merieam16:
U too suck him dry nd save the money. simple!. He actually knows u'll fend 4 d family if he does'nt provide anythin.

Just b wise sha

you ain,t getting the story.The man does not fend for his immediate family,he concentrates on his sibblings,so,how wounjd the wife get money from him,whe she's the one fending for the home.

I don't like clogs in the wheel of development. for the sake of those kids your husband doesn't care about their future, but your land and start developing now or later. I hate nonsense.

merieam16:
U too suck him dry nd save the money. simple!. He actually knows u'll fend 4 d family if he does'nt provide anythin.

Just b wise sha

its obvious u aren't married not with diz kind of sour mentality. Its why marriages dont last any more.Majority of u wont think of how to solve problems wisely. Advising ur fellow woman to suck her husband dry. Wen u marry den u do d same

May God bless you and increase your wisdom. In fact, for the first time I see very mature and objective woman here.
[q1uote author=bukatyne post=89699757]Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.[/quote]

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Fine girl, fine brain.

Thank you

ModestGal:

I don't know we still have reasonable people like this. Thanks.
These women will continue to marry fools and enslave themselves in the name of wifey. Someone who doesn't care for his kids but love his family more, you are still asking if you should include his name?
No, she should kuku include the husband's sister as the owner of property

Include children not husband name.. don't misquoted my message

Pray God can change the situation...

Lol ok o��

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

It is not natural...


Pray for your hubby...


I had personal experience...


My dad was very rich in the 80s


His brothers would always come to lagos from the village to money, they won't allow him rest for once. I was young then, they didn't allow him buy a single plot of land in lagos.


As at 80s daddy would fly to work for Shagari cos he deals with internal deco (rug laying)


There is this particular brother of his that would come to lag at least once a month to collect money. The same man was building his house in the village.


My dad later died without achieving any tangible thing, except the land he bought in the village which his sisters later said he's not the owner, that their mum own it. Well, I don't even reckon with the land.



When he died in 2011, I was doing IT then. This particular brother of his, who was like pest promised to help me finish my HND when I return. Thank God I didn't believe him, cos I saved some cash during IT. When I went to him 2011 that I have been given admission for HND , and that I would need 45k for all, that I have gotten 30k, he narrated all stories that his son too just gained admission bla bla bla.... He only gave me 1100 ( 11 pieces of #100 notes)


I struggled with the help of my mum who was doing menial jobs, and I was help ladies and guys to fix electrical appliances then



Fast forward to now, one of my mum customers(those she plait hair for) helped me get state govt job.

This same man started calling that he remain my dad, that I should send money for drugs, that his sons has tried, that do I remember that he's like a twin to my dad bla bla bla.... I vowed that my koro will not get to him.



So ma, pray for your hubby. If it will take dry fasting, pls do


Shalom

Yabaleft:


It's really sad. I did not ask how he felt about his father but I know he sends the greater part of his salary to his wife and mother in Benin.

So unfortunate. My wife used to attend to the need of her siblings at every point in time. I was surprised the day she said cannot continue again. Reason being that she learned that some of them were wondering why she doesn't have solid Investment. Now, she chooses when to and when not to

Maam allow your husband be! Givers never lack. Btw, it is typical of you women to grow jealous of us helping our family. Will you have complained if he was being so generous to your own family members? If you will not, then you have no moral high ground to do so now. His family is crucial to him. While he can change u as his wife, he can never change his papa and mama or siblings. If this ur husband were to die, you'll marry another man while his family will mourn him for eternity. Receive wisdom ma.

Maam allow your husband be! Givers never lack. Btw, it is typical of you women to grow jealous of us helping our family. Will you have complained if he was being so generous to your own family members? If you will not, then you have no moral high ground to do so now. His family is crucial to him. While he can change u as his wife, he can never change his papa and mama or siblings. If this ur husband were to die, you'll marry another man while his family will mourn him for eternity. Receive wisdom ma..

I really wish to comment but i don't have enough wisdom to tackle the situation

Opus85:
Madam i don't like to talk when it comes to people's marriages but this your situation will definitely end in tears in the nearest future.
If anything happens to your husband and he can't support his siblings again you people are in for it. Those siblings have houses to their name while your husband has none.
This almost happened to us until my dad listened to my mum. Those his siblings will never help out when he is down with their life of dependence on him, they are just leeching off him.
Your husband should focus on his nuclear family and pave way for bright future for his children.

As a first son he has tried his best. Imagine two of the younger ones have house of their own while your husband that supports them live in a rented apartment.

Please keep talking to him oh till he listens to you before it becomes late.

Miarose:
Be the Abigail or Esther of your family. Some times, these men need someone to save them from themselves.

U n dat bukatyne lady are advising her to use calm 2 address diz issue she is listening to comments from pple dat bitterness has clouded dier heart n sense of reasoning. Imagine sumbdy advicing her 2 suck her husband dry.....I cant remember dix story exactly sha bt dere was a man david wanted 2 kill in d bible but d mans wife after hearing from her servants dat her husband insulted David went ahead n met david on d way n pleaded for her husband. It saved his life. Wat if d wife had fled wit her belongings before david gets to her husband? Her husband would hav bin killed n her life probably safe bt she knew better. Wisdom is important in solving problems. Thank you for not judging diz issue wit sentiments coz its d norms wit ladies on diz forum. Ur conscience is clear u gave her a good advice. Its now left 2 her to do wat she wants

Op
buy the land or any investment in your children names
not in your name or his name but in your kids names , at least him nor go fit vex sef
then reduce ur good samaritan work for house , leave unpaid bills waiting for him to attend to but feed yourself and the kids well
always show him good investment and start demanding more from him and channel it to the kids too

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Let him know about the project and encourage him to support.

If he doesnt, dont include his name or else, his family will come for that property in the near future.

You have been warned o, think about your children's future.

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

#STARGREEN

I guess education is good to equip your knowledge or an option...if you read through she's specifically mentions her husbands weakness. What is she lamenting there... someone seeking an option...you jumped in conclusion that she's lamenting cos she said she bought a land


All this imbeciles jumping to react on FP

Anni3e:
It is what I plan on doing, I am setting aside funds for my kids I would tell him, I hate keeping secrets. At least he won't say I did not inform him.

Insanity

Roozzaay:
I would gladly marry devil's cousin if possible than these evil called ladies. God will judge you, i can bet my balls no iota of truth in what you're saying, you're just bitter that you ain't successful in attempts to turn the poor man against his family....

The bold is 100% correct!
From the title, I already knew what the thread was all about. Women are very funny, they forget a man has a root, before u met that man in a good state that made u love him, people moulded him. What they want is, once they come into a man's life, he should forget his root.
How will a man spend for his siblings & neglect his own kids? That's a lie! Op is just sad the man still care for his people, I am very sure there is nothing op would ask of him, that he wouldn't do. But seeing him care for his people, just make her sad. It's not peculiar to op alone, but all woman.

clemmonce:
I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post. Dont do this ooo, it will destroy own home. I tell you. Look for other means to handle the situation not this one. If you do that how will you explain it. Make sure you tell him about it as well.... My little advice though.

A lady told her husband, the man told her to bring the money and he will add to it.

The man used the money to buy a family car in his own name.

Four years later, I assisted the same woman to buy a land without informing the husband. The woman's children names were included in the title documents. The woman built her house without informing the husband, until he was retired.

That is the house the man, his wife and the children are currently living at Sango Otta. The man tried using his severance package to build a house, but the amount could not complete the project

Liverpoolfc:
I hate this type of write up. Do you know where they were coming from? Do you know how far they have gone? You are complaining about first son of a family, if he do not take care of them, who will? My wife will not even dare tell me such a thing that my siblings are milking me dry, let them do.

Learn from the experiences of others, read slowly and learn from what the op is saying, if u keep helping others to ur own detriment, u wld have urself to blame in yrs to come.

sigiyaya:

I am not married but i suffer the same problem as your husband. I am the first child in my family and i spend almost all i earn on my family. My father died when a was young and i see myself as the father of the family and this affects my relationship with my girlfriend whom i am sure i would marry soon.

Start now to draw the line o. The best thing to do is sponsor them to acquire a skill that will bring them a steady stream of income. As you do, tell each person that you have settled them for life, they shouldn't bug you with financial problems again. Please ensure to do this before you get married else it will be war between them and your wife as they will believe she is the one that influenced you to change towards them.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

sister I understand the way you feel, take it easy with him

[Hi dear,i had to reactive my account here because I said I must respond to your post,pls am not trying to break ur home or anything....am a married guy...and sincerely to tell u the truth any married man who doesn't know how to balance the equation btw his immediate family and his extended family has a serious issue.
Nice one uve been able to secure a land,and if uve got or can raise more cash...I'll advise u start a building of ur own no matter how small...to secure the fit of u and your kids.
We pray God opens his eyes to c what is happening around him and we pray it's not to late by den....just keep praying and take care of kids.....God is with u.

Peace Out....


quote author=Anni3e post=89699273]Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.[/quote]

If u want to plan for a year
Plant rice
For ten years
Plant trees
For hundred years
Plant people but never family
Invest in outsiders for they will remember you more than family.




I learnt this from the life of my father
Once a wealthy man who spent on his brothers and sisters
Married for them
Started businesses for them
Even built house for some

But in time of need they forsake him
Now my old man is living in regrets

opebiboy:
You are the problem for refusing to stand your ground and drive those blood suckers away

They are not blood suckers, but his people.
When Joseph became king, the first thing he did was to unite with his people, despite what they did to him. Only a f00lish man will easily forget his root!

Let him spend is money how ever he want to and pls you do same,after all he work for his money so even if he want to Troy it inside the toilet it’s is business,keep saving yours and investing it time will tell I just hope the people he’s having their back has his too when the time comes ,my 2 cent

Your husband may end up a poor old man who sponsor his siblings children to school and still staying in a rented apartment. While the siblings will end up with successful children catering for them in their old age. We have seen several cases like that. No one can save the world.

michoim:

On a moderate note, no family should be label as leeches and parasite because they brought him up in the first place before you now see him as husband material to marry .
Though the picture being painted of this man in question is bad...his own is excessive. He must begin to work for his immediate family as well as and take good care of them.

God bless u for the bold.
Many women don't know this.
Many have no idea the sacrifice some of these people made that made her husband to be alive today. All they want is, once they come into a man's life, everybody becomes history... Op it doesn't work that way. No sane man will forget his root!

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

In you think you have said something wise or meaningful?