₦airaland Forum

Danielkupiejo:
Never judge or condemn someone that you don't know what he is going through, she will say things at her favor, before you judge listen to the guys point of view 1st. Youre a man, if youre not from a wealthy family you would understand how things are for strugglers and for d federal job, he has his reasons for turning d job down so don't judge him. We have every right to live the way we want, we lose or gain all fall on us. She wants d guy to start business because of herself, because she wants to be respected with class, has she considered the guys family too. he owns a car, will the guy not fuel the car, will the guy not eat , she said na 2k he dey give her u go see say d guy sef dey calculate. No judge her na her mind she dey talk she no wan reason wit wot d guy is passing tru Bcox she grow up poor.

enemyofprogress:
eyaaaaaaaaaaaaa see person wey dey form Mr nice and responsible married man. Little thing I dey take am fall you and turned you to a tout. God punish you and your pretence. People get paid for advice, no wonder you wan give her your phone number, for her to pay you in kind. Eleribu mr adviser

jasent:
confused being. Can you screenshot where I offered to give her my number?do it right now or forever remain shut.

enemyofprogress:
go sidon. Chief adviser .

Acmepreneur:
Yes now

babyfaceafrica:
feet,meanwhile be open to meeting other guys but NO SEX with them.



You are advising cheating... Issorite .... If she wants to meet other men.. Let her break up!!

Acmepreneur:
Lol, funny guy. Yes, my ambition is on him because I love him. In my family, wives are very important in making husband's grow, my dad won't be where he is today if not my mum, some people need the push.
I as well do not appreciate wives with husband that is not progressing, we tell our women to be a pusher

AndreSalvatore:
Your self esteem is damn low... Work on it!

eduwizard:
I don't smoke. As a matter of fact I never smoked. I don't take alcohol either. Let's connect via Facebook, if you don't mind. I won't feel free to indicate my Facebook profile link here. Just provide me email address or some private means to send my Facebook profile and contact details.

mandate12:
She's doing 'big ideas' for a living

VictorBode:
You're a smart lady no doubt. And a very industrious woman.

Wont mind stealing you away from whoever.



Would like send you an email.

Skepticus:
Simpanzee 2

The low self-esteemed, narcissistic and greedy bîtch just dey use simpletons like una catch trips.

I loved the way she dismissed all of una foolish thirsty males on nairaland wey send am mail seeking to date her by saying that you are all jobless. Lol

enemyofprogress:
bros stop this your indirect toasting jo. Ko le werk.

Vickyrotex abi o ri nkan?

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Sammarshall:
That guy might never be rich in his life!

1. He doesn’t know how to manage money (e.g renting a house higher than his yearly savings)

2. He doesn’t take advice (e.g He doesn’t listen to anything you say even the good ones)

Op, a sincere advice from a hardworking girl to another,

1. Love is not all the answers, I know you said you love him but have you wondered for how long?

2. This guy doesn’t have plans for his future, he’s an opposite of you.

3. He doesn’t listen to your opinion now that you guys are just dating, hahaha it will get worse when you’re married.

4. He can be good in other things but in what matters most to you, he’s not. That’s a major red flag.

5. We are in 21st century, no lady worries herself about a man, build the type of life you want and when you’re ready men will come and if you don’t see the one you like, with your money you can buy him. I’m speaking from personal experience! (A lot of handsome young guys are everywhere looking for a woman to give them a life) pick anyone you like and make yourself happy. With your money he will be loyal, most men are foolish like that.....

CptCharlesVane:
First, you write really well.

I thought I should chime in to share my experience in a similar situation. I’m like you but a guy, quite ambitious and love information about everything and opportunities. So, I kind of understand how disappointing it is when a partner has no desire to do the bare minimum even for their own best interest. Sometimes, it gets overbearing and demoralizing, but Love is mysterious.

Thanks sir
With time/age, I’ve come to understand that people are not the same and even if they become who you think you’d like them to be, the process of becoming often makes them lose the essence about them that made you like/love them in the first place.

With my SO, I’ve never met anyone so kind and charming, always listens to me with grace, respectful and outright adores me. Even in my critical analysis I have yet to discover the special things that I do or that I am to deserve all of these. She will join Boko Haram if it will make me happy, but she still has a mind of her own and can walk away from it all. Her peace of mind is paramount. This I realize is truly rare, and must admit that I’m so grateful for her and us, because with her I’ve realized that many times, all one needs is support and loyalty from being in love.

Yet, she is so unlike me in terms of dreams, aspirations, how children should be raised, investments etc etc and I’ve also come to understand that her life experience has been different; as our experiences are what largely shapes us and many of our aspirations and ambition. Not acknowledging this usually leads people to project their insecurities (eg. fear of poverty) on others in relationships, and this is not the best way to approach relationships.

So, I have come to use such motivational speeches for myself, towards my development. I have also improved my communication to make her understand my POV without making her feel inadequate while acknowledging her free will to either take or reject counsel without me becoming salty over it. I love the support I get from her anyway so it’s all good.

I also decided to engage in specialized or otherwise intellectually demanding conversations with my colleagues or other friends as I’ve stopped looking to derive all my interests in a single individual, because it is just self-centered. Perhaps, these discussions are not so important in the grand scheme of things, like we’ve believed them to be.

The nature of my profession leaves me mostly around highly intelligent people, but I’m not oblivious that such people can be big trouble to convince, and many times one needs to make an argument to have them do something, even mundane things. They can be very difficult when misunderstood. Thinking of myself, if roles were reversed, best believe I will and can never approach a relationship the same way my SO does. But I think it’s beautiful now when I think about it.

Before we met, I would have preferred ‘someone intelligent, ambitious, hardworking etc ‘ but now, if this ideal person comes along I’ll gladly pass up on the offer, again and again.

Love is powerful, and I think knowledge of building spaceships and nuclear warheads pales in comparison to kindness and honesty in relationships, even as I like learning about such things.
It’s been many years now and, honestly, I wouldn’t have it anyway else.

Should you call off your relationship? It’s your decision to make. If it is an intelligent and ambitious person you truly want, you should know that they also come with their bag of chips, worse is when you find yourself as the less intelligent and ambitious one. They also can in turn can project their insecurities. It’s hard to find intelligent people already, but genuinely honest and kind people are even more rare.

Ginger yourself to become what you think your boyfriend should do for himself to be respected by your parents. They are your parents, not his. Besides, It becomes a win-win situation, in the event that your relationship goes south.

jaxxy:
Introverts can be very brilliant and intelligent bt boring smtmes not all the time.

From ur msg I can deduce Ure not on this same page Goal/ambition wise. U might want same thing bt seeing it differently currently.

Find fun ways to pass across ur msg and goals to him without being super serious, that can be hugely overwhelming for sm1 not driven as u. U can do sm of the online skol research for him and send it to him on WhatsApp. Change ur mode of communication abit. Tone it down smtmes so u don’t sound like ur nagging.

Since every other thing about him fits u, I see no reason to break up with him cos if ambition. U can also work on urself and he will have to play catch up. Lol. Cheers

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

Acmepreneur:
Thanks to all commentors.
Edit: i want to use this moment to Thank the ladies, this thread of mine has made me to realize the future of Africa is in the hands of ladies, men are total disgrace, while some are quite inspiring and very helpful, the percentage of men spewing rubbish is quite very high, about 90% while that of female is just 2%. Thank you God for not making me a man.

But please, i want to know the mod that took this to front page?
Una don turn Nairaland to a joke wallahi

Thanks to all commentors, you really made my day and I laughed so hard, especially those that think I have low self esteem and I'm not near intelligence.

It seems that some males on NL are already pained and frustrated about their broke assess and was already ready to any bash girl.

For those that took their time to read all the stories, I wanna say thank you, it means we are bored together as if not lockdown, you no fit see me for NL they ask yeye questions and be reading comedians comments.

For the unbelievers, the story is true,though with some little tweaks, because I don't know if my boyfriend siblings&friends are on NL, so I gave it some tweaks, though I can't vouche for other stories here on NL if they are true or false.

For those that sent me mails, sorry, I don't reply Nairaland emails.
For those that wants to date,lol, I can't date people with account on NL, thats one reason I love my BF, he doesn't fancy NL at all, he thinks its for jobless people or people with so much money that they now have time at their disposal to waste or people severely bored. Yes, I know some people are making money with the help of NL, especially in the business section, bitcoin, cryptocurrency,PayPal, forex trade threads.
And the GRE,IELTS section is also very good, but I still can't date a NL active member especially those active on Romance section.

Final Conclusion, I can never leave my boyfriend, I don't even know why I asked such question

Acmepreneur:
Lol, funny guy. Yes, my ambition is on him because I love him. In my family, wives are very important in making husband's grow, my dad won't be where he is today if not my mum, some people need the push.
I as well do not appreciate wives with husband that is not progressing, we tell our women to be a pusher

Skepticus:
Simpanzee 2

The low self-esteemed, narcissistic and greedy bîtch just dey use simpletons like una catch trips.

I loved the way she dismissed all of una foolish thirsty males on nairaland wey send am mail seeking to date her by saying that you are all jobless. Lol

leofab:
so you can’t even materialise all your wonderful ideas for yourself but you are pushing someone’s son to the wall cos he refused to take your ideas? Can you see you are just nagging ?

jasent:
You are a blessing to him and I hope he realize it before it becomes late.How I wish I had a girl like you years back..

mrblessed:
Since you have earmarked next year as the expected year to settle down, I don't see how your guy is going to tick all your boxes. If I tell you I didn't had a deep-throathed laughter at your ultimatum, I would be telling a lie. How come you suddenly realised that age is an opponent you must defeat? It is even more worrisome that you can't invite him to see your parents. It shows an indictment on your part to his personality. Why stay with someone whom you ain't proud of? This is a fatal character misjudgment.

The problem here is compatibility, it is one of the reasons couples don't enjoy their marriages. And there is nothing you can do about it unless he decides to jettison his ideas to embrace yours, since you believe in the infallibility of your views.

Acmepreneur:
Everyone here has been saying I have low self esteem because I want him to better his life for his mother and siblings. I have no responsibility, of I decide not to work forever, I will feed, use better cloths, carry designer bags etc because I'm the last of 4 children well to do. Na only money I no go get.
Also I'm not asking him to pursue anything out of his own intrest, just telling him to pursue things in reasonable ways,for instance, he wants masters abroad, he can do it in Nigeria, he wants to travel out, he should start processing it, he want to have his own company, he should build it gradually not wait till he has millions etc

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Acmepreneur:
Thanks, king of Romance NL. I'm always seeing you on Romance threads, but why? I only come here when I'm severely bored/frustrated, because half the story is not properly composed and some authors forget to write important parts. Its very possible one advice wrongly. So I just come here for the laugh.
What's your own reason, I'm intrested

Archbishop88:
What an ambitious fellow that met faggy and progress detest fellow. Well, another man's food is another man's poison.
I have MSc and have applied for my PhD in a Nigeria public university... Am a potential scholar with 3 academic papers published in international journals. Another 2 is under review for publication. I have soft skill as well. Am in my early 30s, marriage next year wouldn't be bad. Am not in any relationship for now.
Please can we get to know each other, if we take it to the next level?
Please hit me up on tomisin245@yahoo.com
Thanks.

Ishilove:
Hahahaha!! Now this is funny.

I am not 'always in the Romance section'. I only happen to come here when I have exhausted all the interesting topics in other sections.

VictorBode:
The girl is some how though. She's a bit narcissistic and looking for attention.

Plus she's condescending. Her bf is at fault though but her attitude will break her relationship.