₦airaland Forum

tobicool:
I almost taught you were referring to me. Lost my Dad too, read computer science and dislike masters. But I dream big and dislike company work. I am a serial entrepreneur. Incase you need a change in boyfriend, I am available. Na be the better version.

yommen:
She seems to have a good standard but he is below it. She tries to encourage him to upgrade himself. Wish I had someone like her.

bamid2:
Girl you really need to stop trying to mound him into what you want him to become. There comes a time in a man’s life when he is absolutely confused about what to do with his life especially in his 20s. You know his strengths and weaknesses. Support his ambition and pray for him. From what you have written, he seem like a good cool, calm and patient guy with a good heart. There is no perfect guy anywhere. Hypergamy isn’t bad but you can have a sit down and ask for his aspirations and from there work things out. If he is hardworking, smart, patient and humble please don’t discard him. Cheers

DrDax:
Will you marry me?

Every man needs a woman who will push him out of his comfort zone.

Your boyfriend is in a deep slumber. He is waiting for a miracle or some luck, which does not happen everyday.
Maybe your breakup will wake him up!
May God help him.

How about my offer?

Evercurious:
You see.. When you meet gold diggers, naa unaa go come here complaining as if there's no tomorrow

Op, leave that guy alone and go your way. He is not your type as you can see that he just wants to be an average or below average guy.. People ll call you a NAG just like this one above.. Svar your strength and encouragement for another guy that is on the same page with you. Which your ex isnt as you can see. FASHI THAT GUY ,MOVE ON AND BUILD YOUR OWN SELF.. SOMEONE WORTH YOU LL VALUE YOUR EFFORTS MAKE FRUSTRATION NO SET IN..

flyingpig:
Na your type go quick jump out from your husband deek and sit on another deek because he "ain't ready to do all you want"

rajiedreez:
You sound like you're trying to control him instead of guiding him.
How are you improving your educational status yourself
His discipline is in the area where MSC is almost least needed, he needs to know programs not MSC now. Only if he wants to go into management full-time that when he needs MSC. With your MSC clamour you are sending him to the wrong direction ( my opinion though)
You are not proud of him because he's not making enough so you can't show him to your people
Its obvious you two needs different things in life

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

lokoventurex1:
Well done OP. Don't mind the different bashings. Well, you might have goofed in one of your responses (where you said you will find a fine guy and have children with). But regarding nagging and controlling your guy is not true. I saw a post of yours in the travel section where you were asking about how much funds needed to travel to Canada. This made me believe your story. You're a young intelligent Lady and I really admire your courage .

Like what some few guys said here, since it's obvious you still like your man. Ask him the kind of business he would want to do sideways with his managerial position at his office. If he doesn't change say two or three months from now, outweighs your options. Don't ever bring the case to Nairaland. Many block heads full here.....

Try use your IELTS to a province in Canada. I know you've gathered some money, even though you didn't mention it here. I'm surprised some persons are saying what have you done or what can you bring to the table?

This is beyond love talk. If your man cannot have at least a 500k side business even despite his 90k monthly salary, then I'm sorry for him . I'm even surprised he has a car and rented a 600k flat. How come no one is talking about that ? I had to read your thread from the beginning to the last, your guy has the highest faults. Although, don't be too desperate settling down next year. They're more things you could still achieve before marriage.

If only I had a woman like you ehen, man would have gone far...

benzene00:
mumu

I'm sure you didn't read anything up there

Crazeman03:
Differ from trying to mold him to what you want and your advice. Have you tried to ask him what he really want instead of telling him what you want of him. Did you try to help him and support him financially. Adivicing someone is different from supporting him.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Richsquad:
Unfortunately he isnt really motivated and maybe ur pressure is even much on him..give him a lil space to think and get back on his feet,meanwhile be open to meeting other guys but NO SEX with them yet until u are sure ur bf isnt going to change.
Goodluck..

Checkout my sig guys

ThinkSmarter:
The problem is that humans do our intelligence have complicated life.
Life is to be lived.
We struggle in every point in our lives.
We hardly live happy.
Our intelligence are really working against our happiness.
Do you that we all animals in the 1st place?
Ur closely related apes and other animals are living very happy in the jungle.
No education, house, no technology, no luxury ,no investment, no skill, no hospital, no social amenities, no antenatal or maternity hohospitals, yet these animals survive and live exuberant life.
Our problem is ego.
We have placed our personality at a level that we are struggling to maintain.
We are over stressing, over working over thinking just to maintain our self acclaimed ego and impress our and people around us.
People living in thatched houses want to live in a bungalow.
People living in a bungalow want to live in a mansion, people living in a mansion want to live in a skycrapper, people living in a skycrapper want to live in the sea house.
If you really want to enjoy life, kill your ego, maintain a modest lifestyle.
Stop trying to live in the best places.
Stop trying to impress people.
Have confidence in urself.
Too much ambition will lead u to too much stress, anxiety, depression and worst self hate (low self esteem).
U will end up not enjoying your life due to too much expectations.
Life will never, I repeat never work to your expectations.
It's a human nature to strive, struggle to get out of their present status.
Dangote and Bill Gates are never satisfied with their current status.
It's a human longing.
It's good to aspire for greatness but don't allow your aspirations to cost u your happiness and joy.
U only got one life.
And ur life is actually ticking away.
In every second, u re getting closer to your grave.
U re a mortal, ur days here are nnumbered.
Ur mindset is ur enemy.
Throttle low ur expectations and life will be cool for you.
High test leads to depression, human wants and longing are insatiable.


Try and Go to YouTube and watch Sadhguru's inspiration talks.
It will help you to re-engineer your inner mind.
And you will start living joyfully.
We all are going to die one-day remember.
And whether u re an illiterate, taxi driver, bricklayer, CEO, MD, Bill Gates or a beggar, u will all die, decay and return as a manure to plants and flowers close to ur grave.
U have the choice to live a life of joy or miserable life.
Stop trying to fit in to a certain class that will drain your pocket, over stress u.
The whites always understand life more than Africans.
A white man will be living comfortably with a bicycle and bikes.
A white man will be comfortable with a 1st generation golf car, but a black man wants to cruise in RR, Bougghati.
Many whites left their luxury in Europe to live and explore the beauty in African jungles.
Life is an adventure.
It's not a race.
No one comes out alive.
Be patient with your boyfriend.
Social, political and economic Classification is stealing our humanity and joy.
We are all biological compatible until race, class and religion brought segregation.
Happiness is a choice.
Misery is a choice.
Reconfigure your mindset.
Best of luck

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people...

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people...