Madam men like your husband are always like that. You just have to play smart but be careful as well

Work with what merieam16 posted and you'll be fine.

DBestDoc:
I'm so sorry OP, i think it's too late to fix this. Any action you take towards " fixing" this is going to be counterproductive.

The best time to sort stuffs like this out was before marriage and the solution would have been to RUUUN and never look back.

Now, you can only salvage the situation by being your own security. Think for yourself, save for yourself, invest for yourself and sort yourself out. He's been that way for 9yrs, i don't see him changing soon.

You keep talking, you become an enemy. Can you fight his parasitic family off with him being on their side? i guess not.
If you keep waiting for him to fully take charge of his responsibilities, you'll be waiting for a long time girl.

Exactly. It is what it is. No need for long talks. She better start planning for her kids and herself since their father no send.

elektra:
Many Nigerian families abuse first borns. The first borns sef internalize the abuse and it becomes part of their identity.
Their self fulfillment now comes from seeing the younger siblings succeed. Sometimes to the detriment of their own progress.
Your husband clearly has no ambition of his own.

I don't think it's peculiar to first sons. It just depends on the family and any of the kids can be picked out as the Donkey/victim. Especially, that one with a kind and selfless heart.

I dated a man with similar trait as the OP's husband and in his case, he was even the last son, hahaha. He sponsored both his older and younger siblings through school, was taking care of their families and at the time we were together, he had started sponsoring most of his Nephews and nieces through school.

At some point, i advised him to give his siblings some capital and encourage them to start some business so as to relieve the financial burden. He waved that off with the excuse that his people are not business inclined.

Oya, upgrade your educational qualifications na for better future opportunities now that you're single and have the wherewithal, Mr man said ok and after a few days he came back with the excuse of having too much family responsibilities to spare any cash for such. Apparently, one of his siblings he shared the idea with told him the program was expensive. I offered to 'loan' him the fees but he rejected the offer.

He easily ran out of cash for someone earning in 6 figures at that time. He wasn't married, no children he wasn't spending the money on me obviously but he was almost always broke. Most phone calls he received whenever we were together were money requests from family. Account will turn red immediately after pay day (i started thinking he'd been jazzed, i didn't know what else to think about. lol)

I got to understand that doing those things made him happy. That feeling of being the messiah of his family gave him some sort of satisfaction and fulfillment that nobody was allowed to deprive him of. He always confided in me that he's been there for his family since he was a boy.

The love i had for him turned to PITY and then to indifference. I saw a wonderful man with a very good heart but was non-progressive this, i couldn't deal with. His family didn't love him enough to advise him to help himself while helping them. He was a dead weight that i needed to offload. After analyzing the situation one day, i RAN without telling him why. No drama, no quarrel, i just ghosted him i didn't want another begging or convincing.

Red flags everywhere. It's important for young people to consider all these things before choosing a life partner. It never gets better and once you're in, you're in. Running was one of the best decisions i've made as a woman. Man is already 40 now unmarried, no kids. I just feel so sad for him because he's a nice person.

I have an uncle like this. He will split his shirt into two and give you half of it so you won’t go naked. Never spares a penny for himself.
The funny thing? His siblings know he’s not rich hence they avoid asking him or even making him know if any of them needs anything. Just to give him the opportunity to focus and spend on himself and his family.

Instead he turns to strangers to give them freely. He will give you to add to your savings while his account is red. It’s almost pathological in my opinion.

I learned a lot from observing him. I’m generous and not averse to sacrificing for another person but never ever to my own detriment. How can someone lose themselves like that?

DBestDoc:


I don't think it's peculiar to first sons. It just depends on the family and any of the kids can be picked out as the Donkey/victim. Especially, that one with a kind and selfless heart.

I dated a man with similar trait as the OP's husband and in his case, he was even the last son, hahaha. He sponsored both his older and younger siblings through school, was taking care of their families and at the time we were together, he had started sponsoring most of his Nephews and nieces through school.

At some point, i advised him to give his siblings some capital and encourage them to start some business so as to relieve the financial burden. He waved that off with the excuse that his people are not business inclined.

Oya, upgrade your educational qualifications na for better future opportunities now that you're single and have the wherewithal, Mr man said ok and after a few days he came back with the excuse of having too much family responsibilities to spare any cash for such. Apparently, one of his siblings he shared the idea with told him the program was expensive. I offered to 'loan' him the fees but he rejected the offer.

He easily ran out of cash for someone earning in 6 figures at that time. He wasn't married, no children he wasn't spending the money on me obviously but he was almost always broke. Most phone calls he received whenever we were together were money requests from family. Account will turn red immediately after pay day (i started thinking he'd been jazzed, i didn't know what else to think about. lol)

I got to understand that doing those things made him happy. That feeling of being the messiah of his family gave him some sort of satisfaction and fulfillment that nobody was allowed to deprive him of. He always confided in me that he's been there for his family since he was a boy.

The love i had for him turned to PITY and then to indifference. I saw a wonderful man with a very good heart but was non-progressive this, i couldn't deal with. His family didn't love him enough to advise him to help himself while helping them. He was a dead weight that i needed to offload. After analyzing the situation one day, i RAN without telling him why. No drama, no quarrel, i just ghosted him i didn't want another begging or convincing.

Red flags everywhere. It's important for young people to consider all these things before choosing a life partner. It never gets better and once you're in, you're in. Running was one of the best decisions i've made as a woman. Man is already 40 now unmarried, no kids. I just feel so sad for him because he's a nice person.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keeps sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.
He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keeps asking him for money, he keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keeps crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him, his two junior brothers that always asks him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest, his married sisters are the worst if they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family. We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drop two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately. I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.
I am really pissed off and tired.
Sorry for the long post.

His brothers have built homes, he has none of his own and he is still giving to them?
Terrible
I guess he feels obligated as the first child to take care of his younger ones but he is hurting his own immediate family
My dear your best bet is to find an older couple he respects dearly amd tell them what's going on.Present it in a way to express your concern but not to demonize him or his siblings.Hopefully the man will be able to sit him down and talk sense into him.
Kudos for saving money for a piece of land.Challenge him that you are willing to buy the land for the family but on the condition that he must build on it within X years because you are sick of living in a rental house.
Maybe he needs to give you a certain amount per month towards that since you are the better money manager.If he agrees to this then it should work.
Dont lose hope
Goodluck

igbowoman:


His brothers have built homes, he has none of his own and he is still giving to them?
Terrible
I guess he feels obligated as the first child to take care of his younger ones but he is hurting his own immediate family
My dear your best bet is to find an older couple he respects dearly amd tell them what's going on.Present it in a way to express your concern but not to demonize him or his siblings.Hopefully the man will be able to sit him down and talk sense into him.
Kudos for saving money for a piece of land.Challenge him that you are willing to buy the land for the family but on the condition that he must build on it within X years because you are sick of living in a rental house.
Who knows this may work
Goodluck

Excellent suggestion. An older couple

Madam, I hope you get to read this.


Immediately I started reading your write up, I said to myself. I hope they have a house of their own and you have confirmed you don't.
I am sorry to say that your husband has no plan for you and the children.
How can a full grown man give his wife N2000 for a week. That is just for 2 mudu of rice. You are the head of the family since your husband's head (sorry) is not thinking right. I am sorry to say that you are only married on paper. Please plan for yourself and the children alone.

Best of luck.

Please, if you have enough saved for a piece of land, just buy it. Of course he must know about it, and you guys should do the transaction together
Your name should be on it, simply because if anything happens to that man, his family will still want a piece of the action.
Perhaps if he sees his wife buying land and you start building on it, it will challenge him to start thinking of himself too
Unfortunately, if you're not on the same page as your partner, things are usually difficult.
He's not on the page of building a house or self development as you are for now, and you can't stop progressing because he doesnt want to move.
He will hopefully soon open his eyes and join you in acquiring a retirement for yourselves.
His brothers know what they're doing, building their retirement homes for their own families and they are smart. Your children cannot inherit their uncles, so better do what is in the best interests of your family even if your husband won't
Just make sure you buy the land with all the complete documents and verify them before buying. Perhaps use a reputable estate agent to do so or a reputable law firm.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keeps sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.
He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keeps asking him for money, he keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keeps crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him, his two junior brothers that always asks him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest, his married sisters are the worst if they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family. We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drop two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately. I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.
I am really pissed off and tired.
Sorry for the long post.

I hope ur husband has built a house sumwer too and has no plan to include u or ur children names...

Probably he has another kid out there and he has put the kid name instead of your own kids name..

DBestDoc:


I don't think it's peculiar to first sons. It just depends on the family and any of the kids can be picked out as the Donkey/victim. Especially, that one with a kind and selfless heart.

I dated a man with similar trait as the OP's husband and in his case, he was even the last son, hahaha. He sponsored both his older and younger siblings through school, was taking care of their families and at the time we were together, he had started sponsoring most of his Nephews and nieces through school.

At some point, i advised him to give his siblings some capital and encourage them to start some business so as to relieve the financial burden. He waved that off with the excuse that his people are not business inclined.

Oya, upgrade your educational qualifications na for better future opportunities now that you're single and have the wherewithal, Mr man said ok and after a few days he came back with the excuse of having too much family responsibilities to spare any cash for such. Apparently, one of his siblings he shared the idea with told him the program was expensive. I offered to 'loan' him the fees but he rejected the offer.

He easily ran out of cash for someone earning in 6 figures at that time. He wasn't married, no children he wasn't spending the money on me obviously but he was almost always broke. Most phone calls he received whenever we were together were money requests from family. Account will turn red immediately after pay day (i started thinking he'd been jazzed, i didn't know what else to think about. lol)

I got to understand that doing those things made him happy. That feeling of being the messiah of his family gave him some sort of satisfaction and fulfillment that nobody was allowed to deprive him of. He always confided in me that he's been there for his family since he was a boy.

The love i had for him turned to PITY and then to indifference. I saw a wonderful man with a very good heart but was non-progressive this, i couldn't deal with. His family didn't love him enough to advise him to help himself while helping them. He was a dead weight that i needed to offload. After analyzing the situation one day, i RAN without telling him why. No drama, no quarrel, i just ghosted him i didn't want another begging or convincing.

Red flags everywhere. It's important for young people to consider all these things before choosing a life partner. It never gets better and once you're in, you're in. Running was one of the best decisions i've made as a woman. Man is already 40 now unmarried, no kids. I just feel so sad for him because he's a nice person.

Hmm so pathetic.. How I wish life cud slap reality into his brain

Bluehill1051:
Mtcheeew rubbish post. I pray that your husband even die sef!

Historically, this is the most senseless post.

This practice is common with the Igbos. I have even seen where the first Son pays the salary of workers in his sisters school from his pocket, the same sister told him to withdraw one of his kids to bankroll her own daughter in a private university ( Covenant Uni) and even more I don't have time to type.

Op, I think you should just buy the land in the name of your kids, ask your husband to support in the building of the house too and, even if he doesn't you are good to go madam.

piippa:


Historically, this is the most senseless post.

Your whole life is even more senseless

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keeps sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.
He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keeps asking him for money, he keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keeps crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him, his two junior brothers that always asks him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest, his married sisters are the worst if they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family. We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drop two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately. I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.
I am really pissed off and tired.
Sorry for the long post.

It will end in premium tears if you don't plan for your kids, we've seen this happened over and over again.

Get the piece of land, secure it, then save for the future.

You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

Never you tell him not to give them or you will become a witch. This is the survival of the fittest and a battle of conscience.
You are on a very long road and if you can't keep up, then it's time for you to devise a means to get back at them.

Just pack your loads, go and stay with his siblings one after the other. If that's not possible, start calling them for assistance: for house rents today, feeding tomorrow and school fees next tomorrow. Take the fight back to them. Start with pathetic cries and excuses of hardships if you must. Emphasize on how broke he is and how he borrow to keep everything together. Feign ignorance of him giving them shi-shi. Ensure you commence this ordeal with the most vocal of them and then progress to the ones that begged and milked him dry the most.

Make sure you are very vocal about it. Whenever you received the 2k for the one week feeding, call one of them in your husband's presence and beg for more to make up. Milk them as dry as possible.

Cunny man die, cunny man bury am.

You kept quiet for too long instead of shitting back on them hard and fast, now you are having impacted feacal matter high up your rectum. You need a quick action ma'am.

mrblessed:
You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

See the suckers and the dry cleaners you are talking about ma'am.
They see no wrong in depending and milking their siblings dry at the detriment of their families.

mrblessed:
You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

LMAO, so because I told him to give less to his siblings and build up himself that's means I have been trying to create wedge between him and his family ?
As for my saving whether it is imaginary or not, it is none of your business.
You are no different from his siblings, it is your type that would suck his rich family member dry and see his wife as an enemy that has come to drive wedge between you.

....

Well let me tell you the simple and only truth . You have to gear up and forget what people would say. Of you not being loyal to your husband . Because it is you that would bear the bitter pill when chips eventually fall. We don't pray for a setback for your husband.but in the event of any , all his siblings he used to render help to , they would all disappear and find their way. If by providence you go to them for assistance, you would understand the other side of life. Self they of course have nothing to offeri in the first place. Your issue is not the first of sibling. milking their broda dry.I now understood why my mum set a boundary for assistance for my fathers people. When he died even those he assisted we never saw them.It is what my father left behind that we based on . As our culture doesn't tolerate fathers people involving themselves on their brothers property.Your husbands siblings would continue , just as your husband would feel it is his obligation to assist even his married sisters.there is nothing you can do. What you can do is to save ur head as you have saved to buy a land . Buy it in ur name and develop your property and start in that format of your own thing .if he changes good for him if he doesn't continue amassing your own thing. If you build your my husband let us move to our house. If he doesn't want to move in , out of pride . Live your life to the fullest and continue to perform your Wifey duties to him and your kids.

Ma'am, the angle you are coming from will later turn to self persecution if not handled with care.

Land.. Let him know you have saved for a piece of land. Don't dictate any location but coerce him towards your desired location. As a man, he should be ashamed and have a second thought. That alone will swell his ego, he would want to make sure you don't have dime in building of the housemBuying that land in the family's name should make him think twice when spending except if he doesn't have a thinking cap. You guys should buy the land, if his thoughts or discussions does not change towards having your own abode, it's time for you to start planning 5times ahead.

Spending on Siblings- With matured comments here, I believe you would have seen the best that appeals to your husband. Believe me, you can't change a man. All you need do is to put family bills on him. Feign being broke or down, use all your woman power to start hustling for the home. Use his most loved child to milk him. Do everything that everyday it would be bills on bills. If he has so much in his hands and thoughts about the kids, gradually he would change. Not totally but to some extent.

The question that needs to be answered is, when such men die leaving behind school going children, do the siblings he had helped while alive step in to see to the welfare of their late brother's children?

Ohizman73:
Well let me tell you the simple and only truth . You have to gear up and forget what people would say. Of you not being loyal to your husband . Because it is you that would bear the bitter pill when chips eventually fall. We don't pray for a setback for your husband.but in the event of any , all his siblings he used to render help to , they would all disappear and find their way. If by providence you go to them for assistance, you would understand the other side of life. Self they of course have nothing to offeri in the first place. Your issue is not the first of sibling. milking their broda dry.I now understood why my mum set a boundary for assistance for my fathers people. When he died even those he assisted we never saw them.It is what my father left behind that we based on . As our culture doesn't tolerate fathers people involving themselves on their brothers property.Your husbands siblings would continue , just as your husband would feel it is his obligation to assist even his married sisters.there is nothing you can do. What you can do is to save ur head as you have saved to buy a land . Buy it in ur name and develop your property and start in that format of your own thing .if he changes good for him if he doesn't continue amassing your own thing. If you build your my husband let us move to our house. If he doesn't want to move in , out of pride . Live your life to the fullest and continue to perform your Wifey duties to him and your kids.

In as much that I subscribe to your idea of taking charge, she should be careful in going too far. Acquiring a property in her name may spell doom if the husband gets to know. She shouldn't start what will finally disintegrate the family. Everything must the done with caution.

What about buying the land in the family's name and opening and account or piggyback with the children's name for future purpose. That would yield interest and as well be unknown to the husband. Even if he knows, the answer is already down. It's for our kids. He might ask, why didn't you involve me? Straight answer, you were spending too much on your family forgetting you had one to cater for.

OmoDavido:
You wey marry first born, what do you expect.

Just be a good wife and don't turn to your husband against his family members.

Like one of my uncle, that his igbo wife has turned against us. Him and his family are enjoying life in USA and touring everywhere in the world, to the extent of even sponsoring everything about his wife's junior sister and taking her along with them to the USA to chop life.

But we his brothers, no dey see shi shi.

Na wa o. This is what the OP was talking about, assuming your uncle was poor and not touring the USA would you care, so his wife is now the enemy ?
Why do Nigerians feel so entitled to someone's money ? Why can't you make your own money ? Why should your uncle give you shi-shi, did you hustle with him ? He can spend it anyhow he wants, IT IS HIS MONEY, NOT YOURS.

Pavore9:
The question that needs to be answered is, when such men die leaving behind school going children, do the siblings he had help while alive step in to see to the welfare of their late brother's children?

Rarely would you see them.

Walahi women dey suffer especially after the demise of their spouse.

When my dad died, my uncle collected the death certificate on spot. My mum was sent packing after 2years. Thank God, Dad already bought a piece of land for her. She borrowed money to develop the place for us to move. We slept on bear floor. Things got better and we all are not doing bad.

Now, my Uncle is dead. Death certificate can't be located and nothing can done to the money in banks. The house Dad left is now a primary school. We are the one cleaning and taking care of it. Till date, no family member from my Dad side has come visiting. Aunts and relatives are dead. What's left?

Men, please, let always put our wife's in the best position before our demise. Let them have a job and side hustle to enable cater for themselves and the kids. They are not meant to treated like slaves when we pass on. Our wife's should always be happy whenever we are no more. We shouldn't allow them regret getting married to us after millions of promises.

I love Mama. I love my Wife.

Biancah:
Na wa o. This is what the OP was talking about, assuming your uncle was poor and not touring the USA would you care, so his wife is now the enemy ?
Why do Nigerians feel so entitled to someone's money ? Why can't you make your own money ? Why should your uncle give you shi-shi, did you hustle with him ? He can spend it anyhow he wants, IT IS HIS MONEY, NOT YOURS.

ok

meetme01:

Men, please, let always put our wife's in the best position before our demise. Let them have a job and side hustle to enable cater for themselves and the kids. They are not meant to treated like slaves when we pass on. Our wife's should always be happy whenever we are no more. We shouldn't allow them regret getting married to us after millions of promises.

I love Mama. I love my Wife.

Let them? Why do we have to let them?

Isn't it basic that a wife should be earning enough to be able to cater for herself and her children, just in case her husband slumps and dies the next minute?

The real problem here is that too many Nigerian women want to depend on their husband's wealth, or rather they want to fall-back on it. They have no bigger ambition than this.
Thank goodness I was not brought up around women of this sort.

Some people are simply generous to a fault and I bet the OP's husband falls in this category. He's not the first of his kind, and as a matter of fact I have a personal experience with such but I'd rather not share here.

The success of men like him almost always depend on the kind of wife he has because it's only a woman who has no financial weight in the eyes of her husband that will have no influence over him when it comes to financial decisions. FACT.

A husband who knows that his wife is at a financial level close or equal to his, will not take her opinions lightly and will want to find a way to heed to her warnings - this is a simple truth most women still don't want to accept.

OmoDavido:
You wey marry first born, what do you expect.

Just be a good wife and don't turn to your husband against his family members.

Like one of my uncle, that his igbo wife has turned against us. Him and his family are enjoying life in USA and touring everywhere in the world, to the extent of even sponsoring everything about his wife's junior sister and taking her along with them to the USA to chop life.

But we his brothers, no dey see shi shi.

Perhaps you guys should use what your brother has already done to rid yourselves of the 'gimme' mentality and let him have peace.

Never will I marry a man that doesn't listen to me no matter his status,those type of men brings nothing but troubles to you and your kids.I think a woman should have little control over her husband and must be able to affect some of his decisions,all in all you and your kids should be his number one priority and never accept anything less.This woman here will be at the receiving end in the end,put him in a very tight corner and reset his brain.Mtcheww

meetme01:


Rarely would you see them.

Walahi women dey suffer especially after the demise of their spouse.

When my dad died, my uncle collected the death certificate on spot. My mum was sent packing after 2years. Thank God, Dad already bought a piece of land for her. She borrowed money to develop the place for us to move. We slept on bear floor. Things got better and we all are not doing bad.

Now, my Uncle is dead. Death certificate can't be located and nothing can done to the money in banks. The house Dad left is now a primary school. We are the one cleaning and taking care of it. Till date, no family member from my Dad side has come visiting. Aunts and relatives are dead. What's left?

Men, please, let always put our wife's in the best position before our demise. Let them have a job and side hustle to enable cater for themselves and the kids. They are not meant to treated like slaves when we pass on. Our wife's should always be happy whenever we are no more. We shouldn't allow them regret getting married to us after millions of promises.

I love Mama. I love my Wife.

It is not irredeemable, get a grounded lawyer to pursue it as your uncle dying and whereabout of the certificate unknown does not diminish the fact that you and your family have right to that money in the banks.

What you fail to understand is that the fact your husband keeps making enough money might be as a result of the Goodwill he has with his family..most times we don't understand what we don't know..do not try to make him stop helping his family but rather help him tone it down in order to save...that money might stop coming in the moment he stops helping his family.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keeps sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.
He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keeps asking him for money, he keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keeps crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him, his two junior brothers that always asks him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest, his married sisters are the worst if they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family. We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drop two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately. I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.
I am really pissed off and tired.
Sorry for the long post.