deolutolu:
Hello. Good day. We are in need of fiction writers who are interested in writing for money. A lot of Nigerian youth love to read and some already write for free, so why not get paid for your talent and also hone your creativity? If you're a fan of romance, erotica, thriller, science fiction books and are also good at mimicking what you've read or conjuring your own plot and characters to write a beautiful prose, please contact me at uniquecontent2020@gmail.com

Please attach a previously written sample of fiction writing to your application

Cheers

I wish say I dey work with mail, you for don make me blow

Thanks op, nice update...

Elvictor:
they have refused to bring the light oh

Hey ya, sorry.

Thanks for the update

Lakesc:
Thanks op, nice update...

you are welcome, sir

Ayanfe29:

Hey ya, sorry.
Thanks for the update

you are making me to cry...

Elvictor:


I celebrated my 18years of celibacy on Earth yesterday, na mistaken identity be this oh! lwkmd.

Hehe, that is good. Happy celibacy day in arrears. Wish I could tell you mine, but I sure say I be your senior for that angle.
And for the NEPA wife, maybe she mentioned your name to her hubby just as one airline mistook one boy for one minister that particular year. Anyways, it was my grandpa who told me about this, but I don't know if it is true sha.

Dbeautyy:


Hehe, that is good. Happy celibacy day in arrears. Wish I could tell you mine, but I sure say I be your senior for that angle.
And for the NEPA wife, maybe she mentioned your name to her hubby just as one airline mistook one boy for one minister that particular year. Anyways, it was my grandpa who told me about this, but I don't know if it is true sha.

with my celibate status it cannot be true, LOL.. good morning

OGA LANDLORD 18+
Episode 36
I frown first, the way the man dey rub in palms dey lick em lips dey strange.
Akpan's father: my son, no be only cow, we go buy goat too.
Me: goat! *I scream*
I never even gree for the cow, all these rituals na for cleansing for just river, he nodded.
Me: all these cow and goat, who go chop am?
Akpan: no body oh, we go throw them enter the river.
Ugochukwu: the river go come swallow everything? that kind river still dey Nigeria?
Akpan's father: yes, and na night we go carry out the ritual... Ehnn... We go need white wrappers like two.
Me: all these things you mention no get list, instead of to dey mention them one after the other.
Akpan's father: *clear his throught, carry one long paper give me* see am there, we go buy everything.
My eyes for don run commot from their sockets, total na one million naira for common cleansing ritual.
Me: who go come chop these three bags of rice?
Akpan: na the priestess go chop am to revert the curse.
Akpan's father: you nofit compare one million to your life my son.
I shake my head, I fit compare that amount em dey mention to my life. If you point me gun ask me one million naira or my life, na that one millionaire i go pick. Even though I go spend am for land of death.
Me: my go withdraw the money, so that we go get the requirements, ehnn... Ugochukwu, you godey here.
Akpan's father: Akpan...
Akpan: yes, papa..
Akpan's father: go with our friends from the city.
The man don hear money dey hammer queen's English, criminal!
Me: make em no bother, I go go withdraw come back today.
I stood up and left the sitting, Eni and Akpan's mother has gone to the kitchen to prepare food for us. I left Ugochukwu in Akpan's father sitting room.
I folded the list and walked under the sun like someone who doesn't know were he is heading to, I get money wey pass that amount for my account. As a capitalist, I nofit waste am for this kind thing na.
A thought entered my head to ask someone about this culture, I wanted to enter a house by the road side, when I suspected that a naked small boy has been trailing me.
Me: come!
Small boy: me?
I nodded and he came, I knew they sent him to make sure I didn't talk to anybody.
Me: *I give him one hundred naira* take this one go buy biscuit.
Small boy: I never get this kind plenty money for my life, thank you brother.
He ran off like a naked mad man, while I entered inside the compound fenced with flowers.
It was a mud house, and luckily a woman was pounding fufu be side her kitchen when I met her.
While her daughter was carrying a baby behind her, the baby was crying. Thank God I have biscuit in my pocket.
Me: don't cry, iyaa! *i give him the biscuit and seal his big mouth.
Woman: oga no vex oh, na who you dey fine? *thick Calabar accent*
My mind come dey tell me say what if the woman dey amongst those people wey dey plan with Akpan's family, I come use my number 6.
Me: em get one girl I see when I dey waka pass here, I no know whether na your daughter.
Woman: no, em no go fit be my daughter, see the only daughter I get *she point the girl backing the child*
Me: madam, thank you... Collect this one buy something for the family *I give her five thousand naira*
Woman: oga....! make God bless you, your enemies no go see you.
I nod and bade them goodbye, as I was walking out of the compound. I pretended to forget something and turned back.
Me: madam, em get wetin happen to my friend. Em marry wife from this village, the wife and one man come dey sleep with each other... the woman and the man die, naso em dey happen?
Woman: na their time to die, since when I dey this village. That kind thing never happen, even our culture nothing like that.
The woman just saved me, I for my way to Port - Harcourt, I took bike and got lost from the village and boarded a bus to Port- Harcourt. I called Ugochukwu while I was in the bus heading to Port Harcourt.
Me: guy, you still dey there... shift small from those thieves.
Ugochukwu: *some minutes later* I don commot, wetin be the matter again?
Me: those people them be thieves, nothing like that dey happen for their culture,them dey fine way to collect money.
Ugochukwu: you for tell me since na you come say my stay here, where you dey now?
Me: I dey on my way to PH, tell them say you dey go meet me for where I go buy the things.
Ugochukwu: I go do wetin you talk.
Immediately I got to Port- Harcourt, my stomach started behaving funny. I took another bus to the area I am living, my stomach come full like say shit wan fall out.
I enter one bike wey dey jump upadan, the shit threatened to fall. But I still hold am sotay I reach yard, I jumped down from the bike tear race enter inside yard.
Okadaman: *shouting* oga you never pay me!
I searched my pocket fast fast, see one hundred naira throw give am. I saw Samuel sitting on the passage floor lamenting.
I searched my pockets fast fast for my room keys.
Samuel: I tell my wife to born girl, where i wan come get the extra ten thousand naira to pay doctor!
I quickly remembered that I forgot my key in Ugochukwu's car, I rushed go the public toilet. All was locked apart from one unlocked, but someone was singing inside.
Voice: I saw Michael Jackson in the toilet, he was drinking garri.
Me: *slamming the door* who dey inside? open oh!
Voice: *still singing* I saw Michael Jackson, in the toilet. He was drinking.
Which kind mad person wey enter market newly be this?
TBC...

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: F*ck Fakers.



Episode 37



Me: open this door! *I continue banging at the door*

Voice: I saw Michael Jackson in the toilet, he was drinking garri.

The thing threatened to drop in my brief, there was locked toilet next door, I quickly jumped up and held the top.
I struggled very hard and used my right leg to throw above and finally I sat on the top.

I saw the idiot singing with soap in his eyes dancing, I thought of what to do to him but the nature call didn't allow me to think straight.
I jumped down and loose my belt quickly, and pulled down the trouser with my brief in a flash and eased myself on the WC.

I saw a hand dropped the bowl he was using to bath on top of the demarcation wall, I quickly got hold of it and continued doing my thing.

Voice: who thief my bowl!?

I no talk, he continued screaming on top of his voice and later stopped and continued singing again, madness get pedigree oh!
he later finished bathing and left whistling, some people fit use bathroom release back to back album.

I switched on the tap and flushed what I dropped in that place, I washed my bum bum. I was about putting back my trouser to my waist when someone unlocked the toilet with towel tied around her. It was Lucy, short and small... She looked very innocent.

She wore a naughty smile and closed the door behind her and winked at me.

Lucy: oga landlord, wetin you dey do for inside ladies bathroom? the thing dey hungry you?

Me: *I put back my boxer* which thing be that? nothing dey hungry me... I just come shit.

She pulled her towel and turned then hanged it on the door, why short girls dey get big breasts and big yansh... All their heights run go enter their front and back.

Me: wetin you dey do? why you dey naked before me? you want make your mother come kill me?

Lucy: you no be small pikin na, I like wetin you carry there... I wan taste am.

She came for kiss and I quickly reciprocated, I grabbed her bumbum while we were kissing fast. She pulled down my brief and it heaped on my kneel, I penetrated two fingers inside her pu*ssy.

Lucy: asshhh! ooohhh! Yes!! finger me *she moa*n lowly*

I grabbed and squeezed her left bre*asts roughly, placed my mouth on the left bre*asts and started su*cking it.
She grabbed my hard di*ck and started jer*king my hard di*ck slowly.

She turned and placed her both palms on the wall and pushed back her a*ss backward, I separated her ass cheeks and spitted on my palm, I rubbed her opening and penetrated inside her we*t pu*ssy and started fu*cking her.

Lucy: asshhh! ooohhh! harder... am feeling you... aaahhhh!!

Me: aahh! ahhh!!

I grabbed her bre*asts from behind and squeezed roughly, I pinched the ni*pples and she moa*ned loudly.

Voice: wetin dey happen for that place?

I stopped ba*nging her, both of us were quiet.

Lucy: wetin concern you ehnn? busy body.

Voice: na wetin you dey do for this yard, I dey go tell your mother.

We heard the foot-falls going away, I pulled out and wore my trouser quickly.

Lucy: the thing still dey hungry me na, my mama no go do anything.

Me: no be me and you oh.

I opened the bathroom door and headed out of the hallway, I saw Joe with Mama Lucy coming towards the rest room side.

Mama Lucy: hiiaaa! Oga landlord, wetin you dey do for bathroom?

Joe: ask am oh!

Me: my friend don come?

They shrugged and I quickly headed to my room, luckily I saw Ugochukwu sitting inside the house.

Me: guy, when you come?

Ugochukwu: just now, why you dey sweat like goat?

My phone started ringing and I picked the call, I didn't see the caller ID.

Me: hello, who be this?

Madam Stella: what do you mean? come over here immediately.

I removed the phone from my ear and saw the phone's screen it was Stella.

Me: am coming...

The call ended and I clicked the message, I saw the address sent to me from Madam Stella. the governor's wife.

Me: guy, I dey come...

Ugochukwu: where you think say you dey go?

Me: when you wan go, close the door and put the keys under foot mat.

I quickly ran out entered bike and zoomed off, I wasn't satisfied with the s*ex with Lucy... Maybe Madam Stella go make me cu*m.

I was surprised to see lots of bikes and cars in the place the address led me to, I brought out my phone and curbed the address again, it was a large hall.

I entered and saw lots of men and some women well sitted, while Madam Stella stood at the podium.
She signaled me to climb the podium.

Stella: meet the excos and women leaders, with youth leaders in your district.

I don blow oh! I be celebrity now, hope you have my number?
Start begging now oh... Before i change my mind lol.

TBC...

Thanks op.. Youngest landlord na sex addict ooh.

Elvictor:


you are making me to cry...

Lol... how?

Lakesc:
Thanks op.. Youngest landlord na sex addict ooh.

.

this your judgment, hmm..

Ayanfe29:


Lol... how?

the normal way them dey cry, open mouth allow tears to drop from eyes.

Elvictor:


the normal way them dey cry, open mouth allow tears to drop from eyes.

I meant why am I making you cry?

Ayanfe29:


I meant why am I making you cry?

am just kidding

Elvictor:


am just kidding

Lol.... alright o.

Where's our early morning food na?

Ayanfe29:


Lol.... alright o.
Where's our early morning food na?

ready to be served

OGA LANDLORD 21+




Subtitle: F*ck Fakers.



Episode 38



After she introduced me they all start clapping and cheering me "honourable" with their teeth, they were forty people and from explanation they are the people who can vote for the party coming primary two Months later.

I sighted my wicked uncle also cheering and clapping, even though is not from his heart the thing sweet me like toto.

Madam Stella brought out the form that will enable me contest for the upcoming primary, pressmen and women were present capturing the moment. I no hide any teeth, o gini... Stop looking at me like that.

After the grand welcoming, I mounted the podium to speak.

Me: when the righteous enter government!

Voices: the people jolly.

Me: NDP...!!

Voices: unity is our motto.

Me: if that unity nodey?

Voices: no power.

I came down from the podium and Madam Stella climbed the podium and gave a fine sugarcoated long speech, the woman sabi lie oh... Them no believe am sha... Some are wondering how I got the governor's wife on my side and which money will I even give them if am running for the primaries, them no happy at all.

I no send, after the fine meeting, I followed Madam Stella while her securities shared money to the excos for transport.
I walked her to her car.

Madam Stella: boy..!

Me: yes, ma.

Madam Stella: *a smile plays on her lips* you are up for a strong challenge, do you know Mr. Okoye?

We no know that stingy chairman, that appoint councilors like family business. He is the chairman for eight years now, and all the bad boys are in his beck and call.

Me: I sabi that man.

Madam Stella: is the man you are up against *my mind fly*

Me: issa lie *I no wan die young*

Madam Stella: no fear, I go rig the primary with stakeholders.

Me: thank you, ma.

Those state excos can give me hope for winning the primary, but I no popular na.
I entered house hoping say Ugochukwu godey around, so that we go put head together.
I entered my room and saw the idiot eating, the four legs of chickens I kept in my fridge were already fried and a plate of fried rice on the table with juice.

Me: guy, which kind of crime you dey commit like this?

Ugochukwu: *licking his fingers* which court charge eating as crime?

Me: I no get your time, see I be the next assembly member of my constituency.

I kept the forms on the bed and he immediately dropped the chicken back on the plate.

Ugochukwu: *laughing like ewu* guy! I think say your madness dey for local level, I no know say you don enter international.

Me: I dey serious, first lady dey back me up and am up against Okoye.

Ugochukwu: *he start hailing me* my tight G, I go be your Chief of staff.

Me: shebi your ears na fancy? I dey against wicked Okoye, that useless chairman.

Ugochukwu: ehnn.. Ehnn... No dull yourself oh, capacity lady dey your back... We go tidy everything with money? how much you don keep for this election.

Me: *I whisper* twenty million.

Ugochukwu: Jesus!! *screaming* which bank you rob?

Me: I even get pass that place, na my savings I tell you like this. I no want make my enemies know say I be rich man.

Ugochukwu: *grinning* what if I be one of them?

Me: no be holy ghost fire go kill you, na rat chop.

We dialogue on few logistics to put in place, luckily I got the forty excos addresses and numbers.
I wanted to call for meeting immediately am done with screening tomorrow, Ugochukwu stayed over that day... In the evening a knock landed on my door while we were watching a movie.

Me: who be that?

Anderson: youngest landlord na me... ehnn.. Felicia don come invite the yard for her wedding tomorrow.

Me: my wear clothes, I dey come....

I came out and saw the crates of drinks and biscuits kept in the centre of everyone, I saw Felicia beaming. Make the wedding no get k-leg oh, before somebody go commit suicide.
I sat beside Anderson, he already prepared a seat for me.

Anderson: youngest landlord, my yarn? *I nod, and he clears his throat* Felicia here get one important to tell us before we go jump enter item 7.

Felicia: ona don already know, my traditional wedding na tomorrow... And I dey invite all of ona, if you no get gifts no come oh...

Voices: gifts kwa? how plates them go give us? her husband go poor oh!

Anderson: ona don hear am from the talking horse mouth.

Me: *I get up* ehnn... I wan give ona good news, I dey contest for house assembly.

Voices: *shouting and scream* honourable! I go be your P.A, I go be your Chief security, I go be your secretary.

Them even mention all the appointments position, even ones I no know sef.

Collect my number now oh before I go change mind, 'cause I be celebrity.

TBC..

OGA LANDLORD 21+




Subtitle: F*uck Fakers.



-Episode 39



Na God enabled me escape from them that day, my name was automatically transformed from Oga Landlord to honourable.
Wetin money nofit do.

Ugochukwu: who and you do smackdown, this one you are sweating?

Me: na all these my tenants oh, na escape I escape if not. By now I for don die oh!

Ugochukwu: you don dey talk about die now? when the real death na a Month away.

Me: I no understand, come.. come... wetin you mean by real death, hope is not what am thinking oh!

Ugochukwu: hope say you nodey think say na me go kill you, when assassin Okoye dey wait for you.

Me: forget that thing, when we reach that bridge we go cross am.

I took my towel and took a nice bath, we started watching movie contemplating on what to eat that evening, cooking wasn't an option me. 'Cause I no even get strength to boil garri water sef, but if you bring am I get strength to eat. And Ugochukwu was so engrossed with the movie he is watching.

Me: guy! we no go eat today again? time don dey enter seven p.m oh!

Ugochukwu: I go eat na, you dey on fast?

Me: wetin you wan come eat when you no cook? or you don dey chop raw meats.

Ugochukwu: oh! oh!! I resemble your chef? you better enter that kitchen cook soup oh, I be visitor.

Me: for which legal paper wey them write say visitors nodey cook?

My stomach started aching funny, like the worms are singing national anthem to arise for food or hunger reaction, I was so vexed when a knock landed on the door.

Me: *I shout angrily* na who be that?

Voice: no vex, na me honourable?

Me: who you be na the question, your papa skip to give you name.

Voice: my mother say make I give you this plate of goat meats pepper soup.

Me: forget about your name, enter biko... The door is not locked.

She entered wearing bumshort and singlet, she didn't wear bra because her perky ni-pples were pushing on the soft fabric making the shape of her rounded bre*asts obvious.

Faith: *smiling* honourable good evening. *she drop the plate of the table*

Me: fine evening *Ugochukwu start looking at her like she be the plate of the pepper soup*

Ugochukwu: ehnnn... girl you are so beautiful, are you an angel with name?

Me: Faith, your mama dey call you. Come and be going.

She was hesitant but finally accepted when I threatened her.

Ugochukwu: which kind bad market you be na?

Me: I send you message you no gree go.

We were still on the pepper soup when another knock landed, it was fried rice and meats. We collect that one devour too, another one come again garri and egusi soup. Before one person come carry em bad belle come with beans and ripe plantain, we chase am go back.
Before I sleep that name, my belle big pass the normal size, I nofit even turn place am for bed.
We slept up with heavy stomachs.

Voice: *harsh voice* hey hey!

I opened my eyes slowly slowly taking in vision, I saw a masked man pointing a gun at my face with his finger placed in the middle of his mouth. I be wan shout sha...

Me: sir, sir... Please... Don't kill me.


Mask man: are you a honourable or not?

Me: noooooooooo!

I wake up on the floor with throbbing pains while Ugochukwu sat on the bed staring at me.

Ugochukwu: you never even do the screening, political madness don attack you for sleep.

Me: *the room was looking bright* day don break?

Ugochukwu: no, God on generator for night.


TBC..

Elvictor:


ready to be served

Hmmm...ok o

Modified*****
Thanks for the update.. it's so hilarious!

Ayanfe29:


Hmmm...ok o
Modified***** Thanks for the update.. it's so hilarious!

awwnn.. am blushing oh

[quote author=Dbeautyy post=90799550][/quote]
lol, no experience gun point my brother oh!

that babe can make you do things you can never imagine yourself doing -gun. ;Dthat babe can make you do things you can never imagine yourself doing -gun.

Youngest honourable, after u na u. Salute Elvictor

Oga Landlord the Honourable Himself abeg me go be your Chief Cook oooo

Op abeg I don tender my application abeg help me forward am..... In the meantime Nice work, you are doing well

U and ogowchukwu criminal partner

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: F*uck Fakers.



-Episode 40




Me: *I look around the room and sigh heavily* wetin be today date?

Ugochukwu: you sure say you no jam trailer of madness for your dream, go baf... Today na your screening.

Me: oh! *I start scratching my head* guy, em get one dream wey I dream for this night.

Ugochukwu: na the dream make you shout like mad woman fly commot from bed?

Me: *I nod* the person ask me if I be honourable, I deny am because of say em hold gun.

Ugochukwu started laughing, I wonder wetin make the talk funny.
I got up from the floor and stretched, I wasn't myself during the morning preparation to head to the screening exercise.
I was feeling off that morning, after we are done Ugochukwu and I headed to INEC office, if I was contesting for Governor, House of Representative, or Senate. I would have gone to Abuja for the screening.

I slipped my files over to the man in the pigeon-hole, he started flipping my papers.

Voice: na your paper at all be this?

Me: check am well.

Voice: show me your face.

I bent and peeped through the hole, he cleared his throat.

Voice: this your NYSC certificate date nodey correct.

I brought out ten thousand naira from my pocket and dropped on the counter, his hand quickly appeared on the counter and took the money.

Voice: you are cleared! Honourable oh!

He issued me screening eligibility form and returned my certificate, my head lit with fear. Naso trailer of confidence jam me, I come dey waka for air.

Ugochukwu: you be tight politician, sas you silence that man.

Me: you never see anything watch my next move.

I called Fatty and mama Genesis for them to arrange buffet, I sent an address of the hall we used the other time when Stella called me. She promised me that I can carry out political meetings there anytime I want.
Ugochukwu and I headed to the bank and withdrawed four million naira, money speaks louder than any sound.

The manager helped us to make the massive withdrawal after tipping him, I started texting those excos and women leaders to come over to the hall for another meeting, we arrived at the compound of the hall and Ugochukwu parked very close to the hall and we came down.

Immediately I entered the hall.


Voices: honourable! capacity!! na you go go.

I looked up at the podium and saw buffets arrange, no wonder... Food na their inspiration.
I gave thumbs up to Fatty and mama Genesis, I go pay them sharp sharp. Those women dey deliver, I climbed the podium and started inspecting what they did, it was wowable.

Me: if food nodey belle, talk no go sweet... Make ona serve ona self, eat as you want.

They were about thirty, my uncle no come. I go make them regret why them no come today, I signaled Fatty and Mama Genesis to follow me.
Ugochukwu had loaded the money properly inside a safe room.

Me: ona try well well...

Fatty: na because of you I do am for credit oh.

Me: I know na.

Mama Genesis: I fit get my money, I wan go house. My husband don start to call me.

Me: my bring the money.

I took money from the safe room and gave to them, while Ugochuwkwu and I busied ourselves arranging the money into buddles of one hundred thousand naira.

After we are done, we carried the ghana must go to the hall.
Come see food box everywhere, some even have all types of bags parking food. People parents wan kill themselves on top food, I nofit laugh.

Some even fall on top food like say food no godey again, see wahala... one man was chewing chicken like say no chicken godey again. Immediately they saw me, they started hailing me.

Voices: our honourable! man wey sabi! talk and do! action man!!

I like that talk and do, the honourable no go do me again. "Honourable talk and do" this one make brains.

I climbed the podium with Ugochukwu.

Me: I be honourable talk and do, everybody wey dey this roof go carry 100k go house.

Voices: *mad jubilation* honourable talk and do! *shouting* na you go go!

Me: make ona come pick one one bundle each from this bag, go and make me popular.

See the way them rush come, I feared for my life. I first asked them to come one after the other, them still dey drag who go be first as if the money go soon get leg, I kicked away the idea of leaving and shared the money.

When we are do I realized that some of them have decided to vote me for the position, they were now placing their faiths in me. I was relieved of being a total failure, we entered the car and zoomed off.

Ugochukwu: you get all these political sense na you dey delay?

Me: na God oh, na suffer make me open eyes.

Three cars sped past us and blocked the tarred road, soldiers started coming out with guns and koboko.

Me: na wetin dey happen? you thief soldier man car?

Ugochukwu: *hiss* you dey joke when something serious dey happen.

Few soldiers came to our car side and dragged us out of the car, that is when the chairman came down from his car. See pepper soup, Mr. Okoye the man am contesting against, I tell Ugochukwu oh!
One of the soldier man with koboko approached us.

Soldier man: lie down! lie down!!

Before em even say down I dey down already dey vibrate and recite my last prayer.

Mr. Okoye: who dey contest for honourable among ona two?

I pointed at Ugochukwu and he also pointed at me with his finger.


TBC..

OGA LANDLORD 21+




Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers



Episode 41



He shot in the air and my bladder downloaded two bottles of water, I felt like peeing immediately.

Mr. Okoye: I repeat, who among ona two wan drag honourable with me?

Me: nobody oh, you don win.

Ugochukwu: yes... Nobody *his voice shaking*

Me sef no even recognize my own voice, it was sounding like those primary two children with twelve teeth.

Soldier: frog jump!

I quickly got up and started jumping like frog, you see that koboko? The fear of that koboko is the beginning of wisdom. Ugochukwu follow me jump too, I think say em go prove stubborn at least.

Mr. Okoye: fools!

Ugochukwu and I: thank you sir.

We were still jumping beside the roadside when he ordered his army to follow him, they got into their cars and drove off.
I immediately opened my zipper and started urinating, na that day I recorded the longest urine of my life, no be joke oh.

Ugochukwu: o boy! *he exhale*

Me: *I stare at his trouser* why water full here *I touch his di*ck area* guy you piss for trouser *I start laughing*

Ugochukwu: *wipe the sweats on his face* no be small thing, this man nodey smile with you oh!

Me: I swear, make we commot here before em go send assassin.

We went inside the car and some passers-by witnessed the scene, naso I wan win election when my opponent dey intimidate me anyhow.
I need to man up, we got to my house and Ugochukwu went inside the bathroom and spent some quality time, immediately he came out.

Ugochukwu: give me pu-ssy, I need am before I die.

Me: trailer of stupidity hit you, I resemble girl for your eyes.

Ugochukwu: *hiss* you need tight securities for this thing oh.

Me: na true talk be that, my go arrange security.


I went outside the room and called Jojo, with two other strong men in the yard to my room.
Four of us entered the room and I saw Ugochukwu sleeping on my bed.

Me: *I slap his leg* guy, get up!

Ugochukwu: *he wake up* wetin again?

Me: I don bring the securities.

Ugochukwu: *he see the three of them and face me* wey them?

Me: see my CSO *I point at Jojo* the two others na guards.

Ugochukwu: them fit withstand soldier as them dey like people wey never see food.

Me: you wan be the security?

Jojo: honourable...

Me: pepper the honourable with 'talk and do'

Jojo: honourable talk and do, your security is assured.

Ugochukwu: ona get guns? *they look at each other in confusion*

Me: guy, warn yourself. We nodey go war, na politics.

Ugochukwu: the man take am as war.

Me: just die the matter.

I discussed with the three guys and asked them to gym, and always be around my room. I promised to pay them handsomely,
Later madam Stella called.

Madam Stella: sugar boy.

Me: good evening, Stella *na she talk my call am by her name oh*

Madam Stella: shut up! answer your di*ck is ready.

Me: sorry, my di*ck is ready *na wa oh*

Madam Stella: good boy, I heard what happened.

News dey travel upon say she dey Abuja, she dey send spy to dey follow me. I wonder sha.. She promised to provide bodyguard when she touched down the State, she also said her husband is coming back to the State. The man don travel since, sometimes I wonder if na him be the governor or em wife.

After we ended the call, that day went and another day showed up. Ugochukwu was just snoring anyhow beside me.
Me wey nodey like to wake up around 4am, the idiot woke me up. I rushed go on light, teared out tissues and snugged it inside his nostrils.

I went back to sleep.
After sometime, someone woke me up.

Me: wetin be your problem?

Ugochukwu: you wan kill me?

Me: your snore is liable of killing.

Ugochukwu: no do am again, I no like am.

I hissed and went back to sleep, suddenly a knock landed on the door. Ugochukwu and I woke up staring at each other for who to open the door.

Ugochukwu: guy, go open the door?

Me: why I go go open the door?

Ugochukwu: I senior you.

Me: how many years you dey?

Ugochukwu: them born me for 1960.

Me: na you never reach 90years... Well my own na 1903... Go open the door.

Ugochukwu: *the person knock harder on the door* hiaa! You wan break the door? We dey discuss who go open door for you, calm down.

Voice: honourable talk and do... You don come out for newspaper!

News wetin?

TBC..

Elvictor. baba fire on. more agege bread to ur tea

well work....😆😆😆.

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: F*ck Fakers.



Episode 42



I quickly got up from the bed my heart beating "gbu! gbu!!", hope say them never talk say the current chairman disgraced me. I opened the door and met Anderson smiling, wetin dey make this one shine teeth sef?

Anderson: honourable talk and do! you too much *hailing me*

Me: *I collect the newspaper* Jesus!!

Ugochukwu: wetin Jesus do again this time?

Me: Anderson thank you, you know say you be my mouthpiece, we go see later.

Anderson: I dey gidigba! honourable talk and do!

Me: *I close the door* people sabi lie oh

Ugochukwu: how na?

Me: *I give him the newspaper* you no see the headlines, Mr. Okoye confront the people choice due to fear of losing.

Ugochukwu: them even write say em wan bribe you, say em kneel down dey beg you to step down when them wan kill us with koboko.

Me: you don see am, I know say na madam Stella pay them to do all these things oh.

Ugochukwu: you even dey talk wetin dey my mind, guy berra goan cook amu going out.

Me: you better browse enter eatery, I dey go my shop.

Both of us contested who will got inside the bathroom first, I went for the towel firstly but the idiot ran into the bathroom without towel. There have not been light through out the night sha...

Ugochukwu: I won! am a winner!!

Me: oboy, baf quick quick na.

After sometimes he stopped singing and one strange silence eschew afterwards.

Ugochukwu: aahhh! water don finish, abeg... Oh! soap dey my eyes.

Me: so, my fly?

Ugochukwu: Victor! help me na!!

Me: use your boxer clean your face na, then carry bucket go fetch water for well.

Ugochukwu: oboy, no do na... I dey sorry, abeg just help me fetch the water.

Me: na for your side I see winner dey beg loser oh, I no get strength for this your madness for this morning, I dey go baf for the yard bathroom, bye bye.

Ugichukwu: Victor!!!!!!! Vi ki tor!!!!

I hissed and got out of the room went to the compound, and sighted strange queue in the bathroom side. I wonder where everybody dey rush go this morning.
I took my bucket to the well to fetch when Cynthia came out with towel tied around her body.

Cynthia: my husband, how you dey?

Me: husband? which kind marine marriage be that?

Cynthia: just answer na, you nofit dey romantic for once.... I know say you no sabi oh, just pretend say you dey try to.

Me: madam adviser, I don hear... I wan fetch water.

Cynthia: ah ah!, a whole my husband fetch water when I dey there, mba!

She took the bucket tied with rope from me and helped me in filling my own bucket from the well, I was surprised sha.. Cynthia wey I dey bribe to even go buy something for me dey give me free fetching, is alright.

I took the bucket to the queue and all of them turned to me hailing me, iffa I lose this election my enemies no go see better thing oh..

Voices: honourable talk and do, hey you shift shift... make em go baf, come out of the bathroom.

Before I look my bucket and me dey inside the bathroom dey baf oh, I no know say power dey stop nonsense. If na before who go even gree, everybody godey claim tenant rights.

I finish bathing and came out of the bathroom and I was showered with more praises with motives, everybody want my notice am. I waka enter inside room and met Ugochukwu whistling wiping out some dust from his trouser.

He wore one boxer that was wrestling with his dangler, I felt like drinking water.
I opened the bucket I usually stored drinking water, it was empty. I opened the next one and it was still empty.

Me: I remember say I fetch water for this buckets before I sleep last night.

Ugochukwu: pure water no cost.

TBC...