₦airaland Forum

Yampotatocarrot:
As absurd as your opinion might sound to the current generation, I actually see a lot of sense in it. I've looked at it from all angles being debated here and yours see is the most appropriate.

We know marriages have their challenges but one major challenge will always be finances, and this "swapping of roles" in marriage have made it more difficult.

From your submission, I've been able to pick salient facts.

Men should ALWAYS provide for their family... ALWAYS. It's their duty and responsibility. This implies that a man whose finances can sustain his family in Katsina state should not move that family to Lagos, because if he does without reasonable improvement in finances, he'll just bring problem to the family. Let men learn to live and marry according to their class/level. It's better to be seen as a real man, and provide adequately for your family even if you live in a village, than move to cities where your finances won't be able to sustain the family and loose your "manliness" in the presence of your wife.

On the other hand, women should go back to fulfilling their traditional roles in the family. A woman that can't "take care" of her home should stay unmarried in her parent's house no matter her age until she learns how to take care of a home.

Looking at it critically, you'll realise that this was how it was during the days of our forefather. Most men claim mothers of old were loyal and all, did they realise there were no swapping of roles during those periods? That was why mothers were blamed for moral decadence in children, while fathers felt like failures if they weren't able to sustain their families or their sons didn't amount to much in life . (Read - Things fall apart)

Thanks for the enlightenment. I hope we singles read through the thread, extract the lessons to be learnt and take decisions accordingly, under God.

AstuteJay:
I have refrained from responding to your thoughts on this issue but with your latest submission, I can't hold myself any longer. You have thought me what will last a lifetime.

I have been through peaks and valleys in life and have experienced close to what the OP cited but never understood why until now. You carefully dissected women's and nature's expectations of men and the consequences of possible shortfall.

I have had my own share of these consequences when my business went South. Though I struggled to meet some basic obligation like shelter, clothing, feeding and schooling (at a substandard level), I was still lashed at.

It got to a point that she questioned my "manliness"; "se okunrin ni wo yi sha? ti won ba n wa okunrin iwo na a nawo soke, hmmm" meaning "are you really a man, if they are making roll call of men, would you raise your hands"? I heard that particular statement two different times and vowed never to forgive her.

A woman that have been to different countries that I have never been to on my bill, a woman that I have bought three vehicles, the last being a brand new SUV. I could not meet those luxury any longer and all hell was let loose.

@ybaby changed my mind with her submission and made me see reason why she acted that way. Between Thursday and today I have had to give her something daily against my earlier vow.

Gentlemen, take it as it is and do all you can to discharge your responsibility to your wife and family. Do not be an infidel!

Maduawuchukwu:
nd take care of their families like before is because more than half of employment opportunities are occupied by women unlike in the old days when they were filled by men. If men should be held to the old standard of being sole providers for the home while women take care of the home, women should resign their employment and forfeit their salaries so that Men would take it over and provide for their homes. How do you see it?

Yampotatocarrot:
If men should be held to the old standard of being sole providers for the home while women take care of the home, women should resign their employment...

Hmmmm, truer words haven't been said, Sir. Unfortunately, the female gender would not agree to that cos they've tasted what it feels like. So, we are back to the cycle.

Let's all just hope on God then and do our best.

Ybaby:
Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.

wirinet:
Those men who lost their jobs and were taken care of by their wives didn't enjoy it, ask them for details. It is depressing for the men also to cater for the family alone. Plz try and watch the movie called acrimony.

It false to suggest that it happens in Every marriage, it happens in lots of marriages, especially if the purpose of the marriage is material and financial. I have seen many marriages where the husband lost his job and the woman had to pick up the gauntlet to provide for the family until the man finds his feet.

And you don't think it's also tiring and depressing for the only the man to working day and night to provide for his family. Marriage is not "happy ever after". Any man or woman that is not ready to suffer the vagaries and uncertainties of marriage should not marry and stick to baby mama and baby daddy.

It good that you did not find financial solace somewhere else. I hope you also did not insult, disrespect and demean your husband at his most difficult period. If you did, he would have some grudge in his heart for the rest of his life, as he will feel you only married him for financial security.

It's difficult to mend fences after such betrayals. How do you ment fences with someone that does not love you, but only after material gains. What happens if things get difficult again?

Ybaby:
Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.

UjuJoan2:
My dear stop stressing yourself. I've been having this argument since I joined Nairaland in 2007. I was labelled a gold digger and accused of wanting to marry a billionaire.

The bottom-line is that I'm teaching my kids never ever to marry down. Never compromise financial independence in a man, you will die before your time and still be termed a Jezebel for not 'respecting' your husband when he had nothing.

We are not superhumans. You don't expect a woman to work all day to feed you, not because she wants to but because she HAS to, and the come home to play Virtuous wife. It will not work.

The earlier the men start accepting it, the earlier they start working hard to make money.

AstuteJay:
I have refrained from responding to your thoughts on this issue but with your latest submission, I can't hold myself any longer. You have thought me what will last a lifetime.

I have been through peaks and valleys in life and have experienced close to what the OP cited but never understood why until now. You carefully dissected women's and nature's expectations of men and the consequences of possible shortfall.

I have had my own share of these consequences when my business went South. Though I struggled to meet some basic obligation like shelter, clothing, feeding and schooling (at a substandard level), I was still lashed at.

It got to a point that she questioned my "manliness"; "se okunrin ni wo yi sha? ti won ba n wa okunrin iwo na a nawo soke, hmmm" meaning "are you really a man, if they are making roll call of men, would you raise your hands"? I heard that particular statement two different times and vowed never to forgive her.

A woman that have been to different countries that I have never been to on my bill, a woman that I have bought three vehicles, the last being a brand new SUV. I could not meet those luxury any longer and all hell was let loose.

@ybaby changed my mind with her submission and made me see reason why she acted that way. Between Thursday and today I have had to give her something daily against my earlier vow.

Gentlemen, take it as it is and do all you can to discharge your responsibility to your wife and family. Do not be an infidel!

Ybaby:
My sister!

I share it because of the young single girls and the young men who still have a spark of testetorone in them - you see the infidels, I am not bothered about those ones so much because I know their wives are beating them and maltreating them while putting a roof over thier head and keeping appearances - it is on NL that they pretend to be lions when at home (where it matters) they are mouse with zapped self esteem who cannot even give an idea - they shut them up in public and private and speak down at them so they already reaping thier weeds.

I know they use NL as an outlet for depression.

2 kids - one's father is a provider and the their ones father is an infidel ( it is nt rich or poor - donot have kids you cannot provide for - no child should be dresses in rags - use gold circle)

Can you guess which is which?

UjuJoan2:
My dear stop stressing yourself. I've been having this argument since I joined Nairaland in 2007. I was labelled a gold digger and accused of wanting to marry a billionaire.

The bottom-line is that I'm teaching my kids never ever to marry down. Never compromise financial independence in a man, you will die before your time and still be termed a Jezebel for not 'respecting' your husband when he had nothing.

We are not superhumans. You don't expect a woman to work all day to feed you, not because she wants to but because she HAS to, and the come home to play Virtuous wife. It will not work.

The earlier the men start accepting it, the earlier they start working hard to make money.

Fearcom:
She can't.


When I showed her what God's word on how God loves man and how we are to show the same love to everyone, she couldn't show me where SHE SAID THE BIBLE PERMITS MEN TO BE TREATED LIKE INFIDELS.

Human beings easily forget that the blessings of the Lord maketh rich and adds no sorrow. Except the Lord builds a city, they LABOUR IN VAIN THAT BUILD IT! Psalm 127:1 Job9:29

She has forgotten that LABOUR without FAVOUR equals FRUSTRATION as it's the Lord who gives power to get wealth

She should ask Peter, the most experienced fisherman who LABOURED ALL NIGHT YET CAUGHT NOTHING. Luke 5:5

When people remove God from the centre and place things like self sufficiency, their physical strength and their mind power and money, when the storms of life come, their real character will beade manifest.

The storms of life come to everyone. We arent immune to it.

With all the money and riches Job had, everything was destroyed in one day. I personally know many people who are popularly called "Millionaires of yesterday". Were they lazy??
NEVER!! How do you think they became rich in the first place

What am I saying It's a huge blessing for a man to be physically healthy and be able to work and provide for his family. What happens if the storms of life come and due to illness, adverse circumstances, tragedy etc and the man is unable to work??

She carefully and meticulously didn't address this. On top of this she has been very rude to people she doesn't even know and cannot identify offline.

I actually know someone here offline who she has insulted who infact is a millionaire!!! And am not talking peanuts!!! That's very bad and it's very sad.
No matter how rich a man is, if he knows you won't be there for him when the road is rough, that's a RED FLAG!

emmaodet:
[/b]

OR the earlier everybody starts planning to stay on their own without putting unnecessary pressure on other gender.
Leave men alone. it is up to them whether they want to go work and make more money or not. I don't believe you should be worried about them, just face your hustle.
Moreover, who says a man will just be home doing nothing for the wife to feed him? he also will be working so that you can contribute to feed the family and if you don't like that, you can stay alone and feed yourself. Shikena

UjuJoan2:
And yet men deliberately choose pretty and high maintenance girls when they are rich. This your theory only works on paper biko.

Do you think Regina Daniels will be 'there for' that old man she is marrying if he became broke tomorrow?

Or do you think someone like Bianca would have married an Ojukwu if she thought the perks would someday sieze?

I'm not saying if a man falls ill his wife will abandon him. But every fully healthy, able bodied man should never ever depend on a woman. It will never end well.

Personally I think every poor man should make it up to his wife by taking over the house chores (without complaining), and taking care of the homefront. But your egos will not let you do that. So a woman has to play both her role and yours? Doesn't seem fair to me.

The fact remains that while you are experiencing hard tines, the children need to feed, clothe and bathe. These responsibilities don't 'understand' with you. If the woman is able to provide these things, she becomes resentful because she is probably over burdened trying to play your role and hers, and yet the society doesnt recongize her efforts. In the end she remains just the wife, the inferior gender.

If she is NOT able to provide these things, her resentment gradually turns into hate, especially when she sees her neighbors and friend's kids having the comfort her own kids are deprived of.

It can never end in praise.

You guys need to understand that.

Maduawuchukwu:
That was what was obtainable in the traditional setting but times have changed man. In the olden days, a man who was not doing well was simply lazy. He failed to cultivate his crops properly or was sleeping when others were working on their farms. Nowadays, men no longer provide via farming but by getting employment or running a business. You will agree with me that you can be as hardworking as Ronaldo in today's society but the poor economy of nowadays will still retard you. In other words, it is no more by effort or smartness anymore. What should a man who has put his all do in this situation? Abandon his home because he cannot provide to the extent he would have preferred to but for the problems of the country?
One of the reasons why men are finding it difficult to secure employment and take care of their families like before is because more than half of employment opportunities are occupied by women unlike in the old days when they were filled by men. If men should be held to the old standard of being sole providers for the home while women take care of the home, women should resign their employment and forfeit their salaries so that Men would take it over and provide for their homes. How do you see it?

UjuJoan2:
And yet men deliberately choose pretty and high maintenance girls when they are rich. This your theory only works on paper biko.

Do you think Regina Daniels will be 'there for' that old man she is marrying if he became broke tomorrow?

Or do you think someone like Bianca would have married an Ojukwu if she thought the perks would someday sieze?

I'm not saying if a man falls ill his wife will abandon him. But every fully healthy, able bodied man should never ever depend on a woman. It will never end well.

Personally I think every poor man should make it up to his wife by taking over the house chores (without complaining), and taking care of the homefront. But your egos will not let you do that. So a woman has to play both her role and yours? Doesn't seem fair to me.

The fact remains that while you are experiencing hard tines, the children need to feed, clothe and bathe. These responsibilities don't 'understand' with you. If the woman is able to provide these things, she becomes resentful because she is probably over burdened trying to play your role and hers, and yet the society doesnt recongize her efforts. In the end she remains just the wife, the inferior gender.

If she is NOT able to provide these things, her resentment gradually turns into hate, especially when she sees her neighbors and friend's kids having the comfort her own kids are deprived of.

It can never end in praise.

You guys need to understand that.

9 Two people are better than one. When two people work together, they get more work done.

10 If one person falls, the other person can reach out to help. But those who are alone when they fall have no one to help them.

11 If two people sleep together, they will be warm. But a person sleeping alone will not be warm.

Preferito:
Wow! This is so disheartening. Love has really waxed cold. But I think the type of foundation given to the youths of nowadays is what's causing this. The Bible stated that the woman is an help meet to the man. This means that when the man is incapacitated she should be able to augment him. She should not compound his troubles. I see no reason why a woman will be troubling a man because he is trying unsuccessfully. Had it been that he is not trying at all then she could have charged him up. Before exhibiting any nasty behavior towards your husband you need to remind yourself the reason why you married him at the first place. To be honest men are now an endangered species and all these things gives me cold feet towards marriage. Why can't the women of these days be like our mothers? I started hawking since I was in primary 2 all the way till SS3 along with my older siblings because my dad was trying unsuccessfully. But there was never a time I did see my mother insult him. Neither was she in any way ever promiscuous. We were in it together and we pulled through. Why can't the women of these days have the will to build with their husbands? This reminds me of the popular quote that says it is only women and children that are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved base on what he can provide. May God order our steps in the right direction.

Renida:
Ujujoan as usual. Shakes head vigorously, wicked gal

Genset:
She is stating the fact and the truth and u know it. Better go and work hard. 90% of problems on this section is caused by lack of finance and the woman having to overwork herself and ends up complaining bitterly. In Africa, finances has never being the women role no matter how much they earn. They always complain bitterly when they have to do it because she is overburdening herself with two different roles which is providing and still having to take care of the home whilst the man sits and does nothing.

Genset:
She is stating the fact and the truth and u know it. Better go and work hard. 90% of problems on this section is caused by lack of finance and the woman having to overwork herself and ends up complaining bitterly. In Africa, finances has never being the women role no matter how much they earn. They always complain bitterly when they have to do it because she is overburdening herself with two different roles which is providing and still having to take care of the home whilst the man sits and does nothing.

emmaodet:
[/b]

OR the earlier everybody starts planning to stay on their own without putting unnecessary pressure on other gender.
Leave men alone. it is up to them whether they want to go work and make more money or not. I don't believe you should be worried about them, just face your hustle.
Moreover, who says a man will just be home doing nothing for the wife to feed him? he also will be working so that you can contribute to feed the family and if you don't like that, you can stay alone and feed yourself. Shikena

Ybaby:

Please do you know if the fair and white pink serum is still working ? because.....

I am so sure you shapen your eyebrows too..

You are projecting into your future that your wife must contribute to feeding your household (if you are wealthy this will not be the case)

So therefore you have seen your future and decided that you will not be wealthy and will need the help of a woman

Be careful what you pray for ( prayer is not until you close your eyes)

In future when you find yourself in a situation where your wife becomes your flatmate (co-rent payer) - donot say God does not answer prayers - HE DOES.

YOU WISHED FOR IT!

back to the fair and white - what will you recommend the blue bottle or the pink bottle?

About the menstral pain you were complaining - us girls use hotwater bottle and tylenol but if the pain is too much - see a doctor.

Your last pregnancy labour did the doctor give you epidural? hope it was not CS

When you baby bites your nipple while suckling - just talk to him they listen - pele it is painful but what can a woman do

Breastfeeding the baby and having to cook for hubby too - ah!! it is just for a while - bear it

Memory loss after having your baby - well baby needs brain and took some of mummy own

Stretch marks on your belle - my dear wear long top and bear your battle lines - you went to heaven to bring a human being - ko easy.

When you are done the rest of us are gisting at the back yard - join us ko but you must wear bra o and skirt

Our sisbro

Genset:
U re so funny. Don't mind that broke emmaodet 'emma ode' he goes around NL like a raving mad dog looking for who to bite. All his comments are always about a woman's financial ability but he will still go ahead and cheat on her with slay girls and give them the money he was supposed to give to his wife at home. He admitted that it was hard to not cheat on his wife on one of the threads and am very sure the girls don't do for free. Some women are really suffering. You cook, clean, take care of kids and still contribute financially whilst managing a cheating 'horseband'. I pity emmaodet's wife.

Genset:
U re so funny. Don't mind that broke emmaodet 'emma ode' he goes around NL like a raving mad dog looking for who to bite. All his comments are always about a woman's financial ability but he will still go ahead and cheat on her with slay girls and give them the money he was supposed to give to his wife at home. He admitted that it was hard to not cheat on his wife on one of the threads and am very sure the girls don't do for free. Some women are really suffering. You cook, clean, take care of kids and still contribute financially whilst managing a cheating 'horseband'. I pity emmaodet's wife.

Ybaby:
Sis!

Can you keep a secret.

Pls dont tell anyone but I think it is really a man that emmaodet wants.... in his quiet fantasy he dreams of being swept off his feet by a sugar daddy- being friends with bobrisky and being sponsored to Dubai. He needs our encouragement so he can come out of the closet and rock some high heels

Same with a lot of these men who ask thier wives for money - they badly want to touch thier toe for Alhaji banza to rock them and give them a sugar lifestyle

Do you emmaodet... mafo we are with you

Genset:
She is stating the fact and the truth and u know it. Better go and work hard. 90% of problems on this section is caused by lack of finance and the woman having to overwork herself and ends up complaining bitterly. In Africa, finances has never being the women role no matter how much they earn. They always complain bitterly when they have to do it because she is overburdening herself with two different roles which is providing and still having to take care of the home whilst the man sits and does nothing.

tunmiluabi apost=89453761:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Votukpa:
Goddamn.

First off. In so much as I have not heard the other side, I have a strong witness in me that your narrative is sincere. This is the only thing about your post I will applaud.

Everyone here is trying to advise you on what you should have done or can do. They don't understand your problem. They can't because they didn't experience what you experienced nor do they see what you see. They also don't know very much about how this world and it's aspects were designed.

I won't sympathize with your plight, neither will I tell you what to do. I will however give you some 'mental keys' to unlock your understand as to what happened, as well as some principles to live by.

1. Women, by design CANNOT love. CANNOT = incapability given lack of adequate tools or equipment to perform a task or an action. What is Love? God is Love. Love is when one is weak and his or her partner is able to contain the former. Love is not reciprocal. If it were it wouldn't be love. by design, only a man is CAPABLE of love. That's you. The only way a woman can love a man (the way a man loves a woman) is if she is filled with God (love). This goes against the grain of the feminine. Principle: a woman who fears God is the most excellent of women. She is rare and your wife isn't her. Women are transactional by design. She will only submit (admit she's under) you, if you supply her needs. Selah.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

2. Bearing ALL the responsibilities of a home is ENTIRELY on your shoulders. This is, also, according to design. If you're not doing it, your wife will never submit to you (admit she's under you) and she will act accordingly- disrespect you and cheat on you. That's her design. Principle: bear all the responsibilities of the home while she keeps the home. This is order. There will be harmony and she will be happy.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

3. ALL Women are hypergamous by design. She can't submit to you if she's better than you in anyway. Seeing that money symbolizes power to a woman, if she has more of it than you, she WILL cheat on you, most likely with a man who is 'better' than you. This is a reflex action for her. Principle: Always be better than your woman. ALWAYS. You can either be improving faster than her or you can destroy her progress completely and keep her at home, while making her comfortable.

Your father was supposed to teach you this.

4. Very important: A woman has more glory than a man in this world. You probably never realized this but as far as progress in this world is concerned, a woman will have more power and privileges over a man if you put them at par from the onset. A woman will make more money than a man if they are mates. A woman is better looking than a man from the begining. She will grow faster than man. She will command more favor than a man. This is by design. A woman has all the power in this world and she will submit it to a man whom she judges is better than her in every way. Principle: You MUST be 'GLORIFIED' before you marry. You must be 'something' before you marry, not hopeful to be, after the marriage. This is design. When I say be glorified, I mean be indestructible. Be GODREADYMADE. At this level, NOTHING can touch you because GOD himself would have forged you with his own hands. Meditate on this. To be GODREADYMADE, you must first go through a DIP. This is a crucible of flames and suffering that will refine you into 'Gold' at the end. Selah.

Even if your wife fears God, you CANNOT relax. A prudent wife is a gift from God. When God gives you a valuable asset, you still never get to relax. You work and develop yourself till you drop dead. This is order according to design. You were designed to work and grow forever. You still must totally dominate your life and hers.

It might be too late for your marriage to work out. Actually, once a wife sleeps with another man,
the marriage is dead. I would advise you to forgive her if she totally repents but I don't see that happening. Divorce her and move on. Live according to design. Be GODREADYMADE. If YHWH decides to gift you an actual wife, so be it. Otherwise, live for a purpose and let it define your life. Marriage is a calling, not a choice.