deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.

deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.

Ghostrye:
Congratulations sir, you've won yourself a liability
But on a serious note, talk to her not all those 2 minutes jist, but a serious talk about how you feel and how you want your expenses and income as a family to be. Whatever misgivings she has will show face when you talk

deji85:

yvelchstores:
tell her how you feel.
communicate.
there is need for you both to cut down cost and save more .
95k per month for 2 persons...how much will it be after you've had a baby in the family...180k?

ecolime:
I really feel for you dude. Just have a heart to heart talk with your wife.

Honestly, 3 years is more than enough to come up with a business/trade plan but you've still gotta encourage her and please don't give up on her.

BTW, my actual interest is the 90k upkeep expenses. What exactly does it cater for? Only feeding?

ibkayee:
She was more active before marriage, as according to you she was working and saving to start her own business. That doesn’t sound like someone who downright lacks ambition to me.

What exactly happened once she got married that is slowing down her drive? Is it depression? Housework? Child care? (For example, was she juggling all of this with work on her own?) The switch just seems a bit out of the ordinary

bujebudanu1:



Family of 2. So probably there's no or little chores to do
She's just being lazy.
Follow all latest gists and already searching for another honeymoon in this pandemic

funmisticqueen2:
Your wife has become lazy and amotivated.

I thought she was depressed at first, but that isn't the case.

Does she use marijuana?

Or maybe she just wants to be a housewife and doesn't know how to say it. A lot of women are shamed for being housewives nowadays, but i personally see nothing nwrong with being one.

I think whay you should do is take her to see a psychologist. She can't be unproductive to society and be using your hard earnings to do trialband error with her life.

Or you could choose to 'lose' your job and cut expenses, including her monthly salary. While you pretend to 'hustle' for job. Lets see how she will react.

She's giving women a bad name.

That we broke shame men, doesn't mean women should be irresponsible leeches too. You are a good man op, because many men will start to treat her like trash and you haven't.

You need to start being firm with her and tell her no.

ibkayee:
She was more active before marriage, as according to you she was working and saving to start her own business. That doesn’t sound like someone who downright lacks ambition to me.

What exactly happened once she got married that is slowing down her drive? Is it depression? Housework? Child care? (For example, was she juggling all of this with work on her own?) The switch just seems a bit out of the ordinary

sweetmelanin:


Not necessarily.

It's very much possible that a woman can just decide to be lazy after marriage especially when the husband is a high earner...

.. we don't even know if she has a maid sef so let's not make excuses for laziness please.

sweetmelanin:


Not necessarily.

It's very much possible that a woman can just decide to be lazy after marriage especially when the husband is a high earner...

.. we don't even know if she has a maid sef so let's not make excuses for laziness please.

Uneed2talk:
This was what I was hammering on in my topic yesterday. Inbuilt laziness, you hardly notice it if the person is still working. Your mistake was letting her stop that job. Her type mostly do well on a ready platform, they lack the motivation and perseverance to build from the scratch. Op, as long as you continue to provide she will scarcely get up.

That 4m was too much for a person who has never done business before, she didn't do feasibility study well before taking a full dive. The fashion thing may have worked but she couldn't be patient either and probably not good in the tailoring.

Stop asking her what to do, either you set up a business where another manages and she supervise the other people or you start something from small for her, put someone good like good hair dressers in a saloon and let it grow, stop throwing huge sums for something you are not sure or better still bring her into what you do.

You will have to be her push till she can move on her own like a "push and start car". The earlier you realise this, stop complaining and start pushing her the better because she's already your cross and I believe she is good in other areas, also thank God you have money to pick up again.
Very importantly, watch out for any of your child that may pick this trait from her and start pushing the child early to correct it on time.

deji85:


It's for our feeding I also know her siblings ask for help and I don't want her asking me for money to send all the time.

deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.