Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

I love you so much and I am going to tel you the truth. Love can sometimes overshadow right judgment.
I have a post here I'd recommend you and every unmarried lady should read.
Link-> https://www.knowseeker.com/2020/01/four-types-of-guys-you-must-avoid-for-dating.html?m=1

Remember, a breakup during dating is better than a failed marriage or regrets after you may have given birth to your children.

africandictator:
Allow your partner to see how successful you are business wise before shoving your opinions down his throat. You breaking up with him at this crucial point would be doing him a favour. Some people find fulfilment working for others. You should be glad he has a job that pays about $250 monthly. Love him for all his imperfections and stop trying to control him if you really love him. We have alakijas and other successful business women, you too can become one rather than pushing your partner to be successful at all costs for your own personal gains!

Did you read at all? see how you turned it to be against her.. she clearly stated her ambitions and that she's working towards it while the guy is doing nothing throwing every opinion out of the window, waiting for who will give him 2million. Here's a case of not him not making an effort and not her

If your aspiration in life is not in tandem with his, then you cant marry. You guys are just not compatible. Note that it takes two to tango

Acmepreneur:
Advice

In as much as you are trying to help him grow. Some people are just content with the little they have. People are born differently. Some people’s dreams are to own a good business, some to own conglomerates. Some are just to get a 8-5 job.


However, focus on yourself and create an empire for yourself , you do not need a man to do that.

leofab:
so you can’t even materialise all your wonderful ideas for yourself but you are pushing someone’s son to the wall cos he refused to take your ideas? Can you see you are just nagging ?

No mind her. Na childishness dey worry her . She thinks it's about being the best in her class.

AfroKnight:
Thank goodness you’ve broken up with him. Your wahala is too much. He will sort himself out.

You say you’re ambitious but all your ambition is on behalf of another person.

There’s encouragement and there’s nagging. Learn the difference.

Leave him alone.

You see.. When you meet gold diggers, naa unaa go come here complaining as if there's no tomorrow

Op, leave that guy alone and go your way. He is not your type as you can see that he just wants to be an average or below average guy.. People ll call you a NAG just like this one above.. Svar your strength and encouragement for another guy that is on the same page with you. Which your ex isnt as you can see. FASHI THAT GUY ,MOVE ON AND BUILD YOUR OWN SELF.. SOMEONE WORTH YOU LL VALUE YOUR EFFORTS MAKE FRUSTRATION NO SET IN..

What pained me most from your writeup was the FG job he missed. He go hear am now. What do you do for a living since you want to get married next year.

klenton:


SMH... you my dear is the problem, the world does not revolve around your big dreams according to you, and your perceptions about life does not amount to reality

your type i pray never to encounter, your just a ticking time bomb with ur gigantic imaginary way of life

look at what you wrote up there, coming to your inlaws house without money will make them look at the person somehow, then the problem is you and your family

meanwhile this is a guy you said that have a car and a manager in a company, yet look at were you classifieds him, is your type that will leave a man if he ever gets broke

let me ask what if he is rich now as you expected and after marriage life happens and he goes back to square one, what will happen?? what will you do?? probably you will nag him from morning till night for a change and when nothing happens you will abandon him as a woman with big dreams

is it not someone that married a teacher that later owned a school, an office worker that later became an employer of labour?? but in your case you want the guy to be made before coming to your house honestly your obsession for money and big things is actually very dangerous and evil.

Sanwo-Olu should come and appoint her special adviser on talk talk no action.



I advised him to do this, to do that, you what are you doing How many of your own big advice have you put to practice in your own life, ask her

She is only good at giving useless advice as if advice alone can amount to anything.


It's mostly lazy, jobless girls that dish out these type of talk talk advice from the imagination in their head, tell them to practice what they preach they will fail woefully.


Successful ladies don't talk much, they support their man's dream with cash not talk talk.

That's how guys help their ladies too, they bring out money and push her dreams to reality not pestering her with talks upon talks without any financial support.

AfroKnight:
Thank goodness you’ve broken up with him. Your wahala is too much. He will sort himself out.

You say you’re ambitious but all your ambition is on behalf of another person.

There’s encouragement and there’s nagging. Learn the difference.

Leave him alone.

Yes ooo...

I wanted to even ask her if she has a job or business

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

our elder have said it all

danduchi:
wish I have a girlfriend that will push me to succeed not all these girls that deserve indomie with no egg

Wake up aboki ..push u to succeed fire..n even help u dry ur account n when u do anyhow they will remind d whole world they made u who u are

Acmepreneur:

Lol, funny guy. Yes, my ambition is on him because I love him. In my family, wives are very important in making husband's grow, my dad won't be where he is today if not my mum, some people need the push.
I as well do not appreciate wives with husband that is not progressing, we tell our women to be a pusher

why not push yourself and leave him alone

larrypourl:
What pained me most from your writeup was the FG job he missed. He go hear am now. What do you do for a living since you want to get married next year.

That was the only mistake the guy made, but then, don't judge based on what a girl says, a talk talk girl for that matter, the so called job could be a hoax, it's possible it didn't click and the guy didn't tell her the whole truth cos I doubt someone with poor job would reject a federal job that even though it doesn't pay much, at least have job security

Acmepreneur:

I don't earn anything substantial for now. I don't work. But I do teach online and earn little PayPal through my online skills, and I am building some business underneath which I plan to launch. I'm also applying for scholarships for my PhD, applying for jobs, and processing Canada

Really??

I hope you have never asked him for money before? how do you expect him to save for masters or biz and still take care of you and family ontop 90k. How selfish

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Your user name already describe you.

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Why must he do what she wants? As if he doesn’t have his own life to live?

Stupid mentality

Acmepreneur:
The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

VERY TRUE even me i got annoyed at how much you are trying to run his life, as if he was a brainless baby.

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

you should go find the man you are seeking for, instead of trying to change this man into who you desire.... many women have tried the same thing, majority have failed miserably.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

the above clearly confirms that you have no respect for the guy, and seem ashamed of who he is (aka not as good as you expect him to be). you seem to be with the guy NOT for who he is, but for who he can be once you turn him into who you want him to be.

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

people are different in life, thats what makes them special... also, he probably does not care as much as you do. the way you are ranting , i can already hear your nag about you doing this and that. all the time, bla bla bla.

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

would you even say anything nice about the dude or are you gonna nag nag and nag some more. ANY of the options you said he should do would have also FAILED during covid-19.

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

lol...

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

now that he is free, if that man is smart, he should most definitely....

[img]https://media1./images/171133da0e92750db03a0cfda20578cc/tenor.gif[/img]

Dumb

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Presumptous, judgmental, bitchy and downright cold attitude has never changed any man for the better. It's all about what you want, you claim to have big big dreams, life changing dreams but not once did you mention assisting him monetarily, I mean you claim you and your people frown upon people working for small companies hence I can deduce that you are loaded financially, you still collect 1k, 2k from him, HABA . Not once did you mention actually giving him a way to finance his masters abroad or start a business here in 9ja. You claim you are not proud of him then why would you stay with such a person? This ain't about your family, this is about YOU! Stop projecting your wishes on him, he's not your DOG! You claim you want the best for him, what if what's best for him is unacceptable to you? You don't need starnagers to tell you what to do, stay or leave it's your own cup of tea!

Yes you have given him some really good advice and thanks for that.. But the main problem I see here is Your 3rd problem u listed.. And the problem is your parents expectation are too high and that in turn is affecting the way you see him making you think he isn't doing enough.. Better set your priorities right if you want a good husband or one that can impress your parents....

The way I see u and how u spoke of ur mother you have been given a standard of a man u should marry because your mom's expectations are too high and you on the other hand ure too blind to see that is the reason you think he isn't doing enough....

If I was your boyfriend I will quit the relationship with you because in reality you aren't a good lady to even say your parents won't accept him because he earns 90k a month.. Not everybody can be like your dad or mum who got fortunate to work in one of those big oil company, telecom, or have a huge business, the earlier you stop using your parents as a control to which your boyfriend is being judged the better for you... Else nobody will even want to get married to someone who think others are lazy because of grace upon their parents...

Op I don't know u but av already hated u..u said u av a big dream...big dream ooo like big big ones..n yet from ur write-up u didn't say where u av askd him to lend u some cash for business..u just sit down pressing remote to control d poor dude ..

Op I don't know u but av already hated u..u said u av a big dream...big dream ooo like big big ones..n yet from ur write-up u didn't say where u av askd him to lend u some cash for business..u just sit down pressing remote to control d poor dude ..u must b a lazy person like ur mum saying she hate company job n wudnt like ur man..rubbish

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

woooow!! see wisdom. King Solomon would be a learner from u

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

What do you do for a living?

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

Bro you warm my heart this evening with your comments. She wants a man who she can control like motor starring..

Dump him nau. Look for someone else who is what you want. You can't change him.


Did they swear for u that u must die with him?

I still don't get why you are so particular about your husband's future when to me is enjoying the moment one day at a time and from your write up you are very ambitious but I haven't read a part about how you are pushing your self to be great, in relationships the guy might not flow with your dreams but that doesn't stop you from achieving yours and be great also in your own lane without giving the guy headache, please give the poor guy a little space of breathing and chase your dream because at the end love between you both is all that matters

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

so straight, bright and brilliant. I won't blame the Op too, the future must be collective because what affect Op's bf affect her too


he has resources but couldn't make advantage of them but instead of foisting all these on him, you guys can say it in a romantic way that he won't find offensive


I think is not that he's not responsible or don't want to move too but African man love to be Ctrl, change your mode of approaches and let him knows how much you care hence your suggestions and not opinions



I like the Op already, na me dey do what Op is doing to my gf, she dey lazy intellectually but God will see us through

you dey try sha but the wahala too much, just marry yourself. tomorrow you will find someone that have big dreams and weathy but you will still complain that he is a womanizer, 2 second man.

theTransporter:



I don't know women like u still exists, I use this thread as a point of contact to ask God for a partner like you, not the one who will be asking money for wig and fingernails (which ladies are supposed to buy themselves) without caring for financial growth of both of you. God bless you sister.

As for the guy I think you should make up with him and sit him down and really point things out for him to see, just continue to try, encourage him to read books like think and grow rich by Napoleon Hills, Laws of success , Rich dad poor dad Etc.(I just hope he is the type that likes reading, especially this one he don't want masters degree) I believe he will change. But if he isn't changing then you have no option to manage him like that or find someone in the same sync, someone in the same cosmic frequency with you so that resonance will occur.
My little contribution thoo

There is a difference between supporting a man and forcing a man to do your bidding even when it doesn’t make him happy. Contentment is real bro.

Some want to be richer than dangote. Some just want to be able to afford their basic needs. Some can’t cope working for someone, some can’t do business because they have a zero PR. While dealing with people, always know what they want in life. You can give a man who is not passionate about doing any form of business N100m and the money will go down the drain in 1 year. You can also give someone who is so passionate about doing business N1m and in 1 year, he is doing well already.

I do not want to be famous no matter how rich I am, I just love that low key life. While some will do anything to be famous even when they do not have money.

People are different. This man is okay or should I say comfortable with the way he is living his life. If it doesn’t suit the young lady, let her leave him and if she can’t leave him, let her make the billions for the both of them. It’s a simple as that.

You Love Him..
Very Much.

Dont stop Loving Him

Also don't expect change , this type of changes should be rather long term marriage goals cos you cant change him in a short time.

It might me hard to move on though but look at some other things you love him for.

If he doesnt lead you in that aspect, show him by example and I bet you He wpuld be challenged.

We at times are very good at telling others what to do but we rarely are capable of doing exactly the same thing.

Put it into Prayers too, only God know the experience that your BF will face that'll totally change his mindset

I see very remarkable comments, this is good, So my dear Sister, take it easy, you cannot control your partner, why dont you examine this for yourself, can you continue with him, will he make you frustrated in the future, ask yourself those long term questions, and if you cannot live like that, then go for who you think you can live with.
reflect and take this responsibility, and take things easy.