₦airaland Forum

Minxie:
Yes I agree. And the funny thing is, the men are actually the ones who reinforce this cycle. For example, many men hate the idea of paying bride price and they think it's unfair. but if those men have daughters, they will also later demand her boyfriend pay the bride price. It's a cycle that can't end because someone always gains something from it. To be honest, nobody is forcing us to agree to tradition. This generation can all make a vow to not ask for bride price. But I bet you at least 95% of the men now who have a problem with bride price will be at the forefront of negotiations in the future when it comes to their daughters hahaha

I see what you tried to do. You want to spin this on the guys... Clever. I'll spin it back towards the girls. Bride price was for an era where ladies were considered as commodities. No sane lady still thinks herself as such. Ladies should fight for the abolition of bride price as it stigmatize against them as "items or commodities". Thank you

needanswer:
I see what you tried to do. You want to spin this on the guys... Clever. I'll spin it back towards the girls. Bride price was for an era where ladies were considered as commodities. No same lady still thinks herself as such. Ladies should fight for the abolition of bride price as it stigmatize against them as "items or commodities". Thank you

No no no you misunderstood. I'm not pinning it on the guys alone. I'm just saying that they can actually change it if they want to because they have more power in traditional affairs. They just need to all come together and agree to stop paying the bride price as a requirement for marriage. But because at some point fathers and uncles benefit from it, they don't want to scrap it. The young men should voice their opinions to their elders and they should attempt to change tradition. I'm not saying that women won't help but the problem is that when it comes to tradition, women don't really have much say. I hope you understand now? I'm not attacking the male gender, im actually encouraging them to make a difference

sunshineV:
Follow the law of the land. There's nothing like marital rape in Nigeria if u can't give ur husband sex whenever he wants it fuvking leave the marriage

Why can't all modern twiter-cum-social media women just be reasonable and logical like you? or just get divorced instead of screaming "marital rape"

Minxie:
No no no you misunderstood. I'm not pinning it on the guys alone. I'm just saying that they can actually change it if they want to because they have more power in traditional affairs. They just need to all come together and agree to stop paying the bride price as a requirement for marriage. But because at some point fathers and uncles benefit from it, they don't want to scrap it. The young men should voice their opinions to their elders and they should attempt to change tradition. I'm not saying that women won't help but the problem is that when it comes to tradition, women don't really have much say. I hope you understand now? I'm not attacking the male gender, im actually encouraging them to make a difference

I didn't mean it in the sense of "attack", just in the sense of a clever twist. I don't think guys in recent decades have lead any major changes in society. Ladies have been in the forefront of social and cultural change. I'm not attacking ladies too, just twisting it cleverly in my favour.

Minxie:
I'd have to say the biggest difference between the wife having rights over her body and the man sharing his money is the fact that a body is not a commodity. I think we crossed that bridge when we all agreed slavery is inhumane. So, it is therefore equally inhumane to have "ownership" over a wifes body just because the bride price was paid.

I would also like to state that a man's money and a women's money should both go into the marriage. That's equality. I can't possibly have rights over your money when you can't say jack over mine.

Lastly, i think the whole bride price affair should be scrapped. I know in many cultures the bride price wasn't seen as a man buying the woman, it had a far deeper meaning (i won't go into that now). But I fear that we have forgotten about that far deeper meaning and just turned the whole affair into a transaction. Which brings me back to my first point: a human (body) is not a commodity

: .... commodity or not , when you walk down the isle and tell each other "I'm yours and you're man"...there wasn't any commas or semi colons,but then the addition of the law or legal documents backing the marriage become the adjudicator such that if any of both partners goes against the laws guiding the institution,they can divorce ,my point it's a two way thing,it's either both parties are traditionals, meaning their marriage is determined by traditions and religions, going by that ,their bodies are subject to one another,the other side to this is the law or legal marriage,one of the provisions for this is "conjugal"rights,which both parties agreed to and if there are any issues,they can always go to court,a woman's or man's body isn't a commodity in any sense ,but going by these two marital structure,their bodies are subject to one another, whether they love each other enough to reach an agreement or understanding is a discussion for another day ,which though,is also very important

Ariza:
I'm not saying a Man shouldn't take care of his wife, or that partners should deny one another. No.

I'm just ruling out sugar-coated words people pass from generation to generation that has led many young minds into wrong union. And the sense of entitlement these words create in people's minds and when things don't turn out the way it ought to be, you start hearing words like "I wasn't told this how marriage is". If a woman think she can own a Man's money and contemplate to marry him let her think twice. If a Man think he can own a woman because he paid bride price, let him think twice. The truth is you can only have assess to how much you are permitted.

Now, anyone that wants to get married should make to it a must to find A person who loves them enough to share. Someone who can give himself or herself totally in love and respect. Only then can there be peace of mind.

U made sense here, unlike the other thread. Seems u are 2 sides of same coin.

needanswer:
I didn't mean it in the sense of "attack", just in the sense of a clever twist. I don't think guys in recent decades have lead any major changes in society. Ladies have been in the forefront of social and cultural change. I'm not attacking ladies too, just twisting it cleverly in my favour.

Lol great then! im just so super careful because on naira land everyone thinks everything is a personal attack lol and I don't want to start an e-war or something!

Yeah I think men need to realize that women can't fight the battle alone. It's difficult fighting a system that's against you from the start. We therefore need the men to also stand up for something. In apartheid the black man didn't fight alone. Women were at the forefront too. So maybe next time when a girl tells you to pay her bride price, say flat out no and you'll see if she really loves you.

Minxie:
Lol great then! im just so super careful because on naira land everyone thinks everything is a personal attack lol and I don't want to start an e-war or something!

Yeah I think men need to realize that women can't fight the battle alone. It's difficult fighting a system that's against you from the start. We therefore need the men to also stand up for something. In apartheid the black man didn't fight alone. Women were at the forefront too. So maybe next time when a girl tells you to pay her bride price, say flat out no and you'll see if she really loves you.

Lol... Maybe I'll try out that advice. So women need men in this struggle too. Would have personally preferred to cheer you ladies from the side lines. I'll support when the cause kicks off. Is marital rape a crime punishable by law in SA?

Pelxmiye:
: .... commodity or not , when you walk down the isle and tell each other "I'm yours and you're man"...there wasn't any commas or semi colons,but then the addition of the law or legal documents backing the marriage become the adjudicator such that if any of both partners goes against the laws guiding the institution,they can divorce ,my point it's a two way thing,it's either both parties are traditionals, meaning their marriage is determined by traditions and religions, going by that ,their bodies are subject to one another,the other side to this is the law or legal marriage,one of the provisions for this is "conjugal"rights,which both parties agreed to and if there are any issues,they can always go to court,a woman's or man's body isn't a commodity in any sense ,but going by these two marital structure,their bodies are subject to one another, whether they love each other enough to reach an agreement or understanding is a discussion for another day ,which though,is also very important

Hhhhmmmm interesting point... so would you say that the husband's body belongs to the woman too? because if that's the case, i can think of some pretty kinky things to do to him that involves him bending over to "pick up soap" Hahaha remember don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you

In any case, if that's your reasoning, goodluck

Oluromantic:
Spot on. Women like you not only need a good husband. You need to be cherished thru out life. Very rational

You just called a guy with a hairy saggy balls a "woman".

Minxie:
Hhhhmmmm interesting point... so would you say that the husband's body belongs to the woman too? because if that's the case, i can think of some pretty kinky things to do to him that involves him bending over to "pick up soap" Hahaha remember don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you

In any case, if that's your reasoning, goodluck

Guessing you got those kinky ideas from Boondocks and prison break.maybe Orange is the New black...well I'm not gay and I also don't get the illustration, I'm all up for other sexual styles though,back to the discussion, I'm not trying pitch tents with any gender here,my point is that if you're a Christian you'll be guided by what the Bible says ,a man shall leave his parents and shall cling to his wife and they shall become one ,other references posits that the man's body is no longer his own likewise the women's body is no longer her own but the man's,I get that there'll be days when either the man or woman won't be in the mood, that's where's understanding comes in,I know women who don't even like their men jerking.. they'll rather do it for them,sexual satisfaction within the confines of marriage is both the responsibility of the man and woman, there'll definitely be highs and lows on how we
interprete sex within the confines of marriage,but I believe religion, traditions and legal frameworks should be the model for interpreting and judging it,people who want to be their own persons and fully independent don't need to get married at all,however way we define it, marriage is all just about making compromises,my wife's body if eventually I marry is mine and I intend to take care of it just as much as I take care of mine or even better.

zomoears:
U made sense here, unlike the other thread. Seems u are 2 sides of same coin.

If I give you headbutts , your head will be "headaching" you.