Excellent

Excellent7:


@OP
To be honest you are not on the same wavelength with him.
Your perspective is different because you are standing on different platforms.
I have learnt to pay more attention to what people say and more attention to what people do are willing to do.
I have had much experience on people that rail about their circumstances but not willing to "stretch out their hands" to be helped or venture outside their comfort zones
The red flags are showing now.
The guy is not likely to become the proactive guy you desire and might soon begin to resent you as too pushy.
While you are at it, make sure to "push" and improve yourself to be a "success" yourself.
If things are how you are saying it your best path may be to walk away.

Bae listen � alternatively why can’t you settle down with guy who honest,with you
Other girls out there are searching for a guy like him
Here you are despising the you have
I pray that senses will locate you any where you are AMEN �

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Your write up shows that you so much desire to see the progress of your man. However , your guy is not the man you are trying to make him to become. Don't force him to live another man's dream(that's your choice of man). This means both of you are incompatible, forget the fact that you love him. Love does not pay bills. Be ready to move on, don't be afraid that you won't see another man to love again. There are billions of men in the world, at least 1 million will meet your match. If your are not proud of your guy or can't present him to people, there is no love there. You guys are just incompatible because of your dreams. You can't force a lizard to become crocodile. His desires of becoming better is not a enough. The key word for desire is pursuit. If desire is not pursued , it becomes just a mere wish. Every man has a desire , possibly the lizard also got a desire to become like crocodile. But your last statement is want I don't like. I hate assumptions . Who gave you the statistics that 95% of men are dishonest? You mean you tried over 3.9 billions of males around the world to get your facts ? You or your friends might have had a bad experience with 2-10 guys , that's not enough for generalization. Even if 10 million guys have been proven to be dishonest, it is still not enough . 10 million is far small in where we have billions of men. Don't use your village experience to judge over 3.9 billion population of men.I don't want to start sharing my stories, let it not look like am bragging about sh*t
Sorry for the errors

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Na your type of woman I dey look for sef! Someone that has something to add to one's life.

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

Rightly said

person wen dey date u dey try.

which one are u doing
ii told him, i want him.

which one have u brought to the table.

ur yeye dey smell, go n marry ur fathers mate and let us hear word

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Please don't drive this young man nuts with your dreams! If it is that easy, show us exactly what you have done with your own big dreams.

Acmepreneur:

Yes, I must marry next year. I can't wait till I'm in my late twenties, I hate marrying at 26,27,28,29. I seriously hate it

u hate marrying in 26,27,28,29, have u married in those age before.

u simply a nag, he dey show from all ur response.

You are both the same, birds of the same feathers flock together., you are sitting there having audio big plans, imagining big plans and not even working towards it and him is not imagining any plans but just doing his things. And yet you are forcing someone to do things they don't have plans for, why can't you build your life first, since you always think of building a brand to compete with big brands. If you can't marry him leave him and stop being a pain in the throat.

Is either you work hard to get what you want or you forgot about him and find another. I was like you, got hitched to an unambitious man, wasting my time supporting my man to get to his feet. I wasted money I didn't have for him to do courses which he never completed. I did none for myself. My silly thought was he will get a better job,probably a side biz and I can resign my yeye job like other women in my company then and do masters. You don't make that kind of plan for a man,the man makes it with you. Finally he shut me out for disturbing him. He later lost his job and we both crashed. Now I have a lot of regrets for not taking opportunities to groom myself. Babe your man is a good man but may not give you a good life. That's his DNA. Some people are not just cut out to achieve greatness. If you want a good life with him,go all out and be successful. However greatness can be thrust upon him. Miracles exists.

Speechless.

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

You're one of the few brilliant persons I have noticed on here .. can we text bro ?

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

Anit no ship to steer. This is 2020 yoo.This babe is full of wisdom. This dude gone regret his life if he doesn't change and another good dude who got his sh*t together like him takes his girl!!!.Damn..The kind of woman every man should pray for.

there is nothing wrong in marrying anytime, its the stress of society, the way we are programmed, make it simple, he is not meeting an important criteria, then just move on, Life is simple.

Look my dear, from the comments here, you can see, that the compatibility between two of you is not sufficient, and could end badly due to buildup of resentment and frustration, why don't you put that energy to yourself while hopefully you may find someone, who is at least ambitious.

Sis just let him be I guess the pressure is too much and from your write up he's comfortable in his comfort zone allow him give him space for now

I for one likes my man doing well because if he's not it's gonna affect me.

I had a guy like that I will politely sit him down and advice him like I will advice a brother, I didn't see him as a bf I saw him as a brother, firstly his prayer life was zero I had to talk to him and also whenever am there I engage him in prayers now he can pray very well

Secondly concering his finances it was zero and he was earning well I had to talk to him politely again he started readjusting his spendings

He's the type that doesn't take risk so such people it takes patience to help them but if you can't it's better you walk away than trying to lord your opinion over them. Sometimes not that they are not trying to listen but it's just them that's where patience comes in.

Give him time and sometimes maybe your approach and the way you talk to him concerning an issue matters alot..

[quote author=AfroKnight post=89798650]

Like I said, there’s encouragement and there’s nagging. You don’t seem to know the difference. The way you wrote this story actually makes me believe the young man is better off without you in his life.[/quote

well said!!!

I think she should adopt a new strategy. it's good to have ambition but communicating such to a would be partner requires tact lest it be seen as nagging and elite anxiety

Acmepreneur:

Lol, I finished my masters 1year, 8months ago at age 22.
I have many skills that I have a business plan on. Currently, I'm planning to launch my business very soon but I have no money to do that. I'm planning my travelling to Canada, I'm applying for scholarships because I made a an excellent grade in both Msc & Bsc and was the best student in my class in both. I can start a business with my little skills, but that would be too low of me since I have siblings who are on my neck for me to travel out to Canada, just that the process is too slow. My life plan is set, which means once God answer my prayers, I would rise in a very high speed. I want to marry him before travelling so I would just process his own easily

Ehe..you are everything your boyfriend is- and worse, you are entitled.

You have the same masters, but without a job. You are pressuring him to do masters, nigga wants to make money.

At 24, you should be entry level executive or Program Officer or Technician.where u work. Why are you not all these, if life was so smooth? Alll these impressionable women who see life through rose tinted glasses.

You dont know where your mates who are 24yrs are? They are already on level 9 in federal civil.service.

She assumes that at 24,she is a small girl. Self delusion.

You have many skills and many business plans. Which of the many skills have you made a success of? Be calling business plan upandan like one big thing.

Wetin be business plan? Something wey akara women dey use tie kwese. Can you even understand a proforma balance sheet? She dey intimdate us with business plan since.

Your skills, haidresser, programmer, eye lash technician or make up artiste, which of them have earned you even a farthing? Be here poaturing that you have many skills when half your life is almost gone(since you are the one putting people under pressure na)

You plan to launch your business very soon. What every Tom, Dick.and Harry says. Eveeybody alwats plans to launch something. How are you different from any of these people?

Yoi dont have momey to launch..is that not your boyfriends complain too? That he doenst have money to start a business. Are you unserious too?

You want to go to canada. The dream of every lazy and defeated Nigerian. The preffered escape route.

You cant use your skill to start business because it is too low for you. Pride. Sidon there. In 10yrs, you will.still be here writing this epsitle.and going to shilloh looking for husband at 34.

Continue..we wish you luck

Interesting

jutino:
Sis just let him be I guess the pressure is too much and from your write up he's comfortable in his comfort zone allow him give him space for now

I for one likes my man doing well because if he's not it's gonna affect me.

I had a guy like that I will politely sit him down and advice him like I will advice a brother, I didn't see him as a bf I saw him as a brother, firstly his prayer life was zero I had to talk to him and also whenever am there I engage him in prayers now he can pray very well

Secondly concering his finances it was zero and he was earning well I had to talk to him politely again he started readjusting his spendings

He's the type that doesn't take risk so such people it takes patience to help them but if you can't it's better you walk away than trying to lord your opinion over them. Sometimes not that they are not trying to listen but it's just them that's where patience comes in.

Give him time and sometimes maybe your approach and the way you talk to him concerning an issue matters alot..

Godoverevery:
hmmn....too much pressure.
I hope you also doing your masters aswell.

Maybe you should channel all this you are telling him to yourself.
Is not cool Wen a lady is pushing her guy to work harder , complaining about him not earning enough while she is doing nothing herself..
if the 90k is too small what are u adding financially or u just want to be a leech.

No man likes a nagging woman.

Stop pointing him where the money at....why not go get the money yourself.

Gbam!


Ladies always feel giving advice is more than enough support to raise their shoulder up high, who no know what's good You want him to start his masters on NGN90,000 salary, do you think it's easy Do you know how much it will cost him to process his transcript alone You the special adviser why havent you started your own masters Why havent you launched your pussy sweetener business like Jaruma Empire and hammer like Linda Ikeji

Talk and advice are cheap, put them to action and see how hard it is to break even.....yen yen yen.....just break up with the guy and find your fellow advicer so you two can be advising yourselves with no financial backup.

I didn't read for once where the op mentioned giving her boyfriend money to add and startup a business and he refused or where she raised money for him to pickup a master degree form, it was only talk talk no financial support to ginger the guy.

All you ladies that are special adviser to your boyfriend's abeg quit that nonsense advice and support your boyfriend with real money, if you cannot do that, just STFU!!

Acmepreneur:

I'm proud of him, I just want him to be respected. Money and position is respect. I'm a realist, people are not angels, thats what they respect.
I don't visit his parent because I was no where, now I can because I'm better.
Since I discovered how humans are physical, I don't trust anyone with some things again. I live with people physically, if I'm your friend, I know that being nice to you and making you a parasite is the only thing that can sustain the friendship and thus, I keep it like that.
If I want to visit people, I look my best because people are attracted to beauty and money.
I'm going to visit lecturers, I buy gift, thats because that is what would make them think you are a responsible person.
Myself for instance, don't care about materials or physical, I'm a very deep person, that really put me in a mess, and since I got that logic, I'm physical with people.
Coming to your inlaw house with no money, no matter how Godly they are, they will fill somehow. I can't type again, I hope you understand sha

SMH... you my dear is the problem, the world does not revolve around your big dreams according to you, and your perceptions about life does not amount to reality

your type i pray never to encounter, your just a ticking time bomb with ur gigantic imaginary way of life

look at what you wrote up there, coming to your inlaws house without money will make them look at the person somehow, then the problem is you and your family

meanwhile this is a guy you said that have a car and a manager in a company, yet look at were you classifieds him, is your type that will leave a man if he ever gets broke

let me ask what if he is rich now as you expected and after marriage life happens and he goes back to square one, what will happen?? what will you do?? probably you will nag him from morning till night for a change and when nothing happens you will abandon him as a woman with big dreams

is it not someone that married a teacher that later owned a school, an office worker that later became an employer of labour?? but in your case you want the guy to be made before coming to your house honestly your obsession for money and big things is actually very dangerous and evil.

Inspirational speaker.... The vibe you give him is control. No man will accept that best still be his friend.

Sonfethopia:
He would have taken the fed. Job from the dad while finding a suitable one. Him nor know say lecturer job na d best. U have free time for even ur own business unlike bankers. And he can take blocking too like all of them do. In a year he go be like yahoo boy

Your thought is very shallow. The mentioned of Federal University implies a lectureship position. How could you come to such hasty conclusion when he has only First degree and the grade wasn't stated. There's no non teaching jobs in federal universities. I nearly spit but I won't.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Babe to be honest u are wasting ur time on that guy.. pls quote me if u me let's talk

There is that possibility also

Abdulyakeen:
Inspirational speaker.... The vibe you give him is control. No man will accept that best still be his friend.

Well you just have to give him some space because he's a good person from wat u wrote bt dnt pressure him let him be nd give him some time nd am sure he will change

Just make you life simple, if you two are not a team, then the door is close by.

Hmmmm.

Could be, but before this great stress that built up, were they ever a team

Austherm:
Well you just have to give him some space because he's a good person from wat u wrote bt dnt pressure him let him be nd give him some time nd am sure he will change

Acmepreneur:

I can do that for him, but I don't have. Hes the one that can do that

so you can’t even materialise all your wonderful ideas for yourself but you are pushing someone’s son to the wall cos he refused to take your ideas? Can you see you are just nagging ?

go and beg him and divorce him few minutes later u can't be the only one that will suffer heartbreak

Acmepreneur:

Humans are only attracted to material things. Only few percentage are different.
I see why people like me, its because of my looks and achievement or my intelligence, I hate that so much. I have noticed that severally, for instance,there was a time I told someone my mum was in the US, and he saw me, I was not looking good, with a very bad cloths, looking lean etc at the bank. I went to do my post graduate test at university of Ilorin, I took just one cloth, so that day, I lost my ATM, I quickly ran to the bank looking like a tattered person sha. (I'm bad at dressing, I don't care at all how I look)
So I met this person at the Bank, and stupid me, I greeted him with smile and everything, after sometimes, I noticed he stopped chatting with me, then later said I'm a lier, I told him my mum was in US, bla bla bla. Which means hes a friend and trying to be nice because he thought my mother was in US,and that day he felt disappointed.
I also have a friend that was extremely close because my mum was in the US, and after NYSC, she distanced herself.
These are people that I told them because I was explaining something else, not because I wanted to tell them my mum was in the US. It was my NYSC year my mum travelled there and it made me to suffer well well. So maybe sometimes, I can just say mistakenly that my mum called now that shes just getting to Texas and continue the discussion, I never knew they stored that part where I said my mum was in Texas.

Then another thing is that whenever I dress well, people in banks etc, would start asking me stupid questions if I were a senators child etc and start giving me special treatment.
I have also had people walk up to me because they think I'm from a rich family.
There's this friend of mine always asking when I'm leaving the country, the guy is rich and extremely intelligent, hes a doc. Hes always trying to push himself on me because he thinks I'm from a well to do family.
Sometimes, where they sell food, they would give me more than I bought, treat me with smile etc.
When I have discussion with people, they get so hooked, liked me and force friendship. These are people I would love to be friends with, but because material things is their attraction is a turn off for me.
Even one of my professors while I was doing Masters became close to me when he heard that I was the best student of my set during undergraduate, he started calling me in his office and became more friendly.

But when I'm not looking good, not speaking in public, I often get the worse treatment on Earth. But once I start talking intelligently, you will see them flocking around me.

even my parents, when I dress well and look good, I notice the difference in the way they treat me.Or If I have just won an award or bring my result home. And my boyfriend too, he will start loving me more when I look my best and sometimes when I'm over stressed, and fat, I notice the difference.

People will always be people, and I'm a realist,

Lol! So you expect people to like you unconditionally or what are you saying? If I see you looking tattered I won't even give you a second look UNLESS you need my help or assistance which I will gladly offer. It's very natural to see things in people that you appreciate which maybe a reason to get close to them. You are guilty of what you accused people of too. YES! Otherwise you would not be contemplating leaving your boyfriend because he does not seem to measure up anymore. That means you don't love him unconditionally. Whether he has Masters or not, whether he receives 90k or not, whether he is ambitious or not why don't you wanna stick with him for life!??