Get a room you two

Sweetcunt97

Sweetcunt and Admirers United, don't turn this thread to romance hookup

henryhemon:


Unveil yourself.

Na, no need for that. Bye

Ishilove:
Sweetcunt and Admirers United, don't turn this thread to romance hookup

Ishi you know men and kunt na 5 and 6...lolzzz.

henryhemon:


Coco candy what's falsehood about it?

Nigerian women over there are hardworking. I personally have an aunt who worked hard and paid her husband and kids fee without rubbing his nose in it. And they still together today. So no b everybody go japa leave their spouse immediately dem reach jand abeg

SweetCunt97:
Ishi you know men and kunt na 5 and 6...lolzzz.

Your username isn't helping either

Ishilove:

Your username isn't helping either

I know.. Lol

SweetCunt97:
Nigerian women over there are hardworking. I personally have an aunt who worked hard and paid her husband and kids fee without rubbing his nose in it. And they still together today. So no b everybody go japa leave their spouse immediately dem reach jand abeg

I meant those coming from Nigeria to abroad.

SweetCunt97:
Na, no need for that. Bye

You are sure no need?

henryhemon:


I meant those coming from Nigeria to abroad.

So those ones abroad no get moment of entry shey? See its about individual attitude.

SweetCunt97:
So those ones abroad no get moment of entry shey? See its about individual attitude.

Are you Chdinma Annora?

henryhemon:


Are you Chdinma Annora?

Yes.

henryhemon:


Are you Chdinma Annora?

I'm a guy actually

SweetCunt97:
I'm a guy actually

The guy go off engine now. lol.

tianshie:


The guy go off engine now. lol.

Lolzzz, Abi naw

SweetCunt97:
I'm a guy actually

No be only a guy.

tianshie:


Yes.

Thank you

Mindlog:
Newly registered username, another tale.

Don't be too fast to jump into conclusions. Not everyone likes to wash their dirty linens in public.

henryhemon:



No be only a guy.

OK if you say so

lekki1444:
really ?

Yes o. I for talk the exact bustop but e fit dey nairaland

davida222:
The only lady with sense on this thread. Nice advice.

Thank you Sir.

I think this thread has run its course. Where is that mod?

EDGEof2MORO:
I think this thread has run its course. Where is that mod?

No need to call mods. Let them leave it so people can learn how not to wash dirty linens in public

Ishilove:

No need to call mods. Let them leave it so people can learn how not to wash dirty linens in public

Okay

Thread Closed