Anni3e:
LMAO, so because I told him to give less to his siblings and build up himself that's means I have been trying to create wedge between him and his family ?
As for my saving whether it is imaginary or not, it is none of your business.
You are no different from his siblings, it is your type that would suck his rich family member dry and see his wife as an enemy that has come to drive a wedge between you.

elektra:
Many Nigerian families abuse first borns. The first borns sef internalize the abuse and it becomes part of their identity.
Their self fulfillment now comes from seeing the younger siblings succeed. Sometimes to the detriment of their own progress.
Your husband clearly has no ambition of his own.

menix:
OP, the truth is that's how God created us, it's our default setting...


Thou, ain't married yet oo but I don over reach but the love for my brothers is what I don't get

Sometimes I feel like adopting my brothers kid nd train them sef..

Thou I don't joke with investments..

EVILFOREST:

WHY DO MARRIED LADIES always complain about their HUSBAND'S FAMILY all the time.
Meanwhile, when the LADY'S SIBLINGS visit, it's always bed of roses.
LADIES are always fond of this.
There is this HIDDEN WICKEDNESS towards the man's family immediately they get married. Why...?
U don't ever hear HUSBANDS talking about their WIFE'S siblings....
Many children trained by Nigerian Men are always
kids from the Lady's side.

The MAN dares not bring someone from his side.
What manner of BEHAVIOR is this.
Take your TIME and visit every Nigerian HOME.., you will see that most occupants of apartments are usually from the WOMAN'S SIDE....
yet you won't allow these MEN have peace of mind.
RUBBISH.

Yabaleft:


For where? There was a driver that used to work for me. While interviewing him, he told me his father was a surgeon. My jaw dropped. This guy no get waec.
I asked why he has no education . He said his father trained almost everyone in his village to the extent of sending children of villagers to school abroad. Unfortunately he died young and my driver was only 9 when the father passed.
No one helped them. He has 3 brothers, one is a welder, and the other spare parts seller.
Smh

bukatyne:


It is easy for you to say because you were not indoctrinated with 'helping' your siblings as the first born.

I have seen this play over and over again.

A number of them even married very very late to 'cater' for their siblings.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

hennylove:
My story is similar to yours. The truth is when you start assisting them financially they leave everything to you and concentrate on their family in my own case he is the last born but likes to break his neck for his family. Some times it's even my money that he sends to them while he is the only tenant among them. This year I decided to start investing and saving for myself. Let him do most of those things and assist only when you can. Do you know that it got to a point that he doesn't know our children's school fees. I just had to withdraw and let him do his thing.

ProfAmaben:
Let him give them money to learn a trade or something, does he want you and his kids to suffer? Why are some men so unreasonable? I am married with a boy, so many Cash request on my phone and I ignore some and treat only the important ones

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Anni3e:
...

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.
.

Anni3e:
I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

yettymuse:
you’re the reason for your own predicament. Allow a man be a man! Stop paying and supporting with your finances! After you born two children, you still dey use your money keep up the Mrs title! You can’t carry this on for long o. Which day you sef wan invest in yourself?
Withdraw your financial support and use your woman power!

kunkelhanspeter:
If you want to buy land please don’t put his name on the deed if you want please put Mr and Mrs XYZ
My cousin just lost land and property she bought with her money to her ex husband just bcoz she put only the man name .

Prenonjebose:

I find it surprising hearing some people doubt the possibility of a man taking care of his siblings at the expense of his immediate family. Can you imagine how the surgeon's son would be feeling now about his father

ihutuluv:
This is the exact same issue I am currently facing. I really regret this marriage. Mine is so bad that they even share his clothes. How can you a married man, you youngest brother every little thing one excuse or the other can I use this cloth?
I feel more terrible because this young man has laboured for over ten years earning well with nothing attached to his name but training children that his parents gave birth to and can not raise. I am always scared because anything happens to him I also don't have savings because I have used everything to take care of the house while he is busy taking care of siblings.

NoToPile:


Most of the times no they don't
The 'Uncles' swoop in to even claim their brothers assets leaving the woman penniless/ homeless if she hasn't made some investments.

Anni3e:
I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.