₦airaland Forum

seanwilliam:
Some people nairaland self..I know most of u will capitalize on that slap of a thing..

@ op, never apologize first, if you do, ur ego is ruined forever and it would hunt you

Na only u get sense for here

rasheedatt:
ameen I pray so
I wish you the same

Lol, I'm the guy you will fall in love with na

luminouz:
Lol, I'm the guy you will fall in love with na

Lol I don't know you
How will that be possible?

OP
Before I say anything, I'm a psychologist so welcome

Slapping her is absolutely wrong and out of it

But for the fact that you sent her an SMS and you've also told her about the client you're going to meet up with
She has no right to portray such a non-challant attitude in public

You just said you've made confirmations that the man she was with is her cousin , who says cousins don't bleep each other these days?

Ok what are they doing at the bar of the hotel?
To drink soft drinks or alcohol right?
Seems it's her cousin , what Happened to her own house ? Can't they buy whatever they want and drink it in their house?

And for the fact that she didn't tell you at that slapping point that the guy is with is her cousin then there's something fishy
She was turning tables, and she won
You slapped her angrily and not intentionally
Does she wanna tell you that it's because she was angry that's why she couldn't answer your question?

And what good confirmation do you have that it's actually her cousin?
Oh uiu asked from her friends? Or from her mother directly or dad?

Listen I'm not an insecure man, but my own blood brother can't even take my girl out to a bar
The only make that can take my girl out is her own blood brother and she must still get a go ahead response from me first

This is Africa, no matter what happens the woman must still apologise first then the man can now subtle it out with her

Don't get caught up with emotions bro , once you start apologising first now , that's how it's gonna be to the last and that relationship will be a shaggy one , good day

This is the period for her to proof she loves you too , it's not by mere saying only
If she can stay for days without hearing from you , then you know the rest

Remember you lost a client along the line

That guy is NOT her cousin oooo..if he were why didnt she tell you right there or answer your questions regarding who he was? What did the so called cousin do when you slapped her? mIf he were her cousin or blood related he would have almost attacked you for slapping his sister..lol the girl is cheating and NEVER you apologise..she just made you lose money..such is trouble, her anger,insecurity and jealousy is out of this world. leave her.

rasheedatt:
Lol I don't know you
How will that be possible?

Lol.
Send me a PM

luminouz:
Lol. Send me a PM

Lol nah thanks

rasheedatt:
Lol nah thanks

Sure you don't need to?

Guy don't apologize, because you did nothing wrong — she cost you a client and self worth with her big mouth and trust issues. Infact next time go Hulk Hogan on her.
What insolence!!!

luminouz:



Sure you don't need to?

like seriously I can't access my email right now. They scammed me and flush my account till I subscribe.
Ps am not asking for a dime from you I just let you know my reason.
I won't take anything from you except what I don't ask for.

rasheedatt:
like seriously I can't access my email right now. They scammed me and flush my account till I subscribe.
Ps am not asking for a dime from you I just let you know my reason.
I won't take anything from you except what I don't ask for.

Hey babe, its ok!!! I was just teasing you. Sorry about the scam stuff. Did u give out your BVN or something?

luminouz:
Hey babe, its ok!!! I was just teasing you. Sorry about the scam stuff. Did u give out your BVN or something?

yes am sure I did online during skusat I think that's where it happened I was scammed 1k there too.

Damn. Sorry oh!!

Next time use trusted sites like jumia/aliexpress oh.

Since you have blocked your accounts, change your sim and don't register your ATM card of any site just yet. Don't disclose your atm pin to anyone too.

@rasheedatt

Deduks:
Please help Me, I need how to settle this with my fiancee. I can't seem to forgive myself for laying my hands on her as this is my first time of ever hiting a girl in my life. We've been on logger head of who is at fault and who will be the first to appologise but I felt betrayed and embarassed by her cos I love her so much.
We've been dating for over 7months and I've made my intentions open to her about settling down with her and she accepted.
Things took another turn in our relationship since last week of June. I'm a sales person in one of the companies in lagos and I have a client (a lady) I've pursuing to market my product to but have not been able to get an appointment with her. It happens that last week I called her (my client) and she told me she didn't go to work that day but if I want to see her it will be outside her office by 5pm. I obliged, and she sent me the address of the place where I will meet with her which is at a bar in one of the hotels on the island which happens to be near to where I reside.
The thing now is that I called my fiancee to notify her of my appointment with the said lady since its in the evening which means I will be coming back home late but her number did not go through may be due to network but I sent her a text which I know must deliver.
To cut the long story short, during the meeting with the lady at the hotel, to my authmost shock or will I call it coincidence I saw my fiancee at the other end of the bar with a guy. I couldn't believe my eyes so I had to call her phone and she picked and I told her to turn around from where she's seated which she did.
I didn't even believe what happened next as she stood up and rushed me at my table and started harassing and embarrassing me that I came to a hotel with a lady that I'm cheating on her. I was so astoned as I stood up and grabbed her to calm her down. I asked her what she was doing there with a man but she wasn't even listening to me. I told her I called her but her number didn't connect and I sent her a text but obviously she didn't see the text cos her phone must have been on silent cos she has been with a guy. She kept on acting crazy there and I had to slap her very hard cos she was acting creazily and embarrassing me and my client and also not answering my question of what she was doing there. While this was hapening, my client just left me and walked away which I don't blame her. I had to bolt out immediately too cos I couldn't stand the heart break and embarrassment.
The next day I received an sms from my fiancee still accusing me and saying that the man is her cousin who came to the house that day but they decided to go out to relax.
I later found out that the guy was her cousin who I'm yet to meet but the point now, is how could she act creazily like that the other day embarrassing me and my client and accusing me too.
We've not spoken for like 4days now looking for who will be the first person to appologise.
the thing is I love this girl and wouldn't want to loose her. But I didn't do anything bad to appologise cos I sent her a text to intimate her of my where about but she didn't tell me where she was going to.
Should I be the one to appologise to cos I was really embarrased that day or should I wait for her to do so cos she's at fault her from my own judgment.
Kindly advice me cos I've been loosing my mind since.

A man who apologise when he is wrong is honest.
A man who apologise when he is not sure of being wrong/right is wise.
A man who apologise when he is right is married.

The cousin is a fake ass lie, why did she put phone on silent and her phone was off? Why didn’t she tell you before hand? She’s only acting that way because she’s trying to cover up her cheating ways. She’s a cheater and her hot temper is just one of her manipulations. Cousin my foot.

Deduks:
Please help Me, I need how to settle this with my fiancee. I can't seem to forgive myself for laying my hands on her as this is my first time of ever hiting a girl in my life. We've been on logger head of who is at fault and who will be the first to appologise but I felt betrayed and embarassed by her cos I love her so much.
We've been dating for over 7months and I've made my intentions open to her about settling down with her and she accepted.
Things took another turn in our relationship since last week of June. I'm a sales person in one of the companies in lagos and I have a client (a lady) I've pursuing to market my product to but have not been able to get an appointment with her. It happens that last week I called her (my client) and she told me she didn't go to work that day but if I want to see her it will be outside her office by 5pm. I obliged, and she sent me the address of the place where I will meet with her which is at a bar in one of the hotels on the island which happens to be near to where I reside.
The thing now is that I called my fiancee to notify her of my appointment with the said lady since its in the evening which means I will be coming back home late but her number did not go through may be due to network but I sent her a text which I know must deliver.
To cut the long story short, during the meeting with the lady at the hotel, to my authmost shock or will I call it coincidence I saw my fiancee at the other end of the bar with a guy. I couldn't believe my eyes so I had to call her phone and she picked and I told her to turn around from where she's seated which she did.
I didn't even believe what happened next as she stood up and rushed me at my table and started harassing and embarrassing me that I came to a hotel with a lady that I'm cheating on her. I was so astoned as I stood up and grabbed her to calm her down. I asked her what she was doing there with a man but she wasn't even listening to me. I told her I called her but her number didn't connect and I sent her a text but obviously she didn't see the text cos her phone must have been on silent cos she has been with a guy. She kept on acting crazy there and I had to slap her very hard cos she was acting creazily and embarrassing me and my client and also not answering my question of what she was doing there. While this was hapening, my client just left me and walked away which I don't blame her. I had to bolt out immediately too cos I couldn't stand the heart break and embarrassment.
The next day I received an sms from my fiancee still accusing me and saying that the man is her cousin who came to the house that day but they decided to go out to relax.
I later found out that the guy was her cousin who I'm yet to meet but the point now, is how could she act creazily like that the other day embarrassing me and my client and accusing me too.
We've not spoken for like 4days now looking for who will be the first person to appologise.
the thing is I love this girl and wouldn't want to loose her. But I didn't do anything bad to appologise cos I sent her a text to intimate her of my where about but she didn't tell me where she was going to.
Should I be the one to appologise to cos I was really embarrased that day or should I wait for her to do so cos she's at fault her from my own judgment.
Kindly advice me cos I've been loosing my mind since.

You never knew this yeye cousin
What if he isn't her cousin?

You should have called and asked where she is, her reply would have made you know the kind of devil you are dealing with.

i'm more concerned about the customer you lost, if i were you i ll never apologise for that single reason.
what nonsense!

Tolu131:
Nwoke m, go and apologize to her

You slapped her, if is hard for you to apologise then your marriage no go last.

smh

Deduks:
Please help Me, I need how to settle this with my fiancee. I can't seem to forgive myself for laying my hands on her as this is my first time of ever hiting a girl in my life. We've been on logger head of who is at fault and who will be the first to appologise but I felt betrayed and embarassed by her cos I love her so much.
We've been dating for over 7months and I've made my intentions open to her about settling down with her and she accepted.
Things took another turn in our relationship since last week of June. I'm a sales person in one of the companies in lagos and I have a client (a lady) I've pursuing to market my product to but have not been able to get an appointment with her. It happens that last week I called her (my client) and she told me she didn't go to work that day but if I want to see her it will be outside her office by 5pm. I obliged, and she sent me the address of the place where I will meet with her which is at a bar in one of the hotels on the island which happens to be near to where I reside.
The thing now is that I called my fiancee to notify her of my appointment with the said lady since its in the evening which means I will be coming back home late but her number did not go through may be due to network but I sent her a text which I know must deliver.
To cut the long story short, during the meeting with the lady at the hotel, to my authmost shock or will I call it coincidence I saw my fiancee at the other end of the bar with a guy. I couldn't believe my eyes so I had to call her phone and she picked and I told her to turn around from where she's seated which she did.
I didn't even believe what happened next as she stood up and rushed me at my table and started harassing and embarrassing me that I came to a hotel with a lady that I'm cheating on her. I was so astoned as I stood up and grabbed her to calm her down. I asked her what she was doing there with a man but she wasn't even listening to me. I told her I called her but her number didn't connect and I sent her a text but obviously she didn't see the text cos her phone must have been on silent cos she has been with a guy. She kept on acting crazy there and I had to slap her very hard cos she was acting creazily and embarrassing me and my client and also not answering my question of what she was doing there. While this was hapening, my client just left me and walked away which I don't blame her. I had to bolt out immediately too cos I couldn't stand the heart break and embarrassment.
The next day I received an sms from my fiancee still accusing me and saying that the man is her cousin who came to the house that day but they decided to go out to relax.
I later found out that the guy was her cousin who I'm yet to meet but the point now, is how could she act creazily like that the other day embarrassing me and my client and accusing me too.
We've not spoken for like 4days now looking for who will be the first person to appologise.
the thing is I love this girl and wouldn't want to loose her. But I didn't do anything bad to appologise cos I sent her a text to intimate her of my where about but she didn't tell me where she was going to.
Should I be the one to appologise to cos I was really embarrased that day or should I wait for her to do so cos she's at fault her from my own judgment.
Kindly advice me cos I've been loosing my mind since.

Don't apologise to her. Even if you want to do it, do it indirectly to make peace reign but don't do it to justify her unleashing such an outburst in a public place. That's a bad attitude. But no one is perfect so it is not out of place. She was just being emotional at that point.

However, outrightly condemn her uncontrollable outburst. Express how disappointed you felt at such a behavior. But don't put blames on her but only condemn such attitude. Tell her such behavior do not align with your kind of personality. Only express your disappointment at such attitude. This might make her feel remorse and make an apology willingly to you.

If you want a girl to apologize to you, you need to remove all form of sentiments and outrightly condemn such particular attitude but not her. If she is a a girl with good conscience, she will come off remorseful and make peace with you.

My new babe tried to pull such stunt on me, trying to put blame on me on what she self concluded in her mind but I quickly turned the table and strongly condemned the particular attitude she displayed. I strongly pointed it out without remorse or fear of losing her and she later apologized and reaffirmed her love for me which I am not being blind folded with cuz I am using my brain not my d**k as a guy.

Women are emotional. And as a man you need to use that to your own advantage never to take blame of what they caused by themselves on your own self.

There are many ways to make peace with your girl but you don't need to make it seems as if you are encouraging such type of attitude from her in future otherwise, she will do it again and again because you will always beg her.

Don't hold back from showing disapproval if your babe bleep up. It will make her feel remorse and refrain from displaying such attitude in the future.

seanwilliam:
Some people nairaland self..I know most of u will capitalize on that slap of a thing..

@ op, never apologize first, if you do, ur ego is ruined forever and it would hunt you

this guy here na bet addict, he no get girlfriend

His opinion doesn't matter

Tolu131:
this guy here na bet addict, he no get girlfriend

His opinion doesn't matter

who be that?

seanwilliam:
who be that?

You

Tolu131:
You

lol, I don leave betting since Feb 2019.. betting no be my way.. but if you get sure acca I fit put 100#

Irrespective of what she had done, you gat no right to slap her, very wrong for you to put your hands on a woman. Please, don’t try it again. You are a man. Call her quickly, act fast now before you loose her if you still love her.... apologize for putting your hands on her & talk to her about temperament to prevent future re-occurrence. Once again, apologize for hitting her, & promise it won’t happen again. Kindly stick to that promise. The best way to handle such next time is to walk away, which you finally did. You can do that next time without hitting her.

seanwilliam:
lol, I don leave betting since Feb 2019.. betting no be my way.. but if you get sure acca I fit put 100#

Dreyton36:
OP
Before I say anything, I'm a psychologist so welcome

Slapping her is absolutely wrong and out of it

But for the fact that you sent her an SMS and you've also told her about the client you're going to meet up with
She has no right to portray such a non-challant attitude in public

You just said you've made confirmations that the man she was with is her cousin , who says cousins don't bleep each other these days?

Ok what are they doing at the bar of the hotel?
To drink soft drinks or alcohol right?
Seems it's her cousin , what Happened to her own house ? Can't they buy whatever they want and drink it in their house?

And for the fact that she didn't tell you at that slapping point that the guy is with is her cousin then there's something fishy
She was turning tables, and she won
You slapped her angrily and not intentionally
Does she wanna tell you that it's because she was angry that's why she couldn't answer your question?

And what good confirmation do you have that it's actually her cousin?
Oh uiu asked from her friends? Or from her mother directly or dad?

Listen I'm not an insecure man, but my own blood brother can't even take my girl out to a bar
The only make that can take my girl out is her own blood brother and she must still get a go ahead response from me first

This is Africa, no matter what happens the woman must still apologise first then the man can now subtle it out with her

Don't get caught up with emotions bro , once you start apologising first now , that's how it's gonna be to the last and that relationship will be a shaggy one , good day

This is the period for her to proof she loves you too , it's not by mere saying only
If she can stay for days without hearing from you , then you know the rest

Remember you lost a client along the line

Abeg oh, no laugh me. Please recommend one or two powerful books that you have read on psychology that opened your mind like this. I think Knowing a bit of human psychology would help me a lot.

Let people who are not in any relationship, who can't build one with another person, who are unhappy in their relationships advice you on how to handle yours, such that when you're miserable in later years cause you ruined a good thing using advice from this place, you'd have no one to blame but yourself.

That asides, I have three points to leave to your knowledge and hope you're wise enough to heed it.

1) Tbh, your relationship is too young to already be heading to the altar. Minimum dating period for most successful marriages is 2 years, give or take. Granted you can't know someone completely but still a tangible knowledge of ones personality can save your marriage in the long run.

2) You're both egotistical. Maybe not the right word for it, but if it's taking you both sometime to think about apologising, then you need to reconsider your choices. Okay, she may not be egotistical seeing that she sounds insecure from your writeup, but for all we know, you painted her as such to validate yourself.

3) An offender is more likely to repeat. Take it or leave it. You slapped her once, be certain you'll do it again. She'll spark your anger and ruffle your feathers time and time again in similar scenarios and you'll do it again. Until you learn how to deal with provocation in a matured way.



Btw, you should apologise for slapping someone no matter who they are. Ego won't save you if the person happens to be vindictive.

Eddu123:
so slapping a woman can ruin a man? Lol. Slaping a man will make someone stronger right? Funny world people. Always deceiving each other

you don't know before?

You can apologize for the slap, since you really did not mean to.

However, don't accept responsibility for the way everything turned out. She was sneaky and only made a scene to divert attention from the fact that she was with some guy she didn't tell you about.

Also, if I were you, I'd take the cousin story with a pinch of salt. Why did she switch off her phone to hang out with a 'cousin'? You should be sure you aren't being played for a fool because ladies can be smart about stuff like this.

Your lady is crazy though. I hope you can handle her craze when you eventually get married because it will double at the very least. If you can't, now is a good time to re-evaluate everything.

If you slapped her once, you will surely slap her again and again.
Marriage is not about who is right or wrong. It's about letting go, tolerance, sacrifice and the ability to accommodate.

Your fiancée lacks understanding of what relationship/marriage should be. The trust is zero %. This is an eye opener. It is called red flag.
If you can put up with a woman who has trust issues for the rest of your life, then fire on. If this is not the case, advice yourself...

Just apologize for the slap.... She made you lose a client...