₦airaland Forum

Exc2000:
Mindset and Proper Communication is the key to a successful relationship, not money and ambition

Lets say you read what you wrote from a neutral point or you reverse the case and put yourself in his shoes then you would understand the cause of friction

*you started off by saying this ; "This my guy is not serious at all".. Flipping it, lets assume your boyfriend also hold the thought of you in a negative way: "This my girl is too greedy and loves money too much."

*I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.... --- You sound manipulative without even knowing it, you believe change is the only permanent thing and you are soft with people because you think you can change them... how would you feel if instead of accepting you your boyfriends constantly tries to change you? what if you being an introvert isn't cool with him and he starts forcing you to parties, lecturing you on how going out boost career prospects? you clearly don't accept him for who he is so leave him, break up and look for who fits your ideal man

*I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams--- You claim to be ambitious but the real question is are you successful ? perhaps the main reason he isn't buying your ambitious story is because with all your big plans and big dreams, big business fancy talks you haven't shown your self as a success in his eyes, and he feels if with all your masters talk and business talk you haven't helped your own self why should he abandon the career path that pays him 90k to follow your own dream that pays you next to nothing? Maybe he is a realist and not a dreamer and wouldn't take stupid uncalculated risk in the name of dream

*Masters degree isn't a means to earn more money as many believe or boost your certificate, in real world masters just sharpen your skills, before you force masters on him again, try and select an MSC coarse for him, check out all the courses module he would take for the 2 years and tell your self in all honesty which of this courses would make him better and worth his while for loosing 90k job?



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1. Loving prospect is different from loving money. I love success not money.
2. I'm not forcing him on anything, hes the one that always say how he hates the country and want to leave. Mine is that he should work on it because each time he says he hates the country, it hurts me so bad because hes not doing anything to actually achieve that

3. I'm not trying to change him, I'm only trying to make him walk in the path he says he likes. I'm a realist as well, there's no where he would see 2m to start a business. Hes the one that says he can't work under anyone all the time, so if you know you hate working under people, then you build independence gradually while working

4. Hes the one that complain hes tired of his living, hes the first son, and have many responsibilities. Should I just watch him continue to complain and rants? Won't I be the one to suffer it because he would choose to spend for his family than our children and me. I will also choose my mum over anyone, so I understand him choosing his family. The only way out is for him to have enough that he would be able to spend for his family and myself with his children.

If I should take to you now, I should continue to watch him complain and not do anything about it. The worst is that he hates deep discussion or to start talking on important things. I'm even tired, I won't lie to you.
I know what I want, and I know it's not someone who doesn't strive for his relationship

Acmepreneur:
I'm a witch? Lol
Money is very important to me and to everyone. My siblings and I suffered due to poverty and we shouldn't be where we are today if not for poverty. My siblings won lots of things at junior level that was snatched away from us at our very own eyes. I don't want that for my children, I pray they are intelligent though

go and make money for him na

jasent:
You are a blessing to him and I hope he realize it before it becomes late.How I wish I had a girl like you years back..

who knows whether she would have led you to your grave by now

Acmepreneur, what do you do for a living ?

Yes, your boyfriend earns N90,000 and it is too small, but how much do you earn at the end of the month ?

Or did you forget that aspect ?

funmisticqueen2:
Aunty, yoy see the handwriting on the wall, BREAKUP, DUST YOUR SANDALS AND RUN!!

People like your boyfriend are why i bash men on nairaland, so that they don't end up like him.


Your boyfriend will only drag you down with him into mediocrity, he will most likely want to use pregnancy to trap you.

Meet someone who is going in tye same direction as you are, who can match you in terms of ambition.


Would like to hear his own side of the story too though.

Hmmn
I think I will just look for a fine guy to give birth for. And take it that men are useless, and thus there won't be any fight. My beautiful children would be my happiness. I can't date any guy again and be witnessing rubbish. I don't have heart to argue or anything.
If I go into labour, then I'm doing that to give birth to a beautiful baby,so that it worth is very well.

RonaldoVido:
Acmepreneur, what do you do for a living ?

Yes, your boyfriend earns N90,000 and it is too small, but how much do you earn at the end of the month ?

Or did you forget that aspect ?

I don't earn anything substantial for now. I don't work. But I do teach online and earn little PayPal through my online skills, and I am building some business underneath which I plan to launch. I'm also applying for scholarships for my PhD, applying for jobs, and processing Canada

Acmepreneur:
I'm proud of him, I just want him to be respected. Money and position is respect. I'm a realist, people are not angels, thats what they respect.
I don't visit his parent because I was no where, now I can because I'm better.
Since I discovered how humans are physical, I don't trust anyone with some things again. I live with people physically, if I'm your friend, I know that being nice to you and making you a parasite is the only thing that can sustain the friendship and thus, I keep it like that.
If I want to visit people, I look my best because people are attracted to beauty and money.
I'm going to visit lecturers, I buy gift, thats because that is what would make them think you are a responsible person.
Myself for instance, don't care about materials or physical, I'm a very deep person, that really put me in a mess, and since I got that logic, I'm physical with people.
Coming to your inlaw house with no money, no matter how Godly they are, they will fill somehow. I can't type again, I hope you understand sha

I can clearly see that your problem has to with your ideological posture: realist or realism. But realism without a good dosage of idealism will create a distorted view of reality, or human personality. I am not impressed with your concept of interpersonal relationship. It is staid, stilted, and casts humans as overly mean and calculating.

What I find jarring is that your realistic ideas have been seemingly unhelpful to you in analysing or determining the outlook of your relationship. Or is it that you have figured out your future already with a man at stand-by, hence your "I must marry next year " dictum.

Lostz:
who knows whether she would have led you to your grave by now

Inside life.No one knows shall.

Acmepreneur:
I'm proud of him, I just want him to be respected. Money and position is respect. I'm a realist, people are not angels, thats what they respect.
I don't visit his parent because I was no where, now I can because I'm better.
Since I discovered how humans are physical, I don't trust anyone with some things again. I live with people physically, if I'm your friend, I know that being nice to you and making you a parasite is the only thing that can sustain the friendship and thus, I keep it like that.
If I want to visit people, I look my best because people are attracted to beauty and money.
I'm going to visit lecturers, I buy gift, thats because that is what would make them think you are a responsible person.
Myself for instance, don't care about materials or physical, I'm a very deep person, that really put me in a mess, and since I got that logic, I'm physical with people.
Coming to your inlaw house with no money, no matter how Godly they are, they will fill somehow. I can't type again, I hope you understand sha

I can see you love your man which is nice and I also love the fact that you're ambitious and want your man to be respected because you are right. Money and status is respect.

You're also understanding and it would be good for your relationship if you can also see it from his perspective.

By simply meeting him where he's at.

For starters, stop complaining and nagging. What you're doing is actually nagging even though you haven't realised.

If he loves you then you guys can work it out. You're the kind of woman guys pray for(without the nagging aspect sha)


Get back with him and ask him which businesses he would like to try.

Dont force your opinion. Rather suggest to him.

Give him broad options like would he like an offline or online business?

You should know his strengths so suggest some businesses for him he would like to try out.

You can also ask him questions. Use his dad issue plus corona virus to show him how uncertain life can be and encourage him to get better options.

Dont tell him he's not trying hard or doing enough. Tell him he has the capacity to do more.

Also start small with him. You're trying to change a habit not a car tyre so be patient with him and be there for him.

Set a deadline of 3-4 months to see if he starts changing a bit.

Bottomline: Just be supportive , understanding and try to meet him where he's at.

jasent:
Inside life.No one knows shall.

always be grateful wherever you are.
many women have led men to their grave by pushing them to make more money.
money is never enough for a lover of money

You are the one that tied him or your relationship will not work out.
Just go your way, he will realise all what you told him and before you know, things will turn around. Until you leave him he will not change and u will be frustrate.

Lostz:
always be grateful wherever you are.

many women have led men to their grave by pushing them to make more money.

money is never enough for a lover of money

All fact..

Even though I've advised acmepreneur on the best approach to her relationship,

I'm SERIOSLY disappointed in her bf. Your woman is striving you to be great and you have zero plans to becoming a better person.


Men that are not hardworking disgust me. He has siblings and as a first son, he is relaxed.

Let's not pretend like she's the only one at fault.

Even the guy has MESSED UP BIG TIME.

Anyways acmepreneur just do as I have told you. Just meet him where he's at and support him a bit more.

Encourage him to start new productive habits small small.


Lalasticlala abeg come, I'm angry

Acmepreneur:
I don't earn anything substantial for now. I don't work. But I do teach online and earn little PayPal through my online skills, and I am building some business underneath which I plan to launch. I'm also applying for scholarships for my PhD, applying for jobs, and processing Canada

Let me tell you the truth, the best way to push others to do better, is by doing better yourself.

You are simply nagging your boyfriend.

Starting a business in Nigeria today is not even easy like it was 10 years ago. You and him should pray and ask God for directions. Since you say he is very honest, two of you should start something together.

Acmepreneur:
1. Loving prospect is different from loving money. I love success not money.
2. I'm not forcing him on anything, hes the one that always say how he hates the country and want to leave. Mine is that he should work on it because each time he says he hates the country, it hurts me so bad because hes not doing anything to actually achieve that

3. I'm not trying to change him, I'm only trying to make him walk in the path he says he likes. I'm a realist as well, there's no where he would see 2m to start a business. Hes the one that says he can't work under anyone all the time, so if you know you hate working under people, then you build independence gradually while working

4. Hes the one that complain hes tired of his living, hes the first son, and have many responsibilities. Should I just watch him continue to complain and rants? Won't I be the one to suffer it because he would choose to spend for his family than our children and me. I will also choose my mum over anyone, so I understand him choosing his family. The only way out is for him to have enough that he would be able to spend for his family and myself with his children.

If I should take to you now, I should continue to watch him complain and not do anything about it. The worst is that he hates deep discussion or to start talking on important things. I'm even tired, I won't lie to you.
I know what I want, and I know it's not someone who doesn't strive for his relationship

1. Loving prospect is different from loving money. I love success not money.... Nobody has the right to Judge you for loving what you love, you said it clearly what you love is "success" and I bet you don't see your boyfriend as successful, trying to make him fit to your notion of success would cause a lot of frustration, so you either forget about him now without investing much of your time, or accept him fully and use your energy to develop your own self, Folorunsho Alakija is a billionaire in Dollars married to a thousandnaire yet they fully accept each other

2. . I'm not trying to change him, I'm only trying to make him walk in the path he says he likes... you like to own a big business and be among fortune 500 big brands competing with Microsoft and Cocacola that's your own dream, your own path and nobody should I'm only trying to make him walk in the path he says he likes make you walk any path or pressurize you.. how ever as a supporting loving wife, you can help him break his dream down to realistic objectives, Action plan, and business plan. all this done with tender and love... he wants to travel or own a businessand need 2million, then you need to start proposing the idea of him saving part of his income to pursue this dream, you have to help him understand financial recklessness would keep his dream unachievable and mostly you have to be his cheerleader when he does something positive shower him praise to encourage him to do more, introduce him to passive investment he can commit his savings to or Just save your self the stress of building your own man and get yourself an already made guy

My final advise is learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship, because marriage is an empty box, whatever you bring into it is what you would live the rest of your life with

the five "C"s of effective comuinication is clarity, consistency, creativity, content, and connections... what ever you say to him make it very clear its all for his sake and don't sound nagging explain in a calm manner when you guys don't have any argument or pressure, keep the advise short simple and consistent, think of ways to solve his problem creatively and don't just always remind him he has financial problem

or Break up with him... and personally I believe Zodiac sign and compatibility of you two is important to check your life goals and direction of your stars if compatible or just a waste of time

Couples should evaluate their relationship using SWOT analysis used by busuness men... SWOT means Strenght Weakness Oppurtunity and Threat if you seat your own ass down and tell your self the truth, what Strenght are you offering the relationship (financial, moral, management etc) is he the only one offering finance, do you give him the moral support, if you guys venture into business can you help manage it while he focus on his 9-5 job, what are his weaknes(lack of ambition and business drive, what are your own weakness(Nagging endlessly, contributing nothing financially but wanting more from him) and lastly what are the threat in your relationship causing fight from him to you he isn't successful, he has no business drive, and from you to him(you have never contributed one naire fifty kobo to his 2 million naira startup capital but only nag him everytime you can)


.

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

You are a very wise man

benzene00:
mumu

I'm sure you didn't read anything up there

Baba, you just said my mind. God bless the hand that typed this.

mrblessed:
I can clearly see that your problem has to with your ideological posture: realist or realism. But realism without a good dosage of idealism will create a distorted view of reality, or human personality. I am not impressed with your concept of interpersonal relationship. It is staid, stilted, and casts humans as overly mean and calculating.

What I find jarring is that your realistic ideas have been seemingly unhelpful to you in analysing or determining the outlook of your relationship. Or is it that you have figured out your future already with a man at stand-by, hence your "I must marry next year " dictum.

Humans are only attracted to material things. Only few percentage are different.
I see why people like me, its because of my looks and achievement or my intelligence, I hate that so much. I have noticed that severally, for instance,there was a time I told someone my mum was in the US, and he saw me, I was not looking good, with a very bad cloths, looking lean etc at the bank. I went to do my post graduate test at university of Ilorin, I took just one cloth, so that day, I lost my ATM, I quickly ran to the bank looking like a tattered person sha. (I'm bad at dressing, I don't care at all how I look)
So I met this person at the Bank, and stupid me, I greeted him with smile and everything, after sometimes, I noticed he stopped chatting with me, then later said I'm a lier, I told him my mum was in US, bla bla bla. Which means hes a friend and trying to be nice because he thought my mother was in US,and that day he felt disappointed.
I also have a friend that was extremely close because my mum was in the US, and after NYSC, she distanced herself.
These are people that I told them because I was explaining something else, not because I wanted to tell them my mum was in the US. It was my NYSC year my mum travelled there and it made me to suffer well well. So maybe sometimes, I can just say mistakenly that my mum called now that shes just getting to Texas and continue the discussion, I never knew they stored that part where I said my mum was in Texas.

Then another thing is that whenever I dress well, people in banks etc, would start asking me stupid questions if I were a senators child etc and start giving me special treatment.
I have also had people walk up to me because they think I'm from a rich family.
There's this friend of mine always asking when I'm leaving the country, the guy is rich and extremely intelligent, hes a doc. Hes always trying to push himself on me because he thinks I'm from a well to do family.
Sometimes, where they sell food, they would give me more than I bought, treat me with smile etc.
When I have discussion with people, they get so hooked, liked me and force friendship. These are people I would love to be friends with, but because material things is their attraction is a turn off for me.
Even one of my professors while I was doing Masters became close to me when he heard that I was the best student of my set during undergraduate, he started calling me in his office and became more friendly.

But when I'm not looking good, not speaking in public, I often get the worse treatment on Earth. But once I start talking intelligently, you will see them flocking around me.

even my parents, when I dress well and look good, I notice the difference in the way they treat me.Or If I have just won an award or bring my result home. And my boyfriend too, he will start loving me more when I look my best and sometimes when I'm over stressed, and fat, I notice the difference.

People will always be people, and I'm a realist,

I've just one question for you as I don't have time to read through all the comments: why did you go into the relationship in the first place? All these ambitions could've been known during a date. It's so unfortunate most women go into dating and stay for years thinking of building a future together with a man then get dumped and start looking for a pastor-looking man to get married to in few months?
Know your priorities and criteria in a man and get them, present or future during a date and let your intentions be known. You needn't stay too long if the dude isn't forthcoming.

Op,this is similar to mine.my partner salary with his company was too poor that I cannot ask him money for anything.instead I told him to save the little he got.so he can start the business he said he could do.April salary alert came,to my surprise I saw balance of 3k plus d new salary for April.he said he use it for this and that.What happened to all d months u av bn saving.business he didn’t do.i ended the relationship just two weeks ago but the effect on me....sick,lonely.and all that because I love him so much but I chose to let him go even the sister said he is just not serious that I would av help change him.
Pls op ur partner pay is not that bad but encourage him so he can opt for the best.if u can’t cope don’t break up.it might affect u .

Enskynelson:
You two are far from being on the same page. It is like an Eagle dating a chicken - you want to fly and he seems satisfied on the ground. My advice is that, if you don't want to come down and live on ground like chicken, since he is not ready to fly, then you have to go your separate ways. Otherwise, your dreams and ambitions will die on the ground when you marry him.
Take solace that you have talked these to him many times and he refused to listen. I do have some friends like that. Pick a Federal job, my friend opted to go do M.Sc that the job will be waiting for her. Before she could finish the Masters, the opportunity was no more. She has since been regretting that decision. Sit him down and give him reasons you two cannot continue. Marriage is for a life time an these days, trust me, people are looking for those that will lift them after marriage.

The question is; has she flown higher to the extent d guy feels motivated to follow her? Everyone is different, she can only support on what he intends to achieve.

VictorBode:
Even though I've advised acmepreneur on the best approach to her relationship,

I'm SERIOSLY disappointed in her bf. Your woman is striving you to be great and you have zero plans to becoming a better person.


Men that are not hardworking disgust me. He has siblings and as a first son, he is relaxed.

Let's not pretend like she's the only one at fault.

Even the guy has MESSED UP BIG TIME.

Anyways acmepreneur just do as I have told you. Just meet him where he's at and support him a bit more.

Encourage him to start new productive habits small small.


Lalasticlala abeg come, I'm angry

My boyfriend is not lazy, hes very hard working, but not smart working. He's his company's manager. He rose to that level.
My problem is that hes at the peak in his company, which means he can't earn more than that 90k, he can't be promoted. He hates his pay and complain, but hes not doing anything to earn more. Yes, hes the first son, with much responsibilities, I want him to also be smart, he has been the manager for 2years now and he has been stagnant for that 2years.
His siblings and mum needs him, our children would need him. I'm trying hard to be successful as well, I'm working hard to archive greatness. Even though I'm broke as hell, I know where I am going, and working on something while applying for jobs. If I see any job today I can do it, but while also building my own life sideways

Gicmchrista1234:
Op,this is similar to mine.my partner salary with his company was too poor that I cannot ask him money for anything.instead I told him to save the little he got.so he can start the business he said he could do.April salary alert came,to my surprise I saw balance of 3k plus d new salary for April.he said he use it for this and that.What happened to all d months u av bn saving.business he didn’t do.i ended the relationship just two weeks ago but the effect on me....sick,lonely.and all that because I love him so much but I chose to let him go even the sister said he is just not serious that I would av help change him.
Pls op ur partner pay is not that bad but encourage him so he can opt for the best.if u can’t cope don’t break up.it might affect u .

this is why I say it's not good to date men with potential. Many of them are unserious. By their actions you will know them.


Breaking up with him is a good decision. Wear your high heels sisi. Better men areout there

Acmepreneur:
He knows I don't do such things, not even yeye friends with males. I can't even tell a lie that to him, he would know I'm just threatening.

Even better..

Changing drastically would surprised him and hurt him more..

Hurt him not completely while letting him know you still love him.

Acmepreneur:
My boyfriend is not lazy, hes very hard working, but not smart working. He's his company's manager. He rose to that level.
My problem is that hes at the peak in his company, which means he can't earn more than that 90k, he can't be promoted. He hates his pay and complain, but hes not doing anything to earn more. Yes, hes the first son, with much responsibilities, I want him to also be smart, he has been the manager for 2years now and he has been stagnant for that 2years.
His siblings and mum needs him, our children would need him. I'm trying hard to be successful as well, I'm working hard to archive greatness. Even though I'm broke as hell, I know where I am going, and working on something while applying for jobs. If I see any job today I can do it, but while also building my own life sideways

you can force a horse to the river but not to drink. Stop 'nagging' him and tell him to stop complaining to you because you are fed up of being his free therapist.

I would advise to focus on yourself for now. Actialise your dreams, by the time you have advanced beyond his level and better guus start toasting you, he will sit up.

But whatever you do, don't get pregnant or marry him unless he yields results.

if he is so much hell bent in travelling out to do his masters he should start first by googling the schools overseas.there are affordable schs in germany and czech republic that he could do his masters and even phd.also working now will be an advantage for him cos he will be able to safe for his incoming trip abroad.u dont just sit down and complain about naija and do nothing.he should start saving money now for his trip overseas and dats when getting a job is important.

theTransporter:
I don't know women like u still exists, I use this thread as a point of contact to ask God for a partner like you, not the one who will be asking money for wig and fingernails (which ladies are supposed to buy themselves) without caring for financial growth of both of you. God bless you sister.

As for the guy I think you should make up with him and sit him down and really point things out for him to see, just continue to try, encourage him to read books like think and grow rich by Napoleon Hills, Laws of success , Rich dad poor dad Etc.(I just hope he is the type that likes reading, especially this one he don't want masters degree) I believe he will change. But if he isn't changing then you have no option to manage him like that or find someone in the same sync, someone in the same cosmic frequency with you so that resonance will occur.
My little contribution thoo

the guy is lucky ooo.most ladies nowardays are not interested in your future.all they are interested in is give money to do my hair,give me money to buy shoes and stuff etc.the only time they nag is when u dont see money to give them.that a girl will nag cos u not moving forward in life shows she really loves u.her guy is lucky.

Acmepreneur:
Humans are only attracted to material things. Only few percentage are different.
I see why people like me, its because of my looks and achievement or my intelligence, I hate that so much. I have noticed that severally, for instance,there was a time I told someone my mum was in the US, and he saw me, I was not looking good, with a very bad cloths, looking lean etc at the bank. I went to do my post graduate test at university of Ilorin, I took just one cloth, so that day, I lost my ATM, I quickly ran to the bank looking like a tattered person sha. (I'm bad at dressing, I don't care at all how I look)
So I met this person at the Bank, and stupid me, I greeted him with smile and everything, after sometimes, I noticed he stopped chatting with me, then later said I'm a lier, I told him my mum was in US, bla bla bla. Which means hes a friend and trying to be nice because he thought my mother was in US,and that day he felt disappointed.
I also have a friend that was extremely close because my mum was in the US, and after NYSC, she distanced herself.
These are people that I told them because I was explaining something else, not because I wanted to tell them my mum was in the US. It was my NYSC year my mum travelled there and it made me to suffer well well. So maybe sometimes, I can just say mistakenly that my mum called now that shes just getting to Texas and continue the discussion, I never knew they stored that part where I said my mum was in Texas.

Then another thing is that whenever I dress well, people in banks etc, would start asking me stupid questions if I were a senators child etc and start giving me special treatment.
I have also had people walk up to me because they think I'm from a rich family.
There's this friend of mine always asking when I'm leaving the country, the guy is rich and extremely intelligent, hes a doc. Hes always trying to push himself on me because he thinks I'm from a well to do family.
Sometimes, where they sell food, they would give me more than I bought, treat me with smile etc.
When I have discussion with people, they get so hooked, liked me and force friendship. These are people I would love to be friends with, but because material things is their attraction is a turn off for me.
Even one of my professors while I was doing Masters became close to me when he heard that I was the best student of my set during undergraduate, he started calling me in his office and became more friendly.

But when I'm not looking good, not speaking in public, I often get the worse treatment on Earth. But once I start talking intelligently, you will see them flocking around me.

even my parents, when I dress well and look good, I notice the difference in the way they treat me.Or If I have just won an award or bring my result home. And my boyfriend too, he will start loving me more when I look my best and sometimes when I'm over stressed, and fat, I notice the difference.

People will always be people, and I'm a realist,

I find your interpersonal experience and relationship a bit surprising and confounding. It is clear that those people who approach you and demand you conform to certain standards must had have information about who you are. It is true that some people device a lens through which they view and treat others. Sometimes, this lens is tilted to what degree they would benefit from getting close and being friendly to you. However, it is incumbent on us to find an appropriate module when in their mix that does not distort reality. And this, to me, is the kernel of your challenge: You have to unlearn and relearn some of views about human personality traits, in other to properly relate and interact with people. If not, you are, sometimes, bound to misinterpret innocuous but highly sensitive words that people freely and carelessly utter. And when it comes to dating, at least from your experience, you are a neophyte. So, quicken the pace of your learning process and don't forget to be broadminded as well.

I am curious about your encounter with the professor, whom you felt disappointed on for judging you unfairly. There are two ways to be noticed by your teacher: either through your grade or through your contributions in class. However, some people find it difficult to communicate in class, even though they understood the topic of discussion very well. It is the duty of the teacher to seek out these people and encourage them to "kill" their freight, or communication deficiencues.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams,my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. Its a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also hes the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and thats because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship


7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

what do you do?

How much do you earn? Your boyfriend earns 90k, yours how much be specific.

Do you have a Masters degree?

Is your lifestyle equivalent to your income?

You love your boyfriend but you can't marry him,

Have you heard of a married man telling a young girl, I am married but it's you that I love. Your story is like that.

Everyone one is a CEO now having big dream, what is your networth.

My own is breakup then see if you will fancy the fantasies in your mind in another man you will date.

Answer those questions then I will deal with the problem

Sonfethopia:
He would have taken the fed. Job from the dad while finding a suitable one. Him nor know say lecturer job na d best. U have free time for even ur own business unlike bankers. And he can take blocking too like all of them do. In a year he go be like yahoo boy

is that one life? yes he can be a lecturer and while at it he can be able to safe a chunk of money from the salary and plan for his further studies overseas.that shows a man that is focused.

funmisticqueen2:
you can force a horse to the river but not to drink. Stop 'nagging' him and tell him to stop complaining to you because you are fed up of being his free therapist.

I would advise to focus on yourself for now. Actialise your dreams, by the time you have advanced beyond his level and better guus start toasting you, he will sit up.

But whatever you do, don't get pregnant or marry him unless he yields results.

Thanks ma, I'm working on my self. I just want us to grow together, so I don't leave him in wealth and he would start feeling insecure

lefulefu:
is that one life? yes he can be a lecturer and while at it he can be able to safe a chunk of money from the salary and plan for his further studies overseas.that shows a man that is focused.

Exactly my point