₦airaland Forum

Ejenavi18:
This thread is just too funny abeg..
Op, GuyInTheMirror, hope you've gotten the advice you seek?

I got very good suggestions, and a great dose of laughter too.

Fountainofyouth:
Haaaaa pocohantas come and see o

So if she sees what will happen .. work for yourself

Fountainofyouth:
Haaaaa pocohantas come and see o

Lol. Two trolls... At least he sees how it is to churn out shit from one’s ass.

Some people on this forum are a nuisance. Some are more subtle than others but make this forum less enjoyable still. I am not surprised they have issues in their lives. It is not normal for a man to stalk women or discuss related topics all the time.

Hathor5:
Some people on this forum are a nuisance. Some are more subtle than others but make this forum less enjoyable still. I am not surprised they have issues in their lives. It is not normal for a man to stalk women or discuss related topics all the time.

Not normal at all o, it's the energy that always make me laugh, and they will later call themselves men, lol.

ogunboy:
U know such people are not happy in real life when dey are always online attacking others.

Dat particular idiot saucecode, is a yahoo boy. dat is why you find him online all the time on nairaland. Ask am which kain work e dey do, wey e get time for nairaland? his work is not legitimate

Somebody that became a male biitch for other men so he could escape the hands of the law for his atrocities and for financial gain. he will come here and be talkin trash from his dirty mouth

Say it loud.


He has been in my mentions every day. I have not replied once. Is this normal?

anslem04:
So if she sees what will happened ... work for yourself

So many things will happen, e.g, the way you're trying and failing hard to stand up in defense of something that doesnt concern you, especially with your poor English construction,

A word of advice; you do not want to start what you can't finish, so stay away.

Fountainofyouth:
So many things will happen, e.g, the way you're trying and failing hard to stand up in defense of something that doesnt concern you, especially with your poor English construction,

A word of advice; you do not want to start what you can't finish, so stay away.

I can see you are already rehearsing are lines ... poor english indeed... i hope your vocabulary is on forbes.

anslem04:
I can see you are already rehearsing are lines ... poor english indeed... i hope your vocabulary is on forbes.

I'm sure if it's on Forbes, you'd be bending over backwards trying to catch up,

I'm warning you, buzz off.

Hathor5:
Say it loud.


He has been in my mentions every day. I have not replied once. Is this normal?

Not normal at all. Very silly and bitter element. I don’t even know how they do it. With the other one that calls himself Anslem04.

Fountainofyouth:
I'm sure if it's on Forbes, you'd be bending over backwards trying to catch up,

I'm warning you, buzz off.

if i should bend backward it only denotes you are on retrogression dear, you must be one of those few people that learnt driving with reverse eric says hapi crashing

saucecode:
I don't want women like my mother because they are not available. Very rare. I like gold-diggers who are proud of golddigging. They are the best to have as wives like Ybaby who is always hyping her provider husband for being totally responsible for her.

Now that's a true honest woman, it's better to have dat than to have una wey dey pretend say una no care about money, but will start eyeing your bf, disrespecting him when he can't buy u birthday gift, or even fcking your boss for a car.

Please we prefer proud gold-diggers, thank you. At least u know what you're getting

I am a confam golddigger

No lies! My hubby pays all the bills and that makes me super proud of him and of my self too.

I submit to the leadership of my provider man easily. I couldnot stand a non provider man when I was single. My love language is gold as in literarily then my kid's school fees then bag and shoe .... once those are done I will cuddle and be very sweet. I will offer peace and true love.

Next topic!

Fountainofyouth:
Dumb people, always slow in everything, it's a pity.

You know, i culd av just talk to poco instead of a copycat .. tbh i got tired of her lines.
Ever wonder why slow & steady wins the race

GuyInTheMirror:
MODS PLEASE NO FRONT PAGE!!!

Hi everyone, so I am not a new member of Nairaland.
I decided to create this new profile so that I can be annonymous.
I was hoping to speak with some matured people here about the issue of marriage.

I am a 34 year old man who happened to immigrate about 2 years ago, I am a very gentle and highly ambitious person and God has blessed me.
I work for one of the biggest firms here in North America , I used to work in a great firm too back in Naija before immigrating.

Now to the issue of marriage, I am in a kind of dilemna.
I am the type of person that values marriage and a quiet life.
I do not smoke, drink or womanise. I am actually the type you'd call a church boy. I dream for a respectful wife whom I can love and adore and build a family with.

But it seems being in North America makes that complicated.
1. Majority of the women that surrounds me are in their 30s. I personally would prefer to marry someone not older than 26 years for personal reasons.
2. Many of these women are closet feminists and they tend to be much louder than the personality I am looking for in a woman I'd like to settle with.

I have attempted to start relationships with ladies that tend to meet my description back in Nigeria, but I became shocked cos it seems once a lady knows a man is abroad they become lovey dovey. They start to pretend like they are saints so that has put me off as I do not want a lady to pretend for me.

The options before me are :
1. Look for someone that is close to my requirement here and marry her and hope for the best.
2. Look for someone back in naija and marry and sponsor her to North America.
3. Wait for 2 more years, get my citizenship, come back to naija and blend in like a regular guy and try to meet a lady that does not know I am an abroad person to avoid pretense then try to get a babe. (In 2 years time I will be 36 years old, is this not too old ?)

I would like people with a lot of insight to educate me on what appears to be the best option.

They pretend because you appear judgemental!

The way you painted yourself as holier than Jesus.... gentle, ambitious, church man means morally upright

The way you painted them - pretentious, only after abroad man etc

You want a respectful wife and that honestly is not too high a demand and the best way to get that is to be a respectful husband ! Not her age, not her location etc

You will attract who you are internally ! (Read slowly)

If you are a kind, respectful and unpretentious unassuming person internally that is what you will attract because is is law.

Law of homogeneity says like attracts like.

Not what you want your pastor or parents to believe you are but what you truly are.

If you are currently attracting pretentious girls..... you know how to change that. It is by not painting yourself a saint and others a sinner.


You are no saint!

Ybaby:
They pretend because you appear judgemental!

The way you painted yourself as holier than Jesus.... gentle, ambitious, church man means morally upright

The way you painted them - pretentious, only after abroad man etc

You want a respectful wife and that honestly is not too high a demand and the best way to get that is to be a respectful husband ! Not her age, not her location etc

You will attract who you are internally ! (Read slowly)

If you are a kind, respectful and unpretentious unassuming person internally that is what you will attract because is is law.

Law of homogeneity says like attracts like.

Not what you want your pastor or parents to believe you are but what you truly are.

If you are currently attracting pretentious girls..... you know how to change that. It is by not painting yourself a saint and others a sinner.


You are no saint!

I am not happy with the trend this thread has degenarted to, I see a subtle men versus women fight which I honestly did everything to prevent.
When we enter this mode it inhibits our capacity to be objective or provide objective suggestions.
This your post is a typical example of someone responding from a very subjective perspective, the sad thing is I kinda feel if you were more objective you'd have provided a more balanced and helpful response.

There is nothing wrong with people having a preference including both genders. Lets stop making it sound like when a person has a preference for a type of partner they are being condescending about the people on the other side thats not true.
If I am attracted to a particular type of person, I should not be afraid to mention that because people who are different from that person might get offended.

There are men who prefer those kind of ladies I do not find attractive, its nothing to fight about. Its just what it is "preference" and we should be able to accept that without feeling inadequate or making the person feel inadequate.

And when I say majority of the ladies I am relating with in Nigeria from the diaspora are pretentious, it is my experience I am sharing. When a lady tries to fit her image to into the personality she expects me to like that pretense and thats what I have seen on a couple of occasions I have attempted to get some conversations going.

It doesnt mean this is the way every lady is, some will argue majority of ladies will behave like that, maybe, but the manner a lot of women have taken an honest discussion as a battle and attack is very discouraging.

Lets learn to be more respectful and objective when we interract. No one is perfect so I accept I could use some corrections and I am happy to but when you come out in this manner of approach you erase every possibility of developing a robust and meaningful interraction cos the impression you give is that you are up for a fight.

Cheers

GuyInTheMirror:
This is the very kind of mindset that I am talking about.
Alot of these ladies out there are traumatised and do not even realise it.
How can you make this kind of claim without meeting me ? I agree a lot of women have been abused and that happens very often back in Nigeria but not all men are like that.

But when a lady goes around with this kind of mentality it is impossible to please them cos they go about looking for faults in men and looking for ways to express their freedom .

If you live abroad, you'd realise that cultural orientation of a nigerian raised person is totally different from that of an abroad raised person, if you do not live here you wont understand.

I consider cultural compatibility to be very key in marriage and thats part of the reasons I was considering coming back to naija.

Simply put, majority of the ladies I see are not on the same level with me in terms of cultural compatibility and value system and not becuase I intend to abuse them, I am a perfect gentleman.

Do you have a sister or close female friend who could match you up with someone that fits your spec?

Marry a Filipino girl.

GuyInTheMirror:
I am not happy with the trend this thread has degenarted to, I see a subtle men versus women fight which I honestly did everything to prevent.
When we enter this mode it inhibits our capacity to be objective or provide objective suggestions.
This your post is a typical example of someone responding from a very subjective perspective, the sad thing is I kinda feel if you were more objective you'd have provided a more balanced and helpful response.

There is nothing wrong with people having a preference including both genders. Lets stop making it sound like when a person has a preference for a type of partner they are being condescending about the people on the other side thats not true.
If I am attracted to a particular type of person, I should not be afraid to mention that because people who are different from that person might get offended.

There are men who prefer those kind of ladies I do not find attractive, its nothing to fight about. Its just what it is "preference" and we should be able to accept that without feeling inadequate or making the person feel inadequate.

And when I say majority of the ladies I am relating with in Nigeria from the diaspora are pretentious, it is my experience I am sharing. When a lady tries to fit her image to into the personality she expects me to like that pretense and thats what I have seen on a couple of occasions I have attempted to get some conversations going.

It doesnt mean this is the way every lady is, some will argue majority of ladies will behave like that, maybe, but the manner a lot of women have taken an honest discussion as a battle and attack is very discouraging.

Lets learn to be more respectful and objective when we interract. No one is perfect so I accept I could use some corrections and I am happy to but when you come out in this manner of approach you erase every possibility of developing a robust and meaningful interraction cos the impression you give is that you are up for a fight.

Cheers

Fight ke! You want the truth or you want me to pretend too?

You have said alot! It is because deep within you know I am right.

I did say wantng a respectful wife is not asking for much.

You cannot paint your self a saint and others the devil. Change it from women to male colleagues for a second and read you are noble and the male colleagues are pretentious. You are all white and shiny and they are all black and stained.

It is not gender war it is you not having the ability to be introspective. You can want certain people around you but if you are judgemental and a control freak - they will make a choice to avoid you because just like you have a right of choice they do too and all you have left is ladies who wear long dresses when you are around and short dresses when you are not.

It is same reason why some pastors kids smoke igbo in school and lead praise and worship at home.

The only way to attract what you want is to be what you want.

You attract who you are. We all do!

The key is introspection.
You are no saint!

cooooooks:
My first comment was an insult, let me now speak my mind:
- marry from abroad.

- your second option is actually similar to what I'm currently doing. The difference is that she didn't know I was going back, we actually love each other and had known each other for a few years.

- everybody is wise now. A good/bad wife will be good/bad whether they are abroad or not.

- again, you're better off marrying a 30-36 year old in N. America. If you have to marry a Nigerian, check well, look for a best friend. Join youth only discussion groups. I know a few that hold 1-2 hour discussions every Sunday evening.

- also, expand your horizons. Why will you swim all the way across the Atlantic to only marry from your village. There are other Africans, other continents, etc. Moreso if you're in academics

- Be prepared for equality in the real sense of the word. Even if you're bringing a wife from Naija, plan for equality. Equality in working and equality in responsibility.

- education should not be a stumbling block to marrying someone from Naija. Education is freely available in N. America.

- childhood friends!!!!!!

Are they not humans?
What makes you think you're better than them? Because you traveled abroad?
Not everyone has the ambition of traveling abroad you know?

Mariangeles:
Do you have a sister or close female friend who could match you up with someone that fits your spec?

mmmnnnn match up..... Does this still work, so many sad tales already ?

GuyInTheMirror:
MODS PLEASE NO FRONT PAGE!!!

Hi everyone, so I am not a new member of Nairaland.
I decided to create this new profile so that I can be annonymous.
I was hoping to speak with some matured people here about the issue of marriage.

I am a 34 year old man who happened to immigrate about 2 years ago, I am a very gentle and highly ambitious person and God has blessed me.
I work for one of the biggest firms here in North America , I used to work in a great firm too back in Naija before immigrating.

Now to the issue of marriage, I am in a kind of dilemna.
I am the type of person that values marriage and a quiet life.
I do not smoke, drink or womanise. I am actually the type you'd call a church boy. I dream for a respectful wife whom I can love and adore and build a family with.

But it seems being in North America makes that complicated.
1. Majority of the women that surrounds me are in their 30s. I personally would prefer to marry someone not older than 26 years for personal reasons.
2. Many of these women are closet feminists and they tend to be much louder than the personality I am looking for in a woman I'd like to settle with.

I have attempted to start relationships with ladies that tend to meet my description back in Nigeria, but I became shocked cos it seems once a lady knows a man is abroad they become lovey dovey. They start to pretend like they are saints so that has put me off as I do not want a lady to pretend for me.

The options before me are :
1. Look for someone that is close to my requirement here and marry her and hope for the best.
2. Look for someone back in naija and marry and sponsor her to North America.
3. Wait for 2 more years, get my citizenship, come back to naija and blend in like a regular guy and try to meet a lady that does not know I am an abroad person to avoid pretense then try to get a babe. (In 2 years time I will be 36 years old, is this not too old ?)

I would like people with a lot of insight to educate me on what appears to be the best option.

I think I can advise you on this. When you say North America, I believe you are in Canada. Americans don't say North America. Anyways I will say without mincing words, you are not old at all. Even at 40, you are not old. Men age like wine, but women get to hit the wall as they get older. All your options are risky, but option 3 is less risky than others. However, whatever option you choose, do not fail to get a Prenup. You are in the western world where women's rights are recognized more than men. Regardless of the option you pick, have it at the back of your mind that WOMEN CHANGE after marriage. Hence, you MUST PROTECT YOURSELF. Many young men in North America and even Europe are no longer considering marriage and I am sure you have heard of MGTOW or REDPILL and if you haven't, please do - study up quickly and get updated.

Marriage is good, don't get me wrong. However, western values have bastardized the ideals of marriage and replaced it with Hollywood fantasies, add feminism into that equation, what you get is women and men with the wrong beliefs of marriage. You HAVE TO SEEK THE ADVICE OF A DIVORCE LAWYER before you get married. The hourly rate in Canada is between $250 - $500 per hour. Spend the money to listen to how you can protect yourself from marriage before you sign the marriage certificate. If you do not protect yourself you will lose all control regardless of the option you choose.

Also, do not forget the PRENUP I mentioned above. When you start courting your potential wife, ask her about the idea of PRENUP, and listen to her response. If she refuses, move to the next one. In your PRENUP, have your lawyer draft EVEN THE BASIC NECESSITIES such as SEX, the timing, frequency, favorite position, and even hour. Include the consequences, expectations, and financial responsibilities in the event of the dissolution of the marriage. Do not JOKE about this. Inform your potential spouse to have a lawyer review the PRENUP before signing and sign and include her initials on all pages of the PRENUP.

My brother, even after a PRENUP, you are still not safe from a devilish woman. Next, you must set up a mechanism to protect your assets such as incorporating your assets either using an incorporated company or an LLC and transfer all your assets to that incorporation - your house, your car, your investments, and even your savings and have the incorporation borrow these assets for your utilization. For example, if you have purchased your home, transfer it to incorporation (a numbered company is easy to create) and have the company draft a rental agreement recognizing you as a tenant. You pay your mortgage as rental to your company and your company pays the mortgage with the same rental fees from you. Do the same with your car and other investments. Your lawyer can assist you with this. In this situation, no woman can take your property from you. Your company can eject her after the lease agreement is over. These mechanisms MUST have been implemented before you even dream of courting any woman. This means you should have these mechanisms like YESTERDAY.

Don't get twisted with LOVE. Marriage is not love. Hollywood and Advertisement companies created the ILLUSION called LOVE. Marriage is DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY to your family. I am saying this so you don't get stupid picking up your wife and stay stupid in your marriage. Once your wife does not live up to her expectations in the marriage, the consequences in the PRENUP kicks in immediately and you seek redress. Both the PRENUP and SAFETY MECHANISM provides you with a safety net to avoid losing CONTROL in your marriage and lose your asset in the event of a divorce. Oga, don't start saying your marriage will not end in divorce in Jesus's name. That's bullshit and a recipe for DISASTER. You have to plan for it and protect yourself. Even in Nigeria, I know politicians and business moguls who implement the SAFETY MECHANISMS I outlined above.

Finally, I know you are pressured and concerned about marriage. Don't worry. You are the PRIZE. You appear to be well settled and doing well for yourself. Many young women will rush you even in North America but don't be fooled. I don't know if your parents are alive, if they are alive seek their assistant in picking a wife for you. Give them your criteria - Age, Shape, Height, Educational Level, Religion, Tribe, and Skills which includes the ability to cook, clean, and sticking to traditional values. Also, the woman has to be from a stable family and that means both her father and mother are still in their marriage and they are doing well financially, including all her siblings. Do not be an avenue to alleviate anybody from poverty. You might be shocked I said you are the PRIZE. Yes, you are. Women are the PRODUCT and men are the BUYER, if you do not put a ring on her finger, she will NEVER BE MARRIED. Many men do not know this and they keep on SIMPING. Now, do you want to put a ring on someone who would DESTROY you?

You can hit me up for more advice. Don't mind the excessive emboldened words. I want you to note them. By the way, I live in Canada.

Boss13:
I think I can advise you on this. When you say North America, I believe you are in Canada. Americans don't say North America. Anyways I will say without mincing words, you are not old at all. Even at 40, you are not old. Men age like wine, but women get to hit the wall as they get older. All your options are risky, but option 3 is less risky than others. However, whatever option you choose, do not fail to get a Prenup. You are in the western world where women's rights are recognized more than men. Regardless of the option you pick, have it at the back of your mind that WOMEN CHANGE after marriage. Hence, you MUST PROTECT YOURSELF. Many young men in North America and even Europe are no longer considering marriage and I am sure you have heard of MGTOW or REDPILL and if you haven't, please do - study up quickly and get updated.

Marriage is good, don't get me wrong. However, western values have bastardized the ideals of marriage and replaced it with Hollywood fantasies, add feminism into that equation, what you get is women and men with the wrong beliefs of marriage. You HAVE TO SEEK THE ADVICE OF A DIVORCE LAWYER before you get married. The hourly rate in Canada is between $250 - $500 per hour. Spend the money to listen to how you can protect yourself from marriage before you sign the marriage certificate. If you do not protect yourself you will lose all control regardless of the option you choose.

Also, do not forget the PRENUP I mentioned above. When you start courting your potential wife, ask her about the idea of PRENUP, and listen to her response. If she refuses, move to the next one. In your PRENUP, have your lawyer draft EVEN THE BASIC NECESSITIES such as SEX, the timing, frequency, favorite position, and even hour. Include the consequences, expectations, and financial responsibilities in the event of the dissolution of the marriage. Do not JOKE about this. Inform your potential spouse to have a lawyer review the PRENUP before signing and sign and include her initials on all pages of the PRENUP.

My brother, even after a PRENUP, you are still not safe from a devilish woman. Next, you must set up a mechanism to protect your assets such as incorporating your assets either using an incorporated company or an LLC and transfer all your assets to that incorporation - your house, your car, your investments, and even your savings and have the incorporation borrow these assets for your utilization. For example, if you have purchased your home, transfer it to incorporation (a numbered company is easy to create) and have the company draft a rental agreement recognizing you as a tenant. You pay your mortgage as rental to your company and your company pays the mortgage with the same rental fees from you. Do the same with your car and other investments. Your lawyer can assist you with this. In this situation, no woman can take your property from you. Your company can eject her after the lease agreement is over. These mechanisms MUST have been implemented before you even dream of courting any woman. This means you should have these mechanisms like YESTERDAY.

Don't get twisted with LOVE. Marriage is not love. Hollywood and Advertisement companies created the ILLUSION called LOVE. Marriage is DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY to your family. I am saying this so you don't get stupid picking up your wife and stay stupid in your marriage. Once your wife does not live up to her expectations in the marriage, the consequences in the PRENUP kicks in immediately and you seek redress. Both the PRENUP and SAFETY MECHANISM provides you with a safety net to avoid losing CONTROL in your marriage and lose your asset in the event of a divorce. Oga, don't start saying your marriage will not end in divorce in Jesus's name. That's bullshit and a recipe for DISASTER. You have to plan for it and protect yourself. Even in Nigeria, I know politicians and business moguls who implement the SAFETY MECHANISMS I outlined above.

Finally, I know you are pressured and concerned about marriage. Don't worry. You are the PRIZE. You appear to be well settled and doing well for yourself. Many young women will rush you even in North America but don't be fooled. I don't know if your parents are alive, if they are alive seek their assistant in picking a wife for you. Give them your criteria - Age, Shape, Height, Educational Level, Religion, Tribe, and Skills which includes the ability to cook, clean, and sticking to traditional values. Also, the woman has to be from a stable family and that means both her father and mother are still in their marriage and they are doing well financially, including all her siblings. Do not be an avenue to alleviate anybody from poverty. You might be shocked I said you are the PRIZE. Yes, you are. Women are the PRODUCT and men are the BUYER, if you do not put a ring on her finger, she will NEVER BE MARRIED. Many men do not know this and they keep on SIMPING. Now, do you want to put a ring on someone who would DESTROY you?

You can hit me up for more advice. Don't mind the excessive emboldened words. I want you to note them. By the way, I live in Canada.

Thanks for your inputs, you seem to be writing from a position of having experienced the peculiarities of immigrating for a guy.
Your points are very golden and noted, sometimes it is good to see things from a different perspective and thats the reason I post here because it is good when you take advantage of the wisdom of others.

It is obvious this poster understands where I am coming from which I think makes a huge difference cos if you do not understand something it isnt easy to give the right advise about it.
Thanks bro.

GuyInTheMirror:
Thanks for your inputs, you seem to be writing from a position of having experienced the peculiarities of immigrating for a guy.
Your points are very golden and noted, sometimes it is good to see things from a different perspective and thats the reason I post here because it is good when you take advantage of the wisdom of others.

It is obvious this poster understands where I am coming from which I think makes a huge difference cos if you do not understand something it isnt easy to give the right advise about it.
Thanks bro.

You are welcome. Don't forget to seek the advice of a divorce lawyer before you marry. The $500.00 per hour would save you a lifetime of financial difficulties, emotional distress, physical stress, and even jail time. Yes - I said JAIL TIME. If you do not pay child support, child protection services can call the police, take you to court and the judge will send you to jail. I forgot to inform you that you MUST include in the PRENUP who gets to keep the children, custody rights, amount of child support to be paid per month, and alimony in the event there is a marriage dissolution.

I guess you now see the importance of a PRENUP. It is not just a tool utilized mainly by wealthy people. It is an important document for a marriage contract. Do not neglect the alternative option of having your parents pick a wife for you. In my opinion, I think it is the best and fastest option to get married. The Indians and Chinese or Asians utilized the form of marriage (Arranged Marriage) and it works perfectly well for them. When there are disputes and SURELY there will be marital disputes, you can rally around your family for support and also extinguish the fire.

I will repeat again - do not let anybody, including your OWN FAMILY, talk you out of not getting a PRENUP. if she does not want a PRENUP, find someone else who will. If you do not get a PRENUP, you relinquish ALL CONTROL to your wife and automatically become a SIMP. You would live in constant fear throughout the duration of your marriage and only or mostly do things to PLEASE the wife.

Also, utilize your bachelor phase with making friends with the married Nigerian men within your community and seek their opinions, including their marital problems. Though many men don't speak about their marital problems openly, if you are close to them, they would advise you greatly. I wish you that best of luck. If you implement what I outlined, you will enjoy your marriage in the western world, and even if you divorce, your life will not be miserable, at least, not financially. Also, your wife will be committed and submissive because she knows the consequences which are outlined in BLACK and WHITE in your PRENUP.

Oh before I forget - NEVER marry a woman who is above 25 years and try to get a virgin and surely you can if you implement the option of utilizing your parental assistance. Also, to avoid deceit about virginity, include in your PRENUP that the marriage will be instantly dissolved if upon consummation of the marriage you find out she is not a virgin. Oga, don't forget, NO JOKES HERE. This is your life and nobody will live your life for you. Also, consummate the marriage in Nigeria and if she is not a virgin - waka peacefully.

LordKO:
Ignorance and sentiment are heavily written all of this post. Dem never tell you say if de carry a monkey from Oyinboland come Naija, and vice versa, it will still behave like a monkey. For your little mind, someone wey de greedy for money or power for instance go automatically begin de behave like a fair-minded person once you treat am well in de midst of abundance and/or unrestricted freedom. Your "if you treat her right . . . " sure means a man must be ready to kowtow for his woman for peace to reign, since some of una don't know wetin decorum be as evident in this your post.

Some of you (males and females in this chauvinistic battle) de always think say na only de gender una belong get sense. Abeg, sense doesn't know gender. Avoid always seeing things from a chauvinistic POV, it does make you look petty.

A sensible person can't be caught continually making biased utterances and doesn't need to abuse others to feel important. Enough of this crassness and victim mentality.

Your comment is very funny but well written. I read her comment and laughed. Sometimes, it is better to avoid responding to little minds.

Biglittlelois:
Somehow, I am the chauvinistic person with a victim mentality and other labels, but you fail to acknowledge Op's stereotype of Nigerian females when taken abroad, how crass and disgusting of you,

Statistics have shown that most African women who were sponsored via a marital visa end up divorcing their husbands. The OP was not stereotyping. This is a common occurrence. If you are unaware indicate so rather than spew rubbish in a public forum.

For every reaction, whether positive or negative, there must have been a trigger, e.g, a thread some weeks ago was on FP about a man who married his wife before traveling abroad, when in naija, he admitted to treating his wife badly, and when she moved abroad to be with him, she got her revenge though in a terrible way, my point being, humans tend to mostly behave based on feelings and emotions about an ordeal, either sad, happy, hurtful, etc, actions begat reactions, which can lead to other things,

I guess you are also contradicting yourself here. Why would the woman decided to seek her pound of flesh when she relocated rather than in Nigeria. There are NGOs in Nigeria that support women who are in a violent marriage or experiencing domestic violence. These NGOs are well skilled in providing assistance and also ensuring justice prevail even if the Nigerian Police is not interested in the case. Guess what - it is FREE too. Like I posit above, if you are IGNORANT, do not come to a public forum to spew NONSENSE.

You, a Nigerian man, is expected to know what i mean by "treating his wife right" when you know how this society works, but cos you want to be a chauvinistic sexist, you have to make it all about men,

1) most men here cheat and claim it's their right, nothing is done about it,

I hate to burst your bubbles. Many men around the world, at one point in their lifetime, have multiple sex partners. Including your well-beloved WHITE MEN. Yup - I said that because black women idolized white men with the naivety that they are better. Darling, white men cheat very well. Those who do not cheat, do not have the financial means to do so. Please note that I am not speculating here. Again, your idea of most Nigerian men cheat indicates your IGNORANCE on the behavior of men around the world. Like I said previously, if you are uninformed about a situation, do not come to a public forum to spew nonsense.

2) During divorce, the wives and children is driven out of the house with no property to her name, so she has to start all over again,

There are family courts in Nigeria where women can exercise their rights in the event of a divorce. Maybe you have not visited the divorce court and I encourage you to do so. Nigerian women who decide not to exercise their rights, choose not to do so. Maybe these women are either IGNORANT like you or do not know that they can exercise their rights.

3) For child support, in most instances, the man is required to pay, say, #5000 for five kids, how realistic is that?
You cannot question the decision of the family court judge who is following the law. If the decision is unfavorable, seek an appeal.

4) For domestic violence, the man will be reported, the man will bribe his way out of jail, and that is the end of it, except when death happens to both genders,

Please see my comment on NGOs

So many instances and more, so why do you think Op is scared of bringing a naija wife abroad if not that he wants to eat his cake as it use to be in naija, and have it? Why cant he have a positive thinking regarding females here and hope or pray for the best?

The OP is only acting as a RATIONALE MAN. Marriage in the western world is not like going to the market to buy fish or kpomo. You plan for it properly, else you end up in misery. Again, if you are IGNORANT, do not come to a public forum to spew NONSENSE.

You guys must always have something to complain about ladies if it doesnt 100% favour you, ladies are making a stand lately seeing that marriage is not to die for, y'all are wailing all over the place,

Honestly, I don't know if this is true, but it is a welcome development. Marriage should ONLY be for those who are prepared for the rigorous COMMITMENT it entails. In my opinion, men are the BUYER and women the PRODUCT. If a man NEVER puts a ring in her finger, she will NEVER be MARRIED. Hence, a man should never pick someone who will DESTROY his life and make him miserable. As they say - CUSTOMER IS KING. Hence, men should be careful with the kind of product they purchase from the marital market.

Like I said earlier, if you treat your wife right, you have nothing to worry about, treat her wrongly, face whatever happens after.

Based on experience, you can NEVER please any individual completely. Also, there are always marital issues. Furthermore, in the Bible, the sole purpose of a wife is to please the husband. Deduce my opinion above on men being the BUYER, I think it is crazy to make a woman a wife and she decided to come along with hellstones. However, don't get me wrong here. I think it is equally wrong for husbands to treat their wives badly as well as neglect her needs especially when he can fulfill them. However, the point of "treat a wife right, you have nothing to worry about" is extremely wrong. The wife should treat the husband well because the man decided to pick her out of the surplus options and made her a wife - without that decision, the woman or may I say the girl will never be a wife.

I have read some of your comments. First, I decided to ignore you because you are completely IGNORANT. However, I had a change of heart and decided to respond to your comment for the benefit of other readers.

I think many women have lost the traditional values of marriage and are adopting the Hollywood illusion version of it. OP - don't let women shame you. Don't fall for the trap. If you know your worth, you will know you are the PRIZE and yes - many Nigerian women, including married ones, will want to marry you so they can relocate abroad. I know this. I have seen it happened and you will not be the first or the last. So PROTECT yourself.

I have to save this for reference too. Thanks Boss13 for this piece!

Boss13:
I think I can advise you on this. When you say North America, I believe you are in Canada. Americans don't say North America. Anyways I will say without mincing words, you are not old at all. Even at 40, you are not old. Men age like wine, but women get to hit the wall as they get older. All your options are risky, but option 3 is less risky than others. However, whatever option you choose, do not fail to get a Prenup. You are in the western world where women's rights are recognized more than men. Regardless of the option you pick, have it at the back of your mind that WOMEN CHANGE after marriage. Hence, you MUST PROTECT YOURSELF. Many young men in North America and even Europe are no longer considering marriage and I am sure you have heard of MGTOW or REDPILL and if you haven't, please do - study up quickly and get updated.

Marriage is good, don't get me wrong. However, western values have bastardized the ideals of marriage and replaced it with Hollywood fantasies, add feminism into that equation, what you get is women and men with the wrong beliefs of marriage. You HAVE TO SEEK THE ADVICE OF A DIVORCE LAWYER before you get married. The hourly rate in Canada is between $250 - $500 per hour. Spend the money to listen to how you can protect yourself from marriage before you sign the marriage certificate. If you do not protect yourself you will lose all control regardless of the option you choose.

Also, do not forget the PRENUP I mentioned above. When you start courting your potential wife, ask her about the idea of PRENUP, and listen to her response. If she refuses, move to the next one. In your PRENUP, have your lawyer draft EVEN THE BASIC NECESSITIES such as SEX, the timing, frequency, favorite position, and even hour. Include the consequences, expectations, and financial responsibilities in the event of the dissolution of the marriage. Do not JOKE about this. Inform your potential spouse to have a lawyer review the PRENUP before signing and sign and include her initials on all pages of the PRENUP.

My brother, even after a PRENUP, you are still not safe from a devilish woman. Next, you must set up a mechanism to protect your assets such as incorporating your assets either using an incorporated company or an LLC and transfer all your assets to that incorporation - your house, your car, your investments, and even your savings and have the incorporation borrow these assets for your utilization. For example, if you have purchased your home, transfer it to incorporation (a numbered company is easy to create) and have the company draft a rental agreement recognizing you as a tenant. You pay your mortgage as rental to your company and your company pays the mortgage with the same rental fees from you. Do the same with your car and other investments. Your lawyer can assist you with this. In this situation, no woman can take your property from you. Your company can eject her after the lease agreement is over. These mechanisms MUST have been implemented before you even dream of courting any woman. This means you should have these mechanisms like YESTERDAY.

Don't get twisted with LOVE. Marriage is not love. Hollywood and Advertisement companies created the ILLUSION called LOVE. Marriage is DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY to your family. I am saying this so you don't get stupid picking up your wife and stay stupid in your marriage. Once your wife does not live up to her expectations in the marriage, the consequences in the PRENUP kicks in immediately and you seek redress. Both the PRENUP and SAFETY MECHANISM provides you with a safety net to avoid losing CONTROL in your marriage and lose your asset in the event of a divorce. Oga, don't start saying your marriage will not end in divorce in Jesus's name. That's bullshit and a recipe for DISASTER. You have to plan for it and protect yourself. Even in Nigeria, I know politicians and business moguls who implement the SAFETY MECHANISMS I outlined above.

Finally, I know you are pressured and concerned about marriage. Don't worry. You are the PRIZE. You appear to be well settled and doing well for yourself. Many young women will rush you even in North America but don't be fooled. I don't know if your parents are alive, if they are alive seek their assistant in picking a wife for you. Give them your criteria - Age, Shape, Height, Educational Level, Religion, Tribe, and Skills which includes the ability to cook, clean, and sticking to traditional values. Also, the woman has to be from a stable family and that means both her father and mother are still in their marriage and they are doing well financially, including all her siblings. Do not be an avenue to alleviate anybody from poverty. You might be shocked I said you are the PRIZE. Yes, you are. Women are the PRODUCT and men are the BUYER, if you do not put a ring on her finger, she will NEVER BE MARRIED. Many men do not know this and they keep on SIMPING. Now, do you want to put a ring on someone who would DESTROY you?

You can hit me up for more advice. Don't mind the excessive emboldened words. I want you to note them. By the way, I live in Canada.

Keeping for reference

Boss13:
You are welcome. Don't forget to seek the advice of a divorce lawyer before you marry. The $500.00 per hour would save you a lifetime of financial difficulties, emotional distress, physical stress, and even jail time. Yes - I said JAIL TIME. If you do not pay child support, child protection services can call the police, take you to court and the judge will send you to jail. I forgot to inform you that you MUST include in the PRENUP who gets to keep the children, custody rights, amount of child support to be paid per month, and alimony in the event there is a marriage dissolution.

I guess you now see the importance of a PRENUP. It is not just a tool utilized mainly by wealthy people. It is an important document for a marriage contract. Do not neglect the alternative option of having your parents pick a wife for you. In my opinion, I think it is the best and fastest option to get married. The Indians and Chinese or Asians utilized the form of marriage (Arranged Marriage) and it works perfectly well for them. When there are disputes and SURELY there will be marital disputes, you can rally around your family for support and also extinguish the fire.

I will repeat again - do not let anybody, including your OWN FAMILY, talk you out of not getting a PRENUP. if she does not want a PRENUP, find someone else who will. If you do not get a PRENUP, you relinquish ALL CONTROL to your wife and automatically become a SIMP. You would live in constant fear throughout the duration of your marriage and only or mostly do things to PLEASE the wife.

Also, utilize your bachelor phase with making friends with the married Nigerian men within your community and seek their opinions, including their marital problems. Though many men don't speak about their marital problems openly, if you are close to them, they would advise you greatly. I wish you that best of luck. If you implement what I outlined, you will enjoy your marriage in the western world, and even if you divorce, your life will not be miserable, at least, not financially. Also, your wife will be committed and submissive because she knows the consequences which are outlined in BLACK and WHITE in your PRENUP.

Oh before I forget - NEVER marry a woman who is above 25 years and try to get a virgin and surely you can if you implement the option of utilizing your parental assistance. Also, to avoid deceit about virginity, include in your PRENUP that the marriage will be instantly dissolved if upon consummation of the marriage you find out she is not a virgin. Oga, don't forget, NO JOKES HERE. This is your life and nobody will live your life for you. Also, consummate the marriage in Nigeria and if she is not a virgin - waka peacefully.

It is very true that cultural orientation of a nigerian raised person is totally different from that of an abroad raised person, and you have to live abroad to fully understand.
Compatibility helps in relationships. Ideological differences ruin relationships here.

GuyInTheMirror:
This is the very kind of mindset that I am talking about.
Alot of these ladies out there are traumatised and do not even realise it.
How can you make this kind of claim without meeting me ? I agree a lot of women have been abused and that happens very often back in Nigeria but not all men are like that.

But when a lady goes around with this kind of mentality it is impossible to please them cos they go about looking for faults in men and looking for ways to express their freedom .

If you live abroad, you'd realise that cultural orientation of a nigerian raised person is totally different from that of an abroad raised person, if you do not live here you wont understand.

I consider cultural compatibility to be very key in marriage and thats part of the reasons I was considering coming back to naija.

Simply put, majority of the ladies I see are not on the same level with me in terms of cultural compatibility and value system and not becuase I intend to abuse them, I am a perfect gentleman.

anslem04:
Even half of the minority will ridicule there husband in such situation, that is why you see most men with wives as breadwinner suffer the highest form of depression.

This one is very true. The first one or two years, they might behave well but just let dem be breadwinner for more than two years,u will start contemplating suicide as a man

Ybaby:
I am a confam golddigger

No lies! My hubby pays all the bills and that makes me super proud of him and of my self too.

I submit to the leadership of my provider man easily. I couldnot stand a non provider man when I was single. My love language is gold as in literarily then my kid's school fees then bag and shoe .... once those are done I will cuddle and be very sweet. I will offer peace and true love.

Next topic!

I like it,at least u no dey pretend like pocohantas, fountainofyouth, hathor5, and biglittelois trying to act like money is not the only thing naija women live for. Own your golddigging tendencies